All Name Team
A tradition unlike any other... At least since its inception, last year.
As part of the yearly pain and suffering we so fondly refer to as "the off-season," we here at DeepSouthSports will be reexamining a few very important facets of the game. Namely, wives, rednecks and, well...Names.
Today, we'll start you off with The DeepSouthSports All Name Team for the 2007 recruiting class. These are the best and the brightest names from the SEC's twelve institutions of higher learning. Of course the honor of competing for the prestigious "De'Cody Fagg Trophy for Excellence" doesn't go to just any college football player. No, you must be a 2007 signee at one of the 12 SEC member institutions. Not to mention that you must have a most outstanding Name. Yes, we know De'Cody does not attend an SEC member institution, but his name is unparalleled in the college game today.
The classes were also assigned a letter grade for overall excellence in nomenclature. Behold...
Alabama - D
Demetrius Goode - RB, Chatham, VA - Obviously, his grades weren't too goode if he was at Hargrave for a prep year. They even stole this signee from Kentucky. Poor form.
Note: A normally strong contender, Alabama mails in a shula-esque performance with the 2007 class.
Arkanasas - D
Damario Ambrose - DE - Mobile, AL - Who doesn't love Da-Mario Brothers?
Auburn - C
Quindarius Carr - WR - Huntsivlle, AL - Manfred Mann would be so proud. "Come all without...Come all within...You'll not see nothing like the Mighty Quindarius."
Lee Ziemba - OL - Rogers, AR - I think he's Ben Obamanu's cousin.
Florida - D
Maurkice Pouncey - OL - Lakeland, FL -Wow. Most creative spelling of Marcus ever. Major props to his momma. (Note: his twin brother is named Michael. Seriously. Maurkice and Michael. That's fair.)
Georgia - C+
Vince Vance - OL - Milledgeville, GA - Sweet. That's almost as intimidating as "Chazz Michael Michaels"
Kentucky - B (quantity mostly)
Kyrus Lanxter - WR - Alcoa TN - What a Wankster this guy is. Hey, that's not some creative form of "Chris" is it?
Taiedo Smith - DB - Dunnellon, FL - Perfect example of "Well, he's got a normal last name going for him...which is nice. Even so, I feel like he need to be challenged in life. I'll call him...hmmm.... 'Taiedo.'" You wouldn't want your child to ever have an easy time introducing himself. Taiedo translates roughly as "tough love."
That also goes for:
Mychal Bailey - DB - Lagrange, GA - and...
Moncell Allen - RB - Fork Union, VA
Antwane Glenn - DE - Spartanburg, SC - Come again? Did you say Ant-wayne? +1 to you my friend.
LSU - B+
Kentravis Aubrey - DE - Bastrop, LA - A little bit hip-hop, a little bit country. Perfect for The SEC.
Shomari Clemons - DB - West Monroe, LA - So good, he's making our list for the second year in a row.
T-Bob Hebert - OL - Norcross, GA - Huh? He would be a lot cooler if the "T" stood for "Thunder." As in, "Hi, I'm Thunder-Bob Hebert, but you can just call me T-Bob. Nice to meet you."
Mississippi State - A+
Mike Hunt - DB - Meadeville, MS - It doesn't get much better than this, folks. "Oh my! Mike Hunt just got plowed by the fullback..." Endless possibilities. He should be a major player for years to come.
Korentheus Baily - DT - Gainesville GA - Ah yes, "Korentheus," Greek god of Ignorance.
Jasper O'Quinn - DB - Wesson, MS - Sounds like a redheaded offensive lineman for Notre Dame, right? For some reason, there's not too many redheaded defensive backs these days. It's a shame.
Co-Eric Riley - WR - Lucedale, MS - So much unneeded pain and suffering! And I thought constantly saying "It's spelled E-R-I-K" was no fun...try, "Don't forget the hyphen, bitch!"
Ole Miss - B-
Jevan Snead - QB - Stephenville, TX - His parents were really pushing him to be a "dual-threat" quarterback. He's extremely articulate.
Fonterrian Ingram - DB - ATL, GA - It's always pretty sweet when you can just type your first name in google and stories about you are pretty much the only thing that come up. I 'd like to see you try that, asshole.
South Carolina - A
Olufemi Ajiboye - DT - Chatham, VA - Bless you.
Donte'e Nicholls - DT - Pompano Beach - If you have an apostrophe in your first name, you're automatically a badass. (much like "D'brickashaw") Getting possesive with Mr. Nicholls: "Excuse me sir, would you be so kind as to hold Donte'e's jock?"
Note: A hyphen or apostrophe in your class merits an automatic bump in letter grade.
Tennessee - B
Darnius Moore - Althlete - Tatum, TX - Yeah, it's unfortunate because Tennessee decided to pass on his twin brother "Dangius".
Note: UT was the least fun signing class with only 2 prefixes (DeAngelo and DeShaun). Lets get creative here people! Make it happen.
Vanderbilt - A-
Udom Umoh - WR - Fort Valley, GA - eh?
Tim Fugger - TE - Lombard, IL - This guy didn't catch any flack in middle school I'm sure. I just feel for Mother Fugger.
And now that you've met the nominees, "The De'Cody Fagg Trophy" goes to...
Mike Hunt (and his parents) - Miss. St - Safety - Meadeville, MS!
Congrats, Mike. You just gotta gotta play the hand you were dealt. May peace be with you.
Last year's List
Tuesday, May 8
All Name Team