Tuesday, May 8

SEC Recruiting 2007

All Name Team



A tradition unlike any other... At least since its inception, last year.

As part of the yearly pain and suffering we so fondly refer to as "the off-season," we here at DeepSouthSports will be reexamining a few very important facets of the game. Namely, wives, rednecks and, well...Names.

Today, we'll start you off with The DeepSouthSports All Name Team for the 2007 recruiting class. These are the best and the brightest names from the SEC's twelve institutions of higher learning. Of course the honor of competing for the prestigious "De'Cody Fagg Trophy for Excellence" doesn't go to just any college football player. No, you must be a 2007 signee at one of the 12 SEC member institutions. Not to mention that you must have a most outstanding Name. Yes, we know De'Cody does not attend an SEC member institution, but his name is unparalleled in the college game today.

The classes were also assigned a letter grade for overall excellence in nomenclature. Behold...


Alabama - D

Demetrius Goode - RB, Chatham, VA - Obviously, his grades weren't too goode if he was at Hargrave for a prep year. They even stole this signee from Kentucky. Poor form.

Note: A normally strong contender, Alabama mails in a shula-esque performance with the 2007 class.


Arkanasas - D

Damario Ambrose - DE - Mobile, AL - Who doesn't love Da-Mario Brothers?


Auburn - C

Quindarius Carr - WR - Huntsivlle, AL - Manfred Mann would be so proud. "Come all without...Come all within...You'll not see nothing like the Mighty Quindarius."

Lee Ziemba - OL - Rogers, AR - I think he's Ben Obamanu's cousin.


Florida - D

Maurkice Pouncey - OL - Lakeland, FL -Wow. Most creative spelling of Marcus ever. Major props to his momma. (Note: his twin brother is named Michael. Seriously. Maurkice and Michael. That's fair.)


Georgia - C+

Vince Vance - OL - Milledgeville, GA - Sweet. That's almost as intimidating as "Chazz Michael Michaels"



Kentucky - B (quantity mostly)

Kyrus Lanxter - WR - Alcoa TN - What a Wankster this guy is. Hey, that's not some creative form of "Chris" is it?

Taiedo Smith - DB - Dunnellon, FL - Perfect example of "Well, he's got a normal last name going for him...which is nice. Even so, I feel like he need to be challenged in life. I'll call him...hmmm.... 'Taiedo.'" You wouldn't want your child to ever have an easy time introducing himself. Taiedo translates roughly as "tough love."

That also goes for:

Mychal Bailey - DB - Lagrange, GA - and...

Moncell Allen - RB - Fork Union, VA

Antwane Glenn - DE - Spartanburg, SC - Come again? Did you say Ant-wayne? +1 to you my friend.


LSU - B+

Kentravis Aubrey - DE - Bastrop, LA - A little bit hip-hop, a little bit country. Perfect for The SEC.

Shomari Clemons - DB - West Monroe, LA - So good, he's making our list for the second year in a row.

T-Bob Hebert - OL - Norcross, GA - Huh? He would be a lot cooler if the "T" stood for "Thunder." As in, "Hi, I'm Thunder-Bob Hebert, but you can just call me T-Bob. Nice to meet you."


Mississippi State - A+

Mike Hunt - DB - Meadeville, MS - It doesn't get much better than this, folks. "Oh my! Mike Hunt just got plowed by the fullback..." Endless possibilities. He should be a major player for years to come.

Korentheus Baily - DT - Gainesville GA - Ah yes, "Korentheus," Greek god of Ignorance.

Jasper O'Quinn - DB - Wesson, MS - Sounds like a redheaded offensive lineman for Notre Dame, right? For some reason, there's not too many redheaded defensive backs these days. It's a shame.

Co-Eric Riley - WR - Lucedale, MS - So much unneeded pain and suffering! And I thought constantly saying "It's spelled E-R-I-K" was no fun...try, "Don't forget the hyphen, bitch!"


Ole Miss - B-

Jevan Snead - QB - Stephenville, TX - His parents were really pushing him to be a "dual-threat" quarterback. He's extremely articulate.

Fonterrian Ingram - DB - ATL, GA - It's always pretty sweet when you can just type your first name in google and stories about you are pretty much the only thing that come up. I 'd like to see you try that, asshole.


South Carolina - A

Olufemi Ajiboye - DT - Chatham, VA - Bless you.

Donte'e Nicholls - DT - Pompano Beach - If you have an apostrophe in your first name, you're automatically a badass. (much like "D'brickashaw") Getting possesive with Mr. Nicholls: "Excuse me sir, would you be so kind as to hold Donte'e's jock?"

Note: A hyphen or apostrophe in your class merits an automatic bump in letter grade.


Tennessee - B

Darnius Moore - Althlete - Tatum, TX - Yeah, it's unfortunate because Tennessee decided to pass on his twin brother "Dangius".

Note: UT was the least fun signing class with only 2 prefixes (DeAngelo and DeShaun). Lets get creative here people! Make it happen.


Vanderbilt - A-

Udom Umoh - WR - Fort Valley, GA - eh?

Tim Fugger - TE - Lombard, IL - This guy didn't catch any flack in middle school I'm sure. I just feel for Mother Fugger.


And now that you've met the nominees, "The De'Cody Fagg Trophy" goes to...



Mike Hunt (and his parents) - Miss. St - Safety - Meadeville, MS!

Congrats, Mike. You just gotta gotta play the hand you were dealt. May peace be with you.

Last year's List

23 comments:

  1. There's no y in Milledgeville. A Deep South Sports blog should never misspell the former capitol of the great state of Georgia.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you, officer. You're right, and It won't happen again.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Or you could say:
    Korentheus "Leather" Baily.

    Co-Eric Riley: So who is the other co-Eric?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nice. I like where your head's at, K.P.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Here is a heads up on a player sure to make next year's list:

    Yourhighness Morgan - Bushnell (FL) South Sumter linebacker

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous Cajun3:40 PM, May 08, 2007

    Ok, seriously, the "Cajun Cannon" himself Bobby Hebert named his kid T-Bob? One too many hits to the head when playing for the saints apparently. What is the world coming to?

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm just so so proud... I can't contain myself :-)

    ReplyDelete
  8. For Mississippi State, how could you not catch Jazzmen Guy? It's a Different World where he come from.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Miss. St already had Four badass names. Don't get greedy. That's just and embarrassment of riches for Coach Crooms.

    Jazzman Guy is nice, but I prefer a black guy named "Jasper O'Quinn"

    ReplyDelete
  10. It seems strange that to be eligible for the "De'Cody Fagg Trophy for Excellence" you have to go to an SEC school, even though Fagg himself went to Florida State.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yes, Jeff. While this is an SEC blog, and De'Cody did not attend an SEC Member institution, I can think of no better representative of the kind of excellence we are striving for than Mr. Fagg.

    ReplyDelete
  12. There's just something about Mike Hunt. I can't seem to put my finger on it, but I'll keep trying.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Too bad Mike Hunt can't marry Mr Fugger and be Mike Hunt Fugger.

    ReplyDelete
  14. A couple of years ago I coached a church league basketball team with a player on it named Mike Hunt. Because it was a church league we were not able to utter these phrases in good conscience.

    Oh no! Mike Hunt is bleeding.

    Get it down low to Mike Hunt

    Mike Hunt is sweating. Somebody else go in and give him a breather.

    Someone box out Mike Hunt

    ReplyDelete
  15. Likewise, Lee Z. is from Rogers, AR, not Rodgers.

    Spellink iz an advanced skill.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Good find, Anon. Corrected.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I think the De'Cody Fagg trophy should be renamed.

    De'Cody Fagg is a good one (with the Hyphen and all), but no where near as legendary as former FSU receiver Craphonso Thorpe.

    Craphonso? hmmmmmmmmm. maybe appropriate if you are just pulling a name out of you a$$.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Still think I-Perfection Harris is the best name of all time. Even got SI's name of the year.

    Here's the linky
    http://ramblinwreck.cstv.com/sports/m-footbl/mtt/harris_iperfection00.html

    ReplyDelete
  19. He is an all-star. I heard somewhere that his brother's name is "I-Supreme," but maybe I made that up.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Eastern Illinois linebacker- Lucious Pusey.

    http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/player/profile?playerId=148900

    ReplyDelete
  21. I love that one. It's almost as if Lucious' Mom just said, "F$%# it"

    ReplyDelete
  22. I can't believe you went the easy way with Mike Hunt, Bart Simpson was calling Moe with Mike Hunt jokes 15 years ago. Are there no points for originality???? Any parent with could just phone in that name. I mean, YES "Mike Hunt" is a "Classic" but it should be more of a lifetime achievement thing, not an annual winner. You probably still laugh at the old knock knock jokes too.

    ReplyDelete
  23. And the problem with that is?

    Those are great ideas. You should start a site.

    ReplyDelete