Wednesday, January 16

Major Applewhite Can't Handle The Saban?

Here, young Applewhite is seen dropping "F bombs" on the scout team quarterback so Coach Saban will think he's cool

What a Redheaded, Texas-Style Sandy Vag

When you boil it all down, Applewhite is strongly, strongly considering abandoning a position as the offensive coordinator for a team with 12 Nashunal Champ-yin-ships in beautiful/scenic Tuscaloosa, to go be a running backs coach in crap-ass Austin, Texas.

First off, why would any one want to leave Tuscaloosa? Even the name is beautiful and flows off the tongue. So much to offer...the beautiful Black Warrior river...Weekends at The Bear Bryant Museum, The Flea Markets and Alabama Adventure (post-chapter 9 "Visionland")...proximity to great deer huntin' land, a major Sticks n' Stuff retailer...It's kinda close to cultural hot-spots like Bessemer and Meridian. Damn, they've even got an interstate-highway running through that bitch.

What does Austin, Texas have to offer, other than a great music scene, a flourishing economy, tons more eyecandy and rankings as one of the best cities in America?

Also, who wants to work for a coach who treats you like an "adult" with "respect" and "dignity?" Screw a head coach who doesn't spit on you or doesn't even bother to prank call/dog-cuss your wife for encouraging you to go to church on Sundays with the rest of the "sheep."

What? Go work for Mack Brown? Who needs a boss with "perspective" or "morals?"

Plus, recruiting to Texas isn't even a challenge. It's like finding a million-dollar-bill in your old winter coat pocket. Where's the fun in that?

What do I know, eh? When a coach moves from an Offensive Coordinator in the SEC to a Running Backs coach in the Big 12 after 1 season, there might be a little bit more to the story (hint: read below...).

Obviously, the former Longhorn QB didn't take kindly to his Nick Saban appointed nickname, "Coach Fire Crotch."


  1. "It's kinda close to cultural hot-spots like Bessemer and Meridian."

    You forgot mighty Brookwood my friend.

    As long as we avoid Bobby Williams and Joe Pendry, I should be cool with whoever we get.

  2. this is a funny post and everything, but the question is, will tuscaloosa miss major applewhite?? i can't see that happening.

  3. You're about to get a whole lot of comments. The Bama Nation will descend... Can you back it up?

  4. "The Bama Nation will descend"

    Huh? Is there a new Hardees opening in Birmingham?

  5. Here we see a top level Big 12 nob who can't cut it in the SEC, and he's running back home to Austin. Although I can't blame him for the cultural aspects, when one accepts the king's tap to work in the chosen conference, one has to accept the surroundings.

    Even if Major hadn't been working for the Prince of Darkness, I don't think he would have made it big in the major league of college FB. I'll recant if Texass somehow wins the BCS (or whatever system we're under at that point) within the next three years.