What a bunch of Titty Babies
You know, everybody seems to talk about all the quarterback talent in the Big XII, but they some how gloss over the high quality sandy vaginas that practices their floppery in the southwestern region. Screw "The Red River Shootout." Try "Steers and Queers."
And John Wayne rolls over in his grave.
Pictures and video to come, i'm sure.
edited to add: [others who feel the same]
"Step Into My Office, Tony..."
No, I'm not talking about the famed fretless bassist of White Snake. Auburn's OC is SOL.
Auburn offensive coordinator Tony Franklin was relieved of his duties Wednesday halfway through his first season of directing a spread offense that never caught fire. Franklin is no longer on the coaching staff, said an Auburn official.
Head coach Tommy Tuberville told the team 3:30 of the dismissal."After evaluating where we are at this point of the season offensively, I felt it was in the best interest of the Auburn football program to make this change," Tuberville said. "I'm not satisfied with where we are and I am personally going to take a larger role with the offense the remainder of the season. We are going to work harder than ever to make sure we consistently improve as we move forward."
just one of the perks of working the third shift at the Firestone plant [matt]
Nerd-Neck: one of tuscaloosa's top exports...sweet man-cankles too [stephen via dirty d]
Bonus (kickass tattoo edition):
You might not have even noticed this subtle tat through all the foliage and chickenpox
"Wow, nice pasty teet...er, tat."
I mean, does it get any more deep south than this?
Pete Boone, take advantage of that bigassed, HD video board and play this pre-game for South Carolina this weekend. Oh, and lose the white trashassed Kid Rock crap.
[major credit to Delstrath on youtube]
tasteless rape joke?
Quick, it's midnight, lightning round!...
1. LSU - Shaved wildebeests
2. Alabama - Back? October can be tricky
3. Florida - Teabagged
4. Georgia - Spooners
5. Ole Miss - (insert tired Nutt joke here)
6. Vandy - Bye week - yeah, They're below Ole Miss...Rebs/Dores ATL rematch?
7. Kentucky - Badass undefeated? or Norfolk St., Middle Tennessee and Western KY? The later
8. Auburn - Eff Todd
9. South Carolina - Less Smelley, more offensive
10. Tennessee - One more nail in his big fat fatty coffin
11. Mississippi State - A 285 yard offensive explosion! Seriously...major credit, Woody McCorvey, you no-talent-ass-clown
12. Arkansas - Might as well hang em up...The cupboard is bare, right?
First Ole Miss-centric cover since Archie in 1970 (click to enlarge)
Well, that supposed curse hasn't seemed to effect Bama one tiny bit (quite possibly it's done the opposite). Damn the curse! I'm enjoying this sumabitch. Can't wait to see how the Chicago Cubs of the SEC can handle it this weekend against Spurrier's cocks.
First the Debate, then The Swamp, now this? Surely hell is freezing over (see: The Economy) Enjoy this sneak peak at SI's Ole Miss cover story (words I honestly never thought I'd hear in succession)...
Block Party
Ole Miss's stunning win over Florida was just one of seven upsets involving Top 25 teams in a chaotic week that also saw the emergence of Alabama as a contender for the national championship
By Albert Chen
It was a sultry Saturday evening in the heart of Mississippi , and Houston Nutt, still sticky from the Gatorade bath he had received in the waning seconds of his team's 31–30 win over No. 4 Florida, stepped out of an airplane at Tupelo Regional Airport and into the night. The first-year Mississippi coach looked up, and on the other side of a nearby fence was a cheering throng of 500 rhapsodic Rebels fans. Then Nutt looked at his players. "They were just standing there," says Nutt, whose team, a three-touchdown underdog to the Gators, returned from Gainesville having toppled a top five team for the first time in three decades. "I had to tell them, 'Guess what? They're here for you. It's O.K. to go over there and say hello.' Apparently they're not used to this kind of attention. They looked like they were in a daze."
The college football universe was in much the same state. The Stunner in the Swamp turned out to be the biggest upset last Saturday, but the madness didn't end there. After greeting another 400 fans at the Rebels' practice facility when he and his team arrived on campus later that night, Nutt finally returned home to his 150-acre ranch outside of Oxford around eight o'clock and flipped on the living room television to watch No. 8 Alabama against No. 3 Georgia. He nearly fell out of his chair when he saw the score: Alabama 31, Georgia 0. At halftime. "It was a pretty wild day in college football, huh?" Nutt said on Sunday.
You think? During a 48-hour period that started last Thursday night, nine ranked teams lost, six to unranked squads. Three of the country's top four schools went down, including No. 1 USC (page 35) from the Pac-10. The top-ranked teams from three other BCS conferences—the SEC (Georgia), the Big Ten ( Wisconsin ) and the ACC ( Wake Forest )—also fell. While there has been no paradigm-shifting upset on the scale of Appalachian State over Michigan , this season is proving to be just as unpredictable as 2007 was. "What we've seen in the first month of the season isn't an aberration," says BYU coach Bronco Mendenhall, whose Cougars moved up three spots to No. 8 in the AP poll—on a bye week. "What we're seeing is a leveling of the field."
The result is a volatile environment in which a school can go from being a borderline Top 25 team to the second-ranked program in the nation in five weeks—as Alabama , ranked No. 24 in the preseason, has done in coach Nick Saban's second year. Following his team's win in Athens , where the Crimson Tide steamrollered No. 3 Georgia 41–30, Alabama (5–0) suddenly looks like a national title contender. That Saban's crew pulled off the road win wasn't as surprising as how easily the Crimson Tide dismantled the Bulldogs. With quarterback John Parker Wilson (10 of 11 passes for 139 yards and a touchdown in the first half) operating behind an overpowering line, Alabama, which has yet to trail in a game and has outscored opponents 74–0 in the opening quarter, scored on each of its first five possessions. By halftime the Tide had turned the much-ballyhooed rumble between SEC rivals into a funeral for the nation's preseason No. 1 and its fans. At least the Dawgs dressed for the occasion. Georgia broke out its rarely worn black jerseys, and the Bulldogs faithful donned black as well.
In the Crimson Tide locker room, moments after the biggest win in his 18-game tenure in Tuscaloosa , Saban began his postgame address with a saliva-spewing rant about all the things his players did wrong in a sloppy second half. (Though Alabama was outscored 30–10 after intermission, a Crimson Tide victory was never in doubt.) After making it through his checklist, the 56-year-old grump paused, then smiled. The room exploded in giddy laughter.
There wasn't a bigger winner on Saturday than the embattled Ole Miss football program, which came into the game with nine consecutive SEC defeats. This fall the scrutiny of the Rebels has been intense, and not just because of the new $6 million, 4,032-square-foot high-definition scoreboard (touted as having the largest HD display in the SEC) that now towers over the north end zone at Vaught-Hemingway Stadium. Even though the Rebels had floundered through four straight losing seasons, including a 3–9 mark last year, and even though their sophomore quarterback, Jevan Snead, had thrown only 49 college passes before the '08 season, expectations were high for a once proud school reenergized by the hiring of Nutt last November. "The moment it hit me how passionate the fans are here was the day I held my first press conference," says the 50-year-old Nutt, who, despite a 75–48 record at Arkansas , resigned last year after 10 tumultuous seasons in Fayetteville . "I was expecting to speak to a few reporters in a room with five cameras. But I find myself walking into the Ford Center , where there are 1,500 people packed in, and I later find out that 500 to 600 people were turned away at the door and waiting outside. I had goose bumps."
The Rebels headed to Gainesville with a 2–2 record—their pair of losses (at No. 20 Wake Forest on Sept. 6 and to Vanderbilt on Sept. 20) by a combined eight points. Snead could not have looked worse in the Vanderbilt defeat, tossing four interceptions as Ole Miss lost 23–17. In more ways than one the game against Florida presented an opportunity for redemption for the quarterback. When he stepped onto the field at high noon, he stood in a place where he once thought he'd become a star. In 2005 he had committed to Florida out of Stephenville (Texas) High, but then he found out that the Gators were heavily recruiting another high school All-America—a gunslinger from Jacksonville named Tim Tebow. Snead backed out of his commitment and signed with Texas . But redshirt freshman Colt McCoy beat him out for the starting job in 2006, so at the end of that season Snead transferred to Mississippi .
Now here was Snead, facing Tebow in front of 90,106 fans—and it was the unheralded interloper who was the poised playmaker and the 2007 Heisman Trophy winner who appeared flustered. His team down 17–10 in the third quarter and facing a third-and-10 deep in Florida territory, Snead dumped a screen pass to running back Cordera Eason that went for an 18-yard touchdown. Then, with 5:26 left and the game tied at 24, Snead connected with a wide-open Shay Hodge on an 86-yard pass play that gave the Rebels the lead for good. "The corner fell off, and I knew I was going to be open, but I didn't expect the safety to miss it that bad," says Hodge. "I didn't think I was going to take it all the way."
Tebow, meanwhile, continued his disappointing encore to his Heisman season with another uneven performance. The junior quarterback fumbled once (the third-quarter turnover led to Eason's touchdown), missed open receivers and often held on to the ball too long as a ferocious Rebels pass rush sacked him three times. He did respond with a six-play, 68-yard touchdown drive that pulled the Gators to 31–30 with 3:28 left, but the Rebels' Kentrell Lockett broke through the line to block the extra point. Then, on fourth-and-one at the Ole Miss 32 with 41 seconds left, Tebow was stopped for no gain as he tried to run off right tackle out of the shotgun. "You have never seen any player in the entire country play as hard as I will play the rest of this season," an emotional Tebow said after the game. "And you'll never see someone push the rest of the team as hard as I will push everybody the rest of this season."
Though they tumbled to No. 12 in the rankings, the Gators are hardly out of the national title picture in what is shaping up as another crazy season. But Florida fans can't like the team's chances to run the table (three games against top 20 teams remain on the schedule) with coach Urban Meyer's offense looking as out of sync as it did against the Rebels. Though Percy Harvin, a wideout who occasionally lines up in the backfield, rushed for 82 yards, the Gators still aren't getting any production out of their running backs. And Tebow was limited to seven yards on 15 carries.
Meanwhile, Ole Miss looks poised to take off. Less than 24 hours after his Gatorade bath, the coach of the resurgent Rebels was back in his office, meeting with his assistants to prep for this Saturday's game against South Carolina . Nutt's team showed last Saturday that it's good enough to make noise in the SEC West. An intradivision showdown with Alabama looms on Oct. 18, but the coach wasn't looking ahead. "One week at a time," Nutt said. "If we've learned anything about college football this weekend, it's that, week to week, all you can hope to do is survive."±
[Thanks to Karen at SI for the heads up]
The Bold and Most not so Beautiful SEC, comments and predictions
I’d like to open our inaugural post from the thegeeksheetsports.com with a thanks to our elegant, handsome, brilliant and witty host, Erik for allowing us to share our weekly thoughts on the soap opera that is the SEC. Hopefully these gratuitous complements won’t go un-noticed and will buy us at least a week or two in this space, presuming it tanks as bad as we suspect it will!
With a moment of clarity it occurred to me that the drama we choose to create, more times than not in a completely irrational and unjust manner isn’t too dissimilar to the calamity that is our testosterone lacking compatriots from Venus. When the wine and estrogen starts flowing we run for the sanctity and cover of college football, and the self destruction that ensues…because remember, we are the sane ones…right?
Game of the Week
What interests me more about this game, is the show down that is liable to ensue on the pedestrian walkway in A-town Saturday evening…not just the mullets from north Alabama vs the red-dadios from Moultrie (although that cultural class will surely be one for the ages), but consider what happens when Mr. Bear Bryant Back Tat toting his big ole A flag bumps into that big bald overall wearing fattie from UGA with the bulldog painted on his head…wow, I’d pay the scalper 3 large for the privilege to see that…I wonder if the guys from National Geographic will be there to capture this chance encounter?
The actual game itself I suspect will be a pretty good one, although I question how good and proven the Bama offense is. Every week that victory over Clemson looks worse and worse, and no offense to Casey Dick but there is a reason D-Mac lined up at QB last year and Nutter sold his sold to the devil to get Mustain along with the baggage that came with him. UGA has been very good defending the run, and I don’t see how Bama makes anything of substance happen on the ground in this game (I won’t bore you with the statistical support). Without a ground game Sarah Jessica Parker starts to look more like Little Dick from the hills of
I am a little less sure of what happens on the other side of the ball as the humpers have looked pretty good thus far, but so has Little Nicky’s crew. Despite the Pac 10 hatred we all can agree on, Arizona State does have a legitimate defense (by left coast standards), and, statistically, what UGA did last week is impressive (far more impressive than Sabans efforts to date vs a pretty pitiful slate of defensive opponents).
A TD is a lot to lay in this game, and my guess is it will be relatively close for a while…still as Nick says, “it is a process”, and I think the success early against some very bad teams has the Tide Pride a little over-amped…Leg Humpers 28 Roll Tide 17
The Second Fiddle Game of the Week– which just so happens to involve two perpetual second fiddles
The Great Pumpkin in the Hills vs Dumbo gone amuck
The two great cartoonish coaches of the conference clash in this battle of big orange vs big ears, although watching both of late makes you wonder if anything big is going to happen offensively. UCLA’s continued implosion could potentially end up being worse by year end than Big Nicks glorious egg vs the War Hawks last season (how do you get pounded by 21 to
Both these schools constantly fight the second fiddle status whether it be the War Eaglers contempt for thier corn dog friends to the south or the mullet nation to the west, or Good Ole Rocky Top who can’t seem to get over the “hump” consistently vs the the humpers or the proprietors of factory denim shorts down in North FL. My guess is we’ll get a second rate performance from both here in a game that will probably dissolve into a contest of who can avoid screwing it up the most…I’ll lean with the dual nick-named home team, presuming they embrace the dual QB strategy…Deep Orange 24 Faded Orange 16
3 Dave’s caliber contests
David vs Goliath (Act 1 and 2) –
Whether it Nutt or Croom, Miles or Meyer this one is about the same… Croom and Nutt will try and run the ball 99% of the time, hope like hell Meyer or Miles does enough un-necessary and unbelievably stupid (or perhaps brilliant) things that the poor peasants from the hills won’t get absolute destroyed by the Kings of the lands….The former Mormon leader and his now missionary leading general stand a bit more of a chance for a slightly contested contest here than The HAT and his corndog crew further west. Nutt’s got the makings of a respectable offense, poor Croom’s got Nutt-in…All in all 40 something for the big guys…State is lucky to get 10 w/o a backfire or two by the lunatic leader of the corn dog nation…Ole Nutt probably gets 14, maybe a late one late for 20. Either way, I hope the Dave’s bring their A game, and have a great montage prepared of Saint Tebow’s good work, because this should prove to be a pretty boring game (same-same for the nite cap hosted by brilliant color man Michelle Tafoya, or I supposed color woman…wow, that is inspiring).
Don’t waste your time---and I won’t either
Directional Kentucky vs non-directional Kentucky
Pop Quiz – How many D1 teams did WKU face last year…Answer – 12, although over half where 1AA, 7 vs 1-AA team, and a 7-5 record w/ 5 games vs the mighty Sun Belt…you do the math…Enough said…UK 34 Topers 13
Pigtrino vs the place where
I bet ole Bobby wishes Mack Brown liked to get offensive coordinators head coaching jobs as well as the defensive variety, maybe they can exchange numbers and discuss new ways to poach on poor dumbo later this season as they both seemingly like to do. Dick gets the pigs slaughtered here, badly…you’ll find out two things after this game…how bad
Good luck to everyone, drink too much, yell at the TV because the coaches can actually here you, and remember if you are on the taking end of it this week, you always have your class which the other team doesn’t…
For more info on other games this week, and a slightly less condescending approach, check us out on our blog…
http://www.thegeeksheetsports.com/
Till next week
The Geek
Comments on every SEC team, courtesy of Garnet and Black Attack...
1. Georgia, 247 points (11 first-place votes)
2. Florida, 245 (8)
3. LSU, 232 (3)
4. Alabama, 199.5
5. Auburn, 167.5
6. Vanderbilt, 161
7. Kentucky, 111
8. Mississippi, 100
8. South Carolina, 100
10. Tennessee, 86
11. Mississippi State, 34
12. Arkansas, 33
...and forth.
Georgia and Florida's back-and-forth battle for first place continues. Week 1 brought us first-place Florida. Week 2, first-place Georgia. Week 3, first-place Florida. And this week, two points give the spelling-challenged Dawgs the nod for No. 1. These teams have essentially been deadlocked the whole season, and unless one gets upset, the argument won't be settled until they meet in Jacksonville on Nov. 1. LSU isn't far behind; Alabama has a ton of ground to make up. Auburn and Vanderbilt round out the top half.
Then comes a yawning 50-point gap before Kentucky comes in. By contrast, only 25 points separate the Wildcats in 7th place and the Volunteers in 10th.
And Arkansas has now fallen into possession of the "Worst of the Best" Cup, as Mississippi State's dominated performance against Georgia Tech isn't quite enough to underwhelm Arkansas' self-immolation against Alabama. This race should also go down to the end, as each team looks to one-down the other.
Voters expand upon these thoughts after the jump.
GEORGIA
Still working out some issues with penalties and leaky kickoff coverage, but clearly the most complete team in the league so far this season.--The Dead Guy
For years now I've been asking Santa, "Please bring me a game-breaking receiver for Christmas," and when I got to Tempe ... he finally came.--Hey Jenny Slater
The Dawgs went from posting a minus-37 total yardage deficit at Carolina to a plus-249 surplus at Arizona St. Fair to say Georgia's doing its part in making the SEC look good.--Joe Cribbs Car Wash
FLORIDA
While the defense is markedly better than the 2007 version, there may be some concerns for the offense. The coaches in the SEC are the best in the country and they're developing ways to slow them up.--The Dead Guy
What, precisely, are we to take from Saturday's conquest, though? The first downs were even at 16 apiece; had the Big Orange held the ball for two fewer seconds, the time of possession would have been divided equally between the two combatants; the home team outgained the visitors from Gainesville in total yards (258-243). Three Tennessee turnovers and a 78-yard punt return allowed this one to get altogether out of hand, but how good are the Gators? Considering that they converted over 60 per cent of their third downs against U.T., I'm going to err on the side of saying they're pretty good.--Dawg Sports
The vaunted offense has been coasting through most of the games so far, and UF has won by 46, 23, and 24 points. The defense and special teams have been championship caliber.--Year 2
LSU
Impressive win in Auburn. Maybe Les is smarter than we give him credit for. That onsides kick was brilliant.--Garnet and Black Attack
So much for the lingering effects of the Ryan Perrilloux Xperience. Anyone who thought that the QB situation might be enough to sink LSU this year might want to start exploring other options.--Hey Jenny Slater
If Jarrett Lee's second half on the Plains isn't a fluke, the rest of the West can start heading for the exits. Everything is, infuriatingly, in place.--Joe Cribbs Car Wash
ALABAMA
When, oh when, will SEC teams stop scheduling so many cupcakes? Oh, wait...--Save the Shield
Convincing victory made even more impressive when you factor in the number of freshmen and sophomores Saban is playing.--The Dead Guy
I'm really surprised with the Crimson Tide so far. They are top 15 in all of the key defensive statistics with the exception of third down defense, and they're No. 16 in that.--Rocky Top Talk
AUBURN
They need to figure out this offense. I know they are in a transitional phase, but 1.9 ypc against LSU is awful, I don't care how good LSU might be up front.--Alligator Army
The Tigers fought down to the end against LSU, but couldn't stop the Hat. The defense was strong, and the offense showed signs of life. Auburn is a good team and lost to another good team. No shame.--Gate 21
The Plainsmen clearly have some problems, and not just on offense, as evidenced by the fact that their once-smothering defense allowed an inexperienced sophomore QB to turn into a hero Saturday night.--Hey Jenny Slater
VANDERBILT
Somehow managed to clip Ole Miss despite a less than stellar performance. Are they opportunistic or just lucky? We'll see next week against Auburn.--Save the Shield
4-0. 4-0. No, it's not their GPA, it's their record.--Pelican State Sports
It's like the 'Dores saved up all their luck over the last 20 years just for this season.--Joe Cribbs Car Wash
KENTUCKY
Pass efficiency defense ranked 11th and rush defense ranked 5th. Offense, though, is atrocious, statistically speaking.--Rocky Top Talk
Here's an SAT question for you: "Choose the best answer. The Kentucky Wildcats have not: A. lost to anybody, or B. beaten anybody." Every answer is right, but every answer is also profoundly wrong.--Red Solo Cup
Who knows? Unless they struggle against Western, we figure to have to wait until their trip to Tuscaloosa to know anything.--A Sea of Blue
MISSISSIPPI
Somehow managed to lose to Vandy despite outgaining them by almost 200 yards.--Garnet and Black Attack
For the next several days Jevan Snead will keep waking up in a sweat at 3 am, thinking that Ryan Hamilton just picked off another pass.--Save the Shield
Jevan Snead is teetering on the edge of the abyss that is the Ole Miss Quarterback position A.E. (After Eli)--Deep South Sports
SOUTH CAROLINA
Unimpressive Wofford win, but 'Cocks' two close SEC losses don't look so bad, and the NC State win looks a lot better.--Save the Shield
A 10-point win over Wofford? Isn't Wofford an English soccer team?--Alligator Army
After tuning up with *Wofford*, I suspect that Spurrier continues his prodigious offensive revolution against UAB.--Loser With Socks
TENNESSEE
The Clawfense is befuddling Crompton, leading to a curious lack of production for an offense with lots of good players. If they lose to Auburn this weekend, which they should, they might have to battle to stay out of the East cellar.--Georgia Sports Blog
The Vols' defensive stats are fine. Offensively, they're still struggling, but much of that is probably attributed to productivity-killing mistakes.--Rocky Top Talk
The death march has begun. No more blaming things on assistants. No more rebuilding years. The Vol Navy is in shambles. Knoxville is burning to the ground.--UK Wildcat Country
MISSISSIPPI STATE
MSU's offense has taken a major step backwards this year, which is tough considering how bad it was last year. You've got to think that Woody McCorvey's days in Starkville are coming to an end.--The Dead Guy
Sly continues to croom himself.--Loser With Socks
If you were a child psychologist and asked a six-year-old to draw a picture of "sad," the result would probably look a lot like MSU's offensive playbook.--Hey Jenny Slater
ARKANSAS
Casey Dick impressed me with 190 yds passing, but he threw more passes to the other team than he did to his own. If he keeps throwing 4 picks a game he's going to have to work harder on his tackling.--Gate 21
Hey, at least Casey Dick had 3 Touchdown passes. Two of them were to the opponent, but let'snot get worked up about who we're tossing it to since Arkansas needs something to build from.--Tide Druid
On the bright side, everyone agreed that the halftime show was very nice.--Razorback Expats
