Friday, January 5

The 10 "Worthless, Classless, Morons" List

The Tide Fights Back Against the Haters

"BABY RUTH!...ROLL TIIIDE!" Are rivals scared of Saban, or is it this guy?

This list is growing by the day. With the spotlight shining squarely on T-town, Bama fans are fighting back in the war of words. These are the 10 most prominent thorns in the Tider's side. According to Alabama fans, most of these folks can barely wipe themselves.

(Some general Bama Fan reaction in quotes):

1. ESPN - Take your pick here: Cowherd, Dan Patrick, Mike and Mike, Ivan Maisel, Pat Forde, Mary May..."Everybody's Classless." The evil Disney empire still has the false impression that Tiders are nothing but a bunch of desperate, good ole boy, redneck, cheaters with unrealistic expectations and financed tattoos of Bear Bryant leaning on a goalpost*.

2. Bill Curry - Former coach that "never won no national champyunship. His opinion don't count."

3. Rick and Bubba - "Dem boys is Barners and they need to shut they fat, classless lip"

4. Miami Media - "Dem Sour Grapes, Ere-body Lies! What they pissin' and moanin' about?"

5. National Media - "What the hell are they talkin' bout? Running off coaches? Who'd we run off lately, other than Fran, Price and Stallings?!? Ain't nobody compairin' coaches to da Bear!"

6. Al Del Greco - "That guy is just a no-talent, jealous Barner! I don't know how a class act like Jay Barker even talks to that dude!!!"

7. Shulas - "Don Shula, Mike Shula and their stupid-ass Steakhouse too. What does Don Shula know about real football or beef anyways?! I took my wife to the Winfrey on our Honeymoon and we've loved that Shula's, but in the last month, they're steak started to suck. They don't even have any tradition. I wouldn't eat there if you paid me Nick Saban Money! I hope that restaurant closes and all them Shulas can go to hell! Classless, Classless, Classless!!! Shooot, I wouldn't even touch, that Sheri Shula with mike price's...well, she is per-ty hawt!"

8. The Atlanta Journal Constitution - "Dem big city boys don't know nothing about Saban. He ain't never leavin' Roooll Tide!"

9. Education Mongers - "Our schools is plenty good...Look what they did for me! What this state really needs is Bama bein' back, baby!"

10. Tigers - Both the Auburn and LSU variety - "Bama's Comin' for ya'. Don't be skeerd!"


I've seen Black Jesus, Black Santa, but never black bear (Note: we couldn't show you his new Saban tat.)

Bama's Butt Buddies:

(New Friends Of The Tide)

Mal Moore - I still say he sucks, he just let the Benjamins do the talkin'. $32 million is like Pot: No salesmanship need. Even so, to the fans, he's the golden boy.

Paul Finebaum - I don't know if the king of Birmingham sports talk has ulterior motives, but lately Paul has become the defender of all things Crimson.

The Crusader of the Capstone. The Prince of the Tide.

Geez...and you think you know a guy.

Paul, If you love Saban so much, why don't you marry him?


  1. Maybe my screen resolution isn't so good...what the hell is that large item looming over Bear's shoulder?

  2. I'm a die-hard bama fan and still hate Mal Moore. I don't give a shit if he did get nick saban, he owes us his retirement.