Monday, June 9

What Does it Take to Fire a Bama Legend?

What an effing embarrassment. Kenny "The Drunk" Stabler earns his 3rd DUI in 13 years:

Kenny Stabler, former football star for the University of Alabama and the Oakland Raiders, was arrested on a charge of driving under the influence early Sunday in Robertsdale.

Around 1 a.m. Sunday, Stabler was pulled over for a traffic offense on Alabama 59 and charged with a DUI, said Brian Middleton, assistant chief of police for the Robertsdale Police Department.

Stabler spent the night in jail and was released on bond 12 hours after the arrest, Middleton said. His bond had been set at $1,000.

Prior to Sunday's arrest, Stabler had been charged with DUI on at least two previous occasions. In 2001, he pleaded guilty to drunken driving after being arrested in Orange Beach. Stabler entered that plea as part of a deal whereby the police dropped drug and reckless driving charges. Also, in 1995, the former quarterback pleaded no contest to a DUI charge in Escambia County, Fla.

A class act, that Kenny. What is the deal with UAT's "legendary" honkey quarterbacks? I'm pretty sure if you look up "dirtbag" in the dictionary you'd see a picture of "The Snake" Stabler (see also: "I wanna kiss you"). How dysfunctional do you have to be at sixty-three-gosh-damn-years-of-age to rack up your third shitfaced moving violation (or SMV) since you qualified for membership in the AARP?

This asshat needs help. Mental and emotional assistance. He certainly doesn't need to be an on-air role model for the rest of our great state's drunken rednecks...reliving old Pell City High School badassery and driving the streets near me at 1am on a Sunday.

In many states, multiple DUIs in a 5-7 year period constitute a felony. That makes things a tad bit harder to find a job, much less keep one. This begs the question, what does it take for a legendary ole drunk to get fired from his/her obnoxious color-man gig at UAT? (Paging Jay Barker) And how many times did this college and NFL legend have to drive drunk and get pulled over in the last fifteen years before he got hauled in on three extremely separate occasions? He's practically a god on the gulf coast. ("it's them sumabitch Barner cops again")

If The University of Alabama does not sever its business ties with such an obvious, potentially felonious cancer such as Kenny Stabler, then it will do nothing less than perpetuate the already rock solid insinuation that The University of BAMA is the poster child for the morally and ethically ass-backward, good-ole-boy Deep South.

Free The Snake...again. And RTR!!!


  1. Awfully sanctimonious, aren't you?

    I'm not condoning what he's done at all but it's obvious that he has some personal issues that lead to this type of behavior. I hope he loses his radio gig and gets help.

    Funny you call Bama the "good ole boy" school. I realize you have a grand canyon-sized chip on your shoulder for Bama but, considering you're an ole miss or auburn or whoever the fuck you root for, calling Bama assbackward and good ole boy is a little pot kettle black, imo.

  2. what is the Pell City reference? as a former Panther I'm not sure what to feel right now, shame for being mentioned in an article about drunks or pride, because Pell City was mentioned at all. There's no such thing as bad publicity! WDE!

  3. Best Pell City High School Football Cheerleading Cheer of. All. Time.:

    "Pell...Pell...Pell...PELL CITAAY!!! BOOTY BOOTY!!!"

    Yeah, that's it. Repeat.

    If Archie Manning was out getting dranked every weekend and racked up a trio of DUIs I'd be saying the same thing. I think you can tell from my Ole Miss video board spiel a while back that I'm totally anti-G.O.B....No matter the school. It's a widespread Southern problem..."Kenny" is just the latest drunken lightinin' rod.

  4. need to lighten up. that's pretty much all i've got...other than the fact that the snake is not actually employed by the university. do they have the ability to get him fired?? probably...but it warrants mentioning.

  5. Eric are you a former panther? How else to you acquire such detailed knowledge of the lovely magnanimous town of Pell City?k

  6. Like I said, that's a legendary cheer. You don't keep stuff like that under wraps. I have my sources, and no, I can't say I was a Panther. I was a mere Eagle in the suburbs of Memphis.

  7. If it was just a minor mistake, I'll clarify: Stabler's original drunken exploits happened at Foley High School, not Pell City.

  8. I was just throwing out a random high school, SIW.

    Now that you mention Foley High, I wonder if Kenny ever got dranked with Julio or any of his gangsta friends/dealers.