The Kige Party

Phil Steele's Daddy Gives His SEC Picks




Wow, Kige. Don't ever let anyone tell you those dramatic, mind-numbing pauses aren't killer! And just for the record, I believe Alabama likes to be called "the Crimson Tide"...there was no need for a dramatic pause right there, but you pulled it off beautifully.

Damn you, Kige! Just when I thought everything was going The Rebels' way (Phil Steele's pick, the SI cover, Massie and Tig are in, ) you throw the old wet blanket Ole Miss' season. Talk about locker room material.

How To Beat Florida

by Houston Nutt

Son of a bee-sting. I can't get enough of those highlights. Yep, some of the best plays of the season that Holly, over at EDSBS, strangely left out of her 2008 highlight video?

[HT: SSMUND]

BCS Sucks: O-H...I-O for 2

Once again, the BCS blows. There, I said it. Oh, and crazy I know...but the state of Ohio goes 0-2. Cincinnati got beat by the best the ACC had to offer (8-4) Virginia Tech, in the lowest TV rated BCS game ever. People didn't even show up for the game...It wasn't close to a sell out.

Then tonight we get this flaming turd between the clearly overrated Flag Football Fluffers of Texas and the extremely boring, extremely ineffective honkies from tOSU. Thanks Bowl Championship Series!

Hey, it may have looked like like two Gumps humping a door knob for three quarters, but at least it was a close one, right? "The Big Twelve South and its amazing offenses of doom" is the biggest World Wide Leader fraud ever passed on the college football public.

I'm calling it right here: Florida is going to straight up murder Oklahoma's ass. I'm talking a 52-17 homicide. (it's gonna be like that old SNL skit with garden hose-style projective vomit everywhere on the OU sideline) It's gonna be yet another embarrassingly bad championship game match up that further fuels my playoff fire/hate for all things BCS.

- Leagues that should not get an automatic bid to the BCS:

Big 10 - 0-2 this season. Penn State got destroyed. The top two programs, OSU and Michigan, haven't won their last 3 appearance. Overall: 8-11 (.421)

Big 12 - How do you think Chokelahoma earned its nick name? 2 wins and 4 losses, not counting this weeks impending championship game embarrassment. Texas is the only team pulling the wagon with a 3-0 BCS record. Overall: 7-8 (.467)

ACC - Wow. This league is nothing but a punchline. Karma's a bitch after the ACC raided the Big East and C-USA to compete with the "big boys." Too bad they suck worse than ever. Make that "parody's a bitch." It's not just Florida State and a bunch of nobodies anymore. It's strictly nobodies. When your "champion" lost 4 games, you should withdraw from the BCS on moral grounds you selfish assholes. Overall: 2-9 (.182) Damn.

Meanwhile, Utah's got the Mountain West 2-0 in BCS games (that's 1.000 for those BCS apologists out there). Even the Wiggity-WAC has a better BCS record than the above conferences (1-1, .500). If you're wondering, the SEC is 11-5 (.688).

The NCAA needs to step in and do what's best for College Football. Put this pathetic excuse for a post season out of its misery.

[BCS Stats]

Bell Effers Smoked By Belle Effers

Read: #7 Texas Tech PWNED by #25 Ole Miss




RING DING DONG you cocky Napoleonic Texas Tech a-holes...


Guns Up, Bitch!

["Bell/Belle" line courtesy of oxpatchreb]

SEC: Still the Best

So, the SEC was a little "top heavy" (much like your mother) this season with Florida, Alabama, Georgia and Ole Miss leading the way, but is that necessarily a bad thing? The SEC's about to embarrass the best of the rest (The Big XII) on a national stage this January. Enjoy yo-self.

What Saith The Geek?

It's good to be The Geek

Guess who's back, Pumpkin-tits.... The Geek from thegeeksheetsports.com is back to lay some straight college football knowledge on yo ass. If you're a betting man, and/or a degenerate gambler, you'd be wise to listen to the man. Unless you're above 80% on the season...then you need to start your own gosh damn service, asshole.

We had an incredible week last week, going 7-0 on our recommended plays, including a couple of the B12 contests. We actually have two of the bigger SEC games this week that were close to being recommended plays, but that we passed on. Below is the analysis of those games, as well as one play that we are working on right now which will be a recommended play. We are now 27-9 this season on our recommended plays, so for more information about this week’s plays be sure to click here.

	337	Vanderbilt Commodores
Saturday 10/18/2008	338	Georgia Bulldogs	15

We still aren’t done with this play and will be spending the rest of the night doing our final analysis on this and about 15 other plays, but based on our work earlier this week I don’t think there will be enough line value to warrant a play. Vandy has been living on borrowed time this season going 5-0 (until last week) despite averaging 250 ypg offenses (even more amazing is that they are averaging 25 ppg at 250 ypg). They’ve only really faced 2 good defenses this year, and that is Auburn and Miss St, and in those last 2 games have only averaged 14 ppg. Fortunately for them those two defenses also happen to be on the teams with the 2 worst offenses in the league. They won’t be so lucky this week as they get a top caliber defense (on par with MSU and AU) which will hold Vandy to 250 & 14 again. UGA’s offense has kind of sputtered around this year, but is still putting up very solid numbers (430 ypg & 33 ppg) to pretty good defenses (that are otherwise allowing only 340 ypg and 23 ppg).

Our projections call for a projected 410 yards for UGA compared to 190 for Vandy. My projections and our other models we uses all have pretty much the same thing with 11-16 pts for Vandy (which at 190 yards if they don’t continue to be the beneficiary of the TO battle and near perfect red zone and special teams play could easily be 0) and 27-37 for UGA. This is definitely a UGA or no bet scenario, and really the only thing keeping me off this is a worse case indicator we run that projects a 25-16 UGA victory. Given Vandy’s track record this year and UGAs shaky performance thus far, that is probably a lot more likely than a 41 – 7 UGA victory. My guess is the magic starts to run out on VAndy, UGA starts to resemble the team we though they’d be this year and UGA pulls way late. UGA 36 Vandy 14.

08:00PM	381	LSU Fighting Tigers	3.5
Saturday 10/18/2008	382	South Carolina Gamecocks

This is a pretty interesting match up as I am still not really sure what to expect from LSU, particularly after that drubbing last week, and USC has had me mystified all year. Not surprisingly our models are all over the place, with half of them having USC winning out right and half having LSU winning by double digits. Mathematically, LSU is the superior team with better offense (+0.7 yppl to -0.2 yppl) and the team with the better match ups. USC does have a very good defense, but my guess here is that USCs propensity to turn the ball over (they have 20 offensive TOs this season thru only 7 games), and LSUs very good offense (even last week vs UF they managed 21 pts dispite 320 yards and 3 TOs will be more than USCs defense can overcome.

We make it a habit to not go against our models, which will cause us to scratch this game, but I really believe LSU get’s it done here, and probably pretty big. Our models call for a 24-22 LSU victory (which could easily be flipped). However, if you remove UFs performance last week vs LSUs defense and use the balance of the defensive numbers for LSU compared to USCs offense, USC doesn’t get to 300 yards, even with the UF performance last week USC still only gets 340 yards, and with a projected TO margin of 3-1 (USC – LSU), I don’t see much probability USC gets to 20. LSU 27 USC 17.

We don’t really have a good beat on any of the other games, but thought we’d include a snip-it of one our recommended plays this week. For more on this game and the other recommended plays for this week, click here, it’s only $40 bucks, and at 27-9 thus far you would have paid for it about 40 times over thus far this season.

12:30PM	331	Nebraska Cornhuskers	6.5
Saturday 10/18/2008	332	Iowa State Cyclones

ISU has had a rough go of it of late, and unfortunately for them they haven’t even hit the meat of the high flying B12 offenses. ISU has given up 36.5 ppg & 442 ypg the last 3 weeks to some ok but relatively speaking average offensive units in UNLV, Kansas, and Baylor. The 1^st 2 of those 3 games they were the beneficiary of a +3 TO margin which is the only reason those games were close as they averaged only 332 ypg in those games. Last week v. Baylor, Iowa State performed closer to reality scoring only 10 points on 257 yards offense.

Nebraska’s offense is averaging 421 ypg (6.4 yppl) which is +1.3 yppl as they’ve faced good defenses that otherwise allow only 5.1 yppl and 346 ypg. Neb has been particularly good in the air averaging 8.6 ypa (which is +2.1 ypa). They get an ISU defense getting torched this year by competition far worse than Neb. ISU is allowing 8.4 ypa to bad passing teams that otherwise would only average 6.9 ypa. This creates a +3.5 ypa advantage for Neb, and my projections call for 10.3 ypa. That is a 1^st down for every pass attempt (not completion but attempt). Total projections are for 486 yards offense (338 in the air) at 7.0 yppl.

Nebraska’s defense, despite allowing 380 ypg and 28 ppg (5.9 yppl) is actually better than average as they’ve faced a collective slate of very good offenses that average 432 ypg and 34 ppg (6.3 yppl), so Neb is actually +0.4 yppl better than average. That should be plenty good enough to keep an anemic ISU offense in check that is only averaging 336 ypg (5.1 yppl) despite playing some mediocre defenses that are allowing 360 ypg and 5.4 yppl. ISU is at a statistical disadvantage in every offensive category, and not a small one (they are -0.6 in ypr, ypa, and yppl). Our projections call for only 342 yards offense (5.4 yppl). I’ll lay 7 on the road getting the team that looks to average more yppl than the home team does ypa, and has the statistical advantage in every match up category in this game.

All our models are pretty consistent with 34-40 points for Nebraska, and a high indicator of 53 points (which given my projection of near 500 yards offense is actually quite likely). Because of the offenses Nebraska’s defense has faced this year, ISU’s offensive projections get skewed a little to the high side, despite Nebraska’s defense being decidedly better than ISUs offense (basically because Nebraska’s defense starts from a higher absolute base due to the offenses they faced and their scoring / yardage averages), which causes a model and math projection of 21-25 points for ISU. We’ll stick with that, but given the match up indicators, my guess is a performance closer to what ISU did last week to Baylor. Nebraska 37 Iowa State 23.

Quit dragging everybody's gameday down with your pathetic crying... Check out TheGeekSheet, then go buy that round of Irish Car Bombs with confidence...You winner, you.

SEC FAIL

This video, tip of the hat to rebheadedstranger, goes out to all the fans of SEC teams that shat the bed this weekend. You know who you are Arkansas, State, Tennessee and Ole Miss. Congratulations on your season.

What a Wonderful Gosh Damn Weekend

Can Houston shoulder the hopes and dreams of good Rebels everywhere?

So much to say, so little time. It was a lovely day in Oxford...I'll say that much. Is Ole Miss Back? Well, I don't mean to go all "Tider" on ya, cause they're certainly not 60's back, but very likely Tuberville/Cutcliffe back (read: 6-8 wins). First time the Rebs scored 40 since Eli's senior season, and that's huge since the D is suspect at best. True test is Wake on ABC this Saturday.

Here's the highlights of the Rebel's Houston Nutt revival with requisite annoying, repetitive hard rock music...



Dexter McCluster is a bad little water bug (#22 seen above receiving footballs and orchestrating the McClusterf**k/Wild-Rebel offense) Like I didn't already tell you that. The jury's still out on Snead.

The SEC, with a clear UT win this evening, is staring down the barrel of an 11-1 opening weekend. So, in my opinion, other than Mississippi State and Arkansas, the SEC ain't too shabby. Even Kentucky and Vandy notched convincing victories.

Wait, the reigning SEC coach of the year got Croomed by a mid level Sun-Belt team? Who could have seen that coming?

The Hawgs looked like G.I. drainage on Saturday in their comeback victory over Western Iowa or some such titty baby team. Yeah...about that. Don't see so many Arkies talking shit about Ole Miss' Nutt hire now do we? Good luck with all that "b,b,but the cupboard is bare" talk, Hawgs. It gets old after a few years. Trust me.

As far as the top teams in the league, look for my SEC Power Poll ballot in the next few days.


Why so many Ole Miss students should be punched in the face [friendsoftheprogram]

College Football Season + 1 Thoughts

Teams that look damn good:

Wake Forest - (41-13 over Baylor) The fact that this tiny, no-footballcentric-history havin' school is a pre-season Top 25er is damn impressive in itself. They showed why last night. Skinner threw three TDs to zero picks (all with his clothes on), Swank, the kicker, was 2 of 2....The Deacons scored double digits in each quarter save the fourth. Grobe's boys just put up efficient offense. Yeah, it was Baylor, but the Bears are no Sun-belt bitches. Wake has earned every bit of respect they will receive this season with great coaching and smart play. If Ole Miss doesn't kick Memphis' ass this weekend, look for some extreme uglyness next week when the Rebs visit Winston-Salem.

Georgia Tech - (41-14 over Jax St.) I'd say Techies have to be happy with what they saw last night in Paul Johnson's debut (my #1 "Real Coach" of 2007's coaching search). Typically, you want to put up half-a-hundred on these D-IAA schools, and GT was on pace with 27 points in the first half (yeah, they kinda backed off in the second, what of it?) Sidenote: Even so, Tech wasn't playing your typical lower division, no-talent-ass-clowns. Perrilloux played mediocre-like with two TDs and two picks, 22-37 for 136? (that has to be the worst per-pass average evah: 6.18 yards per completion???) Well, hope young Ryan's enjoying like in the middle of effing nowhere (and that's by Alabama standards).

Miami - (52-7 over Charleston Southern) I don't know too much about this game, but Miami won a game like a Miami team should over a lowly D-IAA opponent. Next week is the true test when tha thUgs roll into Gainesville for a sampling of SEC speed and Tebow badassery. Sidenote: Mountain Brook's own Tribble Reese threw the Charleston Southern's only TD in this game. (what an aptly named "brookie")


In closing, I want to say, screw ESPN and their box scores. The one consistent thing that people still come to your crapass site for and you go and screw it up (God forbid we actually trust you with opinion, much less factual information). Now, the scores default to show you only games that are on the "ESPN Networks." Well eff you, you money grubbing, ignorant sluts. CBS sportsline, you had me at hello.

Enjoy the rest of this blessed weekend. I'll be in Memphis and Oxford for the debut of the Powetron HD and The Houston Nutt experience. Reports next week on all the action and my SEC Power Poll.

SEC vs. The Big Ten

Ryan Parker, King of all football-centric musicians (an elite group), declares a victor in this age old battle, and despite what ESPN/ABC/Disney would tell you, The Big Ten better get it's ass in the kitchen and make The SEC a sandwich, STAT! (that's right I said it, asshole)

Parker's latest brought a tear to my eye. A very convincing and passionately delivered piece. Strong work, Bradyfan...

More videos from the "ryanparkersongs's channel" channel at Heavy.com

[HT: The new and improved www.thewizofodds.com]

Who's High on Ole Miss?

Free Jerrell. Seriously...How bout an "A" for effort?

Why write a spring preview of 2007's worst team in the SEC when everything has already been said? As you will notice, Ole Miss is going to see a few more changes than just the Largest HD Jumbo-tron in the SEC.*

The Rebs will be sportin' a new coaching staff, a new Parade All-American quarterback, a new "5-star" running back, and maybe, maybe even an on-the-field, not just stirring the Gatorade, but playing actual SEC football, JERRELL EFFING POWE.

That's right. Jerrell is 21 and about to ostensibly rock the SEC True Freshman world. No, he didn't just return from a Mormon mission to Djibouti or a tour in Iraq...He was just waitin' out the clearly doomed Ed Orgeron era, all-the-while learning his ABCs and shit. (Seriously though, big time, honest rumors say Powe's in like Flynn. All 330 pounds of him)

So, all things considered, what are the experts** saying about Houston's Rebs?

First, the only legitimate expert in my book: Phil Steele

Two seasons ago, I remember my damn near outrage and disgust as Phil Steele attempted to justify Arkansas in his preseason Top 15 after two consecutive losing seasons. Turns out, the hawgs managed 10 straight wins, 7-1 in the SEC and a spot in Atlanta representing The West. That's because Phil effing Steele's forgot more college football than the average fan (that includes the writers at Athlon and Lindy's) ever damn knew. Turns out Phil's a big believer in upperclassman leadership and returning starters, and The 2006 Razorbacks had them in spades.

As for Ole Miss 2008, Steele is slightly optimistic:

- 18 Returning Starters
- Overall, #37 in The Nation (compared to the no-research retards at Athlon's #69)
- 6th in the SEC as a whole (a vast improvement over 12th)
- Top 10 "Most Improved" Nationally
- 15th Best OL Nationally
- 20th Best DL Nationally (that's without The Powe)
- Predicted Music City Bowl
...And one that blows me away - Enrique Davis - (True Freshman RB) - 2nd Team All-SEC


Ok, enough with the magazine pushers. What is Vegas [covers.com] saying about Ole Miss' 2008 offering?

"The Ole Miss Rebels are easy to overlook among the titans of the SEC, but with the arrival of Houston Nutt as the new head coach in Oxford, there is a legitimate reason to believe that this team could get a lot better very soon...

...Snead has already been selected SEC Newcomer of the Year by Blue Ribbon College Football Yearbook (for whatever that's worth) and he's got all the tools - a strong arm and good mobility out of the pocket - to become a standout in a league full of top-notch ballplayers.

And Snead should be fairly well protected behind an offensive line anchored by senior left tackle Michael Oher, who is predicted to be one of the first lineman taken in next year's NFL draft...

...One of the biggest improvements comes in the form of a five-star running back recruit who was courted by almost every SEC coach, but chose to follow Nutt to Oxford. Enrique Davis broke a verbal commitment with Auburn to go to Ole Miss and at 6-foot-1, 210 pounds, the kid has the size and the blazing speed to become the next Darren McFadden.

And just to keep defenses on their toes, Nutt will have a nice secondary option in the backfield with sophomore tailback Cordera Eason who has thoroughly impressed his new coaches this spring....

...And don't worry about the adjustment period with this team. Nutt is capable of making an immediate improvement when he takes over a program. In his first year at the helm at Arkansas in 1998, the Razorbacks were picked to finish last in the SEC West but they ran to a 9-3 record and an appearance in the Citrus Bowl.

So consider this a gift from Covers.com to you, well in advance of the football season. Keep an eye on Ole Miss pointspreads this year because there's sure to be some great chances to capitalize on this team on the rise."

Hmmm...Don't pop a broner just yet. So we've heard from the Sin City Impartials, but what does a semi-informed Ole Miss homer have to say?

These bits of tid come to us via... "One of my good friends is a manager on the team and has been since last season. Last season, he told me we'd be lucky to win 4 games. He was pretty close. So the fact that he's optimistic makes me very optimistic. This is a C&P of our convo from Facebook."

"QB: Jevan Snead- top 5 SEC qb, top 3 in my opinion... Has all the tools to win big, and has a chip on his shoulder to prove himself... Was ranked top qb with Tebow, and Stafford in high school, but now gets his chance to prove himself... Freshman Nathan Stanley will be next in line and he has potential, but we are really thin here.

RB: Enrique Davis looks like a greek god working out, but i've yet to see him in action. If he is good as advertised, he will be a top SEC rb...Cordera is good, but i dont know if he is capable of being a top SEC rb...A freshman to look out for is Brandon Bolden...looks really impressive for a freshman

WR: Probably best overall in the SEC as a unit. We are returning everyone here. McCluster will have a break out year if he can stay healthy...The coaches love him...Hodge is a beast, and Wallace is the fastest WR in the SEC.

OL: Has huge potential but really has to improve from the spring. Oher coming back was huge, and really we have some big veterans that should make a good steady SEC OL...But improvement is needed

DL: Possibly could be best in Nation and SEC... Hardy, P.Jerry, Powe, Tillman, Lockett, Laurent, new juco Emanuel Stephens should anchor it down very well... Still no final word on Powe but he should be good... I mean he goes to school and works out just like everyone else...If Powe gets in, they will be scary good, I mean him and peria jerry on the inside will dominate and pull many double teams leaving hardy to fly on the outside.

LB: The worst unit besides qb of last year but really should improve a lot. Ashlee Palmer has already proven he is a top SEC lb and with a healthy Cornell in the middle, and the addition of Patrick Trahan (auburns best lb his freshman year, went to NWCC) they should be a solid starting unit...Alen Walker, Tony Fein will be very good back ups.

DB: easily our weakest unit.. Saftey will be ok with Jamarca and Johny Brown, but corner was weak during the spring... but with moving Marshay to corner, he worked really hard and actually really looked good... i see marshay starting and C. Vaughn and Mouzon battling for the other spot


-Jevan Snead is by far the best qb i've ever witnessed in person [not saying a whole lot for a guy who's been at OM for two seasons]. He has a strong arm, quick, and really smart.... He has to adjust to Nutt's and Austin's offense because he has always run the spread, but he is smart enough and good enough to do it. If Snead goes down, all bets are off, cuz that would be a disaster.

-The Wake Forrest game is the deciding factor between winning 6 games and 9 games in my opinion. I am really optomistic this year, probably a little to much but oh well. If we beat wake, that will probably put us 4-0 rolling into Florida, and Jevan hates Tebow [hmmmm...very interesting indeed] and he has this game circled...

-I really see us probably going 8-4 or 9-3 with losses to florida(away), alabama(away), lsu(away), and possibly auburn(home)

-If we lose to wake or if Jevan gets hurt throw all of this away."

[nafoom.com]

So, I would dare say, we've got all the important bases covered. Media, Vegas and over-zealous, homerific fans. Shit, even opposing fans (yes, even Tiders) are picking Ole Miss to be "The Dark Horse" or the "Surpise Team" in the SEC. There in lies a big problem.

Ole Miss could have a top 15 caliber season, go 9-3 and still end up 3rd in the division, much less the conference as a whole. Of course, Ole Miss fans would eat that up, but to win this division, you need world class talent, above-average coaching and luck...year-in and year-out.

Who the hell knows what the fall will hold for the Ole Miss faithful, but it's nice to see something of a light at the end of the tunnel. Houston Nutt, Jevan Snead, and Enrique Davis have at least the next three seasons to do some exiting shit and properly light up that expensive-assed scoreboard.


After 40 years in a desegregationist desert, can Rev. Nutt lead Ole Miss to The Promise Land/ATL?


*Largest True HD board until Mississippi State finishes theirs video board mid-season...Those one-upping cock-bastards
**Expert is usually defined as somebody with more readership than I - Seriously though, Phil Steele is about as "expert" as it gets in CFB

My New Favorite SEC Football Player

Jason Cook - he's smarter than you

Typical SEC football player? 5-11, 248 pounds of eff you up?...Check. Menacing stare?...Check.

Jason Cook is a fullback, so like most glorified offensive linemen, we, as typical fans, pay little attention to him (unless he makes a bone-headed play- like that fullback in The Program -or he's Rick Razzano). He doesn't get the ball much and rarely shows up in the box score (hopefully that will change this season cause he's a great receiver out of the backfield).

He doesn't have a ridiculously awesome name (Yeah, I'm looking at you, De'Cody), he doesn't counterfeit bills as to make it rain, he doesn't even talk about himself in the third person, as in "Jason Cook loves to bring the pain."

Until this week, I just figured Jason Cook fit right in with the rest of the questionable qualifiers/big dumb animals...then I read his blog on OleMissSports.com, and it made me a believer.

“It’s been a long, long time coming but I know change gon’ come. Oh yes it will.” Sam Cooke could not have said it better. There is a natural human tendency to abhor change. Yet during this period of change that we are going through, there is no sentiment of regret or disdain for change. Instead, change has been embraced and appreciated. There is a great feeling in the Ole Miss Rebel locker room; one of liberation and great anticipation of what is to come in the future."

[rebelog - the rest is just as impressive]

ab·hor (ăb-hôr')- To regard with horror or loathing; detest

WTF? This dude writes better than I do...and I can't block a linebacker for s**t. I don't usually count on my vocabulary word-o-the-day coming from a SEC football player either. Turns out, Jason "abhorred" the whole criminal justice/sociology trend among athletes (like Rick Razzano) and went and decided to major in English, with a minor in political science.

Hmmm...so not only is Jason Cook one of the best fullbacks in the SEC, but his prose would have Faulkner soiling his pantaloons (wrong era?).

All that to say, Big 10 Commisioner Jim Delaney, you can gag on some Jason Cook verbiage, bitch.

[HT: someonestolemyusernamedamnit]

SEC Recrootin' Roundup

Be the envy of everyone with eyes: Get this limited edition, Crimson Tider Championship Letter Jacket. We'll even sew on the '08 National Recrootin' Championship patch at no additional charge!!! [e-bay, seriously]


Well, the second college football "season" is now over [/sarcasm], and It appears that Bama's won their Thirteenth Nation Championship!!! (more on that later). Soon, I'll be forced to put out my 2008 recrootin' All-Name team and that will require me to do some actual "research" and "work" when publishing this blog. Not Cool, but I digress.

Here comes my jaded opinions on all thing crootin' in the best college football conference in the universe (note: it's not the Big-ten)...


Alabama - The University of Saban rules your ass! Yes, he may get owned by the Sun-Belt on the gridiron, but your momma and grand-momma are putty in Nick's supple hands. When it comes to telling people what they want to hear, Saban has no equal, and he proved it on February 6th. Gotta give him credit. He worked his little ass off to find "character" souljas to build his kingdom with. I find it impressive that all the top rated players in the state (and around the south) just so happened to also be "high character." Cause that was the problem with Shula's recruits, right?...They lacked character.


No longer will Bama fans have to live in jealousy of schools who have achieved success in the last decade, for they too are National Champions*!


Arkansas - The importance of Ryan Mallet cannot be understated. He won't show up on the sheet for this class, but he's a huge get for a school that hasn't had a legit passer since the cold war. He WILL NOT be playing this fall, despite his pending appeal, but think about all the potentially highly entertaining QBs we'll have in the SEC come 2009 (Mallet, Snead, Starr, Burns, not to mention Tebow and Stafford) By the way, De'Anthony Curtis has a supurb first name, plus he's a straight Manimal. Behold...


De'Anthony's badassery (warning: annoying rap song accompaniment)


Auburn - This is what happens when you lose coordinators who actually matter (sorry Major!) I'm not saying this is a bad class either, it's not. Make no mistake: Auburn ended poorly because Auburn lost big time assistants, and there's no school in the SEC where the assistants play a bigger role in every aspect of the program. This doesn't have as much to do with Tuberville and the infighting over contracts or any of that mess. Do you think recruits care about any of that? Hell no. They care about who calls them ever week. Who writes them every day. Who they think they can trust. Who runs the scheme that features they skillz. And at Auburn, those people were Tubby's first lieutenants' Borges and Muschamp. Fact is, keep Borges, keep Enrique, among others. Keep Muschamp, keep Trahan, among others. This class looks a little different then, now doesn't it? In Auburn recruiting, Tuberville is merely the closer. Well, this year, Tommy didn't have his foot solders in position to kill a damn thing (therefore, not much closing going on). That does go back to Saban actually. Nick is changing recruiting in this state. He is a heartless, soulless machine who Croots hard year round and demands the same of his staff (such is the reason nobody on his staff likes him). He's actually on the front lines (as opposed to most head men) Lets face facts Auburn fans...Tuberville is going to have to change his methods/work ethic or else he's gonna get burned badly in the talent department.


Auburn's gonna miss this MF 'ER!!!


Florida - Another awesome recruiting class to augment the group of young studs residing in Gainesville. The Gates pulled national badasses out of New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Alabama, Texas, Georgia and California. Is Urban out-recrootin' his predecessor, the Zooker? I'd have to say so. But after the talent that [name redacted] built, the national championship, and the fact they it's effing Florida, was there ever any doubt? I've always said, recruiting to UF is akin to convincing Katrina victims to cash their FEMA checks.


Tim can't wait for the freshmeat to arrive!


Georgia - In a state with about 25 out-freaking-standing football players every year (4-star types) and no real natural predators, UGA's usually got it made. I would dare say that Richt has the best/most-laid back offseason job in College football. That's right, I said it. In Athens, recruiting is a breeze, expectations aren't that insane (with the obvious exception of the current off-season) and the Georgia fans don't often overreact. Think about it...UGA is like coaching at LSU without the rabid coonasses and multiple, recent BCS championships to live up to every season...With a much richer recruiting base. If you can hold serve at Georgia, you're top 10 in recruiting without breaking a sweat. Imagine if Lord Saban was recruiting for The Dawgs?


Georgia's earned tons of hype as we look towards spring - the best thing Stafford and Co. can do, take a vacation from it all...get back to the basics at Dega


Kentucky - After the kinds of seasons KY has been churning out the last few years (read: Friggin Bowl Games) these recruiting classes are not up to par. At least at first glance. Plus, UK only signed 20 and no quarterback? Sounds like old-man Brooks is gettin' a little lazy in his formative years.


Rich seems to think he can keep that ^^^ ^ up with these no-talent classes - More power to you, Coach


LSU - This was a down year for Louisiana talent, and therefore translated into a down year for LSU talent. Fortunately for the Bengal Tigers, a down year in Cajun means, "Not quite a Top 10 National class, but top 15, sure." The Tigas pride themselves on owning their home state, and they sure enough did, supposedly taking home everyone they wanted. High functioning, lucky retard, Les Miles also landed the #1 Corner in the nation, Patrick Johnson, out of Urban's backyard. Pretty good for a mouth breather!


"Fan rings?!? Why didn't Bama think of that? Cuz humans ain't got 13 fingers, asshole" (SbB)


Mississippi State - Croom's boys had an overall "mehhh" class highlighted by a few players any program would want... Like Templeton Hardy (DT) and Charles Mitchell (DB) However, there is an extremely large no-talenet ass-clown quotient. Seriously, it's like a who's-who of nobodies. However, there is one player we're psyched about who's back for his second straight year of recrootin'! This name will always catch my eye...


"Hi, I think we've met before...I'm Michael Hunt."


Ole Miss - Wow. Nutt busts a little "Happy Signing Day Surprise" on Rebel fans. It's certainly a change for the better. Going back a long time, Ole Miss fans are used to getting shat upon on signing day. Not that this class is amazingly awesome or anything, but it's just nice to get some good news in February for a change. In the last several years, Col. Reb has been on the short lists of a variety of "big name" backs (Frank Gore, Keiland Williams, Joe McKnight), only to end up dick in hand. The stud RBs always flirted, but never seemed to give it up the dotted line. Well, all that changed in '08 when Nutt, to his credit, reeled in supposed Bo Jackson impersonator and 5-star, Enrique Davis. The rest of the class is pretty ho-hum: some honkies, a few questionable quarterbacks and B-listers. I guess after you go 0-8 in the SEC and fire your ravenous head-coach, it's actually not too shabby.


Rev. Nutt just got a little more popular, ladies and gents


South Carolina - The Cocks supposedly "filled a lot of needs" (recruit-nerd speak for "It's not as good as last year...yeah it kinda sucks") Spurrier certainly did not finish strong and inexplicably got his ass handed to him by Tommy Bowden??? I think this class shows evidence that Steve is growing weary of his Gamecock experiment. Did he really think he could possibly recapture the magic he had in Gainesville? Me thinks that "magic" could more so be attributed to the population boom of the sunshine state in the 60's and 70's (See also: Poppa Bowden at FSU and various successful coaches at "Tha U"). That's my personal theory.


If Tommy Bowden (L) and Steve Spurrier (R) started a family


Tennessee - Apparently not too many youngsters were wishin' they was on Ole Rocky Top come this fall. In fact, this has to be the most embarrassing big orange signing class of my life time. The talent level is more indicative of East Tennessee State University...Oh, they quit playing football a few years back? (Whores!) Maybe Middle Tennessee State then. No...seriously, it's not that bad, but it's one of the worst in the SEC. Plus it's pretty flaccid at only 18 signees? I've always said Fulmer does less with more...but now he's just gonna have to learn to do even less with less.


desperate times in Knoxville


Vanderbilt - Bobby Johnson is not going to blow anyone away with this signing class, even by Vandy standards. The best player (most sought after) has to be three-star, DeAndre Jones, a linebacker out of Memphis University School. One thing I will say, there are entirely too many white kids in this signing class. And I'm not saying that Vandy needs to do any affirmative action bull, I'm just saying if they want to win at football, which is ostensibly why you field a team in the SEC, they need to drop all these slow-assed Honkies...STAT! As evidenced by his lack of recruiting prowess, Bobby Johnson must be one hell of an on-the-field coach to be sniffin' 4-5 wins a year.


Nothing sums up Vandy's 2008 class like Britney birthing The Looter (actually, I just like this picture)


*Rivals Recrootin' National Champions

Jim Rome Says All The Things We Know

It's amazing how many folks come to your defense when you demoralize the Big Ten for the second season in a row.

You still won't hear too much pro-SEC talk from the mainstream ESPN types (sportscenter, gameday), but at least Rome doesn't swallow the ABC/Disney, contractually obligated, Big-10 load which the rest of his network thrives on. It's great to see a few talking heads out there who can speak their mind without constantly worrying about who's in bed with who (ABC hearts the Big-10 for 100 Mil).

Your Moment of Zen

Why are these LSU fans so thrilled?

Why are they most likely pissing off the upper deck, tossing pints of So-Co and engaging in dude-on-dude makeout sessions? Did their team just score a touchdown...Win the big game or did the whole section just receive a coupon for a free Sonic "Wacky Pack?" No, you asshole...



They just found out that Southern Cal got beat. Yeah, a school 1818 miles away...A school that LSU hasn't played since 1984...A school that sat behind LSU in the AP. It's pure, unadulterated, burbon-soaked, Cajun joy:



Click Here to See Stanford Sexually Assault Pete Carroll's Dreams

Deep Thoughts

SEC Football, Weekend 2

This will be my first solid college football gameday experience of 2007 (no "tool showers" this weekend). Last weekend was spent running rampant, driving throughout North Alabama. Trust me, it's not ideal. This time, I'm gonna settle in for the long haul. Should I bring the whiskey out? We'll just have to see where the day takes us. It's a day full of enticing matchups.

For Breakfast, we've got the Alabama @ Vanderbilt matchup. I've got a few friends of mixed allegiance who will be in attendance so the texts will be a flyin'. Sounds like a fun trip, but the campus of Vanderbilt on gameday is about as much fun as Hepatitis C. Especially when you add in a bunch of these sleeveless a-holes (nice visor, turd). Vandy will look amazing for a half, then they will hand Bama the game with a timely turnover in the forth quarter. Why? Cause they're Vandy. That's why.

For an afternoon snack, we've got South Carolina at Georgia. For some ungodly reason, the line on this game is 4 little points. Did Vegas not see Spurrier struggling with UL-LAFF last week and Georgia deep-tainting the OSU Cowboys? This is going to be butt-throttling like Spurrier hasn't seen in years.

Also at 5pm, we get to see Penn State and Jo Pa punch Charlies Weis square in the Gunt. I'll give him one more year.

Ole Miss v. Mizzou is at 5pm...Yeah, but it's not on TV...at all. Anywhere. How the F, in this day and age, can a football game between two OOC BCS teams not be on some form of visual media?!? Internet? Pay Per View? Mother of God. (Even Miss. St v. Tulane is on TV!) Oh, and the Ole Miss radio feed got switched from my Sirius to XM this season. Thanks you assholes! Like I just bought Sirius for the shitty music and Howard Stern replays. My only saving grace here in Birmingham is that Missouri's radio feed still comes in to Sirius. You ever tried listening to the other teams broadcast? It sucks. Every time they get all excited, you're depressed and vice versa. Don't think I won't sit in my car though. In "accessory" of course. With a cold beer. That's what I call being an ridiculous, obsessively pathetic college football fan.

And the Night Cap will be an ESPN viewing of Auburn v. South Florida. This game is not going to be as close as the crazy assed 7 point line would indicate. Auburn scared a few folks (in a bad way) during the Kansas State game but they're no chumps. They're gonna make improvements and they'll be whipping the over hyped Bulls up and down the field by the third quarter.

Not to be forgotten, The College Gameday locale featuring VT @ LSU. I don't know why this game is getting so hyped. VT is maybe a top 25 team (another reason why preseason polls suck). I know I haven't been too high on LSU, but they are at least a top 10 team. Best case scenario, LSU wins by 35. Worst case scenario, LSU wins by two touchdowns and Les Miles wonders aloud at the post game press conference, "I don't see why everybody's kissin' Virginia Tech ass. I mean, that team sucks balls."


Second-hand Sal says, "Les Miles is embarrassing!"