Who's the Freshman?

Shots from Ole Miss Two-A-Days

courtesy of the fine photographer at Rebelsports.net


One of these massive gentlemen is a true-freshman OT hopeful while the other is a senior, first team All-SEC OT. Who's who? No cheating, a-hole.




Greg Hardy (86) motions as if to say, "Come hither, young quarterback...for this day, I dine on your soul!" In the background, Jerrell Powe (57) looks on as if to say, "Note to self: I heart Twinkies."



"Wonder what would happen if I ate my mouthpiece?"



Many douchebag cajuns seem to be taken aback by the supposed homoeroticism of the simulated QB/Center exchange prominently displayed on the cover of the SI CFB preview. WTF? Cause LSU fans are so manly and all...


I guess you could call that "manly," in a way

Serious College Football Analysis: SEC Championship

A little Ole Miss love at the SEC Championship game. Thanks, Tider [Credit: Jason, the sign's author]


How Florida Wins:

• Challenge Bama's weak link secondary; throw deep, intermediate, often
• Off tackle rushing game
• Screens
• Win the turnovers

How Bama Wins:

• Old school grind it out football. Marathon, not a sprint mentality on offense
• Stop the run and force turnovers. Disciplined D - Don't give up big plays
  
• JPW has to step up at some point and win the game

Enough of that football talk, check out these classy Bama fans courtesy of TheWizardofOdds:



One of the famed "Houndstooth Twins" working "the strip" for that ticket



PSA: this kid scares the crap out of me



"Hey, could you not take a picture of my cigarette...I don't wanna nobody thinkin' I'm trashy"



Note to self: Start making really retarded tee-shirts. Sell them in Tuscaloosa.


"play some Skynard!!!"

Bama Fan of the Week - Jackpot

What is with kickass rednecks lately?

Smokin' indoors, drink beer, gettin effed up, havin' awesome hair, listening to some metal tunes and talkin' Crimson Tide football.

Damn right. Generally livin' the dream. RTR!

[warning: foul language and general neckery]

Sleeveless in Sylacauga?

It seems Jamezzz ain't the only drunk and lonely Tider crying out for attention on a Saturday night. NoShame's actually got some stiff competition here. No, this self proclaimed "cowboy" ain't from Sylacuaga...He's actually from Tennessee (but he don't like no orange). He's a lifetime Tider that's "only been watchin' Bama for a while." I'm torn...

[warning: profanity laced with excessive facial hair]




Who's wins this Neck-off? I put it to a vote on your right.

[nafoom]

Fear and Loathing in Tuscaloosa

My short and sweet photo essay of gameday at the capstone. What an untapped cornicopia of Bama-Fan-of-the-Week awesomeness...




this guys fanhood is bigger than yours




I guess "RTRMFER" was already taken.




we had the pleasure of joining the proletariat in the upper deck




After a trip to Tuscaloosa, creating "smack shirts" is my new life goal. Apparently there's is a huge market for these things. They're like big, sweaty pseudo-offensive greeting cards, but without the wittiness and/or intentional comedy. Seems that one can say whatever dumb shit one wants, as long as it's bold and cap-locked, asshole. Why sit silently and be thought retarded when your tee shirt can remove all doubt?




(why am I suddenly hearing the opening cords of "Gimmie Three Steps" in my head?) Hell effing yes! Keep on rockin' in the free world, brother. (looks like Kid Rock's portly brother actually) Not only is he sporting the most kickass baseball cap known to man, but he's got the Tuscaloosa waterfall to match. Major credit.




The view from my seats...seriously, I didn't even have to move, just turnaround. (Last row, endzone, baby...that's how we roll) Ah Tutwiler, the girls dorm with so many endearing nicknames. "13 Floors of... Totally Not Promiscuous Young Ladies."




Nothing says crimson stud like a camo team hat, a custom lanyard, a never-scared beard, complete with a pony tail holder.




RTR indeed...would have given more credit if it said "2"




Bear would be so proud

Throughout this glorious Saturday, I realized a thing or two. Going to an Alabama game in Tuscaloosa is like having a party at your house and inviting your friends, plus every Stuckey's, Flying J, Waffle House and Hardee's employee between Bossier City and Valdosta. I'll leave you with this...



Nice tube socks [credit: Heath at AverageSouthernJoes] I love how these fine gentlemen say Ole Miss is the best team Bama's gonna face the rest of the season, then they call for a 24 point victory. "Nick Saban vs. God...who ya got?... Da Tahd."

[More Bama/Ole Miss Photo Coverage from Friends of the Program]

BIG XII Euro Style Futbol Conference: It's Floptastic!

What a bunch of Titty Babies

You know, everybody seems to talk about all the quarterback talent in the Big XII, but they some how gloss over the high quality sandy vaginas that practices their floppery in the southwestern region. Screw "The Red River Shootout." Try "Steers and Queers."

And John Wayne rolls over in his grave.

Pictures and video to come, i'm sure.

edited to add: [others who feel the same]

Wherefore Art Thou, Julio?

VS

Surely there's been a mother effing mistake. From SECSports.com...

SEC FRESHMAN OF THE WEEK

BRANDON BOLDEN
Running Back
OLE MISS
5-11 • 215
Baton Rouge, La. (Scotlandville Magnet)

Bolden led Ole Miss with 76 yards rushing on eight carries in the Rebels’ 41-24 win against Memphis.

He added a 10-yard touchdown run in the fourth quarter giving the Rebels a 41-17 lead.

Bolden also threw a 37-yard halfback pass to quarterback Jevan Snead that helped set up a Rebel field goal in the second quarter.

WTFYMFAF!!?! Wait...Is "Brandon Bolden" some pseudo name for The Julio? Cause the only "Brandon Bolden" I know of was some non-dreamy three-star "athlete." What could he possibly know about outstandingness?

What is this Brandon's vertical? Where are his erotic preseason photographs? Has Brandon ever testified at a murder trial? Has Mr. Bolden ever even been accused of owning an Escalade, much less driven one? I think Not. Fact is, nobody touches themselves when they think of "Brandon Bolden." He doesn't even have a gosh damn face, while Julio is the face of all things classy and traditional.

These types of things need be taken into consideration for some stupid award such as "SEC Freshman of the Week."



Julio Jones: The People's Freshman of the Week

I'm Embarrassed for this Tool

"Welcome to Mississippi State, Freshmen! Sit back and relax as this motivational douche bag teaches you, in the most annoyingly white way possible, about our rich tradition of straight thuggery..."



[sixpackspeak]

How Does the Cream of the LSU Fanbase Tailgate the Summer Away?

Note to Self: Cancel vacation to Lake Maurepas, Louisiana then punch thyself in the face. Damn, this video gives me the willies. Nice mullet, Mom and equally excellent parenting. Also, who's the horn-dog creepster-trash working the camera? Hell. I wonder what the urine content of the water is near that sand bar. At least they're "keepin' it real" with the LSU flavored Rebel Battle Flag.

Congrats on your life, a-holes.

What Do Bama Fans Have That Auburn Fans Don't?

On the left, you'll see a boring white, understated Auburn truck, but on the right, you can't help but notice a kick-ass, semi-professionally air-brushed Tider truck. Even so, what really separates the Auburn man from the Alabama man? (Lets look a little closer...)



Yeah, That's Right (click to enlarge)

Balls. Bama fans have balls. And they're more than happy to share them with you on I-65...in a classy, traditional way, of course. The ole slippery scarlet scrotum trick. Good One, Tider. Would you expect anything less from a fan with 12 National Championships? Thank you, Anonymous Bama Fan...I'd follow you anywhere. It is, in fact, "Time ^^^ To Roll!"


This, my fellow Americans, is why you should always be ready to snap candid pictures of SEC wildlife at a moment's notice. My wife actually captured these amazing images on I-65 in Birmingham on our return from the beach. I've heard rumors of other SEC fanbases with similar awesomeness, but for some reason, I only have eyes for The Tide. If you've got something of merit, please, don't hesitate to share! By gawd, we'll make it through this summer somehow. (crappy Farks need not apply)

Bama Fan of the Week

more bad news for Tider Nation

I was out last week, so consider this payback. Bless you, Matt for bestowing upon us this unbelievably predicable true life Bammer story. That's right! Another Crimson brother in trouble with the Po-lice. This from the Mobile Press-Register:

Robbery suspect leaves license
Thursday, June 12, 2008

Staff Report Authorities say a man who stole money Tuesday from a Grand Bay convenience store left behind some incriminating evidence — his drivers license.

Kenneth Lane Holliday gave a clerk at the Korner Quick Stop on Old Pascagoula Road his license in order to turn on the gasoline pump and get gasoline at about 8 p.m., Mobile County Sheriff's Office spokeswoman Kate Johnson said in a news release. A few minutes later, he came back in the store with a handgun and demanded money from the clerk. He took the money, Johnson said, but left behind his Alabama drivers license.

Johnson said Holliday fled the store in an unidentified vehicle. He was last seen driving east on Old Pascagoula Road, she said.

Holliday is described as a 50-year-old white male, 5 feet 9 inches tall, weighing 170 pounds, with blue eyes and blond hair. He was wearing a red University of Alabama T-shirt during the robbery. (RTR!!!!) Johnson said the clerk was able to identify Holliday because he frequents the gas station and "is on a first-name basis with the clerk."

Anyone with information should call the Mobile County Sheriff's Office at 574-8633.

[al.com]

You know what they say about the best laid plans...Not exactly Jessie James are we, Kenneth? In fact, it's been a pretty rough week all together for Tider Kenneths in LA (lower Alabama).

Hmmm, come to think of it..."White male in his 50s , 5 feet 9 inches tall, weighing 170 pounds, with blue eyes and blond hair." If only he was shitfaced, then It might be another Alabama QB from the 70s. Or, slightly more likely... just another methed out, "friend of the University" asshole. We're ate up with em in these parts.

Eff Dale's...Grill Your Steak Like A Man

How to Avoid Tailgating Douchebaggery

It has recently been brought to my attention that many men are still ruining perfectly good steaks with so called "marinades" (we're not in college anymore kids, well...at least I'm not). If you're grilling anything better than than a top sirloin from Wal-Mart, you shant be "marinating" in the typical 18 year old frat boy style. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there's a time and place for the dishonest "Dale's" types marinades of the world, just not in my home. As for me and my house, we will serve the beef. Straight up. Kinda...

Personally, give me an inch-and-a-half cut ribeye from a reputable butcher or high end grocery store (It's not like you do this every week, so who give a crap if you drop $15-20 on the best steak of your damn life?). I like to get my steaks to room temperate, so leave them covered and out of the fridge for an hour or two before cooking, if possible. First, rub in just enough extra virgin to cover the thing. After 15-20 minutes, I apply a generous layer of sea salt. When I say generous, I damn near coat the sumabitch, then I work it into the meat a little bit by hand. ("They" say you don't get all the sodium intake after grilling, and I want to believe that) My goal with all the salt is to create a crusty, salt infused layer. Then I add a less generous layer of cracked black pepper. Much less pepper than salt, howevermake it pretty obvious. That's about it for the "marinade"

As far as the grilling...I get that charcoal (don't even talk to me about "gas") as hot as it will go (preferably 500+) and sear the shit out of 'em, 1 minute per side. Then the tough part: remove the steaks from the grill and let them sit at room temperature for 15-20 minutes. Just try it...it makes the meat oh so tender (especially with lesser cuts). Then, I cook at mediumish heat for 4-8 minutes a side depending on thickness. (note: I like 'em rare as possible within the bounds of safety, of course) Remove the steak from the grill (without puncturing the damn thing) and allow it to sit at room temp for another few minutes before molestation. That's pretty much it. That's my recipe for pure salty, steak respecting goodness. None of this soy flavored shenanigans.

What Does it Take to Fire a Bama Legend?

What an effing embarrassment. Kenny "The Drunk" Stabler earns his 3rd DUI in 13 years:

Kenny Stabler, former football star for the University of Alabama and the Oakland Raiders, was arrested on a charge of driving under the influence early Sunday in Robertsdale.

Around 1 a.m. Sunday, Stabler was pulled over for a traffic offense on Alabama 59 and charged with a DUI, said Brian Middleton, assistant chief of police for the Robertsdale Police Department.

Stabler spent the night in jail and was released on bond 12 hours after the arrest, Middleton said. His bond had been set at $1,000.

Prior to Sunday's arrest, Stabler had been charged with DUI on at least two previous occasions. In 2001, he pleaded guilty to drunken driving after being arrested in Orange Beach. Stabler entered that plea as part of a deal whereby the police dropped drug and reckless driving charges. Also, in 1995, the former quarterback pleaded no contest to a DUI charge in Escambia County, Fla.

A class act, that Kenny. What is the deal with UAT's "legendary" honkey quarterbacks? I'm pretty sure if you look up "dirtbag" in the dictionary you'd see a picture of "The Snake" Stabler (see also: "I wanna kiss you"). How dysfunctional do you have to be at sixty-three-gosh-damn-years-of-age to rack up your third shitfaced moving violation (or SMV) since you qualified for membership in the AARP?

This asshat needs help. Mental and emotional assistance. He certainly doesn't need to be an on-air role model for the rest of our great state's drunken rednecks...reliving old Pell City High School badassery and driving the streets near me at 1am on a Sunday.

In many states, multiple DUIs in a 5-7 year period constitute a felony. That makes things a tad bit harder to find a job, much less keep one. This begs the question, what does it take for a legendary ole drunk to get fired from his/her obnoxious color-man gig at UAT? (Paging Jay Barker) And how many times did this college and NFL legend have to drive drunk and get pulled over in the last fifteen years before he got hauled in on three extremely separate occasions? He's practically a god on the gulf coast. ("it's them sumabitch Barner cops again")

If The University of Alabama does not sever its business ties with such an obvious, potentially felonious cancer such as Kenny Stabler, then it will do nothing less than perpetuate the already rock solid insinuation that The University of BAMA is the poster child for the morally and ethically ass-backward, good-ole-boy Deep South.

Free The Snake...again. And RTR!!!

Everybody Hates Nick, But Why?

[LWS, i'm sure]

Damn I'm a slack ass lately, eh? It's hard out here for a college football blog in May. That's what a wonderful four day weekend in The Shoals will do for you. (best local joke: "If Helen Keller fell down in the woods, would she make a sound?") Anyway, I thought, maybe today I'll get back to writing and some light, friendly smack.

Making fun of Nick Saban is somewhat of a cottage industry in SEC Country. Nick Saban is a stereotype. He's "little man" personified. He a glorified P.E. teacher, but in his mind he's better/more important than all of us (yes, even Kige). He's clearly smarter than us, and he certainly talks down to us ("relative to"..my ass!). He blames his coaching shortcomings on the character of somebody else's recruits, but when his former recruits achieve great things like at LSU, well of course that was all him. When the media questions his actions (as they should) he belittles them or threatens to take his toys and leave. He treats the Alumni and "friends of the university" like unruly toddlers, and they seem to lap it up because they're so desperate to be "back." (They all hopped up on tha Hopium! ...Trust me, I understand being overly involved in college football, but damn...just, damn) And he's not even the highest paid coach in the SEC anymore (really, Leslie Miles is)... Not to even bring up all the recent arrests...All these things make it really fun to see him fail!

Is anybody scared of Nick Saban? I sure hope not. He's really just an average football coach. Don't get me wrong...He recruits like no other, but his average coaching instincts, ego and lack of respect for anyone around him is a molotov cocktail of entertaining disaster! Damn, it's a good time to be a college football fan in this state.

Classy Bama Tee Shirt Central

It seems the "Got Recruits?" tee has opened up a veritable Pandora's box of high quality UAT apparel. I have to thank reader Jonathan for directing my attention to the "Roll Tide" cafepress store that promotes all things awesome and crimson. I'm fairly certain that these outstanding tee-shirt ideas are not the brain-child of a singular tider (one man's brain could never conceive of such greatness), but the pooled creativity and wit of an entire fanbase. (Yes, these are all REAL Bama tee-shirts, ready to ship for $20) Enjoy...


Uncle Rico shares your pride in this 27 year old accomplishment.



This classic even comes in a fun little tote bag. Not sure you can really say that "The Tide Turned" though. Doesn't the tide turning involve some sort of change, one way or the other? Does going from 6-6 with Shula to 6-6 with Saban constitute a change? Two straight Indy bowls? Maybe something more along the lines of "The Tide Stagnated"?




Ok, that's disturbing. And dumb. Does Meth give you bloody urine? You could wear this shirt, or...or you could just scribble "Registered Sex Offender" on your forehead.


I "fear the process" of dumbing down America's rednecks. Who's gonna tile my effin' bathroom? If I see anybody wearing this shirt they are going to be the recipient of a well deserved swift kick to the crotch in a valiant attempt to damage their evil reproductive organs. Fair warning.


Last, but not least...




Enlarged:

Click here to read the totally relevant and inspirational Roll Tide Bible verse that's printed on the back...just above the hardy RTR!! which is appropriately written in the Lord's blood. (God's a Tider)

It's perfect. Except for the sleeves...gotta lose the sleeves.


[get yours today: 176 awesome, witty, classy tees to choose from]

LSU Fan of the Week

This may not be the buckstached OSU fan tugging it in the public library...or the Michigan fan "starring" on To Catch a Predator...or even the Vol fan caught robbing a bank with toddler in tow, but it's definitely something...







notice gun in hand as he hops the counter to get that meth money!

MOBILE, Ala. -- The Mobile County Sheriff's Office is seeking information on the whereabouts of a man wanted for Robbery First Degree.

At approximately 3:00 a.m., last Thursday, an unknown subject entered the GMart Shell Station at 6960 Theodore Dawes Road, brandished a handgun and demanded money from the clerk. After the subject obtained an undetermined amount of cash, he fled the scene on foot towards Sperry Road.

The subject is described as a white male in his mid 30’s, approximately 6’1’’ weighing 180 pounds, and was last seen wearing khaki cargo shorts and a purple Louisiana State University sweatshirt.

[myfoxgulfcoast via wpman1 on rebelsports]

We've always known that LSU had the most "interesting" fanbase in the SEC, but I'd dare say that a certain segment of LSU fans are among the most horrendous athletic supporters on the planet.

Some LSU fans i've met are great (read: older, surviving LSU fans) however a ton of these young sidewalk types scare the ever living shit out of me! There's not a decent bone in their bodies. It's like they were born and raised literally on Bourbon street by ravenous wildebeests. Brought up on a steady diet of death metal, tatoo ink and methamphetamine. Like southern skinheaded vagabonds, these's zombies roam the streets of Louisana, seeking out innocent, unsuspecting flesh. You think I'm kidding? While I've never attended a game in Red Stick, for obvious reasons, every game I've attended that's involved LSU (whether it be a Sugar Bowl in New Orleans, Oxford or Auburn) I have nightmarish memories of these so called "fans." It's kinda like...you ever seen 28 Weeks Later?

Just watch it...then you'll know what it's like when "infected" LSU people take over your town.


This guy asked some locals for directions to Tiger Stadium

Worst. Spring Game. Ever.

reception...interception...who's counting?

It looks like the Mississippi State spring game got Croomed. After 48 minutes of play, the meager "crowd" of 5,000 rednecks in attendance were treated to a barn burning 0-0 in the Stark-bowl. That's right, Croom's spring game actually had to go to overtime to get the win against its self. Somehow, I wouldn't expect any less from this crackerjack group of a-holes.

After 5 interceptions and over 50 minutes of play, some nameless, faceless State "quarterback" finally connected with one of the "good guys" for a 25 yard TD:

About a half-hour later, out strolled McCorvey (State's 5th year O.C. who was crying for the first 25 minutes), who stressed that the offense's lackluster Saturday performance shouldn't overshadow strides he claims have been made in the five weeks prior.

"We made a lot of progress," McCorvey said. "It's not evident out there today because we had some quarterback-center exchanges and had the interceptions and all, but overall this spring I felt like we made a lot of progress. We came a long way."

[clarionledger via thewizardofodds]

Riiight. "Showing progress is not what we're about here at Mississippi State...Fan support, offensive production and earning one's pay checks...these are not things that concern us." I just had to translate that for you.

How the hell this douche nozzle McCorvey has maintained a coordinator job in the SEC for 5 effin years without even one...one mediocre season of offensive output is...well mindbottling.

Of course, State folk would say, "That just means our defense is kickass, man."

No. Your defense may be your saving grace again this season (despite the loss of several key cogs), but if your scrote lickin' offense can't even so much as put up a field goal in 48 minutes of the "Don't hit my no-talent quarterback!" spring scrimmage, it's gonna be a looong freakin' year.

Oh yeah...As much as crappy offense and pathetic, effeminate quarterbacks are a staple at MSU, Starkganistan's biggest tradition has always been felonious thuggery. As a continuance of Croom's recruits and their stellar record of cop beatdowns and signing scholarships from jail, this thuggish-ruggish episode involves alleged on campus handguns and drive-bys!

A Thursday night shooting incident at Zacharias Village, a group of four relatively new dormitories on the campus' north side, left senior left tackle Mike Brown, the anchor of the team's offensive line, dismissed from school and the team.

Same for Quinton Wesley, who was expected to compete for a starting job at defensive tackle.

Brown, 21, is charged with possession of a firearm on school property, a felony. Wesley, 21, is charged with aggravated assault after he allegedly fired on another vehicle at the dormitory.

MSU police chief Georgia Lindley said the investigation continues and that it's possible more charges will result.

[clarionledger ]

you can take the dawg out tha hood...

Barker and Evans Try for Sloppy Seconds

Recently divorced Country music star (some might say MILF), Sara Evans and Birmingham's own recently divorced super-Christian tider idol/moring radio host, Jay Barker are betrothed to one another!!!! Yeah, Eileen Finan of People Magazine says these two recently divorced kids (with 7 kids between them) appear to be engaged...

A friend of the country singer confirms to PEOPLE that Evans and Jay Barker, a former football star at the University of Alabama who now hosts a sports radio show in Birmingham, are an item. "They are dating," the friend tells PEOPLE.

Evans, who turns 37 on Tuesday and whose divorce from Craig Schelske was finalized in September, appeared as an in-studio guest on Barker's show, "The Opening Drive" on WJOX, the day after Thanksgiving.

"They had been dating for a while, but she hadn't been on the show until then," a friend of Barker's says. "That was the announcement that they were together." Evans (who proudly wore a red Alabama T-shirt to a recent PEOPLE photo shoot) has called in to the show a few times since, and Barker has accompanied Evans on some of her tour dates.

Wait just one G.D. minute, ya dumb People bitch. "a red Alabama T-shirt"?! THE Color is Crimson. Sara bleeds Crimson now....Yankee skank. (First the Tuscaloosa PD and now People Magazine?)

Anyway, it should be interesting to see how this plays out. Why do you think these two recent divorcees were so quick to jump back in the commitment saddle? My guess, well, it's hard to really blame Jay Barker..."NO, I WILL NOT MARRY YOU...YOU ATTRACTIVE, RICH AND FAMOUS COUNTRY MUSIC LADY." As far as Sara goes, maybe Jay's monk like morals are making her a little crazy in the head. (does the whole "true love waits" thing apply to a second marriage?)

I don't know for certain that Jay is as pure as a Catholic priest like he purports to be on air, and exactly why his marriage ended (heard it was his wife's "personal trainer") we'll probably never know, but these skeletons in Sara's closet might be worth hashing out before the big day:

Divorce documents filed in Williamson County, Tennessee by Evans' estranged husband, Craig Schelske, accuse the singer of having close to a dozen affairs. The list includes singer/songwriter Richard Marx, country star Kenny Chesney, Dancing with the Stars partner Tony Dovolani, and the members of the rock band 3 Doors Down.

Yeesh. WTF? Richard Effing Marx? Really?? Of 1988's "Hold on to The Nights" fame? And Kenny Chesney? The biggest little poser douche in fake country? and the members (with a "s") of 3 Doors Down??? Wow.

What, did Michael Bolton pass on you, Sara? Was Kenny G busy that night? Did The Rascal Flatts gang-bang fall through? Obviously these are alleged allegations from her angry Ex, but even so, that's one hell of a random list and might merit a mention over milk and cookies with J-bone.

Edit: Whoops. The article I linked didn't have anything to do with their engagement. Here's that article.

How Bad Did Ole Miss Need a Back-Up QB?

Apparently Eli put a NOLA-style voodoo curse on the Ole Miss Rebel quarterback slot. After the youngest Manning left for the NFL, it's been one huge embarrassing failure after another.

The latest mark against the Ole Miss quarterbacking fraternity, is potential backup hopeful, Jared Foster, formerly of Gulf Coast C.C.:

The Clarion-Ledger of Jackson reported Foster's arrest Monday on its Web site. The school announced that Foster was off the team in a one-sentence release but did not say why.

"It's a shame," Ole Miss coach Houston Nutt told the Clarion-Ledger. "But we're trying to build a football program and that's stuff we can't tolerate."

[espn via The Clarion Ledger]

Not only is Jared Foster the Illegal Steroids Club for Men president, but he's clearly also a client

One very fitting quote from a recent recruiting article on young Jared from Rebelsports.net:

One coach Foster wants to begin spending time with as soon as he passes his physical is the Rebels new strength and conditioning coach, Don Decker.

"Coach Decker has trained players like Darren MacFadden and has made a difference and he'll make a difference at Ole Miss."

[Rebelsports.net]

Today Don Decker was quoted as saying, "WTF?! That dumb boy better leave my name out of this #$%&! This Ain't No BALCO, Son! You ain't Rodger Clemens, and I certainly ain't gonna be no Brian McNamee! Huh? Nobody cares? Cool."

[HT: DailyFootballFix]


Ole Miss Quarterbacks In The Wake of Eli: A Tragedy of Errors...

2004 (Record: 4-7 with wins over Vandy, Arkansas State, South Carolina and MSU):

Michael Spurlock - This much hyped "Mike Vick Clone," seemed to shat the bed on demand on his way to passing for 1,709 yards on 142-of-267 completions with seven touchdowns and nine interceptions and two rushing touchdowns in two seasons. Did I mention he couldn't see over the offensive line? (5' 10" in heels) That led to the emergence of...

Ethan Flatt was the complete opposite of Spurlock (except when it came to winning...they were much the same in that catagory): A flat footed, skin-and-bones, legit 6 '5" honky. Ethan may have been able to see the field with ease, but unfortunately he had the savvy of a Britney Spears and the arm strength of Stephen Hawking. However, Flatt did account for Ole Miss' last SEC road win at South Carolina. (yeah, you read right: last SEC road W, in 2004) And the third piece of the '04 "three headed QB monster" is...

Robert Lane - This highly regarded, duel-threat quarterback was often viewed as the "heir apparent" to Eli when he set foot on campus in 2003. And to his credit, he had some early Tim Tebow-esque moments on the playing field (If Tim Tebow happened to not be able to pass worth a damn...which if usually frowned upon in quarterback circles) As is standard operating procedure, Lane was swiftly converted to tight end and never heard from again.

Off Season: Head Coach David Cutcliffe gets fired; Enter crazed Shimp-Boat Captian Orgeron of the S.S. Failure. Recruits: Billy Tapp - Late, late "find." Other offer(s) for Tapp - Columbia (yeah, of the Ivy League...a football powerhouse). Orgeron says pre-season that he's gonna feature Spurlock and Lane in "The USC Offense." Meaning "Southern Cal" (preemptive, "pssssssffffff!").

2005 (3-8 with wins over Memphis, The Citadel and Kentucky):

The Same 3 deadly QBs as above battled it out with an even worse result under a first year Orgeron.

Off Season: Offensive Coordinator Noel Mazzone gets the axe in an extremely messy divorce (supposed fisticuffs!), and retread Miami OC, Dan Werner hired. Recruits: Brent Schaeffer - Ah, Brent. A highly regarded duel-threat quarterback that Orgeron hung his career on. Michael Herrick - 6'1", 175 lbs quarterback (but he's got big feet) from California with zero other offers. Sweet backup plan. Ethan Flatt leaves Ole Miss with a year of eligibility still on the table, if that tells you anything. For depth, Orgeron signs a few walk-ons out of desperation. One of them being the great Delta State/Hinds Community College "a walk-on to remember," Seth Adams.

2006 (4-8 with wins over Memphis, Vandy, Northwestern State, and MSU) :

Brent Schaeffer - Because Brent is not smart, the transfer didn't make it to campus until pre game warm ups of the Memphis game. Amazingly enough, the savior of the Orgeron Era rattled off 47 % passing with 9 TDs to 10 INTs in 2006 and basically lost his starting job by season's end. Who's next???...Lil' Herrick???

Off Season: Orgeron, realizing that Schaeffer sucked ball, turns to completely unproven former walk-on Seth Adams. Pre-season, he named Seth the starter over poor, misguided Schaeffer. Orgeron pulls a huge pseudo-victory in recruiting by getting highly regarded, duel-threat quarterback (seeing a pattern?) , Jevan Snead to transfer from Texas to Oxford. Unfortunately for all involved, Jevan has to sit out a year (especially, in hindsight, for The Orgeron)

2007 (3-9 with wins over Memphis, Northwestern State and La Tech):

Seth Adams - He actually looks like a somewhat serviceable quarterback for a few games (relative to the previous assholes), but Ole Miss still didn't win anything. Then, like a flash, he started to suck balls, (even by The Rebs lowered standards) and slang interceptions like they was crack rock! Back to the same ole, Ole Miss post-Eli era.

For the rest of the season, Seth goes on to split time with the underwhelming superstar, Schaeffer until they both mercifully ran out of eligibility. [There is some speculation that Schaeffers' talents (running and what not) were wasted by forcing him into a pocket-passer, pro style offense. In the end, what does it really matter? At least 4 years of Ole Miss fans lives were wasted in search of a real quarterback]

Off Season: Ed Orgeron is fired, largely for failing to produce a quarterback/offense that could compete in the SEC. Michael Herrick decided to take his big feet to I-AA football at Northern Arizona, leaving Ole Miss with one real scholarship QB (Snead) and then Billy Tapp (remember the Ivy League-esque stud?). Houston Nutt is hired and charged with righting all of Orgeron's wrongs. A big piece of the puzzle has to be...

2008 (???):



Is this the year when Jevan Snead leads Ole Miss out of the cellar and above .500? Is Jevan the highly regarded, duel-threat quarterback Ole Miss has been waiting for? I sure as hell hope so.