More "Fear the Index" Celebration

- This kind of stuff is what makes college football the greatest game evah. BTW, Quinton Groves is a Manimal.

[HT: Trackemtigers]


- Here a few shots of our soldiers rolling "Toomer's Corner East" somewhere in Iraq (looks like Tuscaloosabad)...





Saban-in-a-row? Ok.


That's a lot of potato peelin'

[HT: Robert]


- And as you might have heard, while Toomer's East was well protected, the original was under fire...literally. Turns out the trees were not damaged as badly as it might appear. Mostly a TP fire (we all that goes. what?)...


sour grapes?


I think all the security pit-bulls would have been better utilized here


Who would have done something like this? COULD IT BE SABAN!?!

[HT: Makeitblue]

Tebow a Crocs Man

Damn, I can't really say anything because I own a pair (for strict "around the house" use). I love those bastards, and I don't care if they're ugly. If you had an ugly kid who turned out to be super nice, wouldn't you at least be seen with him around the house or occasionally in the yard? You're damn right, asshole. Who are you to judge?

Tip Drill, Anyone?

Yeah, that's right. "Tip Drill" is my new cheese-dick name for "links and such" on the blog. No...It's not some awesome late night "movie" that comes on Cinimax right after Hotel Erotica (Daniel)...Quite the contrary. It's all about outstanding college football related foofery.



- Brian alerted me to the latest developments in wrongfully accused Briarwood CHRISTIAN School graduate Simion Castille's perfectly bogus thuggery/disorderly conduct case (/sarcasm). Yeah, a judge found him to be guilty as hell. (tear)

What's awesome about this case is that this college kid has a team of lawyas representing him for an offense that involves a $150 fine??? Attorneys who I'm sure do not hate themselves and what they've become since they left Alabama Law school, and are totally not touching themselves at night at the thought of representing an All-SEC Crimson Tide football player while at the same time placing themselves that much closer to career .500 Alabama Coach Nick M. Effin' Saban.

They do it Pro-Bono I'm sure. That doesn't bother me at all. What does bother me is that after the testamony of three police officers and a guilty verdict from a judge, they are now appealing the case of the $150 fine and are attempting to take it to full-fledged court:

"If we're going to put Simeon Castille on the stand," defense attorney Roy McCord said, "he wants a jury of his peers and he wants to tell the jury exactly what happened, and that's what's going to happen."

First, WTF?!? Am I taking crazy pills? Is this Law and Order SUV? Was Simeon Accused of DUI, man slaughter and goat rape? No. It's a silly misdemeanor. It's a glorified moving violation.

Also, let me see if I can dig up a few photos of Tuscaloosa's "jury of his peers"...



Jury Selection: "Do you renounce Mike Shula? Do you believe in the one and true Coach, Nick Saban? What's your position on grown men sporting replica jerseys? If you spent your money on fine jewelry instead of Dorals would you shop at Brombergs?"


- This Dan Wetzel guy at Yahoo Sports has a batshit crazy idea. He's designed his plan for what he calls "A Division I College football Playoff." Yes, in the yearly, seemingly futile attempt to manipulate the power structure of college football, Wetzel has come up with another great solution/plan (seriously). Here is what it would look like in 2007 (big snoozer, right?):


Click to enlarge

And for those of you who say "the bowl system is all about big money and that's why it won't be changed," I say once again, "What?" Do you honestly think this new system would be a big charitable event? The Division I college football playoff would immediately become the biggest, most passionate, most exciting, most well attended event in sports. And you Dick-breathed Bandits don't think it make you more money?

- LSUFreek (the Godfather of college football cheeky shenanigans) has breached the enemy lines at SmashMouthSports (Tennessee) and is dropping some major comedic smart bombs. He's freaking the Volunteer Fans with his redonkulous farking skills...And the Vol Farksters are not going down without a fight. The result is a Fark-off of galactically nerdy proportions, but I'm love every post. Currently 11 pages of photoshopped goodness. [HT: HeyBC]


Simple, yet awesomely effective


- The problem with Michigan Football: Apparently Lloyd Carr was only working 40 hours a week. BTW, Ed Orgeron would triple that work load for half the money!!! (Anyone?...Bueller?)


- SI's Austin Murphy, of Murphy's Law, puts out a very entertaining peice (very "un-mainstream media" of him) involving many of our dearly departed who were involved in the dreaded Thanksgiving Coaching Massace of 2007. Houston Nutt and Ed Orgeron being the central characters of course.


So, What you been up to, Ed? (um, reality show...you're welcome)

Nutt Busts onto The Scene In Oxford

Houston flew into to Oxford town today to lead a revival like nothing seen in these parts since The Lacoste Shop opened online. With all the verve of a big tent, Baptist preacher (who may or may not have been R U N N O F T at his previous stop), Houston looked right at home in the pulpit as he rallied the faithful with plenty of standard-issue, requisite coachspeak.

Who am I kidding...He looked about as comfortable as a man who got caught by his wife sending oh...say 1000 some odd text messages to some random news-skank.

Especially when a stuffy, British sounding, piss-in-our-kool-aid type gunt/reporter lady asked Coach Nutt if he really thought he deserved to be the highest paid employee at the University...(Nearly $2Mil a year)

What a buzz killing, socialist whore, right?

THIS AIN'T INTERMURALS, SISTER! She can take all that "integrity," "academics" and "perspective" talk and shove it up her flat, unsweetened tea drinking ass. This is Football in the South, and Houston's gonna lead us to tha promise land... or probation. Either one.

Giggity Giggity AMEN!


"Judge Not! Lest Ye be Judged. Can I get a Hotty Toddy!?!"

[watch or read the whole danged press conference]

Ole Miss Hires A New Brand of Crazy: Houston Dale Nutt

Ole Miss after Firing Cutcliffe: "We will not accept mediocrity!"

Ole Miss after Firing Orgeron: "Yes, I'll have the mediocrity please, medium-average...Looks scrumptious, yes! With a side of Crazy...and the Refried Scandal. Thanks!"

I have to admit, I'm not exactly thrilled with this hire and I'll tell you why. I wanted a young head coach from the lower levels with fire and ambition and a great spread offense...oh and no baggage. Somebody with tons of upside. Somebody that the fans of his current school would fight hard to keep. Someone who was loved by many.

That's why I made my list. I had these visions of up-and-comers like Paul Johnson, Brian Kelly and or even taking a risk on a great young guy like Chris Hatcher.

Not some retread with outstanding lawsuits and Clintonian affairs.

Then again, Ole Miss is getting a guy who is proven to be...eh pretty good, which Ole Miss administration will take right now. The "Safe" pick to save their asses.

Is he on the up slope...or the down slope? I think that's yet to be determined. I don't want to hear any of this, "Who else you gonna get?" or "But you're Ole Miss?" This was an easy chance to reel in a "9" or a "10" but Boone and Khayat quickly settled on a "6."

1.8 Million a year can still get you a whole lotta coach, if you're smart.

Thus the same attitude that causes rival fans to say, "What was Ole Miss thinking firing Cutcliffe?" now causes them to say, "That's a good hire, Ole Miss." Yeah, it's good for you. It's non-threatening.

Yeah, he might win 7 or 8 games, but it's been proven that Nutt's not gonna win the conference or go to a BCS bowl. Hence the whole "no upside" thing.

In fact, Nutt was the longest tenured coach in the BCS conferences to never go to a BCS bowl. That's MY Coach! Would you like him to be your coach?



Just for shits and giggles, here are a few of my message board post concerning the coaching search in the last few days. You'll see how I went from utter putrid disgust at the thought of Houston Nutt to Denial, to bargaining to admittance, to acceptance...now I think I'm in recovery or something. Is this how Heroin addicts feel?


Why the hell would Boone do that? - Yesterday at 3:56pm

what a moron. does he know how stupid he'll look? Why would we hire another SEC program's garbage? DUMB DUMB DUMB. Way too much baggage and he WILL divide the fan base more than ever.

Ole Miss needs a fresh start...Ole Miss doesn't need that a-hole.

They're chasing him out of Fayetteville like nothing I've ever seen - Yesterday around 5pm

You don't think their's a reason behind that?

Half our fanbase already doesn't like him (not so with guys like RN or Kelly or PJ or Chris Hatcher)

He put his dick out there to get a 5 star QB and then completely effed it all away and lost a great offensive coordinator.

He's scandalous.

He's a joke (much like Orgeron).

He's batshit crazy.

He's never won an SEC title in ten years at a school that has no in state competition and a relatively rich recruiting base.

He's got the two best running backs to ever share a backfield and he can't beat the likes of Alabama, and Kentucky or do anything legitimate by them.

Fact is, The Arkansas fans don't care that he left... - Last Night

...that should bother the ones of you who claim to be not-so-wooly.

He went on a hot streak to end the season. LSU was susceptible. Shit, Bama almost beat 'em the week before they lost to UL-Monroe. Ed Orgeron put up 500 yards on their #1 Defense. WTF?!

Nutt is a hot name right now BECAUSE of McFadden and Jones. If he finished the season like he did last year, with three straight losses even having the great RBs (not to mention his 4-7 2005 season) Nobody would give him the time of day.

But pulling one out against LSU in the last game of his Ark career, sheeit, he upped his offers about 1 Mil a year.

It's incredible, it's foolish and it's kneejerk.

Don't even try to compare him to Orgeron. We've proven that Dinardo would win that battle handily. Yeah, Nutts not a bad football coach, but neither was David Cutcliffe.

Cut just wasn't getting us where we want to go.

There's no upside with Nutt. You guys think that Nutt, with less of a recruiting base, less big money around him, at less of a traditional power...you think that Nutt's gonna have equal or more success?

Naw, I'd much rather take a chance on a guy who didn't get run out of town. This choice is crazy, and makes Ole Miss look like little brother to effing Arkansas.

Pros and Cons - This Morning, When It was Inevitable

Pros:

-He stayed at a school for 10 years. That's gotta count for something.
-He's been to Atlanta a few times
-He owns Mississippi State
-He beats Auburn and Alabama more often than Ole Miss does
-He's charismatic?
-7 bowl games in 9 years (soon to be 8 of 10 if they let him coach it)

Cons:

-He's scandalous
-He previously coached at a divisional rival (and it's not like Ole Miss stole him a la Tuberville)
-He only had one 10 win season and that was last year
-He's never won anything more than a cotton bowl
-He's not exactly known as a great recruiter
-He's only won 2 of those 7 bowl games
-He's already got the fanbase divided
-Hog fans are not worried about seeing him go (have I said that before?)

Later, I'll atempt to convince myself that Nutt can do a better job at Ole Miss than he did at Arkanasas, and that his best years are ahead of him. Hope Houston Dale proves me wrong.

Hot Damn, Yaw yaw, giggity giggity. It could be worse...

Must See Youtubery From Week 13

It's Business...It's Business Time



Coolest. Ref. Ever. Actually, it's said to be based on a vintage badass ref (oxymoron?) from the 80's who made a similar call in the pro ranks. Kudos to an official having a bit of fun in an otherwise snoozer of a blowout.


Auburn Cornerback Gets Vicked



Most of us southerners already witnessed this craziness live, but it's worth another look when animals attack! What the hell is Auburn thinking? Pit Bulls in the end zones? I love how Auburn gets their security/sodexho workers literally surrounding the field at some point in the third quarter. What a waste. Was there really a chance of anyone rushing the field after this Iron bowl? I love how the dog gets escorted off the field too...What a thug.


Is it Still Two-Thousand-and-Saban?



Looks like Tubby's workin' on Saban-In-A-Row (can I get a copyright?). Somebody alert Matt at Sportscrack to the endless tee shirt possibilities. [Impressive]


The Nail in The Orgeron's Coffin

Note: This entire video takes place in the last 8 minutes of the Egg Bowl. Ole Miss is sitting pretty with a 14-0 lead on the road in the "big" rivalry game, and the Rebs are desperately trying to avoid a big 0-8 in the SEC in Orgeron's third season. So, you just play smart football, pin 'em deep and work the clock, right? Of course not. Orgeron decides to "go for it" on 4 and a long 1 near midfield with a 14 to nothing lead on the road. Enjoy the last few minutes of the Ed Orgeron Era (tear)...

How Eddie O Lost The Egg

First Things First

If you don't know...Ole Miss was up 14-0 on Mississippi State with roughly 9 minutes to go in the fourth quarter, in Starkville. Orgeron, like the genius he is, goes for a fourth down conversion close to midfield and doesn't get it. 17 points later, he's 0-8 in the SEC. Below are a few ways a head coach can effectively eff a game away. Enjoy...

1. Obviously the 4th down call was a mistake and it hurt OM bad. Turned the tide actually.

2. The Fake Punt that didn't work. Luckily it didn't hurt but if OM were playing a team with some actual offensive talent, it would have.

3. The Kick offs were eff-me-in-the-ear horrible. At least kick it deep ever once in a while.

4. The crap ass line drive punts were obviously killer.

5. The poor clock management going into the first half - OM should have had a shot at a field goal.

6. Allowing O.C. Dan Werner to play call like a scared 11-year-old girl down the stretch (what happened to the Brent Schaeffer bootlegs and the misdirection?) He also abandoned the spread and went back to the worthless "I" formation.

7. Allowing D.C. JohnThompson to abandon the attacking style that had kept State on their heels all night.

8. Not finding a way to score more than 7 point in a first half that saw 2 State first downs.

Piss poor. Ole Miss has the talent, now they just need the coaching. Teams with far, far less talent than Ole Miss would have found a way to put up at least 21 in that first half.

3-9 in year three (Coach 0-8 in the SEC).


"Coach..Coach! Yeah, thanks. Just wanted to ask you quickly why you think you're so not good at your job?"

Edit: YAW YAW YAW YAW...YAW YAW FIRE-ED!

- Orson (EDSBS), one of The Orgeron's biggest fans, sums things up beautifully here.
- My list of replacement (designed with Ole Miss in mind)

Youtubes and A Little Extra

Hope you had a great turkey day (other than the pathetically lopsided displays of football). Here's a few left-over tidbits from the last few days...

To cleanse your palate of all that nasty tryptophan and get you ready for today's pathetically lopsided displays of college football, how bout a little interpretive dance (complete with an interpretive, incognito computer chair)...



Now here's a great little video I found linked on Georgiasportsblog that chronicles everything we love about the Florida Gators over the last few years (I really have no issue with the Gatas -other than Joakim-, even so, this is quite humorous)...


"You even suck in class...can't listen to John Kerry without tasers on your ass"

Sad News:

For some ungodly reason, this blog has always received a ton of google hits based on the search terms "Jay Barker Divorce" (Not that I've ever written about his alleged disunion). Jay Barker of course being the former mythical national championship winning Tide QB and current WJOX morning show host. What makes these rumors even more sad and surprising is Jay's status as practicing Super Christian.

I finally did a little research to see what all the hubbub was about...Apparently, when there's smoke their fire (the fire being nothing but unsubstantiated internet rumor of course).

According the the al.com messageboards, people who care about "new country" are saying that Jay is in fact divorced (who is at fault is still unknown) and was seen on the red carpet at the CMAs with recent divorcee Sarah Evans. Yeah, that Sara Evans.

Nice save, Jay. Way to stick it to your Ex and out-punt your coverage. Romo who?

Mindless Morning Youtubery

Reporter Shows us how to deal with Drunken Ohio State Fan/Skank



pretty sure I watched this video about 20 times. It's perfect.


Best Sign from Ann Arbor Gameday...




And a salute to the #2 Fighting Kansas Manginos...

Bama Fan of the Week

Iron Bowl Edition



Tons of Fun is back! This portly attention whore is still keepin' it real in '07 with his transitions lenses. The real story here is who gets the pleasure of painting this stud every week? I bet he has to beat the lusty sororstitutes off with stick.


Whoops! Missed a spot just below the saddle bags. Also, it looks like somebody did a pretty poor job with the lower back/upper ass, deciduous, vomit-on-my-monitor region. Somebody get this specimin a "Mike Shula Never lost to The Sun Belt" tee shirt, stat!

Edit: In the interest of a fair and balanced blog, I welcome any Auburn fan pics that can top the above turdulence.

Saban Teaches Us How To Deal...Blames Shula for Pearl Harbor

Credit: LWS

The Post Apocalyptic Press Conference

Before telling the media what kind of worthless eff-up players he's been dealing with, Saban went on to teach us simple-minded, non glorified P.E. teachers a thing or two about world history, alcoholism and life...

"Changes in history usually occur after some kind of catastrophic event," Saban said during the opening remarks of his weekly news conference. "It may be 9-11,which sort of changed the spirit of America relative to catastrophic events. Pearl Harbor kind of got us ready for World War II, or whatever, and that was a catastrophic event."

After Saban's next big loss, I don't even think he'll hold a press conference...I think he'll just host a public screening of "The Passion of the Christ." Then he'll make a few parallels between the Jews and the media (or whatever).

Napoleon later preached on the dangers of alcoholism as it relates to such a catastrophic loss (???). He thinks that his team might get on the wagon now that they have hit "rock bottom."

Either that, or they just gave up on his no-blame-takin' ass. Lord Saban went the entire media lecture (lets call a spade a spade) without once admitting, "Hey, guys...Coaching had alot to do with this as well" Maybe a little, "Part of my job is to get the team up for the game, and I clearly failed to do so" or "My staff and I need to reevaluate a few things." No no no...It was all "These players need to get their stuff together," and "play calling doesn't matter at this point."

The Lil' Bear continues with a bunch of empty crap about finding "character players," "not disrespecting rules and regulations" and "the value in doing the right thing."

Point blank: Saban, Did you do the right thing when you showed the young guys on the team that winning the game is more important than following through on D.J.'s suspension. Did that disrespect rules and regulations? Did that show your character?

When asked about cutting the suspension short to use DJ Hall in the second half of a tight game, Saban's non-reply was "It is what it is."

So you admit it was bullshit then, Saban?

If so, this is how the press conference should have gone:

"Hi everybody. Wow, let me be the first to say...I looked like a massive douche out there this weekend. I'm gonna tell it like it is, for once: I put DJ in the game because he's our best player and I really did not want to lose this one. I know that makes me a raging hypocrite so I'm gonna save you the self righteous, rambling bullshit talk. I'm not even gonna try and blame it all on my players, thus deflecting from my obviously flawed approach at college coaching and life.

I know that sometimes, it's not an academic issue. It's not cut and dry and I don't need to act like a prison warden for these guys to respect me and perform for me. Sometimes it's players believing in their coach, wanting to work hard for him and vise-versa.

We've lost that. If I'm being totally honest, we've lost that because I've pretty much hung my players out to dry in the media. Yes, I did it to cover my own ass.

I blamed these kids cause I'm scared...I'm scared y'all will figure me out. You'll
figure out that I'm not worth all the money and attention. I'm just a football coach from West Virginia who's gotten a little too wrapped up in myself...The suits, the money, the power, the mystic tan and the hair dye.

Maybe I needed this.

Maybe I needed to hit rock bottom to gain awareness to the fact that I'm an insufferable prick. I really need to check my ego...I need to forget the fact that I'm better, smarter and more handsome than all you people and just get back to the basics of coaching.

I am the leader of this team. Don't blame these kids. Blame me."



click to listen to the entire inane, rambling, Nick Saban press conference

First Vanderbilt Alum on South Park?

Jay Cutler Has Arrived

La Effing Monroe?

When Nick Gets Nervous, He Just Sticks His Hands Under His Arms Like This...




Nick Saban Apologist: "Well, Coach lost to UAB his first year at LSU and then went on to kick some ass!"

Truth: You can't compare the two losses. UAB was a 7-4 team in a much better conference than the Sun Belt. Fact is, the lowest paid coach in Division I just beat the highest paid coach. Irony is such a bitch!

NSA: "Shoot, Mike Shula couldn't of done no better."

Truth: Mike Shula DID do better. With his own "talentless" players (largely the same players Saban's working with) Shula beat the mighty Louisiana Monroe War Hawks 41-7. The way you should be a Sunbelt team.

NSA: "John Parker Wilson just ain't a SEC quarterback."

Truth: "In 2006, Wilson started all 12 games for the Crimson Tide. He finished the season with a passing efficiency of 128.92, completing 216-of-379 (57%) passes for 2,707 yards, 17 touchdowns and ten interceptions. He threw for over 200 yards in the first seven games of the season, setting a new school record, and finished with a school record nine 200-yard games."

Funny, nobody was questioning JPW last year, in his first season as a starter. I wonder what the only difference is? Oh yeah, it's coaching.

NSA: "Shula couldn't recruit worth a damn and that's why we're in this hole."

Truth: Shula recruited pretty well actually. Certainly well enough to win football games in the SEC. From 2004-2006 (players who are currently playing) Shula averaged in the Top 15 classes Nationally according to the gurus over at Rivals. Louisiana Monroe ended up just slightly lower, averaging a Bottom 15 class during that time span (or 104th best nationally).

NSA: "Coach Saban's just gotta change Shula's culture of losing. Believe in the process. Think like a Champ-yun!"

Truth: How long does it take to get your players in shape and grow some coaching balls? Shula was 10 points shy of a 9 win season in 2006. Granted, he didn't finish games in the 4th quarter, but that has to be attributed to his lack of balls or possibly the team's conditioning. Saban's shortcomings certainly can't be attributed to a lack of talent or a lack of balls. Saban's certainly willing to take the risks, but he's still not getting results. Maybe he's just not as good as Shula was gettin the team ready each week.

A few more great excuses


Victorious ULM Head Coach Charlie Weatherbie earns $120,000 a year, while loser Nick Saban "earns" $333,000 per game (or $11,000 a day...game or no game)


When are the fans of Bama gonna quit touching themselves to thoughts of Saban led Champyunships long enough to admit that Nick and staff are getting less out of Shula's players than Shula did. Could Saban be nothing more than a pompous, extremely well paid, top-notch recruiter with mediocre game planning, teaching and administrative skills? (Paging Ed Orgeron) At least he's got some kick ass Just for Men hair.

I said in the preseason that Nick Saban would never be more popular in this state than he was at that moment...leading up to his first game. Truth is, he's not omnipotent, he's not Bear Bryant, and Bama's Not Back. Saban might yet become the savior of the common Alabama man's self worth, but it's gonna be later rather than sooner.

Imagine what Saban could do if he wasn't such a dickface...If he could attract talented/experienced position coaches and coordinators?!? Imagine if Saban wasn't a huge fatty gunt...then maybe the media might cut him a little slack for Alabama's first Sun-Belt loss ever. Imagine is Saban was not the highest paid coach in college football who was staring 4 straight losses and ".500" in the face. No, Rome wasn't built in a day...But The University of Rome didn't get its ass kicked by the Peloponnesian College for the Deaf and Blind either.

Halftime Shows You'll Never See In The SEC

It's seems the Cal-Berkeley band took a break from its regularly scheduled show-tunes to indulge us in an admittedly kick ass cornucopia of 8-bit Nintendo theme songs and imagery. I have to say, it's quite an enjoyable stroll down memory lane.

This video brings to the forefront countless recollections of a mis-spent youth. Times when I should have been doing my homework, however, like any other young man who grew up on The Legend of Zelda, I could not rest until I made Ganon my bitch! Behold...



Here's another one that Texas put together in 2004 that features Cartoons/Video Games. There must be some pretty laid back band directors/geeks west of the Mississippi...

Crooms' Boys Smack Back

HT: Darren - click to enlarge (and save, you know you want to)

The Starkville Bulldogs haven't tasted a winning season since the armageddon of Y2K...I think they're entitled to dispatch a little long over-due smack. Even though the "Priceless" parodies are wearing a bit thin, this is some top shelf shenanigans. Just think...for those 4 losses, Saban got paid more than the entire Mississippi State coaching staff...in a year. Saban can expect alot more where this came from.

A Metaphor for the Ole Miss Season

Classic Message Board Fodder by "An Old Standard"at NAFOOM.com

Cause sometimes you just need to honor a classic message board post that seems to capture the moment, and, ever so eloquently, sum up the thoughts of a fanbase. I'll never look at Bebe (The Orgeron's Cajun nickname) the same way. This post comes to us from an Ole Miss fan in anticipation of the "big CBS game" this weekend between his 3-7 Rebels and #1 LSU...not to mention the huge Egg Bowl coming up in Starkville.

Pissin' In The Hot Tub

We were drinking one night at an apartment complex in Starkville. One toolbag drunk kid who was friends with someone we were staying with has brought home a classic Starkville skank. She’s got a beer gut (with belly-button piercing), a bad blonde dye job, acne covered with caked on make-up, all the intelligence and charm of a cow patty and dresses in a manner that can best be described as 10 lbs of meat in a 5 lb sack. The guy has been talking s**t all night, trying to start fights, taking fruity shots and talking endlessly about how much of a badass he is and how much tail he can pull. He owns at least one windsuit and wears it on a regular basis, guaranteed.

They disappear from the apartment together. Later, we discover that they’ve stripped down and are getting down in the apartments’ hot tub. Upon seeing this display, my friend RW (smoked out of his brain) stumbles down to the side of the hot tub, largely unnoticed by the happy, naked couple. When the guy finally comes up for air, it’s too late. RW has dropped his pants and is taking a piss into the hot tub. They both freak out, jump out of the water and scurry off. RW shakes, zips up and goes back upstairs to puke in the bathtub and pass out.

LSU is the douchebag guy. The delusional legend of his own mind, drunk with his own perceived greatness (and lots of Hot Damn), but mostly just a pain in the ass to everybody else. State is the girl who lives with constant self-esteem issues, but covers it up with make-up and wine coolers. Every now and again, she stumbles upon someone whose beer goggles match her self-image. She sees such drunken hook-ups as validation of her beauty and the start of long-lasting happiness. However, it always ends in tears when everybody sobers up.

And then there’s us. Stumbling through life only half awake with nothing in front of us other than a fade to black until all the self-inflicted poisons wear off, so we can start the road to recovery. But, before our time is over, we can do the rest of the civilized world a great service by putting the annoying couple in their place.

For the rest of the season, it’s all about pissing in everybody else’s hot tub of love. It's time for Bebe to crank the shrimp boat up to ramming speed and take some of these assholes down with us.

- An Old Standard

Wow. It's like a suicide note and a Lou Holtz pep Talk all in one. It's a thing of beauty. Major credit, Mr. Standard. I'd start a slow clap, but I the whole slow clap thing is pretty gay these days (NTTAWWT).


Who wants a golden shower?!? Miles? Anyone?

MSU Wins the State of Alabama?

Note to Self: Don't Pass on Crooms

Big win for the State Fan nation. It's been 7 years since bowl eligibility so it's pretty damn sweet I'm sure. And it couldn't have happened against a more appropriate coach. (Is it just me, or does Saban often look like a jilted prom date on the sidelines?)

Anyway, I'm quite sure MSU scores more off turnovers than they do with their somewhat less-than-awesome, West-Coast Offense.

Alabama

State's points resulting from interceptions: 14
State's points resulting from offense: 3


Auburn

State's points off INTs: 14
State's points from Offense: 6

Congrats to the first black coach from Alabama to beat both school from his home state... and for being the first African American coach to go to a bowl game in the SEC...And of course for being the first Black coach to beat Nick Saban.


Reflectin' on 6 and 4

Edit: HT: Matt - Fark Credit: NutterT of sixpackspeak

Mindless Morning Youtubery

"I'M A MAN...I'M 80!!!"

Ah, the famed Lou Holtz pep talk: Here, Grandma Clampett does a wee impression of Okie State's Mike Gundy pepping up his Pokes for the big Kansas football game. Who needs coffee in the morning when you've got Lou?







Here's the latest Mike Gundy Parody...



A Couple High Quality LSU Related Items...


Thanks to LSU Freek of TigerDroppings

Also, I'm glad to see that Katrina refugees from the "entertainment sector" are finding new, creative ways to make ends meet at LSU tailgates (Not Totally Safe for Work).

Want A Real Coach?

Contrary To Popular Belief, You Don't Need A Big Name (and $4 Million) to Win Big


These are 5 proven and attainable head coaches who every college football fan (and Atheltic Director) should know. I'm not wasting my time on a defensive line coach with a flair for recruiting, or a Super Bowl winning coordinator with a supposed brain as big as his fupa. No, I'm finding proven Head Coaches from the lower levels. Coaches who do more with less (instead of the other way around) Guys who have learned the hard way (read: on somebody else's dime) how to manage a staff, run a team and ultimately WIN...a lot.



1. Paul Johnson - Navy - .739 (10 seasons as a HC) - This guy is a no-brainer. He's as safe as the victory formation. Give him the keys and rest easy. (I made this list before last weekend's big win, mind you) Why this guy hasn't been snatched up years ago, I have not a clue. Some folks seem to think it's Paul's "triple option flexbone" that has rundoft potential suitors, but I think that is exactly what makes him a badass.

Johnson does what any big-time head coach should do. He evaluates the talent available to him and then he acts/schemes accordingly. If he can't recruit a great passing quarterback, he'll run the option...if one becomes available, then he'll spread the field and pass. Crazy! Johnson, by any measure, appears to be the next great offensive football mind, and unfortunately for you the fan, administrators seem to view him as damaged goods. An autistic, slightly over-weight used-car salesman in sheep's clothing? Naw, sometimes, what you see is what you get: A winner. (Wiki, CFDW)


2. Brian Kelly - Cincinnati - .728 (16 seasons) - This Yankee know how to build a program. In his 16 head coaching seasons, Kelly built Grand Valley State from merely good to outstanding...in 3 years at Central Michigan he turned the program around and won the MAC...and in one season at Cincinnati Kelly has already beat the likes of Oregon State, #21 Rutgers and #20 South Florida on his way to a 7-2 start (both ranked teams he beat on the road).

Kelly is a perfect example of just how valuable Head Coaching experience can be. At each stop, his obvious skillz have allowed him to turn things around faster and faster. Case in Point: Cincinnati is still in a position to win the Big East after 10 games, in Kelly's first full year. That's a positive impact. Keep an eye on Kelly over the next two weeks as he takes on supposed #16 UConn and #6 West F'n Virginia; both home games for Brian Kelly's Bearcats. (Wiki, CFDW)



Hatcher - Future BCS Badass

3. Chris Hatcher - Georgia Southern - .862 (7 seasons) - What is it about Georgia Southern coaches? That AD must be living right.

Chris Hatcher will make the bigtime, and he will make some lucky BCS conference AD look like a freakin' genius. He's the poor man's, Division II version of Steve Spurrier...the next generation (Hatcher's in his mid 30's): In 1994 he won the Harlon Hill Trophy, awarded to the NCAA Division II National Player of the Year. After a few short stints as an assistant he returns as head coach of his Alma Mater (Valdosta State) and immediately resorts to ass kicking and name taking. He turns the program around. Hatcher goes to the championship game twice, wins it once (seeing the Spurrier parallels?). By the way, Look at that winning percentage!?! From what I gather, he's a highly intelligent, ex-qb who will works his ass off. Did I mention he's a winner?

Now, Hatcher is taking a Georgia Southern team that former UGA assistant Brian VanGorder all but destroyed in one year (yet another example of why you don't gamble on an assistant) and quickly turning the Eagles into national contenders yet again (7-2). What else do you want? Damn. (Wiki, Profile)


4. Bobby Hauck - Montana - .759 (4 seasons) - This Missoula native is a relative young gun at only 43, but he's more than proven himself to be a quality head man. As an assistant at Colorado and Washington, Hauck learned from a great (although some might say "morally ambiguous") bossman in Rick Neuheisel.

As a head coach Hauck's done nothing short of turning in four straight Big Sky championships and two trips deep into the NCAA tournament (championship game in '04 and final four in '06). He's currently starring down the barrel of his best season yet with a 9-0 record, and get this...Last winter Hauck rejected a 3 year deal to settle on a one year contract. Seems like Bobby's ready to party. On the downside, Hauck's predecessor, current Wyoming coach Joe Glenn, isn't enjoying near as much success in the Mountain West as he did at I-AA Montana. (Wiki, CFDW)


5. Skip Holtz - East Carolina - .562 (7 seasons) - While his numbers are not as impressive as some of the above, Skip has proven to be a solid coach. Most only know him from his work as an assistant for his wacky dad Lou at Notre Dame and South Carolina, but he sandwiched that experience with a head coaching gig at then I-AA UConn in the mid 90's. There, he laid the foundation for the Huskies current success in big time, Big East foozball.

Now Skip's in his third season as the HC for East Carolina (6-4 in '07) leading his division in C-USA (5-1) with two of his out of conference losses coming at the hands of highly ranked opponents. If you watched the first "Gameday" game of the year where Va Tech took on Holtz' Pirates, you know that Skip's quickly moving ECU in the right direction. (Wiki, CFDW)


Was Skip adopted?

Bama Fans Of The Week

For some ungodly reason, I don't record the local nightly news, cause it's a goldmine of blog fodder. Fox6 here in the Ham does my job for me. They go down to Tuscaloosa and seek out the most outstanding fans the SEC has to offer.

This video is noteworthy for many reasons. It's noteworthy because for one, the camera crew seems to overestimate LSU fans. The news crew actually stands next to a busy intersection in T-town and invites the inevitably foul interaction with those fans of battered, cased multi-meats-on-a-stick.

Sure enough, a Tahoe full of Tigers rolls by sporting the dreaded finger and a cordial "F*CK YOU!" to the live FOX6 viewership.

Not to be outdone by LSU, we are then introduced to a Tider aptly named "Cracker Waldrup" (I couldn't pretend to make that up) who communicates with LSU fans via paper plates. Yep...That's par for the course.

Then the classiest fanbase alive gets a strangely unneeded pep-rally on acting classy?!? All this thanks to a proud and tradition-rich youtube producer who goes by "Bama_12NC." Just perfect. Enjoy...




"We respect the other team's players and coaches. We support the Tide in positive ways for the entire game...or else we will lose nap time privileges."

Must See Youtubes from Week 10ish

I'm still trying to find a clip of Matt Flynn (or "Quinn" as some say) faking a knee injury give his equipment manager time to find him a new chin strap. Genius! Here's some other "action" from the weekend. Wait...LSU just got another penalty for "Actions Characteristic of a team Attempting to Prevent Bama From Being Back - Thirty Yards and Loss of Down"

Bama/LSU - Some great raw footage from The B-ham News...



What did I say about Arkansas? Them Hawgs is real son! Could Felix Jones (9.3 ypc) be better than McFadden (5.9 ypc)? The numbers seem to think so. (I know, I know hard to compare the different kinds of runners, blah blah, but still) Even so, maybe you should just check out this "Oops, I Crapped My Pants" 80 yard DMC touchdown run...




And to be fair, here's Felix Jones' equally shartastic Touchdown run...

Morning Youtubery

As If I Don't Hear "Sweet Home Alabama" Enough

Apparently the fourth Brady Bunch brother and his band of merry men have an opinion on this weekend's big LSU/Bama game. They decided that their opinion can best be expressed in song.

Most of the lyrics are your standard fare: "Beat Bama," "We're #1 and We're Comin' for you," However, there are some lyrics, frankly I'm gonna need a little help with (seriously, help me out)...

"The Nor-zona Fans In Death Valley...Shootin' Salads, All of Yoooou..."

My thoughts exactly.


Related:

CSTV Coverage of the Big Game
Saban Worship
EDSBS and RockyTopTalk Weigh in
LSU Cheerleaders Gone Wild

Best Gata Ever?

Ask and ye shall receive. Thanks to MH (another cocktail party attending UGA fan) we are introduced to this veritable "Ripley's Believe It or Not" Gator who was allegedly tailgating nearby. No, to our limited knowledge, this Floridian does not have a third nipple, eleven fingers or elephantitis of the scotestical region...Quite the contrary. He's apparently just your average Joe, committed to being the best Gator stereotype he can be.

Because as I'm sure this fine specimin would tell you, "If you gonna do some sh*t, do it ALL THA WAY, brah."



As reader MH was quick to point out, this Gata really brings his "A Game":

"Mullet (bonus points for shaved sides of head)
Gold teeth
Gold chain
Camo hat
Jersey
Jean shorts
Copious tattoos
Unlaced patent leather Nikes with no socks

GO DAWGS!"

Wow. There's a Friskies joke here somewhere. If you can top the above image (or even if you can't), please spread the love.