Friday, January 30

Bama Fan of the Week - Ninjin' Edition

I usually hate stuff like this, but this dude is effing impressive. He takes over-the-top redneckery and turns it on its ear...whatever the hell that means. He's everything "the cowboy" wants to be when he grows up...


Thursday, January 22

Texas Comes Strong With The Oklahoma Smack...

This is a revelation. The Big XII is making fun of itself, and doing a damn fine job. Funnier than anything I've seen on SNL lately, those no-talent-ass-clowns.

Friday, January 9

Laughing at Stoops' Pain

click to enlarge

Thursday, January 8

How To Beat Florida

by Houston Nutt

Son of a bee-sting. I can't get enough of those highlights. Yep, some of the best plays of the season that Holly, over at EDSBS, strangely left out of her 2008 highlight video?


Wednesday, January 7

Dan Hawkins Was Wrong: The Big XII is Intramurals, Brother

TheWiz asked for me for my "official" prediction of the big game (I'm feeling generous):

Florida 45
Oklahoma 27
(including garbage TD)

Florida is gonna play its game and score at will against the # 58 ranked scoring defense. We've all seen what the Big XII South is really comprised of...

[TheWizOfOdds Composite Prediction Post]

Instant Classics

[NC Tigah]


Tuesday, January 6

BCS Sucks: O-H...I-O for 2

Once again, the BCS blows. There, I said it. Oh, and crazy I know...but the state of Ohio goes 0-2. Cincinnati got beat by the best the ACC had to offer (8-4) Virginia Tech, in the lowest TV rated BCS game ever. People didn't even show up for the game...It wasn't close to a sell out.

Then tonight we get this flaming turd between the clearly overrated Flag Football Fluffers of Texas and the extremely boring, extremely ineffective honkies from tOSU. Thanks Bowl Championship Series!

Hey, it may have looked like like two Gumps humping a door knob for three quarters, but at least it was a close one, right? "The Big Twelve South and its amazing offenses of doom" is the biggest World Wide Leader fraud ever passed on the college football public.

I'm calling it right here: Florida is going to straight up murder Oklahoma's ass. I'm talking a 52-17 homicide. (it's gonna be like that old SNL skit with garden hose-style projective vomit everywhere on the OU sideline) It's gonna be yet another embarrassingly bad championship game match up that further fuels my playoff fire/hate for all things BCS.

- Leagues that should not get an automatic bid to the BCS:

Big 10 - 0-2 this season. Penn State got destroyed. The top two programs, OSU and Michigan, haven't won their last 3 appearance. Overall: 8-11 (.421)

Big 12 - How do you think Chokelahoma earned its nick name? 2 wins and 4 losses, not counting this weeks impending championship game embarrassment. Texas is the only team pulling the wagon with a 3-0 BCS record. Overall: 7-8 (.467)

ACC - Wow. This league is nothing but a punchline. Karma's a bitch after the ACC raided the Big East and C-USA to compete with the "big boys." Too bad they suck worse than ever. Make that "parody's a bitch." It's not just Florida State and a bunch of nobodies anymore. It's strictly nobodies. When your "champion" lost 4 games, you should withdraw from the BCS on moral grounds you selfish assholes. Overall: 2-9 (.182) Damn.

Meanwhile, Utah's got the Mountain West 2-0 in BCS games (that's 1.000 for those BCS apologists out there). Even the Wiggity-WAC has a better BCS record than the above conferences (1-1, .500). If you're wondering, the SEC is 11-5 (.688).

The NCAA needs to step in and do what's best for College Football. Put this pathetic excuse for a post season out of its misery.

[BCS Stats]

Monday, January 5

RedSoloCup PWNS Texas Tech Again

Friends of the Blog (FOTBs) RedSoloCup do a fantastic job rubbing it in...

By the way, where do you see Ole Miss ranked to start the 2009 season? This no-name a-hole says #6, just below the Tide. Damn I miss SEC football.

LSU's Got Some Awesome Nerds

Who knew LSU students stopped listening to techno, drinking gasoline and gelling their hair long enough to come up with such an outstanding idea as this? LSU Nerds play Quidditch...

LSU offers many sports other than just football. Some involve a track or a court, but one unique sport requires a broomstick.

Quidditch was invented by British author J.K. Rowling in her Harry Potter book series. However, fans of the movie have taken this sport into their own hands— or, rather, feet—and made it come alive.

Last May, several students in the Honors College started an LSU Quidditch team. The original members were mainly Harry Potter fans, but the team has grown and includes a diverse crowd of about twenty members.

The LSU team hasn’t let the lack of flying broomsticks or a snitch stop them from a season of success, they’ve merely adapted to the muggle version—the game for non-wizards and witches. They run with broomsticks between their legs, but are still chasing after the snitch and heading toward the goals.

Aside from the lack of flying, not much else is different than wizard Quidditch,” said Dustin Harless, Quidditch team president. “Muggle Quidditch has an additional bludger and the snitch is an actual person who evades the seekers.”

The snitch is picked based on his endurance and ability to run fast—he or she dresses in yellow and has a long sock with a tennis ball inside it tucked into the back of his or her shorts. The seekers must pull the sock out of the waistband without knocking the snitch off his or her feet.

“Since the snitch technically is not a person [in the original game], the snitch cannot be fouled, “said English senior Sarah Berard. “We do not have flying broomsticks…yet. We just keep the broomsticks between our legs at all times to keep the wizarding feeling a part of the game.

Wow. It's all fun and games until someone gets a magical broomstick in the ass. Watch your cornhole, Tigers. Or maybe I'm missing the point.

I guess if Bama's got A Bass Fishing National Championship...Kids are playing collegiate paintball, why not let these no-coordination ass-clowns have some fun? I can't wait for NCAA LARPing to catch fire.

WTF? Wait, LSU has an "Honors College"? I think that should be the real story here. Apart from the blatant nerdery mentioned above, this is far more disturbing. Honestly...What is required of an LSU student to gain entry into said honors college?

"Your academic marks and community service are unparalleled, Mr. Babineaux. Kudos to you, sir! However, before we can recommend you to the Honors College here at Louisiana State, we must have you, shotgun this pint of SoCo and slide tater-first across those Abita soaked tables..."

[HT: OxpatchReb]

Sunday, January 4

The Single-Wide Wrangler

What am I missing here? Did The Cowboy always have this sweet assed mullet, or did he just recently acquire it in some kind of stereotype fulfillment program?

Well, another sidewalk Bama fan bites the dust. No more Tider talk? What, with the Basketball season's just heating up? Womens Gymnastics and the Bass Fishing team are coming off outstanding recruiting classes, I'm sure. Damn. What am I gonna do for cheap content? Kige's over here shitting the bed...Guess I might have to really try and write something. Thanks assholes.

Friday, January 2

Bell Effers Smoked By Belle Effers

Read: #7 Texas Tech PWNED by #25 Ole Miss

RING DING DONG you cocky Napoleonic Texas Tech a-holes...

Guns Up, Bitch!

["Bell/Belle" line courtesy of oxpatchreb]