Wednesday, October 31

Gator Fans of The Week?

Just in time for Halloween, reader FBZ in Savannah (UGA fan) adds insult to Florida injury with these loathsome, and deeply disturbing gator gameday pics. I have to give the Gates credit though. These handy-tards are on par with anything Bama, LSU or Tennessee has to offer. Well played.

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I'm speechless. Wait, I'm not. This "Uncle Rico" embodies every stereotype in the white-trash playbook. From his ripped stone-washed jeans (possible jortage??) to his strawberry-blond, grown-man mullet. From his red neck to his gold chain. From his unfounded cockiness to his unfortunate facial hair. If in the above picture he's not yelling "WOOOOOOOOO!!! GATORS RULE YOUR ASS, MOTHER EFFERS!" then something is terribly, terribly wrong.

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This must be the Cooper Manning of the Tebow family. Gotta love the reactions. Even the lady on the jumbtron is disgusted. Notice our previously featured "Mulletude Man of the Year" in the bottom left corner who appears to be lecturing Tons-of-Fun on classy fan behavior.

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"The Thinker?"...More Like "The Stinker." Is this Gator serious? Is that a Halloween costume/wig? I was under the assumption that the infamous "Rat-tail" had gone the way of "The Shula" in the lower 48. I stand disgusted.

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And Finally, because FBZ was kind enough to submit these pics, we have posted a little something for the Bulldog spank bank. Enjoy yo-self, and send more pics.

Mindless Morning Youtubery

Big Ten Trash - Penn State Edition

Apparently Joe Pa is not the only one in State College, PA with the rage (NSFW - Cussin')...

Credit: Black Shoe Diaries

These obnoxious, date-raping scrotebags are projecting their anger. They're angry because they're from Pennsylvania. They're angry becuase it's cold. They're angry because their women wear ambiguous sweatshirts and stocking caps to football games to hide their pasty, pale, often unsightly Big-10 bodies. It must be very frustrating. They attack these equally douchey, yet undermanned, jersey-sporting tOSU fans because they're angry/sad on the inside.

By the way, what's the deal with these midwestern chodes and their attempted self-importance? We've all heard "THE Ohio State University," (which is homo erotic enough), but now it seems that Penn State is trying to make "THE Pennsylvania State University" happen. You don't hear the Necks from Starkville claiming, "THE Mississippi State University" or the coonasses with "THE Louisiana State University."

It just goes to show ya.

Tuesday, October 30

SEC Power Poll - Week 9ish

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To read more underappreciated commentary on your favorite team just click here (Power Poll by Garnet and Black Attack)

Just imagine that this cheerleader is Tim Tebow's Feelings (HT: awful announcing)

Erik's SEC Power Poll Ballot

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Tebow wept when he saw this must have bumper sticker

1. LSU - The only consistently high quality team in this FUBAR conference.

2. Auburn - Offense is still a little pussified with Cox at the helm, but the the defense is outstanding. I'm not yet sold on the genius that is Will "M. Effing" Muschamp, but I will say that he has earned his effing pay this season.

3. Georgia - I was wrong about dem Dawgs. That's right, I said it. They are a perfect example of this ass backwards league. Dawgs get up for the big game, but only beat Vandy by a field goal? I'll say that UGA's final tally certainly got some Auburn fan's attention. Way to get that rabid gorilla off your back, Richt.

4. Arkansas - Nutt's boys haven't beat anybody with a pulse, however the Hawgs could easily win the next three over UT, USC and MSU. Does 8-4 save Nutt? Doubt it. "Does Erik know something that we don't about Arkansas?" Yes.

5. Alabama - What happens when you take the most talented team in the country at damn near every position and give them a crazy-assed, huge-headed coach and a legitimate reason to hate you? You get some VIOLENCE Going down in T-town! This weekend, will we see the Bama team that lost to Florida State or the Bama team that owned Tennessee? I'm pretty sure I know what Bengal Tiger team we're going to see.

6. Florida - Urban's boys look downright human. Has Yahweh forsaken Tebow? Did all those ungodly Florida funbags finally cause Tim to sin? The Gates Defense seems like a unit that lost damn near every starter from 2006. As they should.

7. Vanderbilt - What the hell do we know about Vandy? Um...They're pretty good I guess. You could easily interchange any team from 3 to 10 on the ranking without raising any eyebrows. If you didn't know any better, you might say "Holy Crap. Vandy is 1 win away from a bowl eligibility!?!" On the not so bright side, 3 of those last 4 teams are ranked and the other is Kentucky (UT, UF and Wake). Ouch.

8. Tennessee - The SEC East insanity cycle is complete. UF murders UT, UT bloodies UGA, and UGA shocks UF. FUBARific.

9. South Carolina - "Mr Fulmer, would you like to donate to the 'Thank you Ryan Succop for missing that relatively painless overtime Field Goal and therefore allowing for me to retain my position as Head Football Coach at the University of Tennesee along with my all expense paid membership to the Jelly Donut of the Week Club Fund?' Ok...Will you be giving one million or two?"

10. Mississippi State - Getting "Croomed" starts to lose its meaning when Coach Crooms is on the verge of a bowl season. I hear Shreveport smells beautifully in mid. December.

11. Kentucky - Losing to Mississippi State by 17 kinda puts a damper on your Heisman Campaign (as does 3 INTs).

12. Ole Miss - Brent Schaeffer comes off the bench in Jonathan Moxon-esque fashion to lead the Rebs down the field in the second half for the tying score!?! Not quite... Schaeffer moves the ball brilliantly for sixty yards only to throw a boneheaded m. effin' pick in the endzone. Haha! Touchback. Auburn touchdown. Game over: 17 - 3. Status Quo. Moral Victory??? You're damn right. Auburn didn't cover the spread did they, a-hole?

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CONFIDENCE: When You've Got It, It Shows (photocredit: James Bryant)

Monday, October 29


LSU @ Bama is Happening

Has there ever been more emotion and ill-will leading up to a regular season football game than the one about to take place in Tuscaloosa this weekend? I'm thinking there might be a few fights and a little violence in T-town. (Should I go document it?)

Also, I love the switch-a-roo that's taken place. Is it possible that Les Miles is seen as "the good guy" this weekend? Is anybody outside of Tider-nation really routing for Bama and The 4 million Dollar Man? Will Saban claim a victory for himself no matter the outcome? (he is of course the architect of all LSU victories, past, present and future - any recruit knows that)

Speaking of violence, I damn near hate-fisted my printer after watching the below LSU/Bama 2007 promo. It's that good...

Double Dose of Morning Youtubery

Matt Ryan for Heisman???

Are we this desperate to prop up a Heisman candidate? Darren McFadden wouldn't blow chunks on national TV

Crank dat Georja Boy

Richt's runnin' a tight ship over there in Athens. I've never seen a team kick-off standing in their own endzone before, but eff' me, it worked. Georiga takes a page from the Miami/FSU playbook and thugged out for the big victory.

"Ahhh...The penalty will be assessed on the kickoff and is of the double, 15 yard variety... on the Offense... um...Georiga is charged with... Excessive 'Supermanning of Hoes'...Followed by 'Actions characteristic of a Soulja Boy'... May God have mercy on us all."

Thursday, October 25

Bama Fan of the Week

You may have thought that we blew our proverbial Bammer wad a couple weeks back...Not So Fast, a-hole. There's still a little lead in the Tider of the Week pencil. (what?)

Ridin' Turdy

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Charlie Weis is seen leaving Tuscaloosa after meeting with Saban at Qdoba Mexican Grill on The Strip

Is Weis secretly interviewing for a spot on Saban's staff after his craptastic 1-7 start? We think Crew-Cut Charlie is attempting to kiss-up a little bit with this sweet-assed bike. Wow, I'm pretty sure he's riding the new "Heavy-Duty, Daniel Moore Edition - Harley Davidson Douche Rocket." That's one lucky gunt.

HT: Thanks, Beth!

Tuesday, October 23

Thank God It's Whale-Tail Tuesday!

I asked for classy content, and I'll be damned if Taylor from Bleed Orange and Blue didn't answer that classy content bell... like a champion.

See, Taylor teaches us a valuable lesson: If you're not going into your gameday experience armed with a digital camera and a dedicated resolve to snap stealthy, candid photos of the local wild-life, you're doing us all a disservice.

Half the fun of gameday in places like Tuscaloosa, Baton Rogue or in Morgantown, West Virginia is enjoying/laughing at the opposition's county fair-esque, freak-show of a fanbase.

I submit these candid shots from last weekend's Auburn/LSU game for your approval:

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Oh, this was no mistake - Notice how she's "80's knotted" her shirt for maximum skankage

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Daddy didn't hug this one enough

"The real question is whether her name is Alabama or she is referring to UA."

- Taylor

The Kige Party

Kige takes a Stand Against Christmas Foofery and Shenanigans

A little dated, but Kige on location in Wal-mart just feels so right

Also, The Man Behind The Poster Steps forward

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"Hey, the Kige Ramsey sign was mine, here are a couple of pics of it.
You should also know that Kige Ramsey himself changed his own actual facebook profile pic to a shot of my sign on camera behind Lee Corso's head."

Major Credit, Sam. You are a winner, no matter what the scoreboard indicated. And Thanks for the heads up. Remember, raising Kige Ramsey awareness is a God given responsibility that all of us share.

Great Pictures like this will always get posted (also love the "Joiner stole my sign") Don't hesitate to send us some quality stuff. You know what I'm all about. Do it.

SEC Power Poll - Week 8

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Click here for more on the Power Poll from Garnet and Black Attack

Erik's Ballot:

1. LSU - Les Miles is 2 for 3 in the idiot savant coaching department. "So dumb it's brilliant" play calls have become Miles' M.O. this season, and he will either live by it (Florida, Auburn) or die by it (Kentucky). I just hope he doesn't take the still title-contending Tigers down with him.

2. Florida - Kept the SEC East pillow fight interesting. UF is still the best team in the east, as the Gates haven't lost to a divisional foe since November 2005.

3. Auburn - Heartbreaking loss, but it proved what many were starting to realize. Auburn is still top tier.

4. Arkansas - Looked like the Hawgs of better times. 2006. Before all hell broke loose. Could Houston save his job yet?

5. Kentucky - I told a friend in The Grove who doubted Kentucky's offense that Ole Miss and Seth Adams threw for 300 against Florida and Woodson will throw for 400. Well, he threw for 415 and 5 TDs, but he still lost because he can't play both sides of the ball, and there's this small matter of Tim M. Effin' Tebow.

6. Alabama - Sarah Jessica Parker Wilson is the man again, and the Tide upset the turdulent Vols. Is this Saban's "signature win?" (what a homo bama term)

7. Vanderbilt - Has to be the biggest Commodore win since Prohibition. I can't imagine what it must feel like...maybe like a 40-year-old virgin finally taking one to the house? Sorry, Spurrier.

8. South Carolina - My, how the pseudo-mighty have fallen. Did anyone really believe The Cocks deserved #6 anyway? Too many questions. Perfect example of the insanity that is the 2007 season.

9. Tennessee - Jekyll and Hyde. What the hell happened in the second half? Nice job giving the Tiders something to crow about.

10. Georgia - This team deserves to be in the top 25 about as much as I deserve a Pulitzer.

11. Mississippi State - They've been suckin' balls for most of the season, but hey...They beat Auburn. Apparently, if Sly Croom can beat one legit program every year...and remain black, he'll be the head coach at State for many years to come.

12. Ole Miss - Colonel Reb isn't crying anymore. He and Capitan Morgan are back in The Grove "scopin' tail" and attempting to drink away the Ed Orgeron era.

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The Kige Party moves to Lexington - Thanks to Tim, via KentuckySportsRadio

Monday, October 22

Various Other Sundries

Things I'm thinking about this Monday (other than work)...

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photocredit: James Bryant

Ole Miss is Sofa King Bad!

I came to Oxford, I saw Ole Miss/Arkansas, I sharted my khakis.

Everything on the trip was great except the product on the field. Ole Miss was so bad we had a Brent Schaeffer sighting under center. Ole Miss was so bad, they turned off the scoreboard and "Jumbo-tron" for a majority of the second half*. Ole Miss made Arkansas looked so unbelievably good that Houston Nutt just got a contract extension. Well, maybe not that last one, but the others are true. Ole Miss is the Tampa Bay Devil-Rays of SEC Football.

Was I the Only One Who Saw This?

College Gameday in Lexington Kentucky, Best Sign:

Picuture of Kige Ramsey's mug with caption: "Tim Tebow has Anorexic" (major credit to the first to find a screen cap of said sign)

This Youtube is so Germans

I'm sure you've seen it a few times...Chaz Ramsey, Auburn's true-freshman offensive Ninja, attempts to end Glenn Dorsey's career with a text book hi/low, karate-chop block to the side of the knee. Even the biggest Auburn homer can't deny it after watching this "indisputable" footage.

I'm not gonna go as far as to say he was ordered to do it or taught to do it, but it just looks awfully deliberate to me. Like he couldn't have tried harder to eff up Dorsey's knee. Oh...but Tuberville says it wasn't intentional.

"Chaz clearly had a seizure on the left side of his brain which caused him to fall down...and block to his right...I mean, I'm no doctor, but...It's science."

Fake Lou is So Much Cooler than Real Lou

I'm feeling confused, yet strangely motivated - Hat Tip: Matt

More Great Officiating

The Unfair Catch

Finally, Congrats to The Dores!

Just pretend this guy is saying, "Go Dores" (best I could do on short notice)

*actually, the half-time fireworks show (at 3pm) knocked the power out in the stadium for an hour or so.

Friday, October 19

The Lexington Brothers Hate Doyle Jackson Too

This is a great little diddy stemming from the asshattery that Instant Replay Scrotebag, Doyle "The Bear" Jackson perpetrated on SEC Fans everywhere by robbing us of a great college football game. "Indisputable," my ass. Or as my buddy John would surely say, "there's only one thing indisputable here, and it's in my pants."

You say..."Get over it?" I say..."Suck Yourself." This ain't over until we decide it is. More developements to come in the wake of Doyle-gate.

Oh, and you'll find more on The Lexington Brothers - Here - as well as Blue Mule Film - Here.

Mindless Morning Youtubery - Now With 33% More Rant

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Tribute to Another Outstanding Former Vol

Bradyfan is Back.

"...When your sperm out swim those of Shawn Kemp."
That kind of lyrical content is strong, to quite strong. Jeez, I still can't get over it: Henry has Kemped NINE kids by NINE different women and failed two straight drug tests. I'm thinking they should have a Fulmer Cup for post-collegiate turdulence. "Fulmer's fatty iron fist of discipline extended to the Pro Ranks" Model citizens like: Albert "Stomp yo Ass" Haynesworth, Leonard "Drunken Vehicular Manslaughter" Little and Jamal "Federal, Pound me in the Ass" Lewis.

What do all these f'n scrote sacks have in common? You guessed it...The University of Tennessee. What a bunch worthless, debt to society pieces of sh*t. And we reward them by allowing them to play professional football?

If there is any convincing evidence to fire Phil Fulmer, it should be, without a doubt, the trail of pathetic, felonious sh*tbags who have "graduated" from his program. (Damn, I went and got pissed)

Thursday, October 18

This Just In...Houston Nutt May Be On The Hotseat

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My favorite part of this photo is the obligitory collegiate mating gesture lurking in the background. Damn Crazy Kids - HT: Brian

I don't know, but I'm kinda sure I could write an entire Encyclopedia Britannica (not just one volume but the entire set) on the drama, the craptasticness and the turdulence that has been Arkansas Razorback Football over the last year.

So, instead of attempting to help or to offer a viable solution to the plight of Hawg fans, I think I'll just pile on one more semi-solid turd in this, Houston "Hot-Carl" Nutt's farewell tour to BCS Coaching...

Real Men of Genius: Houston Nutt Edition

Thanks to The Omnipotent Wizard of Odds for finding this gem

Wednesday, October 17

Mindless Morning Youtubery

"Touchdown, Other Guys!"

Even NBC's own SNL thinks Notre Dame is hiiiilarious. Talk about your bad business decisions. Imagine if ESPN locked into a contract to show the Detriot Lions every Monday Night for the foreseeable future. That's pretty much what we're dealing with at NBC.

I guess they gotta find some black hole to stuff all that dirty Heroes money in. I mean, that's some painful-ass football to watch. Almost as boring as the Arkansas/Auburn game. Even so, I can't say I don't get a little enjoyment out of this year, you know, 2007...being the first of Jimmy Clausen 4 consecutive, Heisman winning seasons and all.

Oh, I guess I should also mention the legendary Real Men of Genius Notre Dame Ad.

Tuesday, October 16

Will Muschamp is a Potty Mouthed Mother F**ker

How did I know this would make it to the youtubes?!? Glorious. Where did Muschamp learn such language? Well he did work with Classy Nick Saban for years at LSU. I guess I'd be pretty excited too if my defense held McFadden and Jones to under 80 total rushing yards. (NSFW)

Here's a bonus youtubes that involves some awful announcing and (everybodies favorite) "face rape."

What's it Like to be an Ole Miss Fan?

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It's like having a Bama-Grad Replay Official Tapdance on your Nuts...

It's the Irony of Alabama Coach Nick Saban calling anyone classless...

"There is no class in that," Saban told reporters after the game. "I just want our players to represent the university with class. If [Ole Miss fans] want to be classless, that's their business."

It's Never Getting a Close Call Your Way...

Anybody recall the Phantom hold that nullified a game winning blocked punt/touchdown in last years Georgia game? I do. That SEC Crew got fired. Still doesn't help Ole Miss. Back to this game...How about the non-review on the "non-fumble" by the Bama running back in the first half? Potentially huge for Ole Miss. If I were an Ole Miss student at that game, and I didn't like my chances with my date, I probably would have thrown her skank-ass on the field too...not to mention her heels.

It's Not Being Able to Watch The Crutial End of the Game Live Cause Your Cousin's Getting Married...

It was probably for the best...I avoided much unneeded pain and suffering (read: dropping multiple "naughty words" in front of small, innocent children). On another sour note, I didn't even make it to The Houndstooth in Wrigleyville. Turns out with all the train riding and cab fares it would have cut into my game watching bigtime...So I just settled for ESPNZONE...which was ok, I guess. More on that later.

Again, it was for the best I didn't go to The Houndstooth...After a game like that, something bat-shit crazy would have certainly taken place. I can't see it ending any other way: (Think: Michael Jackson's Bad) Me and some big, fat Bama fan of the week handcuffed together, dance-fighting in circles with our switch-blades drawn.

So, needless to say, I'm glad I didn't go there.

More Reaction to the Call:

- Fanhouse
- Orgeron and A.D. Pete Boone Speak Out
- "Very Questionable"

Thursday, October 11

I'm Off and Up Out

I'm looking forward to a classy weekend

"It's 106 miles to Chicago..."

I'll be out of "the game" until "Touchdown" Tuesday. By "the game" I of course mean the blogging game. See, my cousin decided to get married during football season. What may seem like an unforgivable injustice to some (us), others view it as nothing more than a beautiful fall weekend, filled with marital bliss and shit.

Therefore, I will play this hand the best way I know how. I will be watching my football in Wrigleyville, at a fine establishment called The Houndstooth Saloon which was recommended to me by known Bama fan "Gerry Dorsey". Turns out the Houndstooth is the meeting place for Chicago area Bammers. Sweet.

Now I bet you're thinking, "Erik, what the hell are you thinking? Why would you fly hundreds of miles to Chicago to hang out with a bunch of Bama fans when you could do that at any Hardee's or Aaron's Rent-to-Own in the greater Birmingham area?"

That is a good question. Well...I'm interested in watching the Ole Miss game this weekend...and it's only on "Gameplan" up there in the frozen Midwest...and guess what? Ole Miss is playing Saban this weekend. What better place to be assured of viewing Ole Miss/Bama than at a place called The Houndstooth?!? I might stab myself in the eye with a bourbon stir...Or they may kill my ass ("none of yall read the internets, right?"). Even so, It should be an interesting game. I'll be sure to take notes. Have yourself a great college football weekend.

Oh, As a parting gift...It's The infamous "Ramp Lady" of Tuscaloosa!!!

HT: Joe Blow (sorry man. I couldn't wait to share her with the world)

Wednesday, October 10

Bama Fan of the Week

Oh, It's Rollin' Baby, It's Rollin!

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Alabama 5-star OL recruit, Tyler Love takes in the scene at Bryant Denny

It's Bama/Ole Miss Week so Rack 'em! That's right, it's time to get Bama lubed up and Ballin', Baby!

"Colette, what do you think about Erik and his Bama fan of the Week?"

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Caption should read, "WTF was I thinking?" - credit: MakeItBlue

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Nobody ever says, "I wanna be a douchebag when I grow up." - Credit: Matt

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The official uniform of the future coke-whores of Tuscaloosa

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Credit - Makeitblue

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"Mommy, can I get a picture with that pathetic ass-bag with 'the bear' tatoo?"

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Credit - Makeitblue

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Jorts aren't just for Gators anymore! They're for pale, trash-ass, Bama father/son golf teams

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"Daddy says 'Bama's Back!' Daddy also smokes Meth."

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Nothing says, "I'm not living in the past" like a set of officially licensed Bama F-Oakleys to go with that sweet-assed, hard-earned mudflap.

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A classic

Tuesday, October 9

Erik's Blogpoll Ballot - Week 6

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Believe it, Gator skanks...You're still in the top 5

1LSU 25
2California 24
3Ohio State 23
4Florida 22
5Boston College 21
6Missouri 20
7South Florida 19
8South Carolina 18
9Southern Cal 17
10Kentucky 16
11Oklahoma 15
12West Virginia 14
13Wisconsin 13
14Auburn 12
15Rutgers 11
16Oregon 10
17Hawaii 9
18Arizona State 8
19Kansas 7
20Cincinnati 6
21Illinois 5
22Florida State 4
23Texas 3
24Tennessee 2
25Maryland 1

- Cal and the rest of these sucking losers have forced my hand. The Golden Bears go to New Orleans if the vote was today.

- You're damn right Florida's still in my top 5! Can you honestly tell me, with a straight face, that Boston College or South Florida would beat this UF team on a neutral field? No, you can't. It might be close, but UF is clearly better than 99% of the 1 loss teams out there. Don't be a jackass. You know it's true.

- Mizzou is real, son. That Chase Daniels can slang a football. I got to watch him dismantal the Ole Miss D for something a hair short of 400 yards. A great offense, and a good enough defense. Think, a more polished, less prone to F it all away in one rainy game Kentucky.

- You wouldn't know it unless you watched very closely (unlike the coaches poll, sportsline 120) Auburn is a changed team. They've weathered the storm and are ready to fight with anybody on their schedule (or in the Top 25 for that matter).