Friday, December 28

Mindless Morning Youtubery

In Case You Haven't Seen It Yet...


He may not have time for your shit, but he does have time to drop it like it's hot, drop, drop it like it's hot. C-N-S Make You drop it like it's hot. What is it about short guys and dancing? By the way, The players who put this on the youtubes are so suspended for the opening kickoff of the Bossier City Bowl.


It's 10am and I'm Already Sick of Mack Brown's Step Son

This Video is So Hot Right Now

[HT: Awful Announcing]

Hope you had a wonderful christmas. Chris Jesse and ESPN can bite my ass. He didn't even touch the damn ball. Why do we care? It's not like that non-touch changed the outcome of the game. By the way, it was the freaking Holiday Bowl. It was not the Super Bowl or the NLCS. Don't compare this douche-nozzle to Bartman (like The World Wide Leader did). Don't be a prick. Lets move on to more important matters...

Oh wait. I forgot. The days between Christmas and the weekend seem to be the sweaty taint of the space-time continuum. Taint here, and cetainly taint there. Absolutely nothing worth noticing transpires in the days after Christmas...especially in the world of sports, much less, college football. Maybe that's why this "incident" headlines all the blogs and "legitimate" media outlets.

Yeah, It was dumb...but dumb stuff happens all the time. I actually think, as a coach, you should be able to jump in and infulence at least one play a game...if you dare. When I watch this old clip of the 1959 Ole Miss/LSU "Halloween Run" game, I often hope that Rebel coach Jonhny Vaught will jumped out from the shadows and straight roundhouse kick LSU's Billy Cannon square in the larynx! (Thus preventing his game winning TD and preserving Ole Miss' outright mythical National Championship).

I mean, what would the officials honestly do about it? They're not going to award the guy a touchdown or anything. That'd be ridiculous (Unlike my sideline roundhouse kick to the throat) Yeah, if only we could witness a play like that...that would be something to blog about.

Note: The First SEC bowl game kicks off tomorrow (Praise Allah!), then we get an roman orgy of SEC games on 2K8 Eve + 2K8 Day. 6 to be exact. I'd be OK with this if they weren't overlapping (Two SEC games start during the 11am hour on January 1?!?). Anyway, here's your clear, concise, foofery-free Bowl Viewing Schedule. Enjoy yo-self...

[USAToday Bowl Schedule]

Another Note: Here's an extra special youtubes for those hooked on cocaine this holiday season...

[HT: Jim Halpert]

Thursday, December 20


All-star reader and contributor, Darren hooked us up with another sparkling, Bama-related Gem. ("hot damn! more Tider content?")

Word on the street is the below billboard was erected by a bunch of studly University of Louisiana-Monroe Alumni. The fact that these boys (with the help of Hixson Ford, of course) ponied up 12 grand to stick it to Alabama is credit enough...


...but Major Credit for making every single die-hard Tider drive beneath this billboard on the way to their "bowl game"...


[HT: Darren - Verified by Hixson Ford of Monroe]

More Great Bama Content!

Bama Fan of the Year?

While browsing the internets this morning, I came upon a "story" that was obviously too awesome to ignore. On the crazy scale (with 1 being that really nice, ostensibly educated and strangely humble Bama grad neighbor and/or relative of yours, 8 being Alana Collette Connell and 10 being Pinson) This Stud is right up there with the best of 'em. Bama should be awarded a 13th Nashnul Chamyunship for merely being associated with such greatness.

To complement this piece, I'd like you to envision this, "Original" Bama FOTW and FUBU aficionado as you read the eloquent words of a Tider:


"i want to thank Saban for destroying my family. My sons grandparents are auburn fans and we visit them only at deaths in the family. Well we Lost a 41 year old Auburn fan and preacher on Nov 11 2007. So we got together for the Funeral.the first time in two years because we are Bama fans. They ask us to come to their home for Christmas so we can help with the lost of their youngest son. we agreed when we left their house my sons one is 24 one is 16 said if Auburn beats Alabama they never wanted to see them again. Guess what we lost and thanks to the sorry backs and Quarterback we have and the 4 million dollar coach we lost our family for good. Thanks for destroying our hope our faith and family and the youth of Alabama's hopes forever. My 24 year old was going to transfer. this year if Bama Won but who wishes to play with a bunch of loser like the ones that take the field in Alabama, "

Posted at 9:38AM on Nov 26th 2007 by screwauburn

[HT: The Fanhouse via Brain at The Fanhouse]

Tuesday, December 18

Bama Fan of the Week

Sponsored by The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue

I ask you, who needs toned, universally attractive painted supermodels when you've got this Bama Skank?

If you're not blind yet, notice the beautiful houndstooth hat adorning this young ladies shoulder, adding the perfect touch of Tider class to this already mind-numbingly embarrassing image

This Bama fan's awesome display of disregard for basic human decency can only be categorized as "Damn, I hope that's not fake cause it is 10 shades of sad."

[HT: Darren]

While the above picture passes the eyeball test as real (as in, an undoctored photograph), these below pics fall under a somewhat different category. Something like "Fark of the Week." However, they are no less amusing.

I Could See This...


Nobody's This Lucky...


Te-Hos Come In All Shapes and Sizes


[from LWS]

A Classic: Somebody Cropped this Pornstar in where Tony Joiner Used to Be


I Call this Screen-Cap From Bama Online "Priorities" (wait this one's real)

click to enlarge/see the whole thing

Monday, December 17

It's Been A Rough Coupla Weeks

My new favorite, random LSUFreek fark

Excuse my lack of content of late. On top of real life excuses, work has been blog-blocking me. (those cocksmen) I guess they don't want their employees blogging at work or something. Even so, I think I've found a way around it.

It's kinda like watching those scrambled channels at the end of the dial way back, junior high (without the cheezy music). The Man won't ever come between me and my contrabanded entertainments!

So what did I miss??? Lets see. What to tackle first?

- Here's a few pics of The New Ole Miss First lady courtesy of present to you, Diana Nutt...

Where does Diana fit in the hierarchy of SEC Wives?

Interesting. Maybe Houston's not as far behind The Orgeron as we once thought in the recruiting department. Speaking of, I wonder how the big move is going for good ole' Kelly Orgeron...

Another Top SEC Wife bites the dust

Word on the street is that Kelly was a "square peg" to the Oxford scene's round hole. Among other issues, it seems Kelly had quite the potty mouth in the grove. Apparently candelabras, Abners, F-bombs and G.D. don't mix. That's doesn't jive at all with the drunken, pseudo-chruch picnicy vibe of The Grove. She wasn't too fond of the Grove M.O: "Hold your liquor, mind your manners and keep your problems in the closet"

Either way, A "Meet The Orgerons" Reality show would be a gold-mine and they'd make the Bonaduces and Kardashians look like the effin' Cleavers. Seriously, what has Orgeron been up to the last coupla weeks?

In hindsight, has there ever been a less productive SEC coach in terms of Wins and Losses? Apparently, it doesn't pay to have a wife at the top of my old list. You're next Urban.

- In other news, it seems if your school holds out for a month and looks like a bunch of clueless a-holes, you are rewarded with a big name coach. Just ask Arkansas, Michigan and (last year) Alabama.

- Oh, and I love the prevailing thoughts of internet Bama fans at this juncture (basically the same place they were with Shula a year ago). I actually read some ignorant, mediocrity-induced rivals poster write something along the lines of, "Shula put us in such a big hole cuz of bad recruiting not to mention probation that it's gonna be 3 or 4 years to rebuild The Tide." WTF ever. Why is it always, that after your new coaching staff proves to suck balls in their first year, "Well, we all knew it was gonna take 4 years to get this thing turned around."

Horsepiss! You don't pay a guy $4 million a year to do no better than Mike Shula with Mike Shula's pretty damn talented players. Clearly, Nick Saban has lost the respect of everyone that counts (outside of the recruitniks). Mostly the players. You can't tell me they didn't quit on him after that LSU game. Why would you want to play for a coach who will gladly sell you in the media every chance he gets. I certainly wouldn't show up drunk at the airport for a guy that's gonna take me from 6-6 to...yeah, 6-6. (BTW, BOL Open Board Moderator/Tough guy MrCrimson is an Uber-Scrotebag)

- David Cutcliffe is now the head man of Duke Football. Wow, what an impact hire. I wonder if the Dukies even bothered to talk to Ole Miss administration. (requisite Cutcliffe joke in 3...2...1..) Is there a previously unknown 6'4", high school senior quarterback, bastard son of Archie Manning residing somewhere in the Carolinas? Otherwise, Duke football is screwed. As if they could be anymore screwed than 4 and 42 in four years under Ted Roof. This pic pretty much sums up the excitement and effort David Cutcliffe will bring to Durham...


- Speaking of the Cutcliffe/Orgeron era, the goat of these men's flailing, pathetic offenses was more often than not Michael Spurlock. Spur was the starting quarterback the year after Eli under offensive genius David Cutcliffe. As you know, Eli is a 6'4", lead footed honky with a strong, fairly accurate arm. Michael Spurlock is a 5'10", fast as lightening, athlete with a cannon for an arm but zero accuracy or (how do I say)...touch or requisite height to see over offensive linemen.

Obviously, these two men should run the same offense.

There are two amazing indicators of Cutcliffe's ineptitude: Patrick Willis...who I think I can safely say will quickly become one of the best linebackers to ever play the game of football, at any level (If you want to argue see Exhibit A, B or C), Cutcliffe stumbled upon him when no other SEC schools offered the small school, Tennessee Mr. Football and then promptly sat him on the bench for two seasons of eligibility in the name of seniority. WTF! [/tangent]

Anyway, If you need more evidence than that, check out the youtube below to see what kind of talent Cutcliffe wasted by trying to make Michael Spurlock a pro-style, pocket passer...

So...Congrats to Spurlock who "couldn't hack it" in college ball, but is making history in the NFL. Thanks, Cut! You offensive guru and genius developer of quarterbacks!

Good luck with all that, Duke.

Monday, December 3

Light Post Warning on 500,000 hit Monday!

Real life intrudes. More high quality crap later this week. I leave you with an up-close-and-personal youtubes interview of "The Bama Superfan" Nate Davis. Yeah, that guy. One of the original BFOTWs!

Here CSTV catches up with Nate on campus...naturally carrying a flag, in a kilt. I have to say, Nate being from Dothan, the accent wasn't all I had hoped for and imagined. Maybe that's what makes him even more nutsack-thumpin', punch-me-in-the-throat awesome! He sounds like he's from Indiana, but never fear. He's still a special Tider at he prays to the Bear. Way to carry the "Alabama is Not AssBackwards?!?" Flag for all to see, Nate:

"It's not a tomb [asshole]. It is a living testament."

Edit: It appears DeepSouthSports surpassed 500K in the page hits department some time this morning. Even though sites like Deadspin do 500K hits on a slow Saturday in July, I'm pretty pumped. Seriously...Thanks for stopping by.

Friday, November 30

More "Fear the Index" Celebration

- This kind of stuff is what makes college football the greatest game evah. BTW, Quinton Groves is a Manimal.

[HT: Trackemtigers]

- Here a few shots of our soldiers rolling "Toomer's Corner East" somewhere in Iraq (looks like Tuscaloosabad)...

Saban-in-a-row? Ok.

That's a lot of potato peelin'

[HT: Robert]

- And as you might have heard, while Toomer's East was well protected, the original was under fire...literally. Turns out the trees were not damaged as badly as it might appear. Mostly a TP fire (we all that goes. what?)...

sour grapes?

I think all the security pit-bulls would have been better utilized here

Who would have done something like this? COULD IT BE SABAN!?!

[HT: Makeitblue]

Thursday, November 29

Tebow a Crocs Man

Damn, I can't really say anything because I own a pair (for strict "around the house" use). I love those bastards, and I don't care if they're ugly. If you had an ugly kid who turned out to be super nice, wouldn't you at least be seen with him around the house or occasionally in the yard? You're damn right, asshole. Who are you to judge?

Tip Drill, Anyone?

Yeah, that's right. "Tip Drill" is my new cheese-dick name for "links and such" on the blog. No...It's not some awesome late night "movie" that comes on Cinimax right after Hotel Erotica (Daniel)...Quite the contrary. It's all about outstanding college football related foofery.


- Brian alerted me to the latest developments in wrongfully accused Briarwood CHRISTIAN School graduate Simion Castille's perfectly bogus thuggery/disorderly conduct case (/sarcasm). Yeah, a judge found him to be guilty as hell. (tear)

What's awesome about this case is that this college kid has a team of lawyas representing him for an offense that involves a $150 fine??? Attorneys who I'm sure do not hate themselves and what they've become since they left Alabama Law school, and are totally not touching themselves at night at the thought of representing an All-SEC Crimson Tide football player while at the same time placing themselves that much closer to career .500 Alabama Coach Nick M. Effin' Saban.

They do it Pro-Bono I'm sure. That doesn't bother me at all. What does bother me is that after the testamony of three police officers and a guilty verdict from a judge, they are now appealing the case of the $150 fine and are attempting to take it to full-fledged court:

"If we're going to put Simeon Castille on the stand," defense attorney Roy McCord said, "he wants a jury of his peers and he wants to tell the jury exactly what happened, and that's what's going to happen."

First, WTF?!? Am I taking crazy pills? Is this Law and Order SUV? Was Simeon Accused of DUI, man slaughter and goat rape? No. It's a silly misdemeanor. It's a glorified moving violation.

Also, let me see if I can dig up a few photos of Tuscaloosa's "jury of his peers"...

Jury Selection: "Do you renounce Mike Shula? Do you believe in the one and true Coach, Nick Saban? What's your position on grown men sporting replica jerseys? If you spent your money on fine jewelry instead of Dorals would you shop at Brombergs?"

- This Dan Wetzel guy at Yahoo Sports has a batshit crazy idea. He's designed his plan for what he calls "A Division I College football Playoff." Yes, in the yearly, seemingly futile attempt to manipulate the power structure of college football, Wetzel has come up with another great solution/plan (seriously). Here is what it would look like in 2007 (big snoozer, right?):

Click to enlarge

And for those of you who say "the bowl system is all about big money and that's why it won't be changed," I say once again, "What?" Do you honestly think this new system would be a big charitable event? The Division I college football playoff would immediately become the biggest, most passionate, most exciting, most well attended event in sports. And you Dick-breathed Bandits don't think it make you more money?

- LSUFreek (the Godfather of college football cheeky shenanigans) has breached the enemy lines at SmashMouthSports (Tennessee) and is dropping some major comedic smart bombs. He's freaking the Volunteer Fans with his redonkulous farking skills...And the Vol Farksters are not going down without a fight. The result is a Fark-off of galactically nerdy proportions, but I'm love every post. Currently 11 pages of photoshopped goodness. [HT: HeyBC]

Simple, yet awesomely effective

- The problem with Michigan Football: Apparently Lloyd Carr was only working 40 hours a week. BTW, Ed Orgeron would triple that work load for half the money!!! (Anyone?...Bueller?)

- SI's Austin Murphy, of Murphy's Law, puts out a very entertaining peice (very "un-mainstream media" of him) involving many of our dearly departed who were involved in the dreaded Thanksgiving Coaching Massace of 2007. Houston Nutt and Ed Orgeron being the central characters of course.

So, What you been up to, Ed? (um, reality're welcome)

Wednesday, November 28

Nutt Busts onto The Scene In Oxford

Houston flew into to Oxford town today to lead a revival like nothing seen in these parts since The Lacoste Shop opened online. With all the verve of a big tent, Baptist preacher (who may or may not have been R U N N O F T at his previous stop), Houston looked right at home in the pulpit as he rallied the faithful with plenty of standard-issue, requisite coachspeak.

Who am I kidding...He looked about as comfortable as a man who got caught by his wife sending oh...say 1000 some odd text messages to some random news-skank.

Especially when a stuffy, British sounding, piss-in-our-kool-aid type gunt/reporter lady asked Coach Nutt if he really thought he deserved to be the highest paid employee at the University...(Nearly $2Mil a year)

What a buzz killing, socialist whore, right?

THIS AIN'T INTERMURALS, SISTER! She can take all that "integrity," "academics" and "perspective" talk and shove it up her flat, unsweetened tea drinking ass. This is Football in the South, and Houston's gonna lead us to tha promise land... or probation. Either one.

Giggity Giggity AMEN!

"Judge Not! Lest Ye be Judged. Can I get a Hotty Toddy!?!"

[watch or read the whole danged press conference]

Tuesday, November 27

Ole Miss Hires A New Brand of Crazy: Houston Dale Nutt


Ole Miss after Firing Cutcliffe: "We will not accept mediocrity!"

Ole Miss after Firing Orgeron: "Yes, I'll have the mediocrity please, medium-average...Looks scrumptious, yes! With a side of Crazy...and the Refried Scandal. Thanks!"

I have to admit, I'm not exactly thrilled with this hire and I'll tell you why. I wanted a young head coach from the lower levels with fire and ambition and a great spread offense...oh and no baggage. Somebody with tons of upside. Somebody that the fans of his current school would fight hard to keep. Someone who was loved by many.

That's why I made my list. I had these visions of up-and-comers like Paul Johnson, Brian Kelly and or even taking a risk on a great young guy like Chris Hatcher.

Not some retread with outstanding lawsuits and Clintonian affairs.

Then again, Ole Miss is getting a guy who is proven to pretty good, which Ole Miss administration will take right now. The "Safe" pick to save their asses.

Is he on the up slope...or the down slope? I think that's yet to be determined. I don't want to hear any of this, "Who else you gonna get?" or "But you're Ole Miss?" This was an easy chance to reel in a "9" or a "10" but Boone and Khayat quickly settled on a "6."

1.8 Million a year can still get you a whole lotta coach, if you're smart.

Thus the same attitude that causes rival fans to say, "What was Ole Miss thinking firing Cutcliffe?" now causes them to say, "That's a good hire, Ole Miss." Yeah, it's good for you. It's non-threatening.

Yeah, he might win 7 or 8 games, but it's been proven that Nutt's not gonna win the conference or go to a BCS bowl. Hence the whole "no upside" thing.

In fact, Nutt was the longest tenured coach in the BCS conferences to never go to a BCS bowl. That's MY Coach! Would you like him to be your coach?


Just for shits and giggles, here are a few of my message board post concerning the coaching search in the last few days. You'll see how I went from utter putrid disgust at the thought of Houston Nutt to Denial, to bargaining to admittance, to I think I'm in recovery or something. Is this how Heroin addicts feel?

Why the hell would Boone do that? - Yesterday at 3:56pm

what a moron. does he know how stupid he'll look? Why would we hire another SEC program's garbage? DUMB DUMB DUMB. Way too much baggage and he WILL divide the fan base more than ever.

Ole Miss needs a fresh start...Ole Miss doesn't need that a-hole.

They're chasing him out of Fayetteville like nothing I've ever seen - Yesterday around 5pm

You don't think their's a reason behind that?

Half our fanbase already doesn't like him (not so with guys like RN or Kelly or PJ or Chris Hatcher)

He put his dick out there to get a 5 star QB and then completely effed it all away and lost a great offensive coordinator.

He's scandalous.

He's a joke (much like Orgeron).

He's batshit crazy.

He's never won an SEC title in ten years at a school that has no in state competition and a relatively rich recruiting base.

He's got the two best running backs to ever share a backfield and he can't beat the likes of Alabama, and Kentucky or do anything legitimate by them.

Fact is, The Arkansas fans don't care that he left... - Last Night

...that should bother the ones of you who claim to be not-so-wooly.

He went on a hot streak to end the season. LSU was susceptible. Shit, Bama almost beat 'em the week before they lost to UL-Monroe. Ed Orgeron put up 500 yards on their #1 Defense. WTF?!

Nutt is a hot name right now BECAUSE of McFadden and Jones. If he finished the season like he did last year, with three straight losses even having the great RBs (not to mention his 4-7 2005 season) Nobody would give him the time of day.

But pulling one out against LSU in the last game of his Ark career, sheeit, he upped his offers about 1 Mil a year.

It's incredible, it's foolish and it's kneejerk.

Don't even try to compare him to Orgeron. We've proven that Dinardo would win that battle handily. Yeah, Nutts not a bad football coach, but neither was David Cutcliffe.

Cut just wasn't getting us where we want to go.

There's no upside with Nutt. You guys think that Nutt, with less of a recruiting base, less big money around him, at less of a traditional think that Nutt's gonna have equal or more success?

Naw, I'd much rather take a chance on a guy who didn't get run out of town. This choice is crazy, and makes Ole Miss look like little brother to effing Arkansas.

Pros and Cons - This Morning, When It was Inevitable


-He stayed at a school for 10 years. That's gotta count for something.
-He's been to Atlanta a few times
-He owns Mississippi State
-He beats Auburn and Alabama more often than Ole Miss does
-He's charismatic?
-7 bowl games in 9 years (soon to be 8 of 10 if they let him coach it)


-He's scandalous
-He previously coached at a divisional rival (and it's not like Ole Miss stole him a la Tuberville)
-He only had one 10 win season and that was last year
-He's never won anything more than a cotton bowl
-He's not exactly known as a great recruiter
-He's only won 2 of those 7 bowl games
-He's already got the fanbase divided
-Hog fans are not worried about seeing him go (have I said that before?)

Later, I'll atempt to convince myself that Nutt can do a better job at Ole Miss than he did at Arkanasas, and that his best years are ahead of him. Hope Houston Dale proves me wrong.

Hot Damn, Yaw yaw, giggity giggity. It could be worse...


Monday, November 26

Must See Youtubery From Week 13

It's Business...It's Business Time

Coolest. Ref. Ever. Actually, it's said to be based on a vintage badass ref (oxymoron?) from the 80's who made a similar call in the pro ranks. Kudos to an official having a bit of fun in an otherwise snoozer of a blowout.

Auburn Cornerback Gets Vicked

Most of us southerners already witnessed this craziness live, but it's worth another look when animals attack! What the hell is Auburn thinking? Pit Bulls in the end zones? I love how Auburn gets their security/sodexho workers literally surrounding the field at some point in the third quarter. What a waste. Was there really a chance of anyone rushing the field after this Iron bowl? I love how the dog gets escorted off the field too...What a thug.

Is it Still Two-Thousand-and-Saban?

Looks like Tubby's workin' on Saban-In-A-Row (can I get a copyright?). Somebody alert Matt at Sportscrack to the endless tee shirt possibilities. [Impressive]

The Nail in The Orgeron's Coffin

Note: This entire video takes place in the last 8 minutes of the Egg Bowl. Ole Miss is sitting pretty with a 14-0 lead on the road in the "big" rivalry game, and the Rebs are desperately trying to avoid a big 0-8 in the SEC in Orgeron's third season. So, you just play smart football, pin 'em deep and work the clock, right? Of course not. Orgeron decides to "go for it" on 4 and a long 1 near midfield with a 14 to nothing lead on the road. Enjoy the last few minutes of the Ed Orgeron Era (tear)...

Friday, November 23

How Eddie O Lost The Egg

First Things First

If you don't know...Ole Miss was up 14-0 on Mississippi State with roughly 9 minutes to go in the fourth quarter, in Starkville. Orgeron, like the genius he is, goes for a fourth down conversion close to midfield and doesn't get it. 17 points later, he's 0-8 in the SEC. Below are a few ways a head coach can effectively eff a game away. Enjoy...

1. Obviously the 4th down call was a mistake and it hurt OM bad. Turned the tide actually.

2. The Fake Punt that didn't work. Luckily it didn't hurt but if OM were playing a team with some actual offensive talent, it would have.

3. The Kick offs were eff-me-in-the-ear horrible. At least kick it deep ever once in a while.

4. The crap ass line drive punts were obviously killer.

5. The poor clock management going into the first half - OM should have had a shot at a field goal.

6. Allowing O.C. Dan Werner to play call like a scared 11-year-old girl down the stretch (what happened to the Brent Schaeffer bootlegs and the misdirection?) He also abandoned the spread and went back to the worthless "I" formation.

7. Allowing D.C. JohnThompson to abandon the attacking style that had kept State on their heels all night.

8. Not finding a way to score more than 7 point in a first half that saw 2 State first downs.

Piss poor. Ole Miss has the talent, now they just need the coaching. Teams with far, far less talent than Ole Miss would have found a way to put up at least 21 in that first half.

3-9 in year three (Coach 0-8 in the SEC).

"Coach..Coach! Yeah, thanks. Just wanted to ask you quickly why you think you're so not good at your job?"


- Orson (EDSBS), one of The Orgeron's biggest fans, sums things up beautifully here.
- My list of replacement (designed with Ole Miss in mind)

Youtubes and A Little Extra

Hope you had a great turkey day (other than the pathetically lopsided displays of football). Here's a few left-over tidbits from the last few days...

To cleanse your palate of all that nasty tryptophan and get you ready for today's pathetically lopsided displays of college football, how bout a little interpretive dance (complete with an interpretive, incognito computer chair)...

Now here's a great little video I found linked on Georgiasportsblog that chronicles everything we love about the Florida Gators over the last few years (I really have no issue with the Gatas -other than Joakim-, even so, this is quite humorous)...

"You even suck in class...can't listen to John Kerry without tasers on your ass"

Sad News:

For some ungodly reason, this blog has always received a ton of google hits based on the search terms "Jay Barker Divorce" (Not that I've ever written about his alleged disunion). Jay Barker of course being the former mythical national championship winning Tide QB and current WJOX morning show host. What makes these rumors even more sad and surprising is Jay's status as practicing Super Christian.

I finally did a little research to see what all the hubbub was about...Apparently, when there's smoke their fire (the fire being nothing but unsubstantiated internet rumor of course).

According the the messageboards, people who care about "new country" are saying that Jay is in fact divorced (who is at fault is still unknown) and was seen on the red carpet at the CMAs with recent divorcee Sarah Evans. Yeah, that Sara Evans.

Nice save, Jay. Way to stick it to your Ex and out-punt your coverage. Romo who?

Wednesday, November 21

Mindless Morning Youtubery

Reporter Shows us how to deal with Drunken Ohio State Fan/Skank

pretty sure I watched this video about 20 times. It's perfect.

Best Sign from Ann Arbor Gameday...

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And a salute to the #2 Fighting Kansas Manginos...

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Bama Fan of the Week

Iron Bowl Edition

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Tons of Fun is back! This portly attention whore is still keepin' it real in '07 with his transitions lenses. The real story here is who gets the pleasure of painting this stud every week? I bet he has to beat the lusty sororstitutes off with stick.

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Whoops! Missed a spot just below the saddle bags. Also, it looks like somebody did a pretty poor job with the lower back/upper ass, deciduous, vomit-on-my-monitor region. Somebody get this specimin a "Mike Shula Never lost to The Sun Belt" tee shirt, stat!

Edit: In the interest of a fair and balanced blog, I welcome any Auburn fan pics that can top the above turdulence.

Tuesday, November 20

Saban Teaches Us How To Deal...Blames Shula for Pearl Harbor

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Credit: LWS

The Post Apocalyptic Press Conference

Before telling the media what kind of worthless eff-up players he's been dealing with, Saban went on to teach us simple-minded, non glorified P.E. teachers a thing or two about world history, alcoholism and life...

"Changes in history usually occur after some kind of catastrophic event," Saban said during the opening remarks of his weekly news conference. "It may be 9-11,which sort of changed the spirit of America relative to catastrophic events. Pearl Harbor kind of got us ready for World War II, or whatever, and that was a catastrophic event."

After Saban's next big loss, I don't even think he'll hold a press conference...I think he'll just host a public screening of "The Passion of the Christ." Then he'll make a few parallels between the Jews and the media (or whatever).

Napoleon later preached on the dangers of alcoholism as it relates to such a catastrophic loss (???). He thinks that his team might get on the wagon now that they have hit "rock bottom."

Either that, or they just gave up on his no-blame-takin' ass. Lord Saban went the entire media lecture (lets call a spade a spade) without once admitting, "Hey, guys...Coaching had alot to do with this as well" Maybe a little, "Part of my job is to get the team up for the game, and I clearly failed to do so" or "My staff and I need to reevaluate a few things." No no no...It was all "These players need to get their stuff together," and "play calling doesn't matter at this point."

The Lil' Bear continues with a bunch of empty crap about finding "character players," "not disrespecting rules and regulations" and "the value in doing the right thing."

Point blank: Saban, Did you do the right thing when you showed the young guys on the team that winning the game is more important than following through on D.J.'s suspension. Did that disrespect rules and regulations? Did that show your character?

When asked about cutting the suspension short to use DJ Hall in the second half of a tight game, Saban's non-reply was "It is what it is."

So you admit it was bullshit then, Saban?

If so, this is how the press conference should have gone:

"Hi everybody. Wow, let me be the first to say...I looked like a massive douche out there this weekend. I'm gonna tell it like it is, for once: I put DJ in the game because he's our best player and I really did not want to lose this one. I know that makes me a raging hypocrite so I'm gonna save you the self righteous, rambling bullshit talk. I'm not even gonna try and blame it all on my players, thus deflecting from my obviously flawed approach at college coaching and life.

I know that sometimes, it's not an academic issue. It's not cut and dry and I don't need to act like a prison warden for these guys to respect me and perform for me. Sometimes it's players believing in their coach, wanting to work hard for him and vise-versa.

We've lost that. If I'm being totally honest, we've lost that because I've pretty much hung my players out to dry in the media. Yes, I did it to cover my own ass.

I blamed these kids cause I'm scared...I'm scared y'all will figure me out. You'll
figure out that I'm not worth all the money and attention. I'm just a football coach from West Virginia who's gotten a little too wrapped up in myself...The suits, the money, the power, the mystic tan and the hair dye.

Maybe I needed this.

Maybe I needed to hit rock bottom to gain awareness to the fact that I'm an insufferable prick. I really need to check my ego...I need to forget the fact that I'm better, smarter and more handsome than all you people and just get back to the basics of coaching.

I am the leader of this team. Don't blame these kids. Blame me."

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click to listen to the entire inane, rambling, Nick Saban press conference

Monday, November 19

First Vanderbilt Alum on South Park?

Jay Cutler Has Arrived

La Effing Monroe?

When Nick Gets Nervous, He Just Sticks His Hands Under His Arms Like This...

Nick Saban Apologist: "Well, Coach lost to UAB his first year at LSU and then went on to kick some ass!"

Truth: You can't compare the two losses. UAB was a 7-4 team in a much better conference than the Sun Belt. Fact is, the lowest paid coach in Division I just beat the highest paid coach. Irony is such a bitch!

NSA: "Shoot, Mike Shula couldn't of done no better."

Truth: Mike Shula DID do better. With his own "talentless" players (largely the same players Saban's working with) Shula beat the mighty Louisiana Monroe War Hawks 41-7. The way you should be a Sunbelt team.

NSA: "John Parker Wilson just ain't a SEC quarterback."

Truth: "In 2006, Wilson started all 12 games for the Crimson Tide. He finished the season with a passing efficiency of 128.92, completing 216-of-379 (57%) passes for 2,707 yards, 17 touchdowns and ten interceptions. He threw for over 200 yards in the first seven games of the season, setting a new school record, and finished with a school record nine 200-yard games."

Funny, nobody was questioning JPW last year, in his first season as a starter. I wonder what the only difference is? Oh yeah, it's coaching.

NSA: "Shula couldn't recruit worth a damn and that's why we're in this hole."

Truth: Shula recruited pretty well actually. Certainly well enough to win football games in the SEC. From 2004-2006 (players who are currently playing) Shula averaged in the Top 15 classes Nationally according to the gurus over at Rivals. Louisiana Monroe ended up just slightly lower, averaging a Bottom 15 class during that time span (or 104th best nationally).

NSA: "Coach Saban's just gotta change Shula's culture of losing. Believe in the process. Think like a Champ-yun!"

Truth: How long does it take to get your players in shape and grow some coaching balls? Shula was 10 points shy of a 9 win season in 2006. Granted, he didn't finish games in the 4th quarter, but that has to be attributed to his lack of balls or possibly the team's conditioning. Saban's shortcomings certainly can't be attributed to a lack of talent or a lack of balls. Saban's certainly willing to take the risks, but he's still not getting results. Maybe he's just not as good as Shula was gettin the team ready each week.

A few more great excuses

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Victorious ULM Head Coach Charlie Weatherbie earns $120,000 a year, while loser Nick Saban "earns" $333,000 per game (or $11,000 a or no game)

When are the fans of Bama gonna quit touching themselves to thoughts of Saban led Champyunships long enough to admit that Nick and staff are getting less out of Shula's players than Shula did. Could Saban be nothing more than a pompous, extremely well paid, top-notch recruiter with mediocre game planning, teaching and administrative skills? (Paging Ed Orgeron) At least he's got some kick ass Just for Men hair.

I said in the preseason that Nick Saban would never be more popular in this state than he was at that moment...leading up to his first game. Truth is, he's not omnipotent, he's not Bear Bryant, and Bama's Not Back. Saban might yet become the savior of the common Alabama man's self worth, but it's gonna be later rather than sooner.

Imagine what Saban could do if he wasn't such a dickface...If he could attract talented/experienced position coaches and coordinators?!? Imagine if Saban wasn't a huge fatty gunt...then maybe the media might cut him a little slack for Alabama's first Sun-Belt loss ever. Imagine is Saban was not the highest paid coach in college football who was staring 4 straight losses and ".500" in the face. No, Rome wasn't built in a day...But The University of Rome didn't get its ass kicked by the Peloponnesian College for the Deaf and Blind either.

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Thursday, November 15

Halftime Shows You'll Never See In The SEC

It's seems the Cal-Berkeley band took a break from its regularly scheduled show-tunes to indulge us in an admittedly kick ass cornucopia of 8-bit Nintendo theme songs and imagery. I have to say, it's quite an enjoyable stroll down memory lane.

This video brings to the forefront countless recollections of a mis-spent youth. Times when I should have been doing my homework, however, like any other young man who grew up on The Legend of Zelda, I could not rest until I made Ganon my bitch! Behold...

Here's another one that Texas put together in 2004 that features Cartoons/Video Games. There must be some pretty laid back band directors/geeks west of the Mississippi...

Crooms' Boys Smack Back

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HT: Darren - click to enlarge (and save, you know you want to)

The Starkville Bulldogs haven't tasted a winning season since the armageddon of Y2K...I think they're entitled to dispatch a little long over-due smack. Even though the "Priceless" parodies are wearing a bit thin, this is some top shelf shenanigans. Just think...for those 4 losses, Saban got paid more than the entire Mississippi State coaching a year. Saban can expect alot more where this came from.

Wednesday, November 14

A Metaphor for the Ole Miss Season

Classic Message Board Fodder by "An Old Standard"at

Cause sometimes you just need to honor a classic message board post that seems to capture the moment, and, ever so eloquently, sum up the thoughts of a fanbase. I'll never look at Bebe (The Orgeron's Cajun nickname) the same way. This post comes to us from an Ole Miss fan in anticipation of the "big CBS game" this weekend between his 3-7 Rebels and #1 LSU...not to mention the huge Egg Bowl coming up in Starkville.

Pissin' In The Hot Tub

We were drinking one night at an apartment complex in Starkville. One toolbag drunk kid who was friends with someone we were staying with has brought home a classic Starkville skank. She’s got a beer gut (with belly-button piercing), a bad blonde dye job, acne covered with caked on make-up, all the intelligence and charm of a cow patty and dresses in a manner that can best be described as 10 lbs of meat in a 5 lb sack. The guy has been talking s**t all night, trying to start fights, taking fruity shots and talking endlessly about how much of a badass he is and how much tail he can pull. He owns at least one windsuit and wears it on a regular basis, guaranteed.

They disappear from the apartment together. Later, we discover that they’ve stripped down and are getting down in the apartments’ hot tub. Upon seeing this display, my friend RW (smoked out of his brain) stumbles down to the side of the hot tub, largely unnoticed by the happy, naked couple. When the guy finally comes up for air, it’s too late. RW has dropped his pants and is taking a piss into the hot tub. They both freak out, jump out of the water and scurry off. RW shakes, zips up and goes back upstairs to puke in the bathtub and pass out.

LSU is the douchebag guy. The delusional legend of his own mind, drunk with his own perceived greatness (and lots of Hot Damn), but mostly just a pain in the ass to everybody else. State is the girl who lives with constant self-esteem issues, but covers it up with make-up and wine coolers. Every now and again, she stumbles upon someone whose beer goggles match her self-image. She sees such drunken hook-ups as validation of her beauty and the start of long-lasting happiness. However, it always ends in tears when everybody sobers up.

And then there’s us. Stumbling through life only half awake with nothing in front of us other than a fade to black until all the self-inflicted poisons wear off, so we can start the road to recovery. But, before our time is over, we can do the rest of the civilized world a great service by putting the annoying couple in their place.

For the rest of the season, it’s all about pissing in everybody else’s hot tub of love. It's time for Bebe to crank the shrimp boat up to ramming speed and take some of these assholes down with us.

- An Old Standard

Wow. It's like a suicide note and a Lou Holtz pep Talk all in one. It's a thing of beauty. Major credit, Mr. Standard. I'd start a slow clap, but I the whole slow clap thing is pretty gay these days (NTTAWWT).

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Who wants a golden shower?!? Miles? Anyone?