Monday, January 8

Free Colette!

Ms. Connell for Mascot

In the spirit of change that Nick Saban has brought to "The University," we thought one more issue needed a little attention.

Make Alana Colette Connell the Official Mascot of Sidewalk Bama Fans Everywhere.

The University of Alabama already has two mascots for their athletic teams, why not have another exclusively for the fans? Kinda like Texas A&M and their 12th Man, right? Something the RV crowd can really relate to and be proud of!

What Does Colette have to Offer?

Well, she was everywhere at last Wednesday's Saban-mania, supporting her team and representing the best of the Bama Nation (read: like a mascot):

- Sporting a beautiful, classic, two-toned "Crimson Tide" inscribed bama jersey

- Spreading her team spirit, like the clap, to all whom she come in contact

- Doing countless interviews for the paparazzi

- Obviously, welcoming Coach Saban in her own special way

- Comforting Nick's wife, Terry

- Taking one for the team (sacrificing herself, so other Tiders could go on to drink-and-drive another weekday afternoon)

- She overshadowed "Sign my Man-boob" Guy to become the biggest story of the day - quite an honor

- Basically, she embodies a stereotype

As if Saban's plane were to sign her crumpled sheet of paper itself, Colette stands ready to support her new coach any way she seriously...nothing's off limits here.

Yes, Colette is a phenomenon, and her resume precedes her. Not only is she great at "Public Relations," but she is also a published and renown poet (from the Tuscaloosa News):

“Praise the Lord, God is so good, Nick is now in the Bama hood."

Seriously, where would we be culturally, without substance abuse? How many amazing rhymes like this one would have gone unwritten without a little extracurricular encouragement.

That is why I say, Free Colette and put her on the sidelines where she belongs.

Alana Colette Connell is seen here "pregaming," only minutes before her alleged assault on Alabama Coach Nick Saban and subsequent DUI arrest.

We will show you today that Ms. Connell is a Model Bama fan; With integrity, class and dignity on par with a great majority of the Bama Nation.

So What if Colette was wasted off her ass before five on a Wednesday?! She's got love for the Tide!

And if loving your team (and your Dickel) too much is a crime, then...yeah..maybe Colette's guilty.

But if Not...You have to acquit Ms. Connell on all charges.

Isn't this video punishment enough?

A Prelude to a Kiss


  1. They make houndstooth baseball caps??????

  2. Yes, my friend. Sad but true.

    Sorry you had to witness that.

    It was part of nike's midseason marketing campaign to make a buck off the anniversary of Tha Bear's 17,001 win and take full advantage of weak-minded Bama faithful.

    If you could houndstooth a turd, they'd buy it.