Tuesday, February 26

Mindless Morning Youtubery - Off Season

Ben Affleck: Douchebag or Recovering Scrote?

You know, it's amazing how things can change in a weeks. I used to think Ben Affleck was a raging, gargantuan scrote-bag. Maybe it was the whole dating J-Lo the pseudo-musician and starring in turd-like, suckfest movies such as "Armageddon," "Jigli," "Daredevil," "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" and "Jersey Girl." All the while, his "best friend" is out there dating non-huge-assed pop star freak shows, staying out of the tabloids and actually making great f'n movies like "Rounders," "Ocean's 11," "The Departed," and The whole "Bourne" thing.

Affleck's looking pretty douchey by comparison, right? Not to mention, his brother Casey is a much better actor than he is. Sucks to be Ben, eh?

Now (and I know he's very excited about this) I've started to think, maybe Ben Affleck doesn't suck that bad after all...

First, I see "Gone Baby, Gone" (his directorial debut, as they say) over the weekend and it surprised the hell out of me. I actually thought it was really well made (same author as "Mystic River"). Then I turn on The Oscars and there his wife is actually looking attractive for once and she even comes across like a serious actress (not some "Alias" joke of a cable TV star whose audience is populated by lonely pervs eating Cheetos in their grippies)

Then, I saw Affleck and Kimmel deliver this Coup de grĂ¢ce to Damon f'er Sarah Silverman and on Oscar night. That's strong, to quite strong...

[Hat Tip: TheGodfreyShow]

Wednesday, February 20

Mindless Morning Youtubery

Joeseph Olevario is Talkin' S**t

[HT: TheWizardofOdds]

Something tells me Rich Rod would have gotten along just fine in Tuscaloosa. West Virginia seems to be what the State of Alabama would be like if The Bama Fans of the Week happened to be running things in Montgomery. Airbrushed RVs for all!

refreshing... tasteful, understated elegance...RTR indeed

Monday, February 18

Saban's Character Recruit Arrested?

Luckily, It's Just a Two-Star

Photocredit: Tuscaloosa County Jail - Jeremy Elder - DE - Tide

Clearly the Barner presence on the Tuscaloosa and University police force is stronger than once thought. Because we all know that Saban only recruits character players, and redshirt freshman, Jeremy Elder was very clearly one of Nick's first non-Shula related commitments. It appears that former 2-star Elder, of beautiful and completely safe College Park, GA, has been arrested and charged with two, 5-star quality felonies...

TUSCALOOSA | University of Alabama football player Jeremy Elder was arrested Sunday and charged with two counts of first-degree robbery, The Tuscaloosa News has learned.

According to state law, first-degree robbery involves either a “deadly weapon or dangerous instrument” or someone causing “serious physical injury to another.” Both charges are Class A felonies.

I'm sure Saban will have a few strong words with all the attorneys, judges and police involved and quickly straighten out this obvious case of mistaken identity. The fact that Elder was recruited by a high-character guy like Nick Saban should certainly be alibi enough.

In the off chance that these charges are legit, Welcome to the thick of the Fulmer Cup Leaderboard, Bama (6 points). Recruiting isn't the only prestigious off-season National Championship. Just another reason why Bama's that much closer to being back.

[HT: Brian]

Update: Elder admits to the burglary and a lack of character [al.com]

Sunday, February 17

Birmingham Implosion

Nothing better than an nice implosion to start off your Sunday morning. We don't get to blow up too much crap here in Birmingham, but this turd of a hotel deserved it. The Parliment Hotel on the southside near UAB had been vacant for years and become a safe haven for homeless assholes, and its not exactly tops on TripAdvisor (Unless you're looking for a "Great Place to get inadvertently stabbed with a HIV-tastic syringe"). Plus it is directly connected to my work parking deck (seen still standing behind it) so I was especially sick of looking at it.

Anything to keep from being reminded of the unsavory homeless and their pathetic problems, right?

Wednesday, February 13

The Kige Party

Don Juan DeRamsey weighs in on "Valentime's Day" gift ideas

Just cause I haven't featured everybody's favorite opinion maker in a few months (Contacts, Kige?)...

Outstanding and innovative opinions as always, Kige. Where does he get all these outlandish ideas?!? I for one know my significant other or wife would certainly be pleased with "a diamond ring or something." Unfortunately for all involved, we here at DeepSouthSports obviously do not allocate similar budgetary importance to "Valetime's Day" as our brethren at The Kige Ramsey Show.

Good luck tomorrow guys. And remember, don't try and be a hero or knock one out of the park...That can only lead to pain.

Tuesday, February 12

Mindless Morning Youtubery

A great way to sneak a beer into the movies. That, or it could be a great way to have me sit in the corner, holding my knees with my eyes clinched shut, sobbing and muttering inaudibly...

"No, Man. I told you, I don't have no sisters.WTF?"

Thursday, February 7

SEC Recrootin' Roundup

Be the envy of everyone with eyes: Get this limited edition, Crimson Tider Championship Letter Jacket. We'll even sew on the '08 National Recrootin' Championship patch at no additional charge!!! [e-bay, seriously]

Well, the second college football "season" is now over [/sarcasm], and It appears that Bama's won their Thirteenth Nation Championship!!! (more on that later). Soon, I'll be forced to put out my 2008 recrootin' All-Name team and that will require me to do some actual "research" and "work" when publishing this blog. Not Cool, but I digress.

Here comes my jaded opinions on all thing crootin' in the best college football conference in the universe (note: it's not the Big-ten)...

- The University of Saban rules your ass! Yes, he may get owned by the Sun-Belt on the gridiron, but your momma and grand-momma are putty in Nick's supple hands. When it comes to telling people what they want to hear, Saban has no equal, and he proved it on February 6th. Gotta give him credit. He worked his little ass off to find "character" souljas to build his kingdom with. I find it impressive that all the top rated players in the state (and around the south) just so happened to also be "high character." Cause that was the problem with Shula's recruits, right?...They lacked character.

No longer will Bama fans have to live in jealousy of schools who have achieved success in the last decade, for they too are National Champions*!

Arkansas - The importance of Ryan Mallet cannot be understated. He won't show up on the sheet for this class, but he's a huge get for a school that hasn't had a legit passer since the cold war. He WILL NOT be playing this fall, despite his pending appeal, but think about all the potentially highly entertaining QBs we'll have in the SEC come 2009 (Mallet, Snead, Starr, Burns, not to mention Tebow and Stafford) By the way, De'Anthony Curtis has a supurb first name, plus he's a straight Manimal. Behold...

De'Anthony's badassery (warning: annoying rap song accompaniment)

Auburn - This is what happens when you lose coordinators who actually matter (sorry Major!) I'm not saying this is a bad class either, it's not. Make no mistake: Auburn ended poorly because Auburn lost big time assistants, and there's no school in the SEC where the assistants play a bigger role in every aspect of the program. This doesn't have as much to do with Tuberville and the infighting over contracts or any of that mess. Do you think recruits care about any of that? Hell no. They care about who calls them ever week. Who writes them every day. Who they think they can trust. Who runs the scheme that features they skillz. And at Auburn, those people were Tubby's first lieutenants' Borges and Muschamp. Fact is, keep Borges, keep Enrique, among others. Keep Muschamp, keep Trahan, among others. This class looks a little different then, now doesn't it? In Auburn recruiting, Tuberville is merely the closer. Well, this year, Tommy didn't have his foot solders in position to kill a damn thing (therefore, not much closing going on). That does go back to Saban actually. Nick is changing recruiting in this state. He is a heartless, soulless machine who Croots hard year round and demands the same of his staff (such is the reason nobody on his staff likes him). He's actually on the front lines (as opposed to most head men) Lets face facts Auburn fans...Tuberville is going to have to change his methods/work ethic or else he's gonna get burned badly in the talent department.

Auburn's gonna miss this MF 'ER!!!

Florida - Another awesome recruiting class to augment the group of young studs residing in Gainesville. The Gates pulled national badasses out of New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Alabama, Texas, Georgia and California. Is Urban out-recrootin' his predecessor, the Zooker? I'd have to say so. But after the talent that [name redacted] built, the national championship, and the fact they it's effing Florida, was there ever any doubt? I've always said, recruiting to UF is akin to convincing Katrina victims to cash their FEMA checks.

Tim can't wait for the freshmeat to arrive!

Georgia - In a state with about 25 out-freaking-standing football players every year (4-star types) and no real natural predators, UGA's usually got it made. I would dare say that Richt has the best/most-laid back offseason job in College football. That's right, I said it. In Athens, recruiting is a breeze, expectations aren't that insane (with the obvious exception of the current off-season) and the Georgia fans don't often overreact. Think about it...UGA is like coaching at LSU without the rabid coonasses and multiple, recent BCS championships to live up to every season...With a much richer recruiting base. If you can hold serve at Georgia, you're top 10 in recruiting without breaking a sweat. Imagine if Lord Saban was recruiting for The Dawgs?

Georgia's earned tons of hype as we look towards spring - the best thing Stafford and Co. can do, take a vacation from it all...get back to the basics at Dega

- After the kinds of seasons KY has been churning out the last few years (read: Friggin Bowl Games) these recruiting classes are not up to par. At least at first glance. Plus, UK only signed 20 and no quarterback? Sounds like old-man Brooks is gettin' a little lazy in his formative years.

Rich seems to think he can keep that ^^^ ^ up with these no-talent classes - More power to you, Coach

LSU - This was a down year for Louisiana talent, and therefore translated into a down year for LSU talent. Fortunately for the Bengal Tigers, a down year in Cajun means, "Not quite a Top 10 National class, but top 15, sure." The Tigas pride themselves on owning their home state, and they sure enough did, supposedly taking home everyone they wanted. High functioning, lucky retard, Les Miles also landed the #1 Corner in the nation, Patrick Johnson, out of Urban's backyard. Pretty good for a mouth breather!

"Fan rings?!? Why didn't Bama think of that? Cuz humans ain't got 13 fingers, asshole" (SbB)

Mississippi State - Croom's boys had an overall "mehhh" class highlighted by a few players any program would want... Like Templeton Hardy (DT) and Charles Mitchell (DB) However, there is an extremely large no-talenet ass-clown quotient. Seriously, it's like a who's-who of nobodies. However, there is one player we're psyched about who's back for his second straight year of recrootin'! This name will always catch my eye...

"Hi, I think we've met before...I'm Michael Hunt."

Ole Miss - Wow. Nutt busts a little "Happy Signing Day Surprise" on Rebel fans. It's certainly a change for the better. Going back a long time, Ole Miss fans are used to getting shat upon on signing day. Not that this class is amazingly awesome or anything, but it's just nice to get some good news in February for a change. In the last several years, Col. Reb has been on the short lists of a variety of "big name" backs (Frank Gore, Keiland Williams, Joe McKnight), only to end up dick in hand. The stud RBs always flirted, but never seemed to give it up the dotted line. Well, all that changed in '08 when Nutt, to his credit, reeled in supposed Bo Jackson impersonator and 5-star, Enrique Davis. The rest of the class is pretty ho-hum: some honkies, a few questionable quarterbacks and B-listers. I guess after you go 0-8 in the SEC and fire your ravenous head-coach, it's actually not too shabby.

Rev. Nutt just got a little more popular, ladies and gents

South Carolina - The Cocks supposedly "filled a lot of needs" (recruit-nerd speak for "It's not as good as last year...yeah it kinda sucks") Spurrier certainly did not finish strong and inexplicably got his ass handed to him by Tommy Bowden??? I think this class shows evidence that Steve is growing weary of his Gamecock experiment. Did he really think he could possibly recapture the magic he had in Gainesville? Me thinks that "magic" could more so be attributed to the population boom of the sunshine state in the 60's and 70's (See also: Poppa Bowden at FSU and various successful coaches at "Tha U"). That's my personal theory.

If Tommy Bowden (L) and Steve Spurrier (R) started a family

Tennessee - Apparently not too many youngsters were wishin' they was on Ole Rocky Top come this fall. In fact, this has to be the most embarrassing big orange signing class of my life time. The talent level is more indicative of East Tennessee State University...Oh, they quit playing football a few years back? (Whores!) Maybe Middle Tennessee State then. No...seriously, it's not that bad, but it's one of the worst in the SEC. Plus it's pretty flaccid at only 18 signees? I've always said Fulmer does less with more...but now he's just gonna have to learn to do even less with less.

desperate times in Knoxville

Vanderbilt - Bobby Johnson is not going to blow anyone away with this signing class, even by Vandy standards. The best player (most sought after) has to be three-star, DeAndre Jones, a linebacker out of Memphis University School. One thing I will say, there are entirely too many white kids in this signing class. And I'm not saying that Vandy needs to do any affirmative action bull, I'm just saying if they want to win at football, which is ostensibly why you field a team in the SEC, they need to drop all these slow-assed Honkies...STAT! As evidenced by his lack of recruiting prowess, Bobby Johnson must be one hell of an on-the-field coach to be sniffin' 4-5 wins a year.

Nothing sums up Vandy's 2008 class like Britney birthing The Looter (actually, I just like this picture)

*Rivals Recrootin' National Champions

Sunday, February 3

That's Right...Eli Manning


"Hi, my name's Eli, and I'm your gosh damn Super Bowl MVP"

Simply Brilliant!

Michigan's former backup quarterback seen here pooing himself

Did the SEC just embarrass The Big 10 once again? Congrats to the Giants. Best Super Bowl since Titans/Rams. Wow, Ole Miss' first Super Bowl MVP??? Yeah, pretty sure.

- Check here to see what is coming to be known as "Eli's Escape" (don't forget "Tyree's Trap" or whatever the hell you want to call it) and subsequent Plaxico Burress TD [AwfulAnnouncing]

- Check here for the official NFL Box [NFL]