Who Wouldn't Want to Spend 5 Years With Nick Saban?

When Saban doesn't get a recruit, he in no way acts (or looks) like a spoiled seven-year-old, deprived of his "woobie."

As few may know, yesterday was the first day of spring practice for the Ole Miss Rebels, which was open to the public. It just so happens that somehow Beast/Child 5-Star Hargrave recruit, Bobby Massie was in attendance, on the sidelines with the Rebel proletariat.


cameraphone-o-graphic evidence of the aforementioned beast (provided by crazed Rebel fan)

Naturally, Bobby was assaulted with fanboy questions. However, one question in particular yielded some interesting bits of tid:

He was asked to give a good Nick Saban recruiting story, and he had a pretty good one to say the least. Bobby said he called Coach Saban the night before signing day to let him know that he was going to sign with Ole Miss. Bobby did not even inform the Ole Miss staff that he was going to be a Rebel until the night before signing day, per Bobby, but he did say, "I had a pretty good idea where I was going in December."

Anyway, Bobby calls Nick and Coach Saban stops him before he tells where he is going and said this, "Bobby, do not even tell me where you are going, because if you are not going to Alabama I am turning you into the NCAA. You know you have a chance to start at Alabama at right tackle as a sophomore, and nobody would turn that down unless they did something illegal."

Bobby was stunned. He said he just listened to Coach Saban rant and never said another word about it. He was offended to say the least. That is why he made such a scene at the press conference when he threw the Alabama hat on the ground and put on an Ole Miss hat.

"A chance at starting Right Tackle as a Sophomore with the ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE"!!! Excuse me while I soil myself. How did Massie ever resist that tricky little leprechaun?

Damn it's a great time to be a college football fan in the South. Especially with Dr. Evil living and working just down I-20/59. Even though Nick closed out with one of the strongest signing days in the nation, apparently the world is not enough to satisfy the Prince of Darkness.

[Note: I've confirmed the validity of this "rumor" with the source, as it was told, by Bobby, to a dozen or so fans/media at the first spring practice.]

Update, March 3: According to Ian Rapaport, Bobby denies it...Kinda. He admits he's read the post, but he doesn't go into detail about what is true or false. He does admit talking to Saban the night before signing day (like it says above), and he does admit that he never told Saban he was going to Ole Miss (like it says above). He just says "my words got switched around," so take that for what it's worth.

Sounds to me like someone at Ole Miss asked Massie to kindly "shut up" and put this in the past. I'm thinking young Bobby just learned a valuable lesson in fan/media relations.

Various Other Sundries

This is where I just talk and rant about anything and everything from a southern sports fan's perspective.

Pop Culture Pessimism

What the hell is going on in music right now? Maybe I'm just getting old, but I pulled up my itunes at work the other day and looked at the "Top Songs" in the Music Store, and it did nothing but make me sad for the future of America.

I know that technically the average IQ in America is 100, but in the music world, if you can "make poopie in the toilet," you're considered "high functioning" and successful. In essence, popular music is devolving into a jumble of cover songs, pre-school lyrics ("Lady Humps?") and sex noises...all thrown together in the studio to net some cock-ass a couple Mil.

The new #1, top song downloaded on itunes is that ridiculously embarrassing turd that Britney Spears laid on stage at the Video Music Awards or Movie Awards or whatever. Are you effing kidding me?

No seriously, people are actually rewarding that stupid, bald Gunt with millions and millions of 99 cent downloads. If there's a bigger no-talent-ass-whore in showbiz, let me know.

The #2 effing song in America right now is called "Crank dat Soulja Boy" WTF!!! (this youtube of three wanstas dancin' "tha soulja boy" has 13 million views!) I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! No wonder 3/4 of Americans can't speak the King's English, much less read or spell. I've tried to listen to the song, but all I can make out is something about "Superman" and "Robo-cop."

After seeing the video of The Texas Longhorns and as well as Sebastian the Ibis doing their own renditions of "Crank dat," I just had to find out about this bullshit craze that sweeping America's dumbasses. Apparently, Hip-Hop, a genre that is historically known for creativity and talent [/sarcasm], has now raised the artistic bar, and is mimicking Country line-dancing? Next thing you know, Nelly will be doing a craptastic song with Tim McGraw...F Me, this shit is awful. The Miami Hurricanes even have their own version of the song that some a-hole did with a couple of tard friends in the basement...



#3 on itunes' exclusive list is Kanye West's no-talent cover of a Daft Punk song from 2001. What? You can't even wait the traditional 10-20 years to steal somebody's work? Pathetic. The worst thing, is most kids don't even realize that it's not even an original song. It's just crazy assed Kanye talking over another cover. Congrats, asshole.

#4 on the list is the only song that actually displays some form of musical/lyrical talent. It's that 1,2,3,4 Song from the new ipod commercial, and that is the only reason it's on this list. If you force feed the American public a half way decent musical talent, it ultimately becomes popular on repetition alone.

Now that I've listened to the whole song, I take back the lyrical quality comment. I'm pretty sure she counts all the way to Ten in the chorus but inexplicably skips the "seven" and "eight." So I guess if you can't think of anything witty to say/rhyme in your song, just start counting... You almost had me, skank.

The rest of the list is mostly filled with filth that I really know nothing about so I won't attempt a comment.

Actually, one that I would like to comment on is the #8 song in the land that features one of the most frustrating phenomenons in all of the music industry. The popularity of Nickelback. Never has the fifth defensive-back been so disrespected. If I were a Nickelback I would ask coach if I could try out for holder or long-snapper... Anything.

Here's an example of the brain-melting, auditory terrorism that these Canadian rejects brought south of the border...

"I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
(I'll have the quesadilla, on the house)

I'm gonna dress my ass
With the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion"

Wow. We are all now dumber for having read that. That quesadilla line, Yeah, I didn't add that in. It's part of the damn song. I can see this scrotebag's "writing process" now..."Hmmm...what rhymes with 'assholes'?"

You might be wondering why I'm talking about this. (well, it all started with the "Crank Dat Soulja Boy" actually) I say all this as a public service announcement. If you have kids, or know a kid, or like kids... don't let them listen to any of this shit. (especially if they live in Ohio) Introduce that impressionable young man or woman to some Allman Brothers, some Rolling Stones or maybe even a more "current" band like The North Mississippi All-Stars. Basically, any band that writes their own music, actually plays instruments and makes an attempt at thoughtful, meaningful lyrics.

Don't let your kids' first impression of "Beast of Burden" involve 50 cent rapping over it.


Nickelback sucks in Portugal too

Rough Week for South Carolina

Only a few days after Cocks QB, Blake Mitchell did us all proud once again, Miss Teen South Carolina, Caitlin Upton, further lowered the bar for the next generation in The Palmetto State...



How about a nice, "I blame the terrorists." (and the mic drops) Or...just start a rousing chant of "U-S-A...U-S-A!" That always get the crowd going. I thought she might be back on the right track when she brought up Iraq, but then she failed to mention "those damn terrorists and their weapons of mass destruction." Actually, who am I kidding...She had me at "U.S. Americans." It's almost as if her speaking coach just told her, "When in doubt, just start naming all the counties and continents you can think of...Oh, and say 'such as' a lot."

Why do they ask these lovely young ladies such thought inducing questions anyway? They're called Beauty pageants for a reason.

I recall some old drunk football coach once mumbling something to effect of, "You'll never see 60,000 fans show up to watch a chemistry experiment," and well, you'll also never see 10 million folks tune in to watch uncomfortable 18 year-old girls with their ta-tas taped together talk about national education issues. Why can't we all just appreciate Caitlin for her obvious strong points and forget all that silly public speaking and critical thinking.

By the way, Caitlin was the 3rd runner up. That's right ladies. That girl is better than 90% of you dumb skanks!

HT: Dirty D

Reggie Bush's White Baby

Cody's runs

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OK, I'd be willing to concede that Reggie Bush may not be #5's father, but how much you wanna bet that his real dad is a majorleague asshat? Or maybe I've just been watching too many movies this off season.

"S**T, DEM BOYS HAVIN THE TIME OF THEY LIVES!!!!"

Youtubery

99% Positive - This Here Will Be The Only Wrastin' Related Post. Ever.

God Bless America:

Monday, Douchey Monday

Back from the Bachelor party and feeling fine. There's nothing that a sausage-fest in the mountains can't cure: A few dozen beers, trout and Deliverance jokes (do they ever get old? No). Now back to business...

As Orson alluded, this clip (HT: TheSportingOrange) should spread through the College Football Blogosphere like Paris Hilton Approved VD. It's no Diamonds from Glasgow (get out of their effin' way!), but it's got teeth. Teeth like say...vintage DC Talk. If you went to a private, caucasiancentric, churchy high school like mine, you can certainly relate to this esteemed level of turdulence.

I present to you Eastside Catholic High School - Seattle, WA (Cobain would be proud):


Catholic School ROOOOOOOCKS!