"Congratulations...You've got lice."
hat tip: Team Speed Kills
Overheard in the lobby of The Wynfrey at Media days:
"Is you still a virgin if you sex ur sister?"
What am I missing here? Did The Cowboy always have this sweet assed mullet, or did he just recently acquire it in some kind of stereotype fulfillment program?
Well, another sidewalk Bama fan bites the dust. No more Tider talk? What, with the Basketball season's just heating up? Womens Gymnastics and the Bass Fishing team are coming off outstanding recruiting classes, I'm sure. Damn. What am I gonna do for cheap content? Kige's over here shitting the bed...Guess I might have to really try and write something. Thanks assholes.
Note: You can blame AL.com video for the craptastic formatting eff ups...hope you had a merry Christmas
Yeah, I know Tiders.
"That sweeter cost more then yure life, barner!"
Even so, lil' Saban looks like my kid nephew at the candlelight Christmas Eve service.
Except my nephew wouldn't look so gosh damn nervous, and pissed all the damn time. Even after Nick's 12-1 season, he still looks as verbally constipated as ever in front of the assembled media...with hate in every shrug of his shoulders, smerk of his evil mouth and repeated utterance of "relative to."
How could you not love this guy? RTR.
By the way, this video was taken on the 28th, so maybe the yet to be disclosed Andre Smith decision was weighing heavily on Saban's alleged soul. Hey, but who gives an eff about that guy? "Andre the Giant" was one of Shula's no-talent recruits, right? On to bigger and better things.
Tider Porn - Happy New Year
Little known Van Zant sister, Tina is an avid supporter of the Tide as well as Bass Pro Shop Grand Openings [HT: Darren]
Another excellent reader submission for you. Keep up the strong recon, Darren. I've been warned that the new Bass Pro Shop in Leeds, AL is a veritable cornucopia of crimson comedy. (It's either bass pro, or some random Boat/Outdoors show at the BJCC) However, I never expected this.
Is that even considered a mullet anymore? Ladies, you tell me. It looks like it could be on a Pantene commercial. What do you make of shim?
Edit:
An embarrassment of riches this week. As opposed to posting a third "BFOTW" in three days, I'll simply slip in this lovely reader submitted pic of a prosperous and permed pachyderm...
Somebody's bringing sexy back, and this ain't no proletariat-mullet either [see: top of the post]. Check out that watch, MFer! Notice the hair product. You think he just falls out of his custom, heart shaped water-bed looking like that?
According to our reader, this 80's holdover scored himself some prime-time seats at the Iron Bowl. Interesting...
"Erik, This guy was sitting next to me at the Iron Bowl... Wonderful mullet, Kentucky [ and/or Tuscaloosa] Waterfall like you wouldn't believe, maybe the best part is that this dude was sitting on the 50yd line."Major credit, Phil. These couldn't be Auburn fans sitting in this Tide Pride section, right? Does this mean Tiders are starting to eat their own?
It seems our new acquaintance Cowboy is ridin' his "beat that ass" Fat Phil, Tennessee video all the way to the top. Deadspin, roundtableradio... I've even seen folks linking to it on facebook. The original video has almost 70,000 views, for Kige's sake. Move over Ramsey. Don't miss the interview of the century...
Bama Fans and Indoor Smoking...goes together like Bear Bryant and Classyness
It seems Jamezzz ain't the only drunk and lonely Tider crying out for attention on a Saturday night. NoShame's actually got some stiff competition here. No, this self proclaimed "cowboy" ain't from Sylacuaga...He's actually from Tennessee (but he don't like no orange). He's a lifetime Tider that's "only been watchin' Bama for a while." I'm torn...
[warning: profanity laced with excessive facial hair]
Who's wins this Neck-off? I put it to a vote on your right.
[nafoom]
My short and sweet photo essay of gameday at the capstone. What an untapped cornicopia of Bama-Fan-of-the-Week awesomeness...
this guys fanhood is bigger than yours
I guess "RTRMFER" was already taken.
we had the pleasure of joining the proletariat in the upper deck
After a trip to Tuscaloosa, creating "smack shirts" is my new life goal. Apparently there's is a huge market for these things. They're like big, sweaty pseudo-offensive greeting cards, but without the wittiness and/or intentional comedy. Seems that one can say whatever dumb shit one wants, as long as it's bold and cap-locked, asshole. Why sit silently and be thought retarded when your tee shirt can remove all doubt?
(why am I suddenly hearing the opening cords of "Gimmie Three Steps" in my head?) Hell effing yes! Keep on rockin' in the free world, brother. (looks like Kid Rock's portly brother actually) Not only is he sporting the most kickass baseball cap known to man, but he's got the Tuscaloosa waterfall to match. Major credit.
The view from my seats...seriously, I didn't even have to move, just turnaround. (Last row, endzone, baby...that's how we roll) Ah Tutwiler, the girls dorm with so many endearing nicknames. "13 Floors of... Totally Not Promiscuous Young Ladies."
Nothing says crimson stud like a camo team hat, a custom lanyard, a never-scared beard, complete with a pony tail holder.
RTR indeed...would have given more credit if it said "2"
Bear would be so proud
Throughout this glorious Saturday, I realized a thing or two. Going to an Alabama game in Tuscaloosa is like having a party at your house and inviting your friends, plus every Stuckey's, Flying J, Waffle House and Hardee's employee between Bossier City and Valdosta. I'll leave you with this...
Nice tube socks [credit: Heath at AverageSouthernJoes] I love how these fine gentlemen say Ole Miss is the best team Bama's gonna face the rest of the season, then they call for a 24 point victory. "Nick Saban vs. God...who ya got?... Da Tahd."
[More Bama/Ole Miss Photo Coverage from Friends of the Program]
Now, that's just effing rude. As well as terribly, terribly accurate. Credit goes to comedic genius(es) Gump4Heisman [HT: nafoom] Click here to see all 15 alternate (uncencored) covers.
[ht: Daniel]
If magazine covers added up to national championships, consider this "13." Apparently the editor over at SI was the recipient of a Bear Bryant organ back in '83. Jeebus.
Everybody loves an underdog (unless said underdog is wearing a houndstooth baseball cap) ...I call it "The Gump Effect."
[last year's fellatio]
[The time Bama was almost back]
EDSBS and The Sporting Blog's Spencer Hall is doing his thing at SEC Media Days. Here, Spence encounters one of the many Tiders that make the yellowhammer state so damn special.
399 effing dollars?!? I wonder what the Mike Shula prints are going for in the discount bin at Bammer Fever?
Oh, and just because I'm gonna be out of town starting tomorrow, I'm feeling generous...Keep the Bama party going with this stud...
Huh. didn't know Bama had Canadian fans. What's more kick ass? Custom jorts or a custom jean jacket?
"Wait just a gosh darn minute. Tha Snake is innocent til proven guilty, you sumabitch...That black boy can go ta hell for all I care...he's guilty as sin, plus Saban says we don't need him no-way." [HT: Byrd]
If only tha bahr was approvingly lookin' down from Golden Flake heaven
[HT: Trey]
[HT: Gordo]
RTR Indeed [HT: Gordo]
Jimmy John's garage? Heard whores will do almost anything for blow. This looks like the cover of Tider Rides & Skanks Illustrated [HT: Blake]
Tiders are typically marketing geniuses. Talk about living in the past...The fine print should read: "Paint Chips Are A Tasty Treat" What is Shawn Alexander even doing these days since he got dropped by the Seahawks? Probably somewhere being an annoying, self-important, unemployed douche. Knowshon, I'd take this shirt as a complement. Can't wait for the groundbreaking "Matthew Stafford is no Tyler Watts" Tee. [HT: Duff] [noshawn.com]
Nick tap-dancing Saban! That's a sweet ass purse. RTR!!!!!1
Nate Davis ain't got nothing on this dude
In anticipation of the season opening game between The Bama Crimson Tiders and the ACC's Clemson Tigers in the ATL, I give you The Clemson Super Fan (A.K.A. Nate Davis' Diddy):
You're thinking, "That's not really newsworthy, now is it?" Well...you'd be correct.
That was Clemson Tim's first ever tattoo...not too shabby. Well executed, relatively tasteful if you're into that sort of thing, right? Sure. But who wants to stop with just one tattoo? (sounds like a "gateway drugs" are bad talk) Below, is his second tattoo...
4 sessions, at least 28 hours and countless dollar bills later:
holy shitballs. I'm impressed and afraid all at once. He says it's not even done yet. At least he went for the more timeless symbols of the University like Howard's Rock and the Tiger instead of more transient imagery like say...Tommy Bowden or Tommy Bowden's daughter. (yeah, I'm not gonna link that)
Screw marching bands. How bout a Bama Nate vs. Clemson Tim "Steel Cage Match Halftime Spectacular" in the Georgia Dome? Are you freakin' kidding me? I gotta make some calls.
Compare and contrast...Who ya got?
[ImmortalImagesTattoo]
First Rule of The Deep South: Never make eye contact with a Tider in the wild.
Drew and Erica will admit it... Mistakes were made. But lucky for us all, they made it out of Six Flags over Georgia with their lives...and without the requisite filterless Pall Mall burns to the forearm. (defensive wounds)
They got made. It happens...Learn from it. We all had a first time.
While the subject may appear docile, heavily medicated and unkempt, do not be fooled. He's better than you. His tri-tone beard type thing, shifty eyes and vintage crimson jersey speak of classy, more traditional times...before even Julio Jones was birthed by the Nubian gods.
Back when a man was a man. Back when the Bear wasn't nothin' but alive, and this stud didn't have to "pass" a gosh damn piss test every time he wrecked the forklift. Yeah, so times have changed...What of it?
He may be on government disability, but at least he's got 12.
What have you got?
A lone tider at Six Flags is not to be trifled with. wallet chain?
[ht: Drew Photo: Erica...very classy indeed]
click to enlarge
Losers with Socks and their crack farking squad have been working overtime...
click to enlarge
[credit to "Scorched Colon" and "WiDEau5" respectively]
On the left, you'll see a boring white, understated Auburn truck, but on the right, you can't help but notice a kick-ass, semi-professionally air-brushed Tider truck. Even so, what really separates the Auburn man from the Alabama man? (Lets look a little closer...)
Yeah, That's Right (click to enlarge)
Balls. Bama fans have balls. And they're more than happy to share them with you on I-65...in a classy, traditional way, of course. The ole slippery scarlet scrotum trick. Good One, Tider. Would you expect anything less from a fan with 12 National Championships? Thank you, Anonymous Bama Fan...I'd follow you anywhere. It is, in fact, "Time ^^^ To Roll!"
This, my fellow Americans, is why you should always be ready to snap candid pictures of SEC wildlife at a moment's notice. My wife actually captured these amazing images on I-65 in Birmingham on our return from the beach. I've heard rumors of other SEC fanbases with similar awesomeness, but for some reason, I only have eyes for The Tide. If you've got something of merit, please, don't hesitate to share! By gawd, we'll make it through this summer somehow. (crappy Farks need not apply)
It seems the "Got Recruits?" tee has opened up a veritable Pandora's box of high quality UAT apparel. I have to thank reader Jonathan for directing my attention to the "Roll Tide" cafepress store that promotes all things awesome and crimson. I'm fairly certain that these outstanding tee-shirt ideas are not the brain-child of a singular tider (one man's brain could never conceive of such greatness), but the pooled creativity and wit of an entire fanbase. (Yes, these are all REAL Bama tee-shirts, ready to ship for $20) Enjoy...
Uncle Rico shares your pride in this 27 year old accomplishment.
This classic even comes in a fun little tote bag. Not sure you can really say that "The Tide Turned" though. Doesn't the tide turning involve some sort of change, one way or the other? Does going from 6-6 with Shula to 6-6 with Saban constitute a change? Two straight Indy bowls? Maybe something more along the lines of "The Tide Stagnated"?
Ok, that's disturbing. And dumb. Does Meth give you bloody urine? You could wear this shirt, or...or you could just scribble "Registered Sex Offender" on your forehead.
I "fear the process" of dumbing down America's rednecks. Who's gonna tile my effin' bathroom? If I see anybody wearing this shirt they are going to be the recipient of a well deserved swift kick to the crotch in a valiant attempt to damage their evil reproductive organs. Fair warning.
Last, but not least...
Enlarged:
Click here to read the totally relevant and inspirational Roll Tide Bible verse that's printed on the back...just above the hardy RTR!! which is appropriately written in the Lord's blood. (God's a Tider)
It's perfect. Except for the sleeves...gotta lose the sleeves.
[get yours today: 176 awesome, witty, classy tees to choose from]
Joeseph Olevario is Talkin' S**t
[HT: TheWizardofOdds]
Something tells me Rich Rod would have gotten along just fine in Tuscaloosa. West Virginia seems to be what the State of Alabama would be like if The Bama Fans of the Week happened to be running things in Montgomery. Airbrushed RVs for all!
refreshing... tasteful, understated elegance...RTR indeed
You may have thought that we blew our proverbial Bammer wad a couple weeks back...Not So Fast, a-hole. There's still a little lead in the Tider of the Week pencil. (what?)
Ridin' Turdy
Charlie Weis is seen leaving Tuscaloosa after meeting with Saban at Qdoba Mexican Grill on The Strip
Is Weis secretly interviewing for a spot on Saban's staff after his craptastic 1-7 start? We think Crew-Cut Charlie is attempting to kiss-up a little bit with this sweet-assed bike. Wow, I'm pretty sure he's riding the new "Heavy-Duty, Daniel Moore Edition - Harley Davidson Douche Rocket." That's one lucky gunt.
HT: Thanks, Beth!
