Wednesday, February 15

The SEC's Most Redonkulous Names

Recruiting 2006

First off, I can handle "Mark", "Marc" or even "Marcus", but some of these baby's mommas is going too far! And we've all heard the stories about the girl named "Africa" (pronounced a-freak-a) and that unfortunate soul named "Shithead" (known as Sha'thead).

Gentlemen, I feel your pain. My parents wanted to be different as well and went with "Erik" instead of the obvious choice, and I don't think anyone has ever got it right. Ever.

To try and help these new players out, we are going to dive head first into this mess. These are the very special names you will hear everybodies favorite, Dave Rowe tripping over for the next 4 or 5 Years on JP. I've tried to find at least one from every SEC school and they're in no particular order. Enjoy.


Labronski Hutchins - LB - Alex City, AL - He's the Polish Labron James...of Football


DeMarcus Love - OL - Dallas, TX - Our first variation on Mark plus yesterday was V-day, how cute


JerMarcus Ricks - DT - Leighton, AL - The Tigers didn't have much but it's Mark-tastic


Wondy Pierre-Louis - DB - Naples, FL - Somehow i don't think Wondy is French

Markihe Anderson - DB - Ft. Myers, FL - We are all now dumber for having read that (edit)


Kiante Tripp - OL - ATL - Hmmm, I'm guessing Momma's Drink of Choice?


Jo'Dane Craigman - DL - Ukiah, CA - Jo'Momma did what?

LaRay Foote - ATH - Memphis, TN - In Spanish we learned that "La" is feminine, Mrs. Foote must have skipped that day

LaShun Watson - WR - Greenville, GA - LaWhy?!?


LaZarius Levingston - DL - Ruston, LA - I feel like I'm taking Crazy Pills

Shomari Clemons - DB - West Monroe, LA - I liked it the first time when it was called "Jumanji"

Ole Miss

Markeith Summers - WR - Olive Branch, MS - Screw Double names! Just Mash 'em together


Chasman Davis - LB - Fort Pierce, FL - Cause Jasmine would have been too girly

South Carolina

Captain Munnerlyn - DB - Mobile, AL - Better than "Boss", "Champ" or "Mister"

Vandaral Shackleford - LB - Riverside, GA - Vandal? Shackle? Are you Related to Marcus Vick?


LaMarcus Thomson - LB - Stone Mountain, GA - I'm Starting to see a pattern develop


Marquez Hall - DB - Tuskegee, AL - pronounced "Mar'quwez" It's Spanish

Kikko Logan - LB - Elba, AL - All of this starting to make perfect sense!

My Final Thought: It doesn't matter the prefix or the spelling, cause Mark and Marcus are winners! Hook your fetus up with one of these gems (all found in the Class of 2006) and don't even bother saving for college:

Marckus, DeMarcus, JaMarcus, JerMarcus, LaMarcus, Markieth, Markihe and Marquez


  1. Very funny! How much research did it take to find all of these?

  2. Thanks. I got all my info from I spend way too much time there anyway.

  3. Yeah, these are all great, but I think the best is one that you left out. Mississippi's starting tailback this year is an Indiana transfer by the name of BenJarvus Green-Ellis. Horrible.

  4. Good job. We'll post our own later in the week, but this will be hard to top.

  5. I played High school ball way back when with a fellow by the name of Dardaneous Logan. We just called him "Rock"!

  6. You have to look to the Gulf South Conference to find the best. From UNA's basketball team...

    5-11, 180
    Senior; Guard
    Courtland, Alabama

  7. Here's a good one: From Southern Alabama, a running back that goes by the name.....Euphrates Bean (not a joke)

  8. Those are quality. However, I think "I-Perfection" of Georgia Tech takes the cake. Yes, that's his first name!

  9. The reality is that it isn't ALWAYS the mother.

    I have heard more than one doctor talk about his days at the ER or L&D as a resident. If momma can't come up with a name, the fellas are happy to help. They usually change the pronunciation as they suggest it to the mother but make SURE she knows how to spell it! Sounded like a competition at times to see who could convince a mother to use the craziest name.

    These guys were stuck on the graveyard shifts in the toughest of places. Combine that with the mothers being quite out of it after the birth and likely single and uneducated. Funny and sad at the same time.

    So while I am sure that there are plenty of cases of maternal creativity, there are some other explanations, too - especially for the more outrageous ones.

    Go Marque!

  10. Dear former hospital resident,
    so anyone who names thier child strangely enough to make this article is "likely" to be poor and uneducated. You shouldnt be so quick to judge based on one hospital you worked at EXAMPLE Apple Paltrow,Pillow Jackson;2 rather fruity famous names.

  11. apple's last name is martin. It's also Blanket Jackson, not Pillow. Looks like you might be the poor uneducated one.

  12. Hey... Hey! Let's all just drink some Kiante and relax!