Note: You can blame AL.com video for the craptastic formatting eff ups...hope you had a merry Christmas
Yeah, I know Tiders.
"That sweeter cost more then yure life, barner!"
Even so, lil' Saban looks like my kid nephew at the candlelight Christmas Eve service.
Except my nephew wouldn't look so gosh damn nervous, and pissed all the damn time. Even after Nick's 12-1 season, he still looks as verbally constipated as ever in front of the assembled media...with hate in every shrug of his shoulders, smerk of his evil mouth and repeated utterance of "relative to."
How could you not love this guy? RTR.
By the way, this video was taken on the 28th, so maybe the yet to be disclosed Andre Smith decision was weighing heavily on Saban's alleged soul. Hey, but who gives an eff about that guy? "Andre the Giant" was one of Shula's no-talent recruits, right? On to bigger and better things.
Tider Porn - Happy New Year
Tuesday, December 30
Note: You can blame AL.com video for the craptastic formatting eff ups...hope you had a merry Christmas
Sunday, December 21
So, the SEC was a little "top heavy" (much like your mother) this season with Florida, Alabama, Georgia and Ole Miss leading the way, but is that necessarily a bad thing? The SEC's about to embarrass the best of the rest (The Big XII) on a national stage this January. Enjoy yo-self.
Friday, December 19
Leslie R. Parker - making all your Mike Price/Mike Dubose fantasies come true
And no, Alana Colete Connell was not listed among the alleged SabaNation Street-Walker Society. Get your mind out of gutter, Barner...
Montgomery police arrested seven women and three men during a prostitution sting Wednesday.
The detail targeted prostitutes who conduct their operations using the Internet or telephone, police said.
Undercover officers were able to set up meetings with women at a hotel in the area.
The possibilities are pretty much endless here.
"Yes, Maam...What package? ... Oh, I'll start off with the SJPW 'Bama Bangs', with a side of 'The Snake' and...hmmm... does that include The Namath 'I wanna kiss you'?"
Link: Not a Julia Roberts in this bunch
Monday, December 15
Monday, December 8
Little known Van Zant sister, Tina is an avid supporter of the Tide as well as Bass Pro Shop Grand Openings [HT: Darren]
Another excellent reader submission for you. Keep up the strong recon, Darren. I've been warned that the new Bass Pro Shop in Leeds, AL is a veritable cornucopia of crimson comedy. (It's either bass pro, or some random Boat/Outdoors show at the BJCC) However, I never expected this.
Is that even considered a mullet anymore? Ladies, you tell me. It looks like it could be on a Pantene commercial. What do you make of shim?
An embarrassment of riches this week. As opposed to posting a third "BFOTW" in three days, I'll simply slip in this lovely reader submitted pic of a prosperous and permed pachyderm...
Somebody's bringing sexy back, and this ain't no proletariat-mullet either [see: top of the post]. Check out that watch, MFer! Notice the hair product. You think he just falls out of his custom, heart shaped water-bed looking like that?
According to our reader, this 80's holdover scored himself some prime-time seats at the Iron Bowl. Interesting...
"Erik, This guy was sitting next to me at the Iron Bowl... Wonderful mullet, Kentucky [ and/or Tuscaloosa] Waterfall like you wouldn't believe, maybe the best part is that this dude was sitting on the 50yd line."Major credit, Phil. These couldn't be Auburn fans sitting in this Tide Pride section, right? Does this mean Tiders are starting to eat their own?
Saturday, December 6
- Challenge Bama's weak link secondary; throw deep, intermediate, often
- Off tackle rushing game
- Win the turnovers
- Old school grind it out football. Marathon, not a sprint mentality on offense
- Stop the run and force turnovers. Disciplined D - Don't give up big plays
- JPW has to step up at some point and win the game
Enough of that football talk, check out these classy Bama fans courtesy of TheWizardofOdds:
One of the famed "Houndstooth Twins" working "the strip" for that ticket
PSA: this kid scares the crap out of me
"Hey, could you not take a picture of my cigarette...I don't wanna nobody thinkin' I'm trashy"
Note to self: Start making really retarded tee-shirts. Sell them in Tuscaloosa.
"play some Skynard!!!"
Monday, December 1
Kige Kringle sets us all straight on the BCS with earth-shattering analysis as well as totally not regurgitated thoughts and views on the controversial "Big South Conference" championship game. Keep on rockin' in the free world, Kige...
This is what you have to look forward to...
Yeah, the music gets a bit repetitive. Who knew little Ole Miss could play with such swagger?
Capital One (in Orlando) vs. Ohio State or Michigan State: I would love for Ole Miss to be the third SEC team in as many years to embarrassed that sweater-vested douchebag from THE Ohio State. This is a dream scenario. Michigan State isn't sexy in the least, but they could say goodbye to that running game (The SEC's MSU had negative 51 yards rushing in the Egg bowl)
Cotton Bowl vs. Texas Tech: This would also be a fun matchup. Tons of effeminate Ole Miss fans are skeerd of the likes of TTU, because pass defense is not exactly the Rebs specialty, but I say Peria Jerry would eat a piece of that dainty little Graham Harrell's soul every time he dropped back and jumped around the backfield. I say bring it. Land Sharks, baby.
Wednesday, November 26
What is with kickass rednecks lately?
Smokin' indoors, drink beer, gettin effed up, havin' awesome hair, listening to some metal tunes and talkin' Crimson Tide football.
Damn right. Generally livin' the dream. RTR!
[warning: foul language and general neckery]
"man...I'm high as a kite"
so expressive these Tigahs. Now here's some white lady goes all Emily Dickinson on yo ass...
An Ole Miss win? Who'd a thunk it?
Looks like LSU just decided to chunk it!
They booed Jarrett Lee
And Jefferson wasn't the key-
LSU clearly did flunk it!!
I'm looking for someone to blame
I want no excuse that is considered lame.
The whole game was bad
Tiger fans are mad
Cuz now Mud has to be our name.
Saturday Ole Miss played the best.
I hate losing, it makes me depressed
But you can book it that Anne
Is a true Tiger fan-
And next year will be a Tiger success!!!
- Anne S.
I feel your pain LSU fans. Mine was called "Ed 'The Shrimper'Orgeron."
Sunday, November 2
Friday, October 31
It seems our new acquaintance Cowboy is ridin' his "beat that ass" Fat Phil, Tennessee video all the way to the top. Deadspin, roundtableradio... I've even seen folks linking to it on facebook. The original video has almost 70,000 views, for Kige's sake. Move over Ramsey. Don't miss the interview of the century...
Bama Fans and Indoor Smoking...goes together like Bear Bryant and Classyness
Wow...back from rough academic week...I apologize for the lack of southern white trash stereotype upholding and perpetuating content as of late. There's only so many hours in day. Even so, one guy I'll always willing to make time for is, the master of CFB wagering entertainment, The Geek. Lovin' that Ole Miss/Auburn prediction!
7-0, 6-1, 7-3…that's the last 3 weeks, and I won't even bitch about the 50% of those losses that should have been wins. We've been on an unbelievable tear of late, and are looking to keep the good times rollin'. We are about 80% of the way thru this weeks analysis, and have about 15 games we are really focused in on.
My guess at a couple of the SEC games that didn't make the cut for us:
I'm for sure not getting behind Nallsminger and their inept group here, as I'm not convinced they're capable of scoring anything of late, and they way their D is playing leaves me to believe their 38-24 scoring advantage over their offense vs SEC competition might come to an end sooner than later. Still the math shows AU with a slight advantage over Ole Miss on a yppl advantage, but Nutt has owned Dumbo of late, so I think this 3 Daves match up is best left alone…Ole Miss 25 AU 22 (for shits and giggles we'll say Auburn gets to 22 with 4 FGs, 1 special teams TD, one 2 pt conversion, and 1 AU defensive safety), The Nutts rush for close to 200 yards off, but can't quite put the War Eaglers away.
UT is probably now the only team in the SEC worse than AU, and it shows this week v. Darth Visor. Still, the USC QB du-jour this week throws the customary 2 INTs to keep this somewhat close…Cocks 21 UT 15
And now for our little nugget of the week…
I can pretty much reuse the analysis from last week on the Ole Miss-Ark game, as the same situations are at play here but with the #1 offense in the nation (literally) vs the #60 (to save the ass-hole that actually looks up what Ole Miss's offensive rank is please save it as that is just a guess)…the reality is Ark is still very bad, and was extremely fortunate to cover last week vs an Arkansas's defense is about average (-0.2 yppl), and stands no chance vs a Tulsa offense torching everyone this year (see above). Arkansas's offenses owns a slight 0.4 yppl advantage on offense, but no where near enough to keep up with Tulsa's +1.6 yppl or +2.7 ypa advantage on offense or their projected 10.5 ypa or 550 (7.6 yypl) yards total offense. My math calls for between 40-53 points for Tulsa, which is right in line with the models. O not even in the same planet as Tulsa's offense that is averaging over 600 yards offense a game and nearly 56 ppg.
Arkansas isn't very good and even vs some suspect defensive SEC competition of late (Ole Miss, UK, and Auburn) has only averaged 21 ppg. Tulsa's defense has its issues, but not near enough to surrender 35+ which is what they'll need to surrender here in order for the Pigtrino's to stand a chance. Tulsa's defense is slightly worse than average (-0.3 yppl), but I can't see an Arkansas Offense that hasn't scored more than 28 all season long doing much here in a game where they barely project a meaningful statistical advantage (+0.4 yypl on offense). Our models are split half and half with 30/29 and 22/23 for Arkansas…heck, give them the high side of 30, and take the lowest offensive output for Tulsa this year and we have a 37-30 squeaker. Consider Tulsa's hit 50+ 5 of 7 game and 49+ 6 of 7 games and look to outgain Arkansas 550-390 yards total offense, I don't really mind laying the TD on the mid-major vs the big ugly SEC team. Tulsa 44 Arkansas 25
Monday, October 27
It seems Jamezzz ain't the only drunk and lonely Tider crying out for attention on a Saturday night. NoShame's actually got some stiff competition here. No, this self proclaimed "cowboy" ain't from Sylacuaga...He's actually from Tennessee (but he don't like no orange). He's a lifetime Tider that's "only been watchin' Bama for a while." I'm torn...
[warning: profanity laced with excessive facial hair]
Who's wins this Neck-off? I put it to a vote on your right.
Friday, October 24
If you Wikipedia "The Alabama Fan Stereotype," this is that guy. And If you've ever wondered what a stoned, middle-aged Tider does on a Saturday night, well you are in luck, my friend. RTR, Mr. Jamezzz...
[warning: profane and unkempt]
[more Classic Jamezzz!]
[this video is labeled "Comedy"]
Thursday, October 23
My apologies to The Geek. I received this post at 5:47am (that's one hard working dude) and didn't get it up on the site till about 9:30pm. My bad. Doesn't make it any less awesome though...
We had another great week at TheGeekSheet, going 6-1 on our recommended plays, including a pretty easy winner on the free nugget we gave you all last week with Nebraska destroying Iowa State. We are now a paltry 13-1 the last two weeks, with our only loss coming on Stanford last week when UCLA marched 87 yards with 2 minutes to go, scoring with 15 seconds to go…but hey, you can’t win ‘em all right. We actually have two recommended plays this week on SEC games, which doesn’t happen often for us as we tend to be overtly critical about SEC games, including a play on the ole hotty totties (the other game is the UGA-LSU game). Click here for our recommend plays this week, hell it’s only $40 bucks, which doesn’t even cover the cost of your case of beer and bottle of boone’s farm for the old naggin hen.
Penn State Nittany Lions
Ohio State Buckeyes
Ohio State continues to be very bad on offense, averaging only 322 ypg (5.1 yppl), which is even worse considering they’ve done it vs average at best defenses (otherwise allowing 362 ypg @ 5.3 yppl). Even last week in their 45 pts showing, they only racked up 332 yards offense and had it not been for 5 MSU turnovers would have been lucky to post much more than 24. Much is made about how good OSUs defense is (which they are as they are only allowing 4.3 yppl), but statistically speaking PSUs defense is better, allowing only 4.0 yppl and slightly better than OSU vs average (+1.1 yppl for PSU to +1.0 yppl for OSU). PSU is only allowing 11 ppg, and in typical Tressell ball fashion, OSU is defying the odds of what their average score should be considering their paltry total offense and yppl statistics (they are averaging 27 pgg despite just 322 ypg). That is mainly due to a 21-8 turnover margin in favor of OSU (that equates to a little over a 1.5 Turnover / game margin in favor of OSU). If you normalize that and evaluate OSUs offense to PSUs defense we come up with a projection of 10-14 pts for OSU on 242 yards offense (4.0 yppl). Even using the entire season’s statistics we come up with 15-17 points, which is in line with our model projections of 15-20 for the Buckeyes. I noted this in my recap last week, but after the egg PSUs defense laid in the 1st quarter of last weeks game they allowed only 2 Michigan drives to gain 1st downs and one of those was Michigan’s last drive, so this is definitely a D capable of completely neutralizing a mediocre offense.
PSUs offense is the best OSU has faced, and outside USC it isn’t even close. Penn State is now averaging 482 ypg (6.9 yppl) this season at 45 ppg. They are really getting it done on the ground where they are averaging 5.7 ypr. OSU (as mentioned above) is pretty solid on defense again (allowing only 4.3 yppl), and pretty decent vs the run allowing 3.5 ypr, but have been roughed up a little vs the good teams they’ve faced who’ve made a commitment to run the football. Wisconsin and USC both rushed for over 150 vs OSU and not surprisingly USC blew them out and Wisc almost beat OSU. My projections call for 4.9 ypr, and 383 yards total offense at 5.6 yppl for PSU. My scoring projections (28-34) are right on top of our models (28-35), and I just can’t see OSU keeping PSU in check the entire game here, particularly with an offense that doesn’t look to be able to get much of anything going. Penn State 30 Ohio State 17.
Good luck to everyone this week, come check us out to see what we have on the big SEC games this week as well as a couple other not-so large contests (we make a living off the MAC, MWC, and SBC). Good luck, and wager wisely…till next time.
Wednesday, October 22
My short and sweet photo essay of gameday at the capstone. What an untapped cornicopia of Bama-Fan-of-the-Week awesomeness...
this guys fanhood is bigger than yours
I guess "RTRMFER" was already taken.
we had the pleasure of joining the proletariat in the upper deck
After a trip to Tuscaloosa, creating "smack shirts" is my new life goal. Apparently there's is a huge market for these things. They're like big, sweaty pseudo-offensive greeting cards, but without the wittiness and/or intentional comedy. Seems that one can say whatever dumb shit one wants, as long as it's bold and cap-locked, asshole. Why sit silently and be thought retarded when your tee shirt can remove all doubt?
(why am I suddenly hearing the opening cords of "Gimmie Three Steps" in my head?) Hell effing yes! Keep on rockin' in the free world, brother. (looks like Kid Rock's portly brother actually) Not only is he sporting the most kickass baseball cap known to man, but he's got the Tuscaloosa waterfall to match. Major credit.
The view from my seats...seriously, I didn't even have to move, just turnaround. (Last row, endzone, baby...that's how we roll) Ah Tutwiler, the girls dorm with so many endearing nicknames. "13 Floors of... Totally Not Promiscuous Young Ladies."
Nothing says crimson stud like a camo team hat, a custom lanyard, a never-scared beard, complete with a pony tail holder.
RTR indeed...would have given more credit if it said "2"
Bear would be so proud
Throughout this glorious Saturday, I realized a thing or two. Going to an Alabama game in Tuscaloosa is like having a party at your house and inviting your friends, plus every Stuckey's, Flying J, Waffle House and Hardee's employee between Bossier City and Valdosta. I'll leave you with this...
Nice tube socks [credit: Heath at AverageSouthernJoes] I love how these fine gentlemen say Ole Miss is the best team Bama's gonna face the rest of the season, then they call for a 24 point victory. "Nick Saban vs. God...who ya got?... Da Tahd."
[More Bama/Ole Miss Photo Coverage from Friends of the Program]
Monday, October 20
Sunday, October 19
At first, I thought this was one of those dumbass Buffalo Wild Wings commercials, but It's not...It really happened...
Suddenly, I'm hungry for some corndog nuggets
Yeah, there's really no way to shrug that off as "an accident," "the stupid new guy" or "a flashback to Nam." Watch it again.
Don't throw a forearm shiver to my chest and tell me you're "just doing your job," assface! Damn the man.
This play will go down in history as a rallying cry for all those who truly believe the officials are out to get their team. (like myself) That, or you'll forget about it tomorrow. Either way, it's awesomely bad.
Friday, October 17
click to enlarge [rebelsports.net]
This should be interesting. First non-wakeboarding trip to "The Capstone" (whatever the hell that means) since maybe 2005? Bring on the freaks.
we should all be so lucky
Thursday, October 16
If you're sick of the kids these days, The Hills, and people making money that shouldn't be, then you'll love this...
Posted by Erik at 3:30 PM
It's good to be The Geek
Guess who's back, Pumpkin-tits.... The Geek from thegeeksheetsports.com is back to lay some straight college football knowledge on yo ass. If you're a betting man, and/or a degenerate gambler, you'd be wise to listen to the man. Unless you're above 80% on the season...then you need to start your own gosh damn service, asshole.
We had an incredible week last week, going 7-0 on our recommended plays, including a couple of the B12 contests. We actually have two of the bigger SEC games this week that were close to being recommended plays, but that we passed on. Below is the analysis of those games, as well as one play that we are working on right now which will be a recommended play. We are now 27-9 this season on our recommended plays, so for more information about this week’s plays be sure to click here.
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We still aren’t done with this play and will be spending the rest of the night doing our final analysis on this and about 15 other plays, but based on our work earlier this week I don’t think there will be enough line value to warrant a play. Vandy has been living on borrowed time this season going 5-0 (until last week) despite averaging 250 ypg offenses (even more amazing is that they are averaging 25 ppg at 250 ypg). They’ve only really faced 2 good defenses this year, and that is
Our projections call for a projected 410 yards for UGA compared to 190 for Vandy. My projections and our other models we uses all have pretty much the same thing with 11-16 pts for Vandy (which at 190 yards if they don’t continue to be the beneficiary of the TO battle and near perfect red zone and special teams play could easily be 0) and 27-37 for UGA. This is definitely a UGA or no bet scenario, and really the only thing keeping me off this is a worse case indicator we run that projects a 25-16 UGA victory. Given Vandy’s track record this year and UGAs shaky performance thus far, that is probably a lot more likely than a 41 – 7 UGA victory. My guess is the magic starts to run out on VAndy, UGA starts to resemble the team we though they’d be this year and UGA pulls way late. UGA 36 Vandy 14.
LSU Fighting Tigers
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This is a pretty interesting match up as I am still not really sure what to expect from LSU, particularly after that drubbing last week, and USC has had me mystified all year. Not surprisingly our models are all over the place, with half of them having USC winning out right and half having LSU winning by double digits. Mathematically, LSU is the superior team with better offense (+0.7 yppl to -0.2 yppl) and the team with the better match ups. USC does have a very good defense, but my guess here is that USCs propensity to turn the ball over (they have 20 offensive TOs this season thru only 7 games), and LSUs very good offense (even last week vs UF they managed 21 pts dispite 320 yards and 3 TOs will be more than USCs defense can overcome.
We make it a habit to not go against our models, which will cause us to scratch this game, but I really believe LSU get’s it done here, and probably pretty big. Our models call for a 24-22 LSU victory (which could easily be flipped). However, if you remove UFs performance last week vs LSUs defense and use the balance of the defensive numbers for LSU compared to USCs offense, USC doesn’t get to 300 yards, even with the UF performance last week USC still only gets 340 yards, and with a projected TO margin of 3-1 (USC – LSU), I don’t see much probability USC gets to 20. LSU 27 USC 17.
We don’t really have a good beat on any of the other games, but thought we’d include a snip-it of one our recommended plays this week. For more on this game and the other recommended plays for this week, click here, it’s only $40 bucks, and at 27-9 thus far you would have paid for it about 40 times over thus far this season.
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ISU has had a rough go of it of late, and unfortunately for them they haven’t even hit the meat of the high flying B12 offenses. ISU has given up 36.5 ppg & 442 ypg the last 3 weeks to some ok but relatively speaking average offensive units in UNLV,
All our models are pretty consistent with 34-40 points for
Quit dragging everybody's gameday down with your pathetic crying... Check out TheGeekSheet, then go buy that round of Irish Car Bombs with confidence...You winner, you.