Thursday, May 31

Sick Cycle Carousel

Crimson Tide on Upswing of the Post-Bear Cycle

While looking for an update on estranged Bama Skipper Mike Shula (position coach at yet another Florida, NFL team), I came upon this 4 year old Gary Shelton article from the St. Pete Times, and it really made me think.

Even though we all knew that Shula was a fifth choice, stop-gap solution for the Tide, nobody should have expected to pay for the Mike Price mistake for four seasons. This pre-Shula article now makes one thing painfully obvious: Everyone who was was associated with Mike Shula (except for Daddy Don) had the diagnosis correct from day 1: He couldn't coordinate 11 professionals, much less the hopes and dreams of an entire state. But nobody in this neck of the woods wanted to hear it.

It further explores Bama's primal need to "promote from within." Basically, after Alabama gets scorned by an outsider, they come crying back to The Family, for solace and yet another unqualified coach. A safe solution, right?

Well, now Bama is back on the upswing of the cycle: Hiring the competent, and experienced outsider, who, unless he's secretly changed his stripes, will eventually tell the yokel fans and self-important administration to "go to hell," while fleeing the scene for less-tumultuous waters. The signs of this outcome already appear far more obvious than the incompetencies of Mike Shula. Its very possibly that the Saban hire will end up being one of the most entertaining SEC train-wrecks these parts have ever seen.

And that's saying something.

After reading this article, what should we take from the people previously associated with Nick Saban? What has Alabama learned from it's mistakes? To borrow from Schrutebag, people and places earn their reputations. What is Saban's reputation?

Below is a foresight view of The Tide's previous coaching choice, and the damning evidence in the case against Mal Moore. Mike Shula made Gary Shelton look like a genius...or maybe it was that obvious.

A few relevant clippings:

"Mama is calling, again, and it appears a favorite son is coming home, again. Mike Shula, yes, that Mike Shula, the guy who spearheaded the Bucs to literally dozens of yards from 1996-99, has emerged as the front-runner for the Alabama coaching job."

"Three times in four years, the Bucs ranked 28th or lower in the NFL on offense. They were a predictable, plodding lot, and much of the blame was placed at the feet of Shula."

"In many ways, Alabama is a closed fort, and it doesn't trust outsiders easily. If you aren't an Alabama man, or at least a Bear Bryant man, preferably both, it's going to take a lot of winning before you're completely accepted."

In the Tide's recent experience, good guys finish last, and assholes leave you at the alter. But has Alabama found an elusive third option this time around?

Doubt it. Its gonna be a fun ride.

Wednesday, May 30

Alabama Wins Another National Championship

Eat It, Florida!

Tide fans pose with their latest N.C. trophy

Finebaum has stated numerous times on his show that 06-07 was a horrendous year for Crimson Tide athletics, but what the hell does he know anyway?

So what the football team ended up with a losing season/fired coach? Nobody cares that the basketball team failed to make the NCAAs, or the baseball team was first to be eliminated from the SEC tournament. Hey, I'm not even worried that Bama's strongest sport, women's gymnastics managed to lower the bar this season.

Have faith, fans of crimson. Because even in these bleak and lowly times, the Tide has risen! Hallelujah!!!

No, I'm not unearthing a "lost ring" or rewriting history, I'm talkin' bout Bama's National Champion Bass Fishing Team! Wooooooooooo!

Team Captian, Hank with more...

"We’re a 16-member bass-fishing club at the University of Alabama. We’re ranked No. 1 in the nation by the Collegiate Bass Anglers of America (CBAA). The award went to the CTBA based on our ranking in two national championships. Our university averaged higher weights of bass in the tournaments than any other university in the nation."

Sheit, yeah! Bama's Back.

I tried to find out more about Bama's best and brightest new student-athletes, but mysteriously, their was precious little information on the internets and message boards. (apparently competitive anglers are extremely secretive) Even the CBAA eluded me:

While the California Bail Agents Association, and the Concerned Businessmen's Association of America are interesting in their own right, they are not the CBAA I was looking for. Even gives no love to their National Champions. Yes, Alabama's official athletics site has a page for homo erotic sports like "Rowing," but nothing for Bass Fishing? WTF?

Are they trying to keep this N.C. a secret? Where's the Tide Pride?

Editors Note: Stay tuned for the debut of the future national champion Crimson Tide Collegiate-Nascar Team. Mal Moore is being promoted to "Crew Chief." Why? He coached with The Bear, asshole. That's why.

Add more fun to each game by placing an NFL bet on your favorite team. Or try your skill at football betting for a different kind of game. You can check out the latest premier league odds and sports news online.

More Info:

Crimson Tide Bass Fishing
The Future of Collegiate Bass Fishing

Tuesday, May 29

Baby Names

Inspired by Orson and Bryant Crimson, I bring you my list of original baby names for all SEC Fans...

Arkansas = Johnson Dicknut

Mississippi State = Sylvester Smoot

Ole Miss = Archie Lacoste

Vandy = Commodore Cutler

Alabama = note: I defer to "Cocaine McBourbonbomb" (genius!)

Florida = I-Denim Meyer

USC = Dirk Cockerson

UGA = Costa Del Dooley

Auburn = Bo Jackson

UK = Lorenzen Rupp

LSU = Rohan Mac

UT = Dollywood Majors

SEC Baseball Frustration

Vandy Makes Ole Miss Its Girl-Dog

Even though Ole Miss lost in multiple, embarrassing fashions on Saturday (Mercy ruled in game 1, then gave up 4 runs in the 10th of game 2) it's kinda hard to be too upset at a team that falls to the likes of the overall NCAA #1 seeded Vanderbilt Commodores. Kinda like how Ole Miss lost to the future National Champion Florida Gators in this past year's SEC Basketball Tournament...Or how Ole Miss got screwed out of Atlanta by the future BCS Champion, LSU Tigers in 2003. (I'm sensing a pattern here)

To be the best, you gotta beat the best...At least I think I heard a wrastler speak those words once. Point is, Ole Miss is far too often second, or third best.

Even so, The Rebs, along with the Dores, Hawgs and Cocks are hosting NCAA Regionals. A chance at redemption. This will be Ole Miss' forth straight year hosting a regional in Oxford. They have even hosted two super-regionals...Alas, Bianco's bunch has never made it to Omaha. I'm thinking that all sins will be forgotten if this group can just take that next step. It's what I like to refer to as "progress."

When Chains go Bad

A day late, A dollar short...


Arkansas (#1 Seed [No. 7 National Seed] in Fayetteville, Ark.)
[#2 Creighton, #3 Oklahoma State, #4 Albany]

Ole Miss (#1 Seed in Oxford, Miss.)
[#2 Southern Mississippi, #3 Troy, #4 Sam Houston State]

Mississippi State (#2 Seed in Tallahassee, Fla.)
[#1Florida State, #3 Stetson, #4 Bethune-Cookman]

South Carolina (#1 Seed in Columbia, S.C.)
[#2 N.C. State, #3 Charlotte, #4 Jacksonville]

Vanderbilt (#1 Seed [No. 1 National Seed] in Nashville, Tenn.)
[#2 Michigan, #3 Memphis, #4 Austin Peay]

Guess What This Baby's Name Is!

Meet "Bryant Crimson"

Subtle. His parents are subtle.

Even so, I feel honored to share a birthday with such a blessed child. He's got a bright future ahead of him. Yep, he could go on to be a revolutionary, living legend of a Ball Coach at The University, or...or he could drink lots of George Dickel while throwing his back out on the three-wheeler, move back in with his folks, live off disability and deal meth on the side.

Either one.

I vote for the former. I mean, with a name like 'Bryant Crimson,' how could you not never be nothing but a winner? (at least this was his parent's line of thinking)

Seriously, at what point does a state social worker step in on behalf of the child?

"No, ma'am. No, Sir. No! You will name him 'Brian,' 'Billy Bob,' 'Cletus'...or anything not related to a once great, 25 year-dead, alcoholic football coach. You can name you dog 'Bryant' if you want to be 'witty' and 'cute,' but this child has rights, Gosh Dammit!"

Once again, why is it always Alabama fans? Yeah, there might be a stray "Auburn Shug" or "Red Dooley" every now and then, but much like our "Bama Fan of the Week," Tiders are the gift that keeps on giving...all the year round.

Friday, May 25

Bama Fan of the Week

This Guy!

Why someone chose to paint this guy, we will never know. I'm not sure where I found this artistic dingleberry, but I sure am glad I did.

This painting speaks to me. This sad sack of a man represents the administration behind Alabama Football - What do I see? A brain dead stare through coke-bottled, crimson glasses...A vintage 70's ensemble that speaks of better days...A lone pervert looking for love from a world that has passed him by. huh?

original context

Corruption of Power

"Time is going by really, really, really...really slow"

Good thing our college athletes are smarter than this cop

Who hasn't known a guy who thought he was dead?


Edit: Thanks to reader, Blake, we get the rest of this tragic story: YouTubes

The Onion's Classic take on OSU

"Ohio State Uses T-Shirt Blaster To Pass Out Diplomas"

HT: M-Zone

SEC Baseball Tournament

This is why OM 's Hot...Again

How pissed am I? I've been out of work sick for the last day and a half, and I can't even go to "Regions Park" (lame corporate name change) to watch the Rebs in the SEC Baseball Tourney. Why? Cause I feel like shat, and their games have been starting, on average, around 9:15pm. I mean, WTF? (new favorite internets slang)

The Hoover Met (I'm old-school) is a mere 10 miles from my place of residence, and I got nothing. This disturbing trend will not continue.

Now that Ole Miss received the Friday bye and advanced to Saturday's semis, I have been assured by the powers that be, that our family obligations with her folks will not rule out my overdosing on SEC Baseball.

Here's the skinny:

1pm-Saturday: Ole Miss battles off-day/loser's bracket champion Vandy/UT (I say Vandy) I most likely miss this game while moving future brother-in-law's Big Screen (to my house, mind you) among various other sundries.

8pm-Saturday: If Ole Miss loses the above game, they play again here and I'm gravy. This is not too cool because it's a potential elimination game for the Rebs (frowny face).

3pm-Sunday: If The Rebels are victorious in either game on Saturday, they get to play here, in the Championship game. Most likely vs. Arkansas. In this time slot, I am golden as well. Especially if I man-up and attend church in the morning! Major point scorage.

All that to say, I will make at least one game, maybe two. Sad, I know.

"Daddy, what's a C**k Sucker?'"

So, how are the Rebs doing it?

Dominant pitching, amazing defense, and capitalization on enemy mistakes. Pitchers Will Kline, Lance Lynn and Cody Satterwhite have been amazing. Satterwhite was a beast-master in relief Thursday night against the Vols. He was damn near untouchable and threw strike after (what appeared to be) 95 mph strike.

Note: This CSS HD has been badass. (Birmingham Channel 861) I will give them props for that. However, why the hell don't they have a gun on these pitchers? I would have loved to see what all these scouts were raving about. Strike out pitchers like Vandy's Price, Ole Miss' Kline, Lynn, etc...Supposedly, Satterwhite hit 99 mph a few times lately, but I guess we will never know, a-holes.

The Big Questions:

  • Can Ole Miss repeat? They sure as hell look like it right now. However, this is where the pitching (for most any team) starts to get a little suspect. Buckvich will get the start Saturday, but beyond that, it's a mystery...
  • Will we see Satterwhite in a starting role late Saturday?
  • Will Will Kline be ready to go Sunday after a complete game and three days rest for a potential championship game?
  • Will Bianco pull a Bobby Cox again tomorrow? (so bogus!)
  • Will I be able to balance family obligations with my primal need to attend Ole Miss related sporting events?

All these questions and more will be answered sometime this Memorial Day Weekend...

Remember these guys when you're beer bongin' it at the lake, a-hole

Links of Interest:

Tournament Central
Coverage Maps: CSS - FSN
DeepSouthSports 2006 Tournament Coverage (scroll down)
Beautimous OM Photos by James Bryant of

Wednesday, May 23

You Made It Rain - The Ballad of Pacman Jones

BradyFan Tells it Like it is

Youtube Allstar BradyFan83 takes aim at an Pacman Jones. I've been waiting for this one for a while. Jones just makes it all too easy.

SEC Tourney Time Here in The Ham

Can The Rebels Repeat?

Tournament Central

Culmination of Ole Miss' 2006 tournament sweep...

Monday, May 21

Dear Diary

With Nick Saban, Emperor of the Tide

Editor's Note: We here at have offered up our site as a forum for the new Crimson Tide skipper to express his thoughts and dreams in a "media free" environment. Nick pours his heart out in following journal entry, and we hope that you will gives him the respect that he so genuinely deserves. Due to mature content, Coach Saban's ramblings were edited to protect the innocent.

May 21, 2007:

Dear Diary...

Who the hell do these rednecks think they are? I mean, WTF?!? I'm Nick F'n Saban.

I'm the highest paid coach in college football. I'm the most powerful force in this god forsaken state.

F Governor Bob Riley! He didn't have drunk bitches lining up at the airport. He didn't bring in 92,000 for an F'n practice. He doesn't piss excellence!

Veni Vidi Vici, bitches.

Haha. LOL!!!1

Anyways, I'm so over this job. So what if I backed out on a few of my obligations at your little Regions Charity Golf Tournament?

I answer to no man. Golf sucks, and charity is gay. I don't have time for that shit.

Mal, you can hum my BCS Champion balls if you like! LOL. If you say another word, I'll Franchione your ass so fast they might actually fire you. (gasp!) Something they should have done about Five coaches ago. "Oh, but I played and coached and sniffed The Bear's Jock...I must be worth a damn." F you, Mal.

You owe me your career. Check that...your life. Out of my way. I don't have time for this shit.

Jeez. Is $4 million a year worth having to live in this crap-ass town? It's no West Virginia, that's for damn sure. I'd rather be around a bunch of Coonasses.

I can't even go to the F'n mail box without this dick-smack neighbor yellin' "Roll Tide" all the damn time. That guy will most certainly NOT be getting his mortgage refinanced. Bryant Bank, my ass! LOL!

They say that no-talent-ass-clown Shula even had trouble at the alter on Sundays, well...that shouldn't be a problem with me. Church doesn't jive with my staff's new Mandatory Sunday Morning Film Study (MSMFS). Organized religion is for the weak and poor.

These days, even my home life is a pain in the ass. Terry tried to speak without being spoken to at dinner tonight. Son of a Bitch!...Next thing you know she'll be asking to sleep in my chambers. LOL! Get this...

I told her "we need total unanimity...I know things aren't going to change overnight, but I'm working hard for you. It will take a commitment to excellence in everything we do. Are you committed?" She looked at me all confused, so I suspended her from that shitty yacht club for a month! HAHA.

Damn, this place is dragging me down. I need a pick me up, if you know what I mean! LOL. I wonder if that skank from the airport could sober up long enough to come over here and show me her "Tide Pride."

You know...Maybe I should just say F it...and move to Hollywood. I could get some celebrity tail and star in some kick ass movies with Brangelina! Yeah...that sounds nice.

WTF-ever...I don't have time for this shit.

Saban Out.

Saban, seen here relaxing in his office

Thursday, May 17

Yankee Update

Viking Quest meets the Village People?

Brady reinforces his Heterosexualness (edsbs)

Every once in a while, we need to check in with our sworn enemies to the North (knowest thy enemies, right?) Yes, I'm referring to the media's suck-buddies, The Big 10. The Big Lead and edsbs have infiltrated their ranks with some fine interweb pictures of Ohio State Linebacker A.J. Hawk's wedding. Oh, did you hear he was marrying Brady Quinn's sister?

O'Doyel Rules!

If you're not going to wash your hair, why not a nice buzz cut...or at least dreadlocks. "Why can't you be more like my brother?"

The Big 10: Slower, Whiter, Smarter, Sassy-er

I don't even feel comfortable publishing the outfit that Hawk wore on his wedding night: Let's just say, Laura Quinn is one lucky lady.

Wednesday, May 16

Life Intrudes

I'll be back to midseason form soon. As for now, I am a slave to the man.

Here's your Bama Fan of the Week:

The Anti-Eli Manning

Monday, May 14

Name of The Year?

Cause, At Wake Forrest, There's Always Room for Gelo

Reader Michael writes in to inform me that yes, Wake's 2007 signing class found a spot for Gelo Orange. Gelo is a Defensive lineman that hails from Naples, Florida. His favorite NFL player is purported to be Terrell Ownes. (Who doesn't want their son to take after T.O.? I know I want my daughter to emulate Lindsey Lohan) Oh, his nickname is "Slash"...Compensating for something, Gelo?

Also, in the search for more general Gelo knowledge, I stumbled upon the motherload. Behold...Name Of The Year:

Some of my favorite real, unadulterated names from Name of the Year:

Conceptualization Gibbs

Intelligent Infinite Botts

Phyre Quickly Burns

Vanilla Dong

Destinee Hooker (no relation with Mike Price)

LeQuantum McDonald

Michelangelo X Ball Van Zee


I Don't Get Out As Much As I'd Like


The Wizard of Odds features a new way to flex your football nuts. Project 119 scoffs at my measly list.

How big is yours?


So, The NBA Playoffs are Happening

ESPN Says The NBA is Making a Comeback

Of course, ESPN owns the rights to broadcast a majority of NBA games, so we all know how much their opinion matters. When was the last time you cared about the NBA? Other than my mild interest in my hometown Grizzlies (worst team in the league this season), the last time I gave a damn was the mid 90s when my boy, Anfernee Hardaway (great Memphis name) and Shaq were first making it happen in Orlando. Before that, I loved watching King Charles and Thunder Dan out west in Phoenix. Not to mention such OGs as Jordan, Johnson and Bird.

What the hell has happened to professional basketball? When did it lose The South? When did it lose mainstream, middle-class, white America?

Well, what made me think of all this is that after seeing the below Baron Davis Youtube facial, I realized I don't even know who's still alive in the playoffs. I can't recall the last time I watched a full NBA game on TV.

What has Baron Davis Ever done for me?

Dunks, while momentarily entertaining, leave me craving more from Pro-Basketball

Friday, May 11

I Love the 80s

And White, Mustached Rappers

Ah, the age of innocence. 1986. It's a sad day when a video such as this one can't be taken seriously. Were we all that different back then? I mean, other than the hundred-and-fifty pound offensive linemen, the synthesizers, random whistle sounds, gratuitous facial hair, and the overall homo-erotic vibe, you should feel right at home watching this video...

Good thing they have a Saxophone, even though the song is devoid of Saxophone

HT: WithLeather

Thursday, May 10

Having a Bad Day?

And You Thought Your Local Sportscast Sucked

How has this video escaped me for so long? Top 10 Youtube of all time. Brian Collins, of aptly named Ball State, makes this clip found on Mzone well worth the wait. I could have never guessed that Brian was from Indiana either. He is a master of his craft...and his craft is douchebaggery...

"Later he gets the rebound...passes it to the man...and boom goes the dynamite."

Would You Dress Like Kevin Federline For a Drink?


The guys over at WarDamnTailgate have an expose on the latest and greatest thing in Gameday Technology. Yeah, so it's not standard issue frat-gear, but if you're always sweatin' security with those airplane bottles stuffed in your belt-line or the flask in the hood of your NorthFace or the pint stuffed in your date's bra, you're gonna love this...

Officer: "Nice flip-flops, young man"

You: "That's what you think, Pig!"

If only they had this innovation when I was Matthew Stafford's age. Just think of the degenerate that presented this invention to the Reef execs.

Wednesday, May 9

NFL Draftee Update

The Fark of the Week and Various Other (Creepy) Sundries

- The draft confirmed what we already knew...Brady Quinn was an over hyped product of the Notre Dame BS machine. That's why he was sitting alone in the green room and commissioner Goodell had to run in and save his delicate ass (Aaron Rodgers is thinking "WTF?"). What we didn't know about was Quinn's love for man meat. Let the farking begin...

"Starting quarterback at Notre Dame?!? I'd do anything! Oh...Did you say FUPA?"

A sweet little Youtube from BradyFan83 (The other Brady QB) about Mr. Quinn (love the "Mediocre Girl" Reference)...

- Is it me, or does The Indianapolis Colts first round pick, Creepy Creeperson Anthony Gonzales look like a major league serial killer? (Note: he sleeps in an oxygen tent...Psycho...)

"It puts the helmet on its skin, or else it gets the hose again"

- And to end the post in a non-creepster fashion, we have a Patrick Willis update. A few pics of Willis at 49ers Mini-camp and a video of the future defensive rookie of the year installing a troublesome ear-ring and talking smack with fellow LB, Manny Lawson (Video: Who's the Fastest Linebacker???).

# 11 Overall Pick is nice, but he's just happy he's not living in f'n Buffalo

Flea Market Art

Daniel Moore's Finest

Father's day is fast approaching. Why not get your loved one something special they can hang in the dining room or above the toilet...

The painting was named Flashback by the artist because Humphrey was a "back" who ran like a "flash." The predominant use of motion was used by the artist to convey the flash and speed of the subject matter. Mr. Moore refers to this hybrid style of painting as "photofuturism."

That's strange. I just refer to it as "lazy." I love how they try and make the buyer of this timeless piece feel less trashy with phrasing like "predominant use of motion" and "this hybrid style."

More Fabulous Art

Bama Fan of the Week

"Paul Parrot"

Sorry PETA

Such Passion! Also, from this video I learn that Alabama claims 12 national championships. Good to know.

Tuesday, May 8

SEC Recruiting 2007

All Name Team

A tradition unlike any other... At least since its inception, last year.

As part of the yearly pain and suffering we so fondly refer to as "the off-season," we here at DeepSouthSports will be reexamining a few very important facets of the game. Namely, wives, rednecks and, well...Names.

Today, we'll start you off with The DeepSouthSports All Name Team for the 2007 recruiting class. These are the best and the brightest names from the SEC's twelve institutions of higher learning. Of course the honor of competing for the prestigious "De'Cody Fagg Trophy for Excellence" doesn't go to just any college football player. No, you must be a 2007 signee at one of the 12 SEC member institutions. Not to mention that you must have a most outstanding Name. Yes, we know De'Cody does not attend an SEC member institution, but his name is unparalleled in the college game today.

The classes were also assigned a letter grade for overall excellence in nomenclature. Behold...

Alabama - D

Demetrius Goode - RB, Chatham, VA - Obviously, his grades weren't too goode if he was at Hargrave for a prep year. They even stole this signee from Kentucky. Poor form.

Note: A normally strong contender, Alabama mails in a shula-esque performance with the 2007 class.

Arkanasas - D

Damario Ambrose - DE - Mobile, AL - Who doesn't love Da-Mario Brothers?

Auburn - C

Quindarius Carr - WR - Huntsivlle, AL - Manfred Mann would be so proud. "Come all without...Come all within...You'll not see nothing like the Mighty Quindarius."

Lee Ziemba - OL - Rogers, AR - I think he's Ben Obamanu's cousin.

Florida - D

Maurkice Pouncey - OL - Lakeland, FL -Wow. Most creative spelling of Marcus ever. Major props to his momma. (Note: his twin brother is named Michael. Seriously. Maurkice and Michael. That's fair.)

Georgia - C+

Vince Vance - OL - Milledgeville, GA - Sweet. That's almost as intimidating as "Chazz Michael Michaels"

Kentucky - B (quantity mostly)

Kyrus Lanxter - WR - Alcoa TN - What a Wankster this guy is. Hey, that's not some creative form of "Chris" is it?

Taiedo Smith - DB - Dunnellon, FL - Perfect example of "Well, he's got a normal last name going for him...which is nice. Even so, I feel like he need to be challenged in life. I'll call him...hmmm.... 'Taiedo.'" You wouldn't want your child to ever have an easy time introducing himself. Taiedo translates roughly as "tough love."

That also goes for:

Mychal Bailey - DB - Lagrange, GA - and...

Moncell Allen - RB - Fork Union, VA

Antwane Glenn - DE - Spartanburg, SC - Come again? Did you say Ant-wayne? +1 to you my friend.

LSU - B+

Kentravis Aubrey - DE - Bastrop, LA - A little bit hip-hop, a little bit country. Perfect for The SEC.

Shomari Clemons - DB - West Monroe, LA - So good, he's making our list for the second year in a row.

T-Bob Hebert - OL - Norcross, GA - Huh? He would be a lot cooler if the "T" stood for "Thunder." As in, "Hi, I'm Thunder-Bob Hebert, but you can just call me T-Bob. Nice to meet you."

Mississippi State - A+

Mike Hunt - DB - Meadeville, MS - It doesn't get much better than this, folks. "Oh my! Mike Hunt just got plowed by the fullback..." Endless possibilities. He should be a major player for years to come.

Korentheus Baily - DT - Gainesville GA - Ah yes, "Korentheus," Greek god of Ignorance.

Jasper O'Quinn - DB - Wesson, MS - Sounds like a redheaded offensive lineman for Notre Dame, right? For some reason, there's not too many redheaded defensive backs these days. It's a shame.

Co-Eric Riley - WR - Lucedale, MS - So much unneeded pain and suffering! And I thought constantly saying "It's spelled E-R-I-K" was no fun...try, "Don't forget the hyphen, bitch!"

Ole Miss - B-

Jevan Snead - QB - Stephenville, TX - His parents were really pushing him to be a "dual-threat" quarterback. He's extremely articulate.

Fonterrian Ingram - DB - ATL, GA - It's always pretty sweet when you can just type your first name in google and stories about you are pretty much the only thing that come up. I 'd like to see you try that, asshole.

South Carolina - A

Olufemi Ajiboye - DT - Chatham, VA - Bless you.

Donte'e Nicholls - DT - Pompano Beach - If you have an apostrophe in your first name, you're automatically a badass. (much like "D'brickashaw") Getting possesive with Mr. Nicholls: "Excuse me sir, would you be so kind as to hold Donte'e's jock?"

Note: A hyphen or apostrophe in your class merits an automatic bump in letter grade.

Tennessee - B

Darnius Moore - Althlete - Tatum, TX - Yeah, it's unfortunate because Tennessee decided to pass on his twin brother "Dangius".

Note: UT was the least fun signing class with only 2 prefixes (DeAngelo and DeShaun). Lets get creative here people! Make it happen.

Vanderbilt - A-

Udom Umoh - WR - Fort Valley, GA - eh?

Tim Fugger - TE - Lombard, IL - This guy didn't catch any flack in middle school I'm sure. I just feel for Mother Fugger.

And now that you've met the nominees, "The De'Cody Fagg Trophy" goes to...

Mike Hunt (and his parents) - Miss. St - Safety - Meadeville, MS!

Congrats, Mike. You just gotta gotta play the hand you were dealt. May peace be with you.

Last year's List

Friday, May 4

Talladega Triangle Update...

No Punishment Issued in the Wake of Dega-Gate

Who knew this Matthew Stafford non-story had such beefy legs?

After two days of deliberation, hand wringing and gnashing of teeth, some people have started coming to their senses. The word from "680 The Fan" and The Atlanta Journal Constitution is that no formal punishment will be issued by the team or university. Coach Richt just had a little chat with Stafford and also got that little girl's number so he could "straighten her out." Whatever that means.

Oh, and by the way, The AJC confirmed that the unidentifiable bottom to Stafford's top is backup quarterback Joe Cox as previously thought. Irony is a strange beast. First Stafford bends him on the field, then he bends him in a field.

My favorite part of this non-story is the emergence of The College Football Conspiracy Theorist...

"You know what I heard...I heard Ole Big-Ears Tuberville sent dem Allbarn who-ers to get dem boys drunk, have dem pass out in da spoons position together and take funny pictures of 'em. It just ain't right."

Wow...All because I said "...Auburn Fan? " Really? Also...
"Shoot, them pictures is photoshopped"
Riiight. If so, those pictures are The Tim Tebow of Photo-jobs. But my favorite spin of all I heard on Atlanta sports talk today...

"Well, maybe some good will come of this. Maybe during this prom and graduation season, some parents will be extra cautious with their kids and underage

Hmmm, We're gonna have to agree to disagree on that one. I think after seeing those images, most men just wish they could drink beer and chase tail at Talladega too. Unfortunately, the women of Dega don't look like that. At all. It's likely she was lost. Or, on a mission from Tuberville. Either one.

Stafford - Spring Race - 2009

Thursday, May 3

Talladega Days

God Bless Facebook

Stoner in Georgia sent me an update on how freshman, All-Everything Quarterback Matthew Stafford is taking to off-season life here in the deep south.

As most of us know, half the fun of the big game weekend is the tailgate. But being a key cog in the football action, most football players never get a chance to experience the joys of pre-gaming.

However, Georgia quarterbacks Matt Stafford and Joe Cox have found a new way to bridge that gap. It's called The Spring Race at 'Dega.

Not sure if Coach Richt is going to approve of the keg lifts and 12 ounce curls, but at least the 5-star quarterback can recruit some talent.

Ah, lets all drink some natty and toast the good old days! Well, excluding the picture of Stafford snuggled up with a dude (Joe Cox).

DeepThought: Is Stafford chubby, or just big-boned?

Hot? Sure, but she's no Te-ho

Ah, freshman year life...the wonderment of beer

Calender Shoot: "The Women of Dega" - Auburn fan?

Cox got sacked by a fatty!

"You know how I know you're gay..You spooned a dude at Talladega"

Update: Thanks to a reader from Clemson, we now know that the female in question is an Auburn Fan who is a freshman at Alabama. Odd.