Monday, March 31

Worst. Spring Game. Ever.

reception...interception...who's counting?

It looks like the Mississippi State spring game got Croomed. After 48 minutes of play, the meager "crowd" of 5,000 rednecks in attendance were treated to a barn burning 0-0 in the Stark-bowl. That's right, Croom's spring game actually had to go to overtime to get the win against its self. Somehow, I wouldn't expect any less from this crackerjack group of a-holes.

After 5 interceptions and over 50 minutes of play, some nameless, faceless State "quarterback" finally connected with one of the "good guys" for a 25 yard TD:

About a half-hour later, out strolled McCorvey (State's 5th year O.C. who was crying for the first 25 minutes), who stressed that the offense's lackluster Saturday performance shouldn't overshadow strides he claims have been made in the five weeks prior.

"We made a lot of progress," McCorvey said. "It's not evident out there today because we had some quarterback-center exchanges and had the interceptions and all, but overall this spring I felt like we made a lot of progress. We came a long way."

[clarionledger via thewizardofodds]

Riiight. "Showing progress is not what we're about here at Mississippi State...Fan support, offensive production and earning one's pay checks...these are not things that concern us." I just had to translate that for you.

How the hell this douche nozzle McCorvey has maintained a coordinator job in the SEC for 5 effin years without even mediocre season of offensive output is...well mindbottling.

Of course, State folk would say, "That just means our defense is kickass, man."

No. Your defense may be your saving grace again this season (despite the loss of several key cogs), but if your scrote lickin' offense can't even so much as put up a field goal in 48 minutes of the "Don't hit my no-talent quarterback!" spring scrimmage, it's gonna be a looong freakin' year.

Oh yeah...As much as crappy offense and pathetic, effeminate quarterbacks are a staple at MSU, Starkganistan's biggest tradition has always been felonious thuggery. As a continuance of Croom's recruits and their stellar record of cop beatdowns and signing scholarships from jail, this thuggish-ruggish episode involves alleged on campus handguns and drive-bys!
A Thursday night shooting incident at Zacharias Village, a group of four relatively new dormitories on the campus' north side, left senior left tackle Mike Brown, the anchor of the team's offensive line, dismissed from school and the team.

Same for Quinton Wesley, who was expected to compete for a starting job at defensive tackle.

Brown, 21, is charged with possession of a firearm on school property, a felony. Wesley, 21, is charged with aggravated assault after he allegedly fired on another vehicle at the dormitory.

MSU police chief Georgia Lindley said the investigation continues and that it's possible more charges will result.

[clarionledger ]

you can take the dawg out tha hood...

Thursday, March 27

The Kige Party

Well, it looks like Kige has finally hopped on the Hilltopper's bandwagon. Yeah, I know Kige supposedly goes to Western Kentucky, but his "set" has always been decorated in the big blue of The flagship Wildcats. Now, it looks like Kige's cleaned out the WKU book store with all kinds of attractive and classy memorabilia. (Momma's gonna wear his hide slap out when she finds that money missin' fromunda the mattress)

My favorite part of this installment includes Kige's visually aided history lesson about Western's totally awesome towel mascot. (complete with simulated crying):

How can you not root for Kige's new team, the 12 seed Hilltoppers over UCLA? Your bracket's already FUBAR...I say, Go Fighting Towels.

- tonight's slate of games [sportsline]

Mindless Morning Youtubery - Tuberfield

This video has it all...Sara Jessica, Alana Collete, Click Clack and Golden Flake. Even so, why would Bama fans be afraid of cheap, gas station potato chips? A big bag of Golden Flake is a given when Tiders pick up that tasty carton of Dorals, right?

[HT: Taylor via The Auburner]

Wednesday, March 26

Ole Miss will run the Wild Hog/Wildcat

Lil' Dex hurdles no one

Here's a great clip of David Lee (former Hawg OC) explaining the ins and outs of the Wildcat formation and showcasing D MAC and Felix's ridiculous skills (that never get old)...

I can't say that I'm upset that Ole Miss is getting away from the (channelling homer simpson) BORRING Pro Set and experimenting with some fun new toys. Especially when you've got Michael Oher, John Jerry, and some other pro-quality beef on the OL. Dare I mention the one tiny, small problem?

No Darren McFadden.

Running the formation for the Rebs (at least in spring ball) is 5-7, 165 pound water bug, Dexter McCluster (while Marshay Green is set to play Felix Jones). Dexter may have McFadden's speed and elusiveness, but there's just this small matter of 5 inches and 50 pounds . McCluster's been returning kicks, catching passes and running trick plays for a while now, but he's also been injured much of the last two seasons. The way I see this working out for McCluster, if (big if) they keep the same personnel running the "Wild Rebel," next season is gonna go one of two ways... and probably a little combination of the both...


Or Decapitation:

By the way, the above hit ended McCluster's bright true freshman season. For the sake of lil' Dex's medulla oblongata, Ole Miss does have some promising incoming freshman who should be competing for Wild Reb minutes this fall. Namely 220 pound Enrique Davis and scat-tastic Devin Thomas.

If Dexter is the man, it's more like "Wildcat Light," eh? Sounds like a piss-poor new beer in the tradition of Red Dog or Milwaukee's Best Ice.

By the way, why are the nastiest beers always bragging? Why do Bama fans always preach about class? Deep Thoughts. ("champagne of beers," my ass)

It's kinda like me taking a huge dump in a box and marking it "Erik's Best"

Tuesday, March 25

Barker and Evans Try for Sloppy Seconds

Recently divorced Country music star (some might say MILF), Sara Evans and Birmingham's own recently divorced super-Christian tider idol/moring radio host, Jay Barker are betrothed to one another!!!! Yeah, Eileen Finan of People Magazine says these two recently divorced kids (with 7 kids between them) appear to be engaged...

A friend of the country singer confirms to PEOPLE that Evans and Jay Barker, a former football star at the University of Alabama who now hosts a sports radio show in Birmingham, are an item. "They are dating," the friend tells PEOPLE.
Evans, who turns 37 on Tuesday and whose divorce from Craig Schelske was finalized in September, appeared as an in-studio guest on Barker's show, "The Opening Drive" on WJOX, the day after Thanksgiving.

"They had been dating for a while, but she hadn't been on the show until then," a friend of Barker's says. "That was the announcement that they were together." Evans (who proudly wore a red Alabama T-shirt to a recent PEOPLE photo shoot) has called in to the show a few times since, and Barker has accompanied Evans on some of her tour dates.
Wait just one G.D. minute, ya dumb People bitch. "a red Alabama T-shirt"?! THE Color is Crimson. Sara bleeds Crimson now....Yankee skank. (First the Tuscaloosa PD and now People Magazine?)

Anyway, it should be interesting to see how this plays out. Why do you think these two recent divorcees were so quick to jump back in the commitment saddle? My guess, well, it's hard to really blame Jay Barker..."NO, I WILL NOT MARRY YOU...YOU ATTRACTIVE, RICH AND FAMOUS COUNTRY MUSIC LADY." As far as Sara goes, maybe Jay's monk like morals are making her a little crazy in the head. (does the whole "true love waits" thing apply to a second marriage?)

I don't know for certain that Jay is as pure as a Catholic priest like he purports to be on air, and exactly why his marriage ended (heard it was his wife's "personal trainer") we'll probably never know, but these skeletons in Sara's closet might be worth hashing out before the big day:
Divorce documents filed in Williamson County, Tennessee by Evans' estranged husband, Craig Schelske, accuse the singer of having close to a dozen affairs. The list includes singer/songwriter Richard Marx, country star Kenny Chesney, Dancing with the Stars partner Tony Dovolani, and the members of the rock band 3 Doors Down.
Yeesh. WTF? Richard Effing Marx? Really?? Of 1988's "Hold on to The Nights" fame? And Kenny Chesney? The biggest little poser douche in fake country? and the members (with a "s") of 3 Doors Down??? Wow.

What, did Michael Bolton pass on you, Sara? Was Kenny G busy that night? Did The Rascal Flatts gang-bang fall through? Obviously these are alleged allegations from her angry Ex, but even so, that's one hell of a random list and might merit a mention over milk and cookies with J-bone.

Edit: Whoops. The article I linked didn't have anything to do with their engagement. Here's that article.

Friday, March 21

Bracket BS - My Duke Hate Runneth Over

Krzyzewski: "Skinny, White and Crying...Welcome aboard son."

What a boring assed first day. The only game I really, actually watched was Belmont/Duke, which just so happened to cause a pandemic of erectile dysfunction across this great nation.

Nothing gets me more excited (in March) than watching Duke, and all those white bitches lose. (Damn, I hate white people) Conversely, nothing is more frustrating than seeing those Caucasian cock-bastards pull one out. (Who knew that Nashville's Belmont Bruins would become Amercia's team for at least 15 minutes)

Why do I hate them? I ask you, why do we hate Ryan Seacrest? It's much the same. Because half the country somehow loves him, he's enormously successful, busy and seemingly intelligent...but in the back of our minds we're still thinking, "I wanna kick this guy's ass...He's a textbook scrote...I could totally kick that guys ass...I wanna wipe that smirk off his fancy, gelled up head."

You know, just typical stuff like that. Plus the unAmerican, soccer style flops don't help, not to mention the high free throw percentages (who practices that s**t?).

All this leads me to my Top Five Most Hated Duke Honkies Of All Time:

5. Shane Battier - Well...he's a half honky at least. (hence the #5 ranking) He's just a perfect angel isn't he... Except for his "Ruffles have Ridges" scalp and the fact that he pronounces his name like the French do, but he's from Michigan?? (Actually, I love the guy...that's all I've got - He's one of the few Dukies who actually has a somewhat successful basketball career...cause he's half black you know)

4. J.J. Reddick
- This guy epitomizes "In Your Face, Cocky, Smirking Duke Douche." Loved his that he was a top 15 pick in the draft and is now averaging 3 points a game for the Magic.

3. Christian Laettner
- I going a different direction than most here. (my list rewards recent douchebaggery) Laettner was a pioneering Duke Dick-Bandit. He set the bar high in the 90's and inspired little future-douche bags to reach for the stars!

2. Josh McRoberts - This guy just looks like a big goofy asshole. Plus, he was cocky enough to think he could leave college after his Sophomore year?!? Now, Josh, was it your 13 points a game or your 3.5 assists that screamed, "I'm ready for The League"? Well, he wasn't. He even got demoted to the NBA's Developmental league last year. Way to go, Douche.

1. Greg Paulus - This guy's scrote quotient potential is off the charts! Being the only current member of the Blue Devil squad, Greg has obviously internalized much of his "fore-father's" douchiness. In the tradition of J.J., Greg flops and smirks with the best Euro-trash. Like his former honky teammate, McRoberts, he's an overrated, girly bitch. And thanks to The Blue Devils amazing comeback win over juggernaut 15 seed Belmont, Paulus lives on to douche another day. Hopefully, Greg won't take his 11 points and 3 assists to the NBA D-League anytime soon.


Duke, This is why you suck [youtube]
More Duke Hate [TruthAboutDuke]

Wednesday, March 19

Anti-Bama Fan of the Week

That's right, looks like Brother Micah is making another swing through the Deep South, and recently blessed "The Capstone" with his presence. He's apparently attempting to reach out and rehabilitate all the adderall snorters and coke whores of Tuscaloosa. (Good thing he stayed for a while)

But not the Homersexuals, or those who show their knees and bellybuttons, or the Catholics and Baptists, cause they're going straight to hell.

I love all the pseudo-intellectual Tider students who are attempting to honestly argue with this crazy scrote. Seriously, arguing with crazy is like arm-wrastlin a woman. Win or lose, you're gonna look like a douche bag.

If you listen closely you can hear him say that Alabama is more immoral than the FSU Criminoles. haha! Say that to Saban's face, Brother! I'm actually surprised "CNS" didn't have Brother Micah strung up in the quad.

More on this asshole:

Brother Micah -- the preacher college kids love to hate [chicago sun-times]
- Micah has moved on to lecture the psuedo-intellectuals at Ole Miss [DM]

Thursday, March 13

Two-fer Bama Fan of the Week

seriously, this is where it all went down

A 35-year-old woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet for so long that her body was stuck to the seat had a phobia about leaving the bathroom, the boyfriend said (photoshop, what?).

McFarren, 36, said he can't be certain how long Pam Babcock stayed in the bathroom because "time just went by so quick I can't pinpoint how long." He said beatings Bama received in her childhood caused her phobia.

McFarren said he finally called police February 27 after he became worried because Babcock was acting groggy and talking about dropping a "Shula" -- like she didn't know what was going on, except she was awake.

What emergency responders found when they went into bathroom has left residents of this small western Kansas town buzzing, and law enforcement officials incredulous.

Police found the clothed woman sitting on the toilet, her crimson sweat pants down to mid-thigh. She was "somewhat disoriented," talking about the "G** D*** Poulan Weedeater Bowl" and her legs looked like they had atrophied, Whipple said.

"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body," Whipple said. "It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself. For some reason, clutched in her fingers was a Dennis Franchione bobble head."

Ok, so this really happened in Ness City, Kansas (where ever the hell that is) [CNN], and I kinda took a few liberties with some of the details. But it doesn't not say she's a Tider, and if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

Hell, I'd probably spend all my time hiding in the bathroom if I lived in Kansas too. I remember driving through that God forsaken state on my way to church ski trips in Colorado. I think God made Kansas suck really bad so Colorado would be totally AWESOME!!! by comparison. Kinda like Shula ($1.55 Million, 6-6, Shreveport) and Saban ($4 Million, 6-6, Shreveport).

Not Pam Babcock, in happier days

[Boyfriend: Phobia caused woman's 2-year bathroom stay]

Tuesday, March 11

Bama Fan of the Week

Something we've all come to adore about "The Tider Nation" is their childlike willingness to overlook their own flaws while pointing out the exact same flaws in others.

This youtubes has been on damn near every site on the interwebs, but for the few of you who get out much (those who don't scour the blogs hourly) here's a proud Tider, talking about the "garbage truck worker's convention" that is "Nayland Stadium" and totally unlike anything you'd find in Bryant Denny on gameday...

Thursday, March 6

Bama Fan of the Week meet "Where's Waldo?"

click to enlarge [credit: jim]

It's a veritable cornucopia of crimson shame. All my favorites. Some I know, some I am meeting for the first time. Wow, I can almost smell the flea market on Paul Bear Bryant Blvd. Smells like...Turdulence!

By the way, where are the two skanky, fake blond, houndstooth hat sporting attention whores?

Thanks, Jim. Keep the farks a comin'.

Is This the Peer Intervention Group?

Saban, Save us!

click to enlarge [pulled from LWS]

You boys ever seen that movie The Departed? Sheit, well that's exactly what Tubby is doin' to the TPD. If Ears can't win on the field recrootin' national championships, he's gonna get his "boys" in the Tuscaloosa Police department to take down Saban from the inside. Word is, Trey Blackmon was the gunman in the Julio Jones Drug Dealing buddy trial...The Louisiana Monroe loss can actually be attributed to Bill Bellacheat and his New England Patriots dressing up like the La-Monroe Warhawks and Mal Moore invented the internet.

Here's the proof that Auburn has gone too far this time, has no character, and that Chette Williams eats babies...

Tuscaloosa Police = Classless, Racist, Barner Nazis