Tebow vs. Berry
Eric Berry might have won this battle, but I'd like to see Eric circumcise young native boys. (Plus, Tebow did win the game quite handily) Oh yeah, and Tebow earns a "99" on NCAA Football (to Berry's "94").
[rockytoptalk]
Yeah, that's right. Ryan Perrilloux, the former best quarterback ever, is transferring to the "Championship Division" Jacksonville State Gamecocks, of dubious Jacksonville, Alabama (Northeast Alabama's premier four year university).
[FriendsoftheProgram via al.com]
Good choice. (smoothest. transition. ever.) Ryan picked a university, that before this publicity stunt, was best known, at least in my mind, as having the strongest bisexual color guard in northeast Alabama (and probably the nation). When I say, bisexual, I don't mean it in the hip, MTV, punch in the ovaries, Tela Tequila kind of way. I mean, on top of the normal girls, The Marching Southerners also have hairy faced, largely rotund dudes in sequined, spandex unitards, spinning fake guns and colorful flags and what not. That must be one hell of a scholarship...
Not that there's anything wrong with that...at a football game...right?
Sponsored by The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
I ask you, who needs toned, universally attractive painted supermodels when you've got this Bama Skank?
If you're not blind yet, notice the beautiful houndstooth hat adorning this young ladies shoulder, adding the perfect touch of Tider class to this already mind-numbingly embarrassing image
This Bama fan's awesome display of disregard for basic human decency can only be categorized as "Damn, I hope that's not fake cause it is 10 shades of sad."
[HT: Darren]
While the above picture passes the eyeball test as real (as in, an undoctored photograph), these below pics fall under a somewhat different category. Something like "Fark of the Week." However, they are no less amusing.
I Could See This...
Nobody's This Lucky...
Te-Hos Come In All Shapes and Sizes
[from LWS]
A Classic: Somebody Cropped this Pornstar in where Tony Joiner Used to Be
I Call this Screen-Cap From Bama Online "Priorities" (wait this one's real)
click to enlarge/see the whole thing
Damn, I can't really say anything because I own a pair (for strict "around the house" use). I love those bastards, and I don't care if they're ugly. If you had an ugly kid who turned out to be super nice, wouldn't you at least be seen with him around the house or occasionally in the yard? You're damn right, asshole. Who are you to judge?
Just in time for Halloween, reader FBZ in Savannah (UGA fan) adds insult to Florida injury with these loathsome, and deeply disturbing gator gameday pics. I have to give the Gates credit though. These handy-tards are on par with anything Bama, LSU or Tennessee has to offer. Well played.
I'm speechless. Wait, no...no I'm not. This "Uncle Rico" embodies every stereotype in the white-trash playbook. From his ripped stone-washed jeans (possible jortage??) to his strawberry-blond, grown-man mullet. From his red neck to his gold chain. From his unfounded cockiness to his unfortunate facial hair. If in the above picture he's not yelling "WOOOOOOOOO!!! GATORS RULE YOUR ASS, MOTHER EFFERS!" then something is terribly, terribly wrong.
This must be the Cooper Manning of the Tebow family. Gotta love the reactions. Even the lady on the jumbtron is disgusted. Notice our previously featured "Mulletude Man of the Year" in the bottom left corner who appears to be lecturing Tons-of-Fun on classy fan behavior.
"The Thinker?"...More Like "The Stinker." Is this Gator serious? Is that a Halloween costume/wig? I was under the assumption that the infamous "Rat-tail" had gone the way of "The Shula" in the lower 48. I stand disgusted.
And Finally, because FBZ was kind enough to submit these pics, we have posted a little something for the Bulldog spank bank. Enjoy yo-self, and send more pics.
To read more underappreciated commentary on your favorite team just click here (Power Poll by Garnet and Black Attack)
Just imagine that this cheerleader is Tim Tebow's Feelings (HT: awful announcing)
1) LSU - Not even the chosen one could stop them! No, these Orcs are born of earth and fire and they feed mercilessly on the sorrows of Southern Cal. Resistance is futile.
2) Florida - Still a complete team...Maybe they just needed a good cry. Do Tebow's tears still cure cancer after two consecutive losses?
3) Auburn - The other Tigers have found their offense. Don't care who you're playing, if you go into half up 28-0, you're doing things the right way.
4) South Carolina - Cocks have the second best record in my top four, but they haven't beat any of the above teams, and they certainly didn't play as well as Florida did down in Red Stick.
5) Kentucky - Woodson looked not good vs. USC last Thursday. Me thinks it was the rain. Even so, the Wildcats dropped a messy deuce for all the college football world to see. It's gonna stink for a few weeks. (ask: Auburn)
6) Tennessee - Where the hell did this come from? The Vols pulled some defense out of their asses and went into the break up 28-0? Could Coach "Does less with more" be turning a corner?
7) Arkansas - 0-2 in the SEC. Lots of Hawgs fans wanna Get Rid of dat, dat...dat Nutt. They're even making signs.
8) Georgia - Why does Georgia always seem to underachieve? Maybe they've got better years ahead with Stafford, but they just always seem to lose a game they shouldn't. Just can't seem to put all the pieces together and play like the top 5 team that their talent suggests. Could it be coaching?!? [/blasphemy]
9) Alabama - Didn't get to watch this Homecoming game with Houston, but from what I've heard, If you put another minute on the clock, Houston spoils the post game trip to the Bear Bryant Museum.
10) Mississippi State - 4 wins. If you stopped the season today, this is already MSU's most successful campaign since Y2K. To bad their's no more cupcakes to snack on. Bulldogs play three straight ranked teams starting this weekend with the newly impressive, but still fairly suspect Vols.
11) Vanderbilt - Got spanked by Auburn. It's looking like another 4 win season in Nashville. Let's face it...If you can't get to the promise land (Shreveport) with Jay Cutler, well...Chris Nickson is certainly no Tee Martin.
12) Ole Miss - The Rebs will remain in this prestigious spot until Orgeron defeats someone with a pulse. By pulse, I mean a team who's sniffed a bowl game in the last decade. The Rebs shutout the Mighty Louisianna Tech Bulldogs...24-0, but it was most likely the ugliest 20 point shutout on record. Rebs threw three picks and La Tech won pretty much ever statistical catagory, other than score of course.
HT: edsbs
Great stuff from Losers With Socks...
"The shortest verse in the Florida Playbook:
Tebow Wept."- Jai Eugene, LWS
They also feature a few great screen caps from the game...
Tebow taunting and dialing up another loss - WWJD, Tebow?
Now we know why Tebow Wept...It was shim
Don't want to hear about the officials handing LSU the game
If you're one of them haters and don't really understand what the big deal is about LSU and Florida, check out a few of these numbers from SECSports.com...
LSU:
In Scoring Offense and Total Offense LSU is #3 in the SEC with 45.7 points per game and 483.3 yards per game respectively, while the Tigers are also #1 in Scoring Defense and Total Defense allowing a laughable 2.3 ppg and 128.3 ypg. (the next best Total Defense in the SEC is Georgia's allowing more than twice as many yards) LSU also has 13 sacks in this short season and a +7 turnover margin. Both tops in the SEC. I think it also goes without saying that LSU is tops in the NCAA in pretty much every significant defensive category. By a mile.
Florida:
Remember Tim Tebow...the guy that everyone was wondering about during the offseason? (including myself) All that "Is he an every down quarterback...Can he be more than a glorified fullback?" Poppycock! Tim Tebow is currently tops in the SEC and 2nd in the nation in Passing Efficiency with a completion rate approaching 3/4 and 8 TDs to only 1 INT (surely the receiver's fault). Florida leads the conference in Total Offense as well as Scoring Offense while they maintain the #3 spot in Total Defense!
In other words, why the hell would College Football Gameday want to be at a game like that on October, 6th? Number 2 in the nation vs. Number 3?!? I think not! No, they'll be at ABC's Oklahoma vs. Texas. Gotta maintain that unified corporate front built on lies... by Home Depot.
1) LSU - I think we all knew Va Tech was not a top 10 team, but LSU made them look like Tennessee Tech. LSU is damn near a lock to win the West.
2) Florida - Great offense (49 points in the first half) but the defense allowed Troy to put up 30?!? Most of it was garbage time. None the less, it's unacceptable.
3) Arkansas - They win this spot by default. They didn't lose this past weekend. They didn't even play. Congrats.
4) South Carolina - I know it sounds crazy, but who else do you put up here? Spurrier's voodoo worked on Richt and his Dawgs. The Cocks didn't look overly impressive but they won a tough SEC road game.
5) Tennessee - This Vol team is just kinda uninspired. Ainge is playing well, the backs are running well. The defense is just average. There just seems to be something missing. The jury is still out on this team.
6) Kentucky - This offense is the read deal Holyfield. The D sucks. That could cause some issues vs. Louisville, but newsflash: The 'Ville's Defense sucks too. Look for Andre' 3000 & Co. to pull the upset this weekend at home in Lexington.
7) Alabama - Saban still hasn't played anyone of note, and his team really hasn't looked too convincing doing it. Even so, the Tide is 2 - 0. They earn this position by default. Sara Jessica Parker Wilson rolled up an amazing 150 yards passing against the highly respected Vandy defense.
8) Georgia - After making us all believe in week one, UGA lays a stinky turd with a four field-goal loss against The Cocks. Who knew? Spurrier said it best when he said, “They’ve actually lost five in a row to Eastern Division opponents. Kentucky and Vandy beat ‘em last year.” Ouch, Head Ball Coach. Very ouch.
9) Auburn - Phil Steele is laughing all the way to the bank. Preseason, he ranked the Tigers just outside of the Top 40 (# 41) and he earned the ire of the Plainsman nation. Well, it looks like Auburn should live up to expectations.
10) Ole Miss - The Ole Miss defense gets lit up by the spread offense. In other news, Germans land on the moon. Even so, Ole Miss had it's best offensive performance since the Eli era (300 yards passing, 230 yard rushing). Vandy is favored by 5 in Nashville for some reason, but the Rebs will be victorious straight up.
11) Vanderbilt - The Commies looked pretty damn anemic against the Tide, plus the refs might as well have been slobbing Saban's knob. Pretty much every big play or touchdown for Vandy was called back because of phantom penalties. Otherwise, Vandy just played like Vandy. Which is not a good thing, mind you.
12) Mississippi State - Credit for beating Tulane this season. Major credit to Michael Hening for keeping both collar bones intact for two consecutive games.
Sorry ladies. Tebow has but one mistress, and her name is Football
photo credit: James Bryant - Rebelsports.net
Late Night Stream of Consciousness: Opening Weekend
It was everything I hoped it would be and more. It is truly the most wonderful time of the year. Here are my random, unorganized, spur-of-the-moment thoughts on the SEC games this week...
UGA - Dawgs looked as good as the media thought they might. Great against an overhyped Big XII team. Even though I tried my damndist (with Stone's help) to ruin Matt Stafford's career in the off season, he seems to have bounced back beautifully. Kudos, Matt.
Auburn - That O-line is gonna get Cox in a body cast by the end of the season. Kodi Burns needs to be ready at a moments notice. Like I've said previously, there's just nothing really exciting or outstanding about this team, other than the obvious... Quentin Groves (two more sacks) is the Best Defensive player in the SEC. Hands Down. And that's saying a lot.
Alabama - Strong offense (Terry Grant is going to be a stud) Can't wait to see a Defense against a team that doesn't share a conference with Samford.
UT - Too little. Too late. Tennessee may put it together this season, but right now, UT's receivers suck assholes. Foster is solid though.
LSU - Overrated. (but they are #2) They may have owned an inept MSU team (6 picks kinda helps) but they don't really look like world beaters. The West seems to be down this year so they will probably still win it.
Ole Miss - Played insane football (for Ole Miss) the first half to go up 20-0 (1 offensive TD, One Special teams TD and one Defensive TD with a missed extra point) The second half they played not to lose and almost did. Dustin Mouzon, Ole Miss CB with 3 turnovers! (2 picks, fumble recovery) Impressive. The Ole Miss DL went from worst to top tier in one season. Ole Miss doubled their INT total from the 2006 season in ONE GAME. Offense still needs work as well. Running game was stagnant. Defense is still vulnerable to the spread, but they're getting A LOT more pressure on the QB...which is nice. Ashley Palmer is an outstanding outside backer (plus he's from Compton...yeah, that Compton)
Vandy - Kinda struggled with the Richmond Spiders in the first half more than they should have (I can't believe I have expectations for Vandy!) Even so, they ended up killing them. We'll see next week when the pre-season ends for both Bama and Vandy.
Florida - They are winning the East, cause we sure as shit know that Georgia can't win in Jax. Tebow is 110% real, son. The Defense only returned 2 starters so that may be their Achilles.
Arkansas - Troy? Seriously? The Hawgs won by twenty but struggled mightily in the first half. I don't really know what happened in this game, but the Hawgs don't seem to be a contender like they were last season. Fortunately for the Hawgs, they are they most Jekyll and Hyde team in the SEC.
Teams I know nothing about - South Carolina, Kentucky...
Teams that I wouldn't touch with Fred Smoot's dick - The Mississippi State Fighting Crooms
A Rival Fan's View Of Your Crap-Ass Team
He Hates Your Team! (damn, I hope this stud is back for more in '07)
Let's be honest here...You're team probably doesn't suck that bad (unless you're a State fan). However, your rival fans would have you believe otherwise. All summer long, you've had to listen to those obnoxious assholes from (insert team) on the internet, talk radio and in the newspapers. Blah, Blah, Blah. Lies, Lies, Lies! No team is spared. So anyway, I thought I would compile their smack into one tight little blog post for you to mull over. Note: These aren't my views (notice the quotes, right)
WEST
Auburn - "Them Barners is just scared of Coach Saban. Now that there's a real Coach at The Capstone, Tuberville is done fore sure. They ain't never gonna get another recruit in this state. They can stick that thumb up they ass! Oh, and Chete Williams had sex with my mother. Promise."
Arkansas - "What the hell is wrong with you white-trash hillbillies? None of us really hate you...we're more concerned than angry. You're like the Kennedy family of SEC football. In 2006 you seemed to have everything going for you early, and you managed to F it all away. Your off season played out about as smoothly as The Hindenburg landing on The Titanic."
Alabama - "What's that smell. It smells like...Desperation. Don't look now bammers, but our coach is paid less than half of what you're getting raped for and we've still got a winning record against that tiny, over-hyped S.O.B. (3-2). How about this...How bout we decimate your weak ass D-line, Groves will "Brodie" Sarah Jessica Parker Wilson, and we'll call it six in a row. Speaking of 6, enjoy another trip to Shreveport...I'm positive the Cajuns won't hurl urine filled bottles at your coach. That is, If he's still your coach at that point. Wow...4 arrests in the last month. Stay Classy, Crimson Tide."
LSU - "How did LSU manage to hire the damn dumbest Head Coach in Division I Football? (Skip Bertman = Outstanding Baseball Coach...Train wreck of an AD) Yeah, Numb-nuts Miles has a great record, but does that have anything to do with him? Or could it be the dearly departed OC, Jimbo Fisher, or the overall #1 pick in the draft, or an amazing boat load of talent. Newsflash: You didn't even win the West last year, much less the SEC. Yes, your shit still stinks. Lose that 'Corky' of a HC and get back to us."
Ole Miss - "Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw... Walk-on Quarterback? (Coach O song never ceases to get a laugh). So The Ogre is the all-star recruiter of the century but he's starting a Walk-on at the most important position. Yeah, he couldn't start at Division-II Delta State but he's gonna lead Ole Miss to the promise land. It's been fun Orgeron. Better hope Pete Carroll gives you your old job back. Another 3-9 season. Cutcliffe never went 3-9!"
Mississippi State - "Wow, where do I start. You poor bastards haven't tasted a bowl game since Y2K. Kinda hard to bring in the talent when you're not cheating your effin' asses off isn't it? I'm gonna stop right there cause making fun of Crooms boys is like talking shit about my demented grandmother. It's just not right."
EAST
Florida - "Tebow is a jort-sporting, meat-headed bitch. He can't pass worth a damn. He's nothing more than over-hyped, over-sexed fullback who occasionally throws the ball. He certainly ain't no every-down quarterback. Then you've got Herban Meyer and his thuggish-ruggish team of pot smoking cock-bandits. He's turning that program into Miami North. Not to mention he lost his whole defense. Good luck beating Vanderbilt this season, Herban."
Georgia - "That Stafford's a fat drunk. If he spent as much time on the practice field as he did gettin' liquored up and chasin' tail he might live up to his hype. Richt ain't never gonna win the big one. Don't talk to me until you beat Florida when it counts, bitches. Fat, Drunk and Stupid is no way to go through life, Matty."
Kentucky - "Andre' Woodson - The best quarterback nobody gives a shit about. Kentucky beats Georgia, has a winning season, goes to bowl with the best quarterback in the conference and we still give a collective yawn. I think I'm falling asleep just talkin' about Kentucky Football. In conclusion, UK fans don't care...We don't care. Lets move on."
South Carolina - "Blake Mitchell is really best quarterback you could find Spurrier? Really? What is the arrest/embarrassing-fiasco count in your QB depth chart, Steve? I count 4 in the last year. Nice dicipline. I know you're more of the "Xs and Os" kind of coach, but you might want to actually interact with your players...maybe show them you care. Then maybe they'd stop acting out like 19 year old, abused step-children. P.S. - You're soo not winning the SEC at South Carolina an time soon."
when white qbs go bad
Tennessee - "If it isn't Philip Fulmer. 'Fulmer' loosely translates as 'He who does less with more'. Phil just isn't cutting it anymore. He's tricked the hillbillies for 16 some odd years and it's starting to get old. I can't remember the last time UT played in the SEC Championship game. Fat Phil's got all the tools in hand, and he's still shittin' the bed. You make me sick."
Vanderbilt - "Congratulations. Now you've moved up to the 11th least crappy program in the SEC. (Sorry, State) Whenever things seem to be going your way, you always F it up. (See: last years Ole Miss game, or any MTSU game). You've got a great coach, but you're Vanderbilt. Maybe you should get your priorities straight and start cheating your ass off, cause nothing else seems to be working. Look for another 5-7 season. So close!"
Vandy Stereotype Fight
didn't know Matt Stafford's sister was a Gator (LosersWithSocks)
a little blast from the past to cleanse your mental palate
Whether it be on the field, off the field or at Talladega, Matthew Stafford loves making Joe Cox his bitch to compete.
Matty takes that spirit of competition to a whole new level as seen in this recently leaked Georgia Bulldog spring practice team photo.
How will Tebow answer?
Stafford is a man among boys (click to enlarge)
Credit: Loserswithsocks and Jai Eugene
Either way, reader Matt struck 24 karat gold with the above photo. I really want to believe that this is the genuine article. Tebow, keepin' it real...real denim. Too bad Tim couldn't pull off something like this!
Against my best hopes and dreams, I'm gonna have to go with "Fark of the Century."
Update: Major Credit to Ty Shock for the above, confirmed fark-job. We Salute You...Master of the Photoshop.
