Racist, Barner Cops Entrap Simeon Castille

Tuscaloosa Police Department Hates America

Castille, 21, was charged with disorderly conduct and booked into the Tuscaloosa County Jail at 3:30 a.m. He made $500 bond and was released at 4:25 a.m., according to jail records.

What could possibly explain this rash of recent arrests under the Nick Saban regime? 4 football players in 5 weeks?!? Certainly, this is not just a lack of discipline or good judgment on behalf of some overly-entitled college kids. No, this is much, much more...

As one enlightened tider said on The Opening Drive this morning, "Simeon is a model citizen...Them Tuscaloosa police need to get they priorities straight...I ain't tryin' to say anything, but there may be some other schools involved in this..."

Ya Damn Right! These so called "officers" are certainly not "protecting and serving" Alabama football.

Let's set the record straight before we attemt to taint a highly decorated member of the pre-season All-SEC First Team. He's got a Crimson Tide All-American preacher of a daddy in Jeremiah Castille...A good Tider brother in Tim...He went to Briarwood CHRISTIAN school...he's a team leader. He's even a founding father of Saban's groundbreaking, and completely not bullshit "Peer Intervention Group." Simeon would never do anything to hurt UAT.

Surely Simeon just took a break from his study group at two in the morning to offer Designated Driver services to some of his morally ambiguous teammates. That's the only explanation that makes sense here.

Obviously, there is a Big Blue hand in all this. What better way to hurt the tide than send undercover Barner fans to infiltrate the elite forces of the Tuscaloosa P.D.? It might take years to earn the Tider's trust, but it'll be worth it. Those Auburners knew they couldn't beat Saban in a fair fight, so I guess they'll just try and bring him down from the inside. It's genius. Who here hasn't seen "The Departed?" Surely the flagship university's highly educated fanbase will piece together this nazi-esque plot. (Tuscaloosa is to Occupied France as the football team is to the Juden) Case in point:

An eye witness account (that was told to somebody who posted it on a messageboard which was then intercepted by rolltideroll.com. Good as gospel)...

Simeon and Rashad were at a club with their girlfriends. As they were all leaving Simeon and Rashad were wrestling with and trying to pull BJ and Caldwell out of a car. Simeon was pretty loud and two cops came running up and grabbed him. They cuffed him and pulled his wallet out and while Simeon was trying to tell them he was only playing. The cop with the wallet looked at the other cop and said sarcastically "should we call the coach"? The informant said the other cop stated "nah, let him find out through the newspaper." They arrested him for disorderly conduct. None of the other players or girlfriends, who were all black, wanted to talk to the cops, both white, for fear of being arrested too. So Simeon was carried off to jail and held for about four hours.

And I thought we had made so much progress as a state and a conference. These evil, racist, cartoonish Auburn sympathizing police officers have set our state back decades and should be castrated. I'm surprised Saban hasn't dropped the charges and at least fired these two rogue, barner honkies.

Next thing you know it's gonna be,

"Hey there's a Football player conversing with a white woman...here, plant this dime bag that boy's pocket...Oh, and War Eagle."

Related:

AL.com Coverage
Tidefans Messageboard Meltdown!

Mindless Morning Youtubery

Get Pumped for SEC Football - Russell Crowe Edition

Aside: Content has been lacking lately as real life has taken a front seat (shit happens). However, I do have a few things in the works, and this site should be back to its normal craptasticness on monday... after I finish a stint on the Redneck Riviera starting tomorrow (thursday).

This here is the Hotty Toddy intro before a massively huge 2003 SEC showdown at "The Vaught" between Ole Miss and LSU. Insane as it might seem now, Ole Miss comes into this game 6-0 in SEC play with a senior Eli Manning pulling the strings. LSU was a beastly one loss team with visions of crystal trophies dancing in their heads. Everything is on the line. Winner takes The SEC West and earns a spot in Atlanta. Pregame, in Vaught-Hemingway Stadium, anything is possible. And Then they play this...

Related:

- The CBS game Intro
- LSU's First Series ends with an Ole Miss TD

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah. I know Ole Miss lost this game.

Awesomely Bad SEC fans that don't happen to cheer for the Tide

Gotta Spread the Love


WTF?! Is that Horatio Sanz in drag? I mean, are you effing kidding me?

Farktastic

Via Nafoom, created by Soonerfans

TWO-FOR-ONE Bama Fan of the Week!

Since I've been out of pocket - if you will - for a few weeks, I thought it'd be nice of me to get back in the blogging mindset with A B.F.O.T.W. TWO-FOR-ONE SALE!!!




You might have seen this Bama Fan in his day job as The alcoholic, meth-headed villain on The Scooby Doo cartoons



"Coach Saban is just so FABULOUS!!!"

Breaking Ole Miss News:

The Orgeron Moves Brent Schaffa to Wide Receva



Word out of Mississippi is that Orgeron has officially given up on the former 5-Star quarterback, Brent Louisville-Slugger Schaeffer. What a long strange trip it's been for the first true freshman to start on day 1 in the SEC since Bear Bryant died.

Supposedly, Brent wanted to make the move. And in other news, Lindsey Lohan wants to go to rehab.

So let me get this straight...

- Ole Miss now has a former 4-star duel threat QB starting at tight end (Robert Lane)
- And a Former 5-Star duel threat QB at wide out (Schaffa!)
- All the while, A 3-star kid (redshirt sophomore Michael Herrick) who broke John Elway's California high school career passing record is riding the pine while we wait for him to blossom and/or hit puberty (he's got size 13 feet though)
- And a 4-star Texas transfer (Jevan Snead) who can't, by NCAA rule, hit the playing surface until fall 2008.
- Not to mention the backup running back (Bruce Hall) was a 3-star QB signee at Wake Forrest.
- Oh Yes...All of The Rebels hopes and dreams are tied to A walk-on QB that couldn't even crack the starting lineup at Delta State (Seth Adams).

That's strong...to quite strong? Eli who?

Nutt, Orgeron on The Hot Seat

So Says Some Scrote with an Excel Spreadsheet

According to the guy/girl over at CoachingHotSeat.com, Houston Nutt is #1 while Ed Orgeron is sitting at #5 on this hottest of the hot seat list.

Yeah...I'm callin' bullshit.



Any hot seat list that doesn't begin and end with Sylvester Slytanic Crooms is an Abomination. An Embarrassment. A Farce. (He's #13???) If you need a reason, just talk to any...literally any MSU fan for 5 minutes (If you can find one).

The aforementioned website predicts a 5-7 record for the Hawgs. Really? Darren McFadden's left testicle is good for at least 5 wins. When you throw in Felix Jones and the rest of the team, anything is possible.

After predicting another 4 win season for The Orgeron, he/she goes on to say,

"Memo to Pete Boone (OM AD): David Cutcliffe is a terrific football coach"

Really? really?!? Wow. That's odd. How many Head Coaching interviews/offers/opportunities has Cutcliffe been mulling over since he got canned? Most "terrific football coach" types at least get one look. Maybe "terrific quarterbacks coach" was what you were reaching for.

Then Nostradamus lays this knowledge on us:

"THE BOTTOM LINE

Ed Orgeron will be looking for a new job in December 2007."

How bout "No," Scott. As funny as you think the Coach O song is and as unintelligible as The Orgeron seems to be, there are a lot of folks sold on the talent he's bring in (read: Jevan Snead: QB, 2008) Orgeron's not going anywhere soon.

I wouldn't touch him. Seriously...He'll effin kill you.

Mindless Morning Youtubery

Tiger Woods as Carl Spackler


A Classic

Awesome SEC Fans That Don't Happen to Cheer for The Tide

He's no Nate Davis, but he does make me proud not to be a LSU fan. It seems there is a disproportionate faction of white, bald/shaved headed douchebags among the LSU faithful. If only he was also a silky smooth, thugged out DJ who works his turntable mojo at LSU Tailgates. Cause that's exactly what the SEC needs more of...

The Smartest Coaches in the SEC

#5 - Nick Saban - (Hat Tip - TIGERWALK)

Smarts ain't everything…In fact, you can go a long way without ‘em (see Dave Rowe), but they sure do help…Especially when your every move, action and word is dissected, analyzed and criticized by thousands of semi-high functioning and relatively powerful folks (the college fan) . Therefore, I put together my list of the Smartest Coaches in the SEC: Who is the best game-planner?...Who gets the most out of his talent?…Who surrounds themselves with the best and the brightest assistants?...Who knows when to hold their tongue and when to launch a well placed verbal assault.

All these factors ultimately translate into points on the scoreboard. When searching for the perfect coach, smarts can’t be ignored.

1. Steve Spurrier - South Carolina: Totally not dumb. Be it on the field, off the field or in a press conference, Spurrier is sharp as a tack. Never showing signs of weakness, he is revered for his innovative football mind and his scathing, smartass remarks. Especially when it comes to opposing schools…specifically UT and Phillip Fulmer. He may be an asshole, but he can back it up. Is there any other coach you'd rather play 18 or share a beer with? Or both. Step to this, I dare you.

2. Bobby Johnson - Vanderbilt: Johnson loses some brain power points for the taking a job at Vanderbilt when he could have held out for a school where scoring a bowl game isn’t akin to winning The Powerball. Otherwise, he's as smart as they come. He does more with less than any other coach in the SEC. He's developed some great unheralded talent (see 3 All-SEC First teamers for 2007) and made Vanderbilt that much less of a punch line. When you can beat talent-stacked Georgia in Athens, you're coaching some smart football. Sadly, I don't care if you're the Stephen Hawking of college football coaching, you're going to lose, and lose your ass at Vandy.

3. Tommy Tuberville – Auburn: Tuberville reminds me of Leo's character from Catch Me If You Can. He loves to outsmart his opponent. Throw them off with a little slight of hand and/or some trickeration. He's also smart enough to know that he can't (and doesn't really want to) do it all. He's been called a genius "CEO" because of the way that he has learned to delegates all the "busy work." He doesn't necessarily coach anything. In fact, he doesn't recruit much of anything either. He merely hires smart and sets his assistants up for success. Naturally he comes out smelling like sweet Kentucky bourbon...all while he’s getting bombed with the Mrs. on Lake Martin. Tuberville loses a few IQ points because he often times lets his ego steer the ship. Whiny public remarks and risky decisions have dotted his career, however throughout the tough times, Tuberville has remained ostensibly, slightly above board and out of the real hot water.

4. Urban Meyer - Florida: Winning a national championship doesn't automatically make you a genius (see: Cheaty Pants McSweatervest) but Urban is no slouch when it comes to football IQ. It takes a brave man to run the spread option offense, but it takes a pretty damn intelligent man to actually pull it off. Conceiving, comprehending and memorizing the spread option playbook is difficult, but teaching it and implementing it with the talent at hand is the real test. And after just one marginal season, Urban pulled it all off beautifully. Of course, it's a little easier to make great wine when you inherit land in Napa Valley. I’ve said before, recruiting NFL caliber talent to Gainesville is about as difficult as getting Katrina victims to cash FEMA checks. Oh yes…Meyer loses major points for crying and generally acting like a silly bitch when things don't go his way.

5. Nick Saban - Alabama: Don't confuse drive and charisma with brains. Nick’s certainly high functioning when it comes to X's and O's, but he never seems to learn from his mental lapses away from the field. More so than another other SEC coach, Nick allows his ego to drive the bus. (wonder why he left a great situation at LSU?) Nick seems to burn bridges at every stop. Be it with the football staff, the media, or the fans. Even so, Saban can certainly turn on the charm when needed: forced media interaction, lying, recruiting (See his cameo in The Blindside). Nick is advanced in many subjects, but he’s also remedial when it comes to sincerity, honesty and tact. While he surely views these character traits as gay and/or superfluous to coaching football, some polish might make life at The Capstone a little bit more tolerable. I for one hope he continues to be a major league dick bandit. Sure makes my “job” easier.

6. Mark Richt – Georgia: Saint Mark doesn’t get the respect he deserves. Especially after last season's craptasticness (losing to Kentucky AND Vandy). Some people seem to forget how Richt took a sleeping giant in UGA and brought it back to the verge of greatness (UGA was an afterthought in the 90's). How can I say UGA is on the verge after 2 SECs in 6 seasons? Well, ask me how many times Richt's beat Florida. um that'd be once. Look for Richt to be considered more than just “a nice guy” with “some success” if/when he reverses the Cocktail Curse. Otherwise, Mark has proven to be extremely wise in the ways of college football coaching: He’s got a great scheme, he gameplans well, and he doesn’t get caught up in dick measuring, ego b.s. that entraps so many other potentially great SEC coaches (See Tuberville and Saban). He just coaches solid ball, with all his ducks in a row, his ego in check and his fly securely zipped. Richt also wins the award for "Coach least likely to Cheat on his Wife." Just thought I'd throw that in there.

You guessed it…I wrote all that in order to justify my Dumbest Coaches In The SEC List…Numbers 7-12 should be coming soon. But don’t hold your breath.