DeepSouthThoughts

Monday


"The Arkansas F'n Razorbacks?!?" by Evelyn Cliffs

- I've had some "concerns" about Auburn for weeks now, and they showed their true colors with the stinker they laid this past Saturday. Nutt busted up the party as he has done many times in the past. None bigger than this, however. The Hogs came off the bye week unranked, with visions of the USC pelting still dancing in the voters heads.

Well, Mustain ain't no Dick or Johnson (now they're as high as #17-AP).

Even so, he certainly left his stain down on the plain. Nutt's gotta be loving his true-freshman phenom. As does super stud RB McFadden. Mustain is keeping the LBs honest to allow McFadden maximum truckage.

The Hawgs have hauled in two blue chip, home grown prospects in the past two years, and they've been at the most important positions on the field: RB and QB.

Was it all worth hiring Mitch's high school coach as your offensive coordinator? You're damn right!

I wouldn't be surprised if they named a few Wal-Marts after the guy. Malzan-Mart does have a nice ring.


- Urban Renewal? It's the first time the Gators have been undefeated after 6 since '96. Florida fans seem to think that's a good sign or something. Seeing that The Fighting Jean Shorts haven't been to Atlanta since Y2k, I'd say they're due. Still, it's a tough row to hoe. Auburn and Georgia in consecutive weeks could very easily leave an unexpected flaming dog-turd on Urban's porch.


- My Girlfriend: "Who's That?!?" (spoken like a doting school girl after noticing Tim Tebow with his helmet off)

Me: (ignoring the question)

Girlfriend: "ERIK, Who's That??"

Me: "Oh, that guy? Don't you worry about that guy. He's a known homosexual."

Tebow is ridiculous. Talk about livin' the dream. Isn't there some saying that the Backup QB is supposed to be the most popular guy on campus? Especially when he's Mr. Perfect. Not only does that guy have the campus in awe over his playmaking abilities (i.e. Trucking All-American safeties into the endzone, Double-clutch Jump pass, what?), but he's got every girl on campus waiting in line to have his babies.

Not that he would (He's a "good kid") but Tebow could very easily walk out on the quad (assuming UF has one) after his 8:00, unzip his jorts and yell out "I could use alittle help here!" and I don't doubt half the students, faculty and staff (plus Jenn Sterger) would come a runnin.

Oh, and the Media? Who does the media slob on more? Reggie Bush or Tim Tebow.

It's too close to call.


- How dedicated/stupid am I? Your blogger sat his happy ass out in the mid day, Alabama heat, in my black Maxima to listen to the Sirius broadcast of the Ole Miss/Vandy game.

Just for two-and-a-half hours.

Not exactly the gameday I had in mind. Even so, I guess it was worth it. The Rebs got the W as a result of something like 8 Vandy turnovers. All 17 Ole Miss points came off turnovers and Brent Schaeffer threw for a net 15 yards.

Promising.

He did manage to throw a couple of completions to Vanderbilt players though.


- As most of you know, the Bama game wasn't televised either. Unless you're a glutton for punishment and paid $30 to see a Pay-per-view of Duke demoralizing the Bama faithful (at least for a half). The unvictorious (0-4) Blue Devil intermural squad ran all over Joe Kines defense like they were the Richmond Spiders!

Oh, I-AA Richmond shut Duke out? Ok, Bad example.

Either way, Is there a more homeristic radio crew than The Crimson Tide Radio Network? First off, "The Snake" is a joke in and of himself. His melodic voice that would be perfect for a Charlie Chaplin flick. Then there's Eli Gold.

What a turd this guy is.

He seems to think he can will Bama to victory, if he just calls the game the way he wants to. Hearing the disappointment in his voice when he says, "Duke leading The Tide... 14-10 at the half" was akin to a hearing a small boy discover the death of his pet hamster.

Here's my extremely accurate impression of Gold's call of the Bama field goal that Jamie Christiansen attempted right before the half.

"Now Money's definitely got the leg here. This kick is not unlike his game winner against Ole Miss last year. The snap is good, the hold is true...THE KICK IS UP! IT'S STRAIGHT! IT'S STRAIGHT...to the left. no good.... Duke leads 14-10 at the half."

One of the crew's other lackeys said that Shula had a "closed locker room" during the half and "one thing's for sure...Shula WAS NOT NICE."

I'd love to hear that hellacious scolding!

"Not Cool, fellas! If you boys don't shape up and beat those Dukies, your rear is grass...As you homies say, 'No Mo Indo, Gin and Juice.' I really mean it this time. You too, Jawan.
Tiffin, you're suspended for FIU. That is all."


Mike envisions his next job as a hostess with the family business