Wednesday, September 9

Bama Fan of the Week

As if this party wasn't already white-trashy enough...


Thursday, August 13

Who's the Freshman?

Shots from Ole Miss Two-A-Days

courtesy of the fine photographer at

One of these massive gentlemen is a true-freshman OT hopeful while the other is a senior, first team All-SEC OT. Who's who? No cheating, a-hole.

Greg Hardy (86) motions as if to say, "Come hither, young quarterback...for this day, I dine on your soul!" In the background, Jerrell Powe (57) looks on as if to say, "Note to self: I heart Twinkies."

"Wonder what would happen if I ate my mouthpiece?"

Many douchebag cajuns seem to be taken aback by the supposed homoeroticism of the simulated QB/Center exchange prominently displayed on the cover of the SI CFB preview. WTF? Cause LSU fans are so manly and all...

I guess you could call that "manly," in a way

Wednesday, August 12

The Kige Party

Phil Steele's Daddy Gives His SEC Picks

Wow, Kige. Don't ever let anyone tell you those dramatic, mind-numbing pauses aren't killer! And just for the record, I believe Alabama likes to be called "the Crimson Tide"...there was no need for a dramatic pause right there, but you pulled it off beautifully.

Damn you, Kige! Just when I thought everything was going The Rebels' way (Phil Steele's pick, the SI cover, Massie and Tig are in, ) you throw the old wet blanket Ole Miss' season. Talk about locker room material.

Tuesday, August 11

Stud Bama Fan of the Week

A reader submission, captured in the wild...

Daniel says, "note the hair"

How could I not note the hair? An impressive specimen indeed. RTR!!!!1

Two posts in one're welcome.

"More Hype, Please"

Sports Illustrated - click for a better version and more regional covers

I'm thinking it's time to just embrace the hype with open arms. There's no use fretting over stuff like this anymore ("Does the SI Curse apply to regional covers, or is that the Madden curse?") Be it the top 10 Coaches/SID ranking, the Houston Nutt cover or the reality show. At this point, does it really matter? When does the law of diminishing returns take hold? Maybe Ole Miss goes all "Princess Bride" on that ass. Rebs are to Hype as Westley is to iocane powder.

Bama Fans: "Another cover for Ole Miss? Inconceivable!?!"

["Inconceivable?" Who am I kidding. In the interest of authenticity that caption should read something like "Ole Pi$$?!? Bauuull-****!!! Hey, shut dat damn baby up, I's tryin' to cook meth in here, ya b***h!"]

Saturday, August 8

Phil Steele: Pre-Season God Of Obsure Stats

Steele brings the funky knowledge that Lindy's and Athlon can only fantasize about. What I love about Phil's mag, is that in this day and age of extreme CFB oversaturation, where we pretty much know 5 minutes after our favorite safety prospect blows a .114 in a stolen car while driving without a license, and the mugshot is subsequently hitting 112 different blogs within the hour...In days where we get constant videos and in-depth reports of every spring practice and at least two first-hand accounts detailing any situation where a 4-star recruit may or may not be scratching his balls.

"Could it be Crabs?! Does his baby's momma know??"

In days such as these, I love that Phil Steele actually manages to tell me stuff I don't know about my team. You know...The one I'm obsessed with. The one I already spend countless hours wasting productivity senselessly studying and dissecting meaningless BS. And he does that for all 119 fanbases out there. Plus the neanderthal followers of Ohio State.

You gotta respect that.

I was at Publix yesterday picking up some bacon, and I happened upon Steele's SEC Preview. (I tried to finagle a copy a couple months ago "as an SEC blogger/promoter" but Steele's email Nazis weren't buyin' it...something about actually updating the site???)

Anyways, In his "Best Case/Worst Case" stat he talks about close wins and close losses from 2008.

I find it interesting that last season, Ole Miss' best case scenario was 13-0 (because the Rebs never got beat by a large margin) and our worse case was 7-6 (because they only won two close games: Ark and Florida)

On the other hand, Alabama's best case is 12-2 (their actual record) because they had two big losses to close the season. Their worse case was was 9-5 as they had three close wins (Kentucky, LSU, OM).

What are the chances of Alabama achieving their best case scenario again? Usually the truth lies somewhere in between worst and best. These people calling for Alabama to go 12-0 again (#5 in the coaches? how so?) are effing crazy. In my mind, they're like Mississippi state in 2008: The year before, all the breaks went their way, and they made the Liberty bowl. Well, the next year, the ball didn't bounce their way near as often. (4-8)

Ole Miss won 2 of 6 close games last season. Lets say win conservative 4 of 6 (.667) this season. I'd be ok with a 10 win regular season.

Again, if you want real insights into college football, look no further. If you want to rely on a bunch of glorified PE Teachers who don't watch the games, don't do their homework and most of the time don't even do the effing voting, check out the new pre-season USA Today Poll.

LSU at #9 above Ole Miss, really??

Monday, August 3

"The Blindside" Trailer - Don't Cry at Work

I'm somewhat impressed. I thought it would be a trainwreck, considering Orgeron is directly involved. He doesn't exactly have the Midas touch when it comes to acting or, well talking. Who knows though. Trailers can be very deceiving.

The director and producers didn't seem too overly concerned with messy details like authenticity and realism since they filmed the "true story" of a kid from Memphis and Ole Miss in Atlanta and GA Tech. However I'm sure the ghettos of Atlanta are pretty much interchangeable with crapholes of Memphis. The only part of Briarcrest Christian School (my high school's rival/bitch) that comes through on the big screen is their colors ("Crusaders" or "Saints"...same thing).

I'm wondering what Michael Lewis thinks about the fluffization of his best selling novel, other than "Dolla, dolla billz, yall" cause no matter what, it's gonna make some serious cash...a la Paul Blart, Mall Cop "We are...Marshall."

Alright, count me in, and bring the Kleenex.

Thursday, July 23

Man of the People

"F%$& that, lady. No, I will not shake your icky, nicotine encrusted, yellowy hand. Although, I looove that purse...where did you get it!?!"

"Welcome to The Nicest Hotel in Birmingham, AL"

"Congratulations...You've got lice."

hat tip: Team Speed Kills

Overheard in the lobby of The Wynfrey at Media days:

"Is you still a virgin if you sex ur sister?"

Need more pictures of unemployed media day groupies.

Sunday, April 12

Seriously?! The guy on the left is an SEC head coach?

Peyton poses with a star camper at the recent "Manning Passing Academy"

WTF? And Yankee NFL fans make fun of Elisha for looking like a douchey little brother?

"Um...Love what Layla's done with the place, Lane."

[Clay Travis]

Saturday, April 11

The Kige Party: Masters Edition

"A Tradition Like Any Other"

Kige has really come into his own lately. He's like a young Dave Rowe paired with the wit and timing of a seasoned Harry Caray. Enjoy...

[halpert @ nafoom]

Sunday, March 29

Crack Rock for the Rebel Soul

RebelFootball2000 put together this heart warming 2008 compilation, which is almost bittersweet as we toil though the spring and summer doldrums. As the cherry on top of this video's awesomeness, how uplifting is that totally wholesome and pure 1980's synthesized motivational music?

NFL QBs Beware: Peria Jerry (#98) is a bad MOFO

Oh, and here's the 2009 version of the Rebs (minus the freshmen) on the second day of Spring-ball, preparing to dominate what has to be the easiest SEC football schedule every assembled Thanks, Pete...


Saturday, March 28

Who Wouldn't Want to Spend 5 Years With Nick Saban?

When Saban doesn't get a recruit, he in no way acts (or looks) like a spoiled seven-year-old, deprived of his "woobie."

As few may know, yesterday was the first day of spring practice for the Ole Miss Rebels, which was open to the public. It just so happens that somehow Beast/Child 5-Star Hargrave recruit, Bobby Massie was in attendance, on the sidelines with the Rebel proletariat.

cameraphone-o-graphic evidence of the aforementioned beast (provided by crazed Rebel fan)

Naturally, Bobby was assaulted with fanboy questions. However, one question in particular yielded some interesting bits of tid:

He was asked to give a good Nick Saban recruiting story, and he had a pretty good one to say the least. Bobby said he called Coach Saban the night before signing day to let him know that he was going to sign with Ole Miss. Bobby did not even inform the Ole Miss staff that he was going to be a Rebel until the night before signing day, per Bobby, but he did say, "I had a pretty good idea where I was going in December."

Anyway, Bobby calls Nick and Coach Saban stops him before he tells where he is going and said this, "Bobby, do not even tell me where you are going, because if you are not going to Alabama I am turning you into the NCAA. You know you have a chance to start at Alabama at right tackle as a sophomore, and nobody would turn that down unless they did something illegal."

Bobby was stunned. He said he just listened to Coach Saban rant and never said another word about it. He was offended to say the least. That is why he made such a scene at the press conference when he threw the Alabama hat on the ground and put on an Ole Miss hat.

"A chance at starting Right Tackle as a Sophomore with the ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE"!!! Excuse me while I soil myself. How did Massie ever resist that tricky little leprechaun?

Damn it's a great time to be a college football fan in the South. Especially with Dr. Evil living and working just down I-20/59. Even though Nick closed out with one of the strongest signing days in the nation, apparently the world is not enough to satisfy the Prince of Darkness.

[Note: I've confirmed the validity of this "rumor" with the source, as it was told, by Bobby, to a dozen or so fans/media at the first spring practice.]

Update, March 3: According to Ian Rapaport, Bobby denies it...Kinda. He admits he's read the post, but he doesn't go into detail about what is true or false. He does admit talking to Saban the night before signing day (like it says above), and he does admit that he never told Saban he was going to Ole Miss (like it says above). He just says "my words got switched around," so take that for what it's worth.

Sounds to me like someone at Ole Miss asked Massie to kindly "shut up" and put this in the past. I'm thinking young Bobby just learned a valuable lesson in fan/media relations.

Friday, March 20

Holy Crap (the remix)

If you haven't seen the original, uncut version of this assault on intelligence, well check here. All I can say is "WTF?" Throughout the Rodger Clemens hearings, the Free The Hops effort here in Alabama and crap like this, it's a wonder our government can manage to wipe its collective ass.

U.S. (really?!?) Congresswoman Corrine Brown

Corrine's Wiki

Thursday, March 12

Friday, January 30

Bama Fan of the Week - Ninjin' Edition

I usually hate stuff like this, but this dude is effing impressive. He takes over-the-top redneckery and turns it on its ear...whatever the hell that means. He's everything "the cowboy" wants to be when he grows up...


Thursday, January 22

Texas Comes Strong With The Oklahoma Smack...

This is a revelation. The Big XII is making fun of itself, and doing a damn fine job. Funnier than anything I've seen on SNL lately, those no-talent-ass-clowns.

Thursday, January 8

How To Beat Florida

by Houston Nutt

Son of a bee-sting. I can't get enough of those highlights. Yep, some of the best plays of the season that Holly, over at EDSBS, strangely left out of her 2008 highlight video?


Wednesday, January 7

Dan Hawkins Was Wrong: The Big XII is Intramurals, Brother

TheWiz asked for me for my "official" prediction of the big game (I'm feeling generous):

Florida 45
Oklahoma 27
(including garbage TD)

Florida is gonna play its game and score at will against the # 58 ranked scoring defense. We've all seen what the Big XII South is really comprised of...

[TheWizOfOdds Composite Prediction Post]

Instant Classics

[NC Tigah]


Tuesday, January 6

BCS Sucks: O-H...I-O for 2

Once again, the BCS blows. There, I said it. Oh, and crazy I know...but the state of Ohio goes 0-2. Cincinnati got beat by the best the ACC had to offer (8-4) Virginia Tech, in the lowest TV rated BCS game ever. People didn't even show up for the game...It wasn't close to a sell out.

Then tonight we get this flaming turd between the clearly overrated Flag Football Fluffers of Texas and the extremely boring, extremely ineffective honkies from tOSU. Thanks Bowl Championship Series!

Hey, it may have looked like like two Gumps humping a door knob for three quarters, but at least it was a close one, right? "The Big Twelve South and its amazing offenses of doom" is the biggest World Wide Leader fraud ever passed on the college football public.

I'm calling it right here: Florida is going to straight up murder Oklahoma's ass. I'm talking a 52-17 homicide. (it's gonna be like that old SNL skit with garden hose-style projective vomit everywhere on the OU sideline) It's gonna be yet another embarrassingly bad championship game match up that further fuels my playoff fire/hate for all things BCS.

- Leagues that should not get an automatic bid to the BCS:

Big 10 - 0-2 this season. Penn State got destroyed. The top two programs, OSU and Michigan, haven't won their last 3 appearance. Overall: 8-11 (.421)

Big 12 - How do you think Chokelahoma earned its nick name? 2 wins and 4 losses, not counting this weeks impending championship game embarrassment. Texas is the only team pulling the wagon with a 3-0 BCS record. Overall: 7-8 (.467)

ACC - Wow. This league is nothing but a punchline. Karma's a bitch after the ACC raided the Big East and C-USA to compete with the "big boys." Too bad they suck worse than ever. Make that "parody's a bitch." It's not just Florida State and a bunch of nobodies anymore. It's strictly nobodies. When your "champion" lost 4 games, you should withdraw from the BCS on moral grounds you selfish assholes. Overall: 2-9 (.182) Damn.

Meanwhile, Utah's got the Mountain West 2-0 in BCS games (that's 1.000 for those BCS apologists out there). Even the Wiggity-WAC has a better BCS record than the above conferences (1-1, .500). If you're wondering, the SEC is 11-5 (.688).

The NCAA needs to step in and do what's best for College Football. Put this pathetic excuse for a post season out of its misery.

[BCS Stats]

Monday, January 5

RedSoloCup PWNS Texas Tech Again

Friends of the Blog (FOTBs) RedSoloCup do a fantastic job rubbing it in...

By the way, where do you see Ole Miss ranked to start the 2009 season? This no-name a-hole says #6, just below the Tide. Damn I miss SEC football.

LSU's Got Some Awesome Nerds

Who knew LSU students stopped listening to techno, drinking gasoline and gelling their hair long enough to come up with such an outstanding idea as this? LSU Nerds play Quidditch...

LSU offers many sports other than just football. Some involve a track or a court, but one unique sport requires a broomstick.

Quidditch was invented by British author J.K. Rowling in her Harry Potter book series. However, fans of the movie have taken this sport into their own hands— or, rather, feet—and made it come alive.

Last May, several students in the Honors College started an LSU Quidditch team. The original members were mainly Harry Potter fans, but the team has grown and includes a diverse crowd of about twenty members.

The LSU team hasn’t let the lack of flying broomsticks or a snitch stop them from a season of success, they’ve merely adapted to the muggle version—the game for non-wizards and witches. They run with broomsticks between their legs, but are still chasing after the snitch and heading toward the goals.

Aside from the lack of flying, not much else is different than wizard Quidditch,” said Dustin Harless, Quidditch team president. “Muggle Quidditch has an additional bludger and the snitch is an actual person who evades the seekers.”

The snitch is picked based on his endurance and ability to run fast—he or she dresses in yellow and has a long sock with a tennis ball inside it tucked into the back of his or her shorts. The seekers must pull the sock out of the waistband without knocking the snitch off his or her feet.

“Since the snitch technically is not a person [in the original game], the snitch cannot be fouled, “said English senior Sarah Berard. “We do not have flying broomsticks…yet. We just keep the broomsticks between our legs at all times to keep the wizarding feeling a part of the game.

Wow. It's all fun and games until someone gets a magical broomstick in the ass. Watch your cornhole, Tigers. Or maybe I'm missing the point.

I guess if Bama's got A Bass Fishing National Championship...Kids are playing collegiate paintball, why not let these no-coordination ass-clowns have some fun? I can't wait for NCAA LARPing to catch fire.

WTF? Wait, LSU has an "Honors College"? I think that should be the real story here. Apart from the blatant nerdery mentioned above, this is far more disturbing. Honestly...What is required of an LSU student to gain entry into said honors college?

"Your academic marks and community service are unparalleled, Mr. Babineaux. Kudos to you, sir! However, before we can recommend you to the Honors College here at Louisiana State, we must have you, shotgun this pint of SoCo and slide tater-first across those Abita soaked tables..."

[HT: OxpatchReb]

Sunday, January 4

The Single-Wide Wrangler

What am I missing here? Did The Cowboy always have this sweet assed mullet, or did he just recently acquire it in some kind of stereotype fulfillment program?

Well, another sidewalk Bama fan bites the dust. No more Tider talk? What, with the Basketball season's just heating up? Womens Gymnastics and the Bass Fishing team are coming off outstanding recruiting classes, I'm sure. Damn. What am I gonna do for cheap content? Kige's over here shitting the bed...Guess I might have to really try and write something. Thanks assholes.

Friday, January 2

Bell Effers Smoked By Belle Effers

Read: #7 Texas Tech PWNED by #25 Ole Miss

RING DING DONG you cocky Napoleonic Texas Tech a-holes...

Guns Up, Bitch!

["Bell/Belle" line courtesy of oxpatchreb]