Kirk Herbstreit Realizing that Big 10 Fans are Slobs...
And their women are fat heifers. No wonder Kirk prefers SEC road-ass to his native Big 10.
Kirk's interview on Finebaum yesterday(also discusses Bama/FSU and AU/UF)
Friday, September 28
Everybody knows the story of the Bills' Tight End Kevin Everett who had a spinal injury early in the NFL season. Well, thanks to this amazing video, we see that Evertt has made some inexplicable and miraculous progress...and has a police escort?...wait, why are they kicking him?
It's almost like the Station Manager said, "What do you mean you don't have the video?!? Get me some G.D. footage of a Black Man moving his arms and Legs!" Kinda like when they talk about obesity on the news, they just show random closeups of fat people's asses in sweatpants. It's the same thing really.
Hat Tip: Uncle Rico's Time Machine
This is where I just talk and rant about anything and everything from a southern sports fan's perspective.
Pop Culture Pessimism
What the hell is going on in music right now? Maybe I'm just getting old, but I pulled up my itunes at work the other day and looked at the "Top Songs" in the Music Store, and it did nothing but make me sad for the future of America.
I know that technically the average IQ in America is 100, but in the music world, if you can "make poopie in the toilet," you're considered "high functioning" and successful. In essence, popular music is devolving into a jumble of cover songs, pre-school lyrics ("Lady Humps?") and sex noises...all thrown together in the studio to net some cock-ass a couple Mil.
The new #1, top song downloaded on itunes is that ridiculously embarrassing turd that Britney Spears laid on stage at the Video Music Awards or Movie Awards or whatever. Are you effing kidding me?
No seriously, people are actually rewarding that stupid, bald Gunt with millions and millions of 99 cent downloads. If there's a bigger no-talent-ass-whore in showbiz, let me know.
The #2 effing song in America right now is called "Crank dat Soulja Boy" WTF!!! (this youtube of three wanstas dancin' "tha soulja boy" has 13 million views!) I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! No wonder 3/4 of Americans can't speak the King's English, much less read or spell. I've tried to listen to the song, but all I can make out is something about "Superman" and "Robo-cop."
After seeing the video of The Texas Longhorns and as well as Sebastian the Ibis doing their own renditions of "Crank dat," I just had to find out about this bullshit craze that sweeping America's dumbasses. Apparently, Hip-Hop, a genre that is historically known for creativity and talent [/sarcasm], has now raised the artistic bar, and is mimicking Country line-dancing? Next thing you know, Nelly will be doing a craptastic song with Tim McGraw...F Me, this shit is awful. The Miami Hurricanes even have their own version of the song that some a-hole did with a couple of tard friends in the basement...
#3 on itunes' exclusive list is Kanye West's no-talent cover of a Daft Punk song from 2001. What? You can't even wait the traditional 10-20 years to steal somebody's work? Pathetic. The worst thing, is most kids don't even realize that it's not even an original song. It's just crazy assed Kanye talking over another cover. Congrats, asshole.
#4 on the list is the only song that actually displays some form of musical/lyrical talent. It's that 1,2,3,4 Song from the new ipod commercial, and that is the only reason it's on this list. If you force feed the American public a half way decent musical talent, it ultimately becomes popular on repetition alone.
Now that I've listened to the whole song, I take back the lyrical quality comment. I'm pretty sure she counts all the way to Ten in the chorus but inexplicably skips the "seven" and "eight." So I guess if you can't think of anything witty to say/rhyme in your song, just start counting... You almost had me, skank.
The rest of the list is mostly filled with filth that I really know nothing about so I won't attempt a comment.
Actually, one that I would like to comment on is the #8 song in the land that features one of the most frustrating phenomenons in all of the music industry. The popularity of Nickelback. Never has the fifth defensive-back been so disrespected. If I were a Nickelback I would ask coach if I could try out for holder or long-snapper... Anything.
Here's an example of the brain-melting, auditory terrorism that these Canadian rejects brought south of the border...
"I wanna be great like Elvis without the tasselsWow. We are all now dumber for having read that. That quesadilla line, Yeah, I didn't add that in. It's part of the damn song. I can see this scrotebag's "writing process" now..."Hmmm...what rhymes with 'assholes'?"
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
(I'll have the quesadilla, on the house)
I'm gonna dress my ass
With the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion"
You might be wondering why I'm talking about this. (well, it all started with the "Crank Dat Soulja Boy" actually) I say all this as a public service announcement. If you have kids, or know a kid, or like kids... don't let them listen to any of this shit. (especially if they live in Ohio) Introduce that impressionable young man or woman to some Allman Brothers, some Rolling Stones or maybe even a more "current" band like The North Mississippi All-Stars. Basically, any band that writes their own music, actually plays instruments and makes an attempt at thoughtful, meaningful lyrics.
Don't let your kids' first impression of "Beast of Burden" involve 50 cent rapping over it.
Nickelback sucks in Portugal too
Wednesday, September 26
You know, maybe I'm a little too hard on some Southern teams and their wacky fans. Truth is, we're all in this thing together, and we're not all that different from one another here in the South. We're all Redneck to some degree, right?
Shit, I've drank Natty light at Dega...I've spotlighted rabbits on the farm and I've even called in to The Finebaum show (once). I grew up on The Dukes of Hazzard...I may have even sported a jort or two in my misguided youth. Who the hell knows?
Even so, all my innocent shenanigans pale in comparison to the white-trash douchbaggery that exists in the Mid-west. Grown men using "hair product" with crazy-assed goatees, flavor-savers and gold jewelry...Usually seen wearing stone-washed Levi's, white high-top sneakers and a replica jersey of choice. They run rampant in Big Ten country.
They're called Ohio State Fans...And they're the effing horrible! I've shown you their behavior in the past, but now they've crossed a new line of vomitous craptasticness. They've made a gosh damn music video. In my business, there's nothing like a solid, turdulent amateur music video (also see Exhibit A and B):
Hat tip: WithLeather
A Select Group of Fans Welcome The Georgia Bulldogs to B.D.S. (NSFW)...
Hat Tip: Edsbs
Class, Class Class! BEHOLD...The next generation of Alabama's best and brightest lawyers and insurance salesmen. Damn, were we this effing annoying at 19? What a bunch of worthless, date-raping cock-mongrels.
Tuesday, September 25
The Moral Victory Madman - photocredit: James Bryant, Rebelsports.net
1) LSU - Defense wins championships. As do awesomely executed fake field goals on third down. Les Miles is pure, unadulterated evil.
2) Florida - Exposed! Tebow won't be able to run like that (177 some odd yards) on a LSU's Defensive line. They're going to have to figure something else out. Young team let the road crowd shake 'em. Still can't move 'em down though.
3) Kentucky - The Drop off may not be as large as I thought. Kentucky plays the Gates in Lexington and the upset is not so hard to comprehend these days. Lots of folks gave me shat about putting The Fighting Woodson's this high, but who else you gonna put here?
4) Georgia - Let the mediocrity begin! Exciting win in T-town, but the dawgs should have put the inept Sabanites away in the second half.
5) South Carolina - The cocks have offensive problems (Smelley? Mitchell?). But who doesn't against LSU? They are in this spot on the virtue of an above average redzone D. However, they just lost their best linebacker for the season (Jasper Brinkley).
6) Arkansas - Dick sucks balls. He is killing this team. This game was close throughout, but it came down to turnovers
7) Alabama - Offense didn't look so hot against a legit Georgia D. Sarah Jessica Parker is taking a verbal beating in these parts. Seems that he played ahellufa lot better last season. You think Shula would come back as a quarterbacks coach?
8) Tennessee - Beat Arkansas State pretty handily, which is more than I can say for the other UT. Even so, the Volunteer nation is ready to string up Fat Phil with a tow-strap (you know, for all that fattiness) Who do you replace him with though? Could UT lure Rich and Rita Rod. the short distance to K-ville?
9) Vanderbilt - The Dores are coming off a bye week to prepare for...Eastern Michigan? Vandy is pretty good, but they really lose points in the out of conference scheduling department. I guess when you'll do just about anything to taste bowl season you schedule the likes of Richmond, Miami of Ohio, the aforementioned directional Michigan and "15 minutes of Fame" Wake Forrest.
10) Mississippi State - Don't look now, but State is one win away from their most successful season since Y2K. That's right, I said it! Crooms is a badass mofo.
11) Auburn - Finally some effin' offense. Lucky for Tubs he gets to go to Gainesville this weekend. Ouch. Phil, how'd that work out for you and your career?
12) Ole Miss - Moral Victories! Kinda like how every college girl in America would give their left ovary to get with Tim Tebow, but ...He likes dudes! Maybe that's more "Ironic." Maybe it's just that Tim Tebow's mere existence pisses me off. Damn you, Tebow!
Your moment of unrelated Zen - and the response
Monday, September 24
Overheard in the North endzone of Bryant-Denny after Georgia's Brandon Coutu missed the tie-breaking field goal at the end of regulation:
"It's like the breath of The Bear blew down from Heaven to push it wide!"
Who says Coach Bryant ever made it to heaven? Even so, Coutu did say in the post-game press conference that he distinctly smelled "a mixture of Gin and Listerine" after the kick.
A tip of the hat to Daniel for the quote.
Kige Ramsey Basks In Kentucky Victory
Good to know that Kige and I are on the same page. The Kentucky Wildcats are the real deal Holyfield. Kige even goes out on a limb to suggest, "They will go to a bowl game this year."
Yeah, no sh*t, Kige. UK is 4-0.
Not so sure about "a good defense" though, Ramsey. The Cats are 73rd nationally in Total Defense. They're just going to have to keep outscoring folks.
Sunday, September 23
Why Did Coach Saban Allow Alabama To Lose?
Our small human brains may not always comprehend Saban's mysterious ways, but we must keep the faith. All things happen for a reason. Even Bama losses, and I know Saban won't give us a non-victory that's too big for the Tider nation to handle. I'm of the belief that this "temporary setback" was a test...Saban gave us a test to see if we were worthy enough to follow him.
Can we resist doubt and temptation? In these difficult days ahead, can we keep from attempting to murder our children...or stabbing hateful Barners? Can we conduct ourselves with typical Bama class and show CNS that we are 200% behind him no matter how many temporary setbacks he tests us with. Never forget, you can still technically win the Thirteenth with one loss. Especially if you are a nationally respected program like Bama.
In this video, you'll see some images of Tiders who have lost the faith. Tiders who look like they just discovered that Santa Claus is just some old drunk with chronic halitosis. Learn from their misguided pain. It's still "Two Thousand and Saban." Nobody can take that away from us...
Does Daniel Moore do UGA prints? - "Saban Allows UGA Victory"
Friday, September 21
A Personal Encounter - "I'd Rather Push It."
Who doesn't love a good party? Well, one of my buddies from college was moving back to town and we decided we'd have a get-together in his honor. Little did we know that our plans would be thwarted by a Tider of ill repute.
So there we were, roughly twenty young adults of mixed collegiate allegiance having a good time on the deck. Catching up with each other on a Friday night...drinkin' some cold beers and playing some flip-cup... When all the sudden...there was trouble afoot. There was a stranger in our midst.
Who was this middle-aged, "Script A" hat sporting asshole helping himself to our beer? No one seemed to know. Word is, he rode up on his bike (not so much Harley as Huffy) on the way to the gas station to get some cigs. Rumor has it he lived 3 houses up, was married with three kids and he apparently had a thing for George Dickel. What a great addition to the party. Oh, did I mention he was about half-past F'ed up?
I guess he saw some folks who obviously like to feel good and thought he'd make himself at home. He interrupted our game, stared longingly our women's asses and pretty much annoyed the hell out of everyone at the party. Even so, we let it slide. No Bama fan is gonna come between this group and a good time. We had cups to flip...
Then he went and laid hands on my buddy's dog. As you might expect, all hell broke loose. Mike Hunt (the owner, who's name has been changed to protect the innocent) isn't exactly known for his restraint or even temperament, so he took this opportunity to do what all of us had been dying to do since this crimson turd arrived.
Mike ran at him, quick as lighting! (well, more of a spirited, purposeful walk) All the while, spouting a stream of obscenities, the likes of which had never been uttered in Homewood.
The perpetrator was dumbfounded (and wasted). He didn't know what the hell was going on! He just started clumsily backing away from obvious, impending danger. Mike cussed him all the way outside the fence and then slammed the gate in his face. Problem solved, right?
Surely this tider can take a hint and ride his 10-speed off into the sunset with his tail between his legs.
Not so much. No Sir. Five minutes later, this Bammer was back at the fence, talkin' shit, ready to fight. He had his dukes up ready to take on any of the 10 semi-sober, 20-something guys at the party. (damn, I need a video camera with me at all times)
Much to the inebriated tider's chagrin, there were no beatdowns being issued that evening. Just a few harsh words. At one point the owner of the house told the drunk bammer to "Just get on your bike and ride on home!"
In the heat of the moment, the Tider was quick to tell her, "No Thanks! I'd rather push it."
Safety first, my friend.
Eventually, the Homewood Police were called...
"Yeah, we've got a drunk, middle-aged, white, father of three on a ten-speed trespassing and threatening folks here in Edgewood. Yes, Maam. He's wearing a Bama hat."
When the police arrived, the Bama purp had conveniently disappeared into his house, never to be heard from again. Seems this stud had a little bit more respect for the law than his boys Deadrick and Simeon.
Edit: 9/24 - Photos kindly removed at Bama Fan's request...Even though he was trespassing and gave permission. DeepSouthSports isn't completely heartless.
Wednesday, September 19
If you're one of them haters and don't really understand what the big deal is about LSU and Florida, check out a few of these numbers from SECSports.com...
In Scoring Offense and Total Offense LSU is #3 in the SEC with 45.7 points per game and 483.3 yards per game respectively, while the Tigers are also #1 in Scoring Defense and Total Defense allowing a laughable 2.3 ppg and 128.3 ypg. (the next best Total Defense in the SEC is Georgia's allowing more than twice as many yards) LSU also has 13 sacks in this short season and a +7 turnover margin. Both tops in the SEC. I think it also goes without saying that LSU is tops in the NCAA in pretty much every significant defensive category. By a mile.
Remember Tim Tebow...the guy that everyone was wondering about during the offseason? (including myself) All that "Is he an every down quarterback...Can he be more than a glorified fullback?" Poppycock! Tim Tebow is currently tops in the SEC and 2nd in the nation in Passing Efficiency with a completion rate approaching 3/4 and 8 TDs to only 1 INT (surely the receiver's fault). Florida leads the conference in Total Offense as well as Scoring Offense while they maintain the #3 spot in Total Defense!
In other words, why the hell would College Football Gameday want to be at a game like that on October, 6th? Number 2 in the nation vs. Number 3?!? I think not! No, they'll be at ABC's Oklahoma vs. Texas. Gotta maintain that unified corporate front built on lies... by Home Depot.
Don't know what it is...but this blogpoll just seems extra classy this morning