Thursday, February 7

SEC Recrootin' Roundup

Be the envy of everyone with eyes: Get this limited edition, Crimson Tider Championship Letter Jacket. We'll even sew on the '08 National Recrootin' Championship patch at no additional charge!!! [e-bay, seriously]

Well, the second college football "season" is now over [/sarcasm], and It appears that Bama's won their Thirteenth Nation Championship!!! (more on that later). Soon, I'll be forced to put out my 2008 recrootin' All-Name team and that will require me to do some actual "research" and "work" when publishing this blog. Not Cool, but I digress.

Here comes my jaded opinions on all thing crootin' in the best college football conference in the universe (note: it's not the Big-ten)...

- The University of Saban rules your ass! Yes, he may get owned by the Sun-Belt on the gridiron, but your momma and grand-momma are putty in Nick's supple hands. When it comes to telling people what they want to hear, Saban has no equal, and he proved it on February 6th. Gotta give him credit. He worked his little ass off to find "character" souljas to build his kingdom with. I find it impressive that all the top rated players in the state (and around the south) just so happened to also be "high character." Cause that was the problem with Shula's recruits, right?...They lacked character.

No longer will Bama fans have to live in jealousy of schools who have achieved success in the last decade, for they too are National Champions*!

Arkansas - The importance of Ryan Mallet cannot be understated. He won't show up on the sheet for this class, but he's a huge get for a school that hasn't had a legit passer since the cold war. He WILL NOT be playing this fall, despite his pending appeal, but think about all the potentially highly entertaining QBs we'll have in the SEC come 2009 (Mallet, Snead, Starr, Burns, not to mention Tebow and Stafford) By the way, De'Anthony Curtis has a supurb first name, plus he's a straight Manimal. Behold...

De'Anthony's badassery (warning: annoying rap song accompaniment)

Auburn - This is what happens when you lose coordinators who actually matter (sorry Major!) I'm not saying this is a bad class either, it's not. Make no mistake: Auburn ended poorly because Auburn lost big time assistants, and there's no school in the SEC where the assistants play a bigger role in every aspect of the program. This doesn't have as much to do with Tuberville and the infighting over contracts or any of that mess. Do you think recruits care about any of that? Hell no. They care about who calls them ever week. Who writes them every day. Who they think they can trust. Who runs the scheme that features they skillz. And at Auburn, those people were Tubby's first lieutenants' Borges and Muschamp. Fact is, keep Borges, keep Enrique, among others. Keep Muschamp, keep Trahan, among others. This class looks a little different then, now doesn't it? In Auburn recruiting, Tuberville is merely the closer. Well, this year, Tommy didn't have his foot solders in position to kill a damn thing (therefore, not much closing going on). That does go back to Saban actually. Nick is changing recruiting in this state. He is a heartless, soulless machine who Croots hard year round and demands the same of his staff (such is the reason nobody on his staff likes him). He's actually on the front lines (as opposed to most head men) Lets face facts Auburn fans...Tuberville is going to have to change his methods/work ethic or else he's gonna get burned badly in the talent department.

Auburn's gonna miss this MF 'ER!!!

Florida - Another awesome recruiting class to augment the group of young studs residing in Gainesville. The Gates pulled national badasses out of New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Alabama, Texas, Georgia and California. Is Urban out-recrootin' his predecessor, the Zooker? I'd have to say so. But after the talent that [name redacted] built, the national championship, and the fact they it's effing Florida, was there ever any doubt? I've always said, recruiting to UF is akin to convincing Katrina victims to cash their FEMA checks.

Tim can't wait for the freshmeat to arrive!

Georgia - In a state with about 25 out-freaking-standing football players every year (4-star types) and no real natural predators, UGA's usually got it made. I would dare say that Richt has the best/most-laid back offseason job in College football. That's right, I said it. In Athens, recruiting is a breeze, expectations aren't that insane (with the obvious exception of the current off-season) and the Georgia fans don't often overreact. Think about it...UGA is like coaching at LSU without the rabid coonasses and multiple, recent BCS championships to live up to every season...With a much richer recruiting base. If you can hold serve at Georgia, you're top 10 in recruiting without breaking a sweat. Imagine if Lord Saban was recruiting for The Dawgs?

Georgia's earned tons of hype as we look towards spring - the best thing Stafford and Co. can do, take a vacation from it all...get back to the basics at Dega

- After the kinds of seasons KY has been churning out the last few years (read: Friggin Bowl Games) these recruiting classes are not up to par. At least at first glance. Plus, UK only signed 20 and no quarterback? Sounds like old-man Brooks is gettin' a little lazy in his formative years.

Rich seems to think he can keep that ^^^ ^ up with these no-talent classes - More power to you, Coach

LSU - This was a down year for Louisiana talent, and therefore translated into a down year for LSU talent. Fortunately for the Bengal Tigers, a down year in Cajun means, "Not quite a Top 10 National class, but top 15, sure." The Tigas pride themselves on owning their home state, and they sure enough did, supposedly taking home everyone they wanted. High functioning, lucky retard, Les Miles also landed the #1 Corner in the nation, Patrick Johnson, out of Urban's backyard. Pretty good for a mouth breather!

"Fan rings?!? Why didn't Bama think of that? Cuz humans ain't got 13 fingers, asshole" (SbB)

Mississippi State - Croom's boys had an overall "mehhh" class highlighted by a few players any program would want... Like Templeton Hardy (DT) and Charles Mitchell (DB) However, there is an extremely large no-talenet ass-clown quotient. Seriously, it's like a who's-who of nobodies. However, there is one player we're psyched about who's back for his second straight year of recrootin'! This name will always catch my eye...

"Hi, I think we've met before...I'm Michael Hunt."

Ole Miss - Wow. Nutt busts a little "Happy Signing Day Surprise" on Rebel fans. It's certainly a change for the better. Going back a long time, Ole Miss fans are used to getting shat upon on signing day. Not that this class is amazingly awesome or anything, but it's just nice to get some good news in February for a change. In the last several years, Col. Reb has been on the short lists of a variety of "big name" backs (Frank Gore, Keiland Williams, Joe McKnight), only to end up dick in hand. The stud RBs always flirted, but never seemed to give it up the dotted line. Well, all that changed in '08 when Nutt, to his credit, reeled in supposed Bo Jackson impersonator and 5-star, Enrique Davis. The rest of the class is pretty ho-hum: some honkies, a few questionable quarterbacks and B-listers. I guess after you go 0-8 in the SEC and fire your ravenous head-coach, it's actually not too shabby.

Rev. Nutt just got a little more popular, ladies and gents

South Carolina - The Cocks supposedly "filled a lot of needs" (recruit-nerd speak for "It's not as good as last year...yeah it kinda sucks") Spurrier certainly did not finish strong and inexplicably got his ass handed to him by Tommy Bowden??? I think this class shows evidence that Steve is growing weary of his Gamecock experiment. Did he really think he could possibly recapture the magic he had in Gainesville? Me thinks that "magic" could more so be attributed to the population boom of the sunshine state in the 60's and 70's (See also: Poppa Bowden at FSU and various successful coaches at "Tha U"). That's my personal theory.

If Tommy Bowden (L) and Steve Spurrier (R) started a family

Tennessee - Apparently not too many youngsters were wishin' they was on Ole Rocky Top come this fall. In fact, this has to be the most embarrassing big orange signing class of my life time. The talent level is more indicative of East Tennessee State University...Oh, they quit playing football a few years back? (Whores!) Maybe Middle Tennessee State then. No...seriously, it's not that bad, but it's one of the worst in the SEC. Plus it's pretty flaccid at only 18 signees? I've always said Fulmer does less with more...but now he's just gonna have to learn to do even less with less.

desperate times in Knoxville

Vanderbilt - Bobby Johnson is not going to blow anyone away with this signing class, even by Vandy standards. The best player (most sought after) has to be three-star, DeAndre Jones, a linebacker out of Memphis University School. One thing I will say, there are entirely too many white kids in this signing class. And I'm not saying that Vandy needs to do any affirmative action bull, I'm just saying if they want to win at football, which is ostensibly why you field a team in the SEC, they need to drop all these slow-assed Honkies...STAT! As evidenced by his lack of recruiting prowess, Bobby Johnson must be one hell of an on-the-field coach to be sniffin' 4-5 wins a year.

Nothing sums up Vandy's 2008 class like Britney birthing The Looter (actually, I just like this picture)

*Rivals Recrootin' National Champions


  1. the term "honkey" is far too underutilized. kudos.

  2. also, nice call on the Hogs getting the great name of De'Anthony Curtis... this blog may pick up some additional street cred if you decided to change your name to De'Erik... just think about it.

  3. De'Erik? An alternative for guys who don't like their given name of "Derrick", perhaps? Who knows, maybe a good Southern honkey can start a trend.

    Speaking of names, I'll nominate "Enrique" for the all name team. Please tell me his middle name is something like "Suave".

  4. What classy bammers in that LSU pic

  5. H-back, it's that sense of entitlement, they felt it was "their" NC we won.

  6. Right, no natural predators in GA....unless you count Tennessee, Auburn, Clemson, and South Carolina doing everything they can to poach GA talent every year.

  7. UGAMatt, are those teams you mentioned actually "in GA" like I said? There in lies my point. I'd love to see what the SEC would look like if Ole Miss didn't have to compete with Miss State, Southern Miss and the worst secondary-education system this side of Darfur for a much, much smaller pool of in-state talent. I don't wanna hear it from a Georgia fan. You don't know the blues.

    On another note, would anyone take this blog seriously if I went by "De'Erik?"

  8. How about D'Erik, or De'Rik? A little classier?

    Bad secondary education system usually = high quality recruiting pool. Inversely proportional. I still don't know what the state of Arkansas' excuse is, though.

  9. UGAMatt, you can't really say that about Georgia, nationwide recruiting is more viable than ever before, big recruits get pulled out of thier state all the time. UGA recruiting is pretty nice, it's a bit like Louisiana, lotta talent, no one in state to capitalize.

    I find it funny and odd Ole Miss and MSU have to compete with Southern Miss for recruits. The Eagles got a HUGE one in De'Andre Brown., his name even fits the mold.

    Also, artiger, even if talent and quality education are inversly proportional, if ya can't spell, ya can't play. Just look at ol J. Powe.

  10. Well by your estimation wrt recruits in Ga, Ray Goff or Jim Doonan would still be coaching. Heck just get them to Athens an d roll them out=win. No it couldn't be that Mark Richt and his staff do a heck of a job coaching the talent they actually have to go out and recruit.