Thursday, April 17

Bama Fan of the Week

The Ad Wizard that came up with this new "Got Recruits?" tee...


Apparently, I've got "the bamafever," because my skin is crawling, my head hurts and think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. I don't even know where to start with this sad shit. Who are the assholes that think this up so their fellow sick, dumb assholes will shell out $20 that we all know should be going to delinquent child support payments?

Long Overdue Public Service Announcement: Decent Bama alumni and fans...We all know one or two of you. People with jobs, morals, direction, an ego that's not based on the merits of a long dead football coach and a foundationed home...this is why your fanbase gets made fun of. It's not you...I'm not attacking you. I'm attacking the redneckery, the ignorance, the tardedness (if you will) that causes every damn resident of this state to be perceived as an extra in My Name is Earl. They are why this state is bottom five in obesity, infant mortality, gross income, chromosomes...damn near every gosh damn measurable imaginalbe. It just so happens that 99% of these half-wit, chain smoking, hairy assed, child molesters root for your team. Do not take offense...enjoy it with us. (we laugh to keep from crying, friend)

Back to the shirt...This is a classic trait of the Bama fan. They don't have a damn thing "on the field" to brag about. But they do. They can't help themselves. It's part of their redneck entitlement of being born in "Alabama the Beautiful" during Bear Bryant's living years. They just know they're better than you. (They don't let just anybody drive a fork-lift, you sum-a-bitch)

Ok, so they're bragging...about recruiting. It's one thing to be excited about the future...but to attempt to tell your rival, who has knocked your dick in the dirt 6 years running..."Fear The Future"? That's impressive. Future smack is my favorite kind of smack. "What you gonna say when we beat that ass, huh?" "Hmmm...we'll cross that bridge if/when we come to it, Douchey Doucherton."

This type of back-talk runs rampant on the interwebs and message boards...mostly perpetrated by recent pubescents who are experimenting with ill-advised, and utterly pointless "nut-flexing." However, white trash of all ages is certainly not immune to this form of vicious smack.

Tee shirts that brag are bad enough...Tee shirts that brag about how many 17 and 18 year old boys that a coach of some team you "claim" can attract is a whole nother level of "dumb as hell." The really sad part...this BS probably makes money.

So, Bama alumi and fans, when you see your favorite "friend of the university" git'n-er-done on gameday in one of these turdulent tee-shirt, don't hang your head...just laugh along with the rest of us.

Better yet, take a picture and sent it in. Join the team. Email's on your right.

These gentlemen pre-ordered that ass

[HT: Makeitblue and Someonestolemyusernamedamnit]


  1. being that i consider myself to fall into the category of fans you speak of in your psa, i cannot even begin to consider defending the production of this shirt nor anyone who would consider buying it. (hangs head)

  2. Pretty awful. Then again, I saw some pretty bad "championship merchandise" with our recent BCS title. I was able to locate a few of the more tasteful items, mainly a hat and shirt here and there that simply had LSU and National Champions on them, except for one pretty cheesy Tshirt for my two year old.

    Erik, keep in mind that all of us, all over the South, have to deal with at least some element of redneckery in our fan bases (well documented in my own a few posts ago). Most of them just don't happen to be donors for some reason or another (it would put too big a dent in the Doral, Milwaukee's Best Light, and Krispy Kreme section of the budget, e.g.).

  3. i am a student at alabama and i have to say that shirt is pretty stupid. i seriously hope no one would actually buy that and i hope no one wears it around campus

  4. Anon, I don't think you have to worry about students (and recent alums) wearing it, on campus or elsewhere. It's that other faction we're talking about here.

  5. Thank, Jennifer. I do what I can.

  6. someonestolemyusernamedamnit7:31 PM, April 18, 2008

    I feel your pain anonymous. But, I can assure you with the utmost certainty that there will plenty of those shirts seen in the Decatur Wal-Mart within the next month.


  8. This one really makes me ashamed to be a Bama fan...I'm so glad I'm an intelligent and realistic person. Go Samford Bulldogs!

  9. As unbelievably silly as that is, Ole Miss still has that ridiculous acorn t-shirt (ostensibly, an homage to "Nutt: The Coach).

  10. Anon...I'm sure I'll be commenting on The Miss. State infiltration of the Oxford Police department soon. Somebody check for cowbells in the cruisers, stat!

    Ivory Tower...that is a ghay assed shirt...tis true. Why'd they go with an Acorn...why not a Peanut. "Acorn the Coach"...sad thing is, they makin' Benjamins and we sittin on the sidelines hatin'.