Friday, March 21

Bracket BS - My Duke Hate Runneth Over

Krzyzewski: "Skinny, White and Crying...Welcome aboard son."

What a boring assed first day. The only game I really, actually watched was Belmont/Duke, which just so happened to cause a pandemic of erectile dysfunction across this great nation.

Nothing gets me more excited (in March) than watching Duke, and all those white bitches lose. (Damn, I hate white people) Conversely, nothing is more frustrating than seeing those Caucasian cock-bastards pull one out. (Who knew that Nashville's Belmont Bruins would become Amercia's team for at least 15 minutes)

Why do I hate them? I ask you, why do we hate Ryan Seacrest? It's much the same. Because half the country somehow loves him, he's enormously successful, busy and seemingly intelligent...but in the back of our minds we're still thinking, "I wanna kick this guy's ass...He's a textbook scrote...I could totally kick that guys ass...I wanna wipe that smirk off his fancy, gelled up head."

You know, just typical stuff like that. Plus the unAmerican, soccer style flops don't help, not to mention the high free throw percentages (who practices that s**t?).

All this leads me to my Top Five Most Hated Duke Honkies Of All Time:

5. Shane Battier - Well...he's a half honky at least. (hence the #5 ranking) He's just a perfect angel isn't he... Except for his "Ruffles have Ridges" scalp and the fact that he pronounces his name like the French do, but he's from Michigan?? (Actually, I love the guy...that's all I've got - He's one of the few Dukies who actually has a somewhat successful basketball career...cause he's half black you know)

4. J.J. Reddick
- This guy epitomizes "In Your Face, Cocky, Smirking Duke Douche." Loved his that he was a top 15 pick in the draft and is now averaging 3 points a game for the Magic.

3. Christian Laettner
- I going a different direction than most here. (my list rewards recent douchebaggery) Laettner was a pioneering Duke Dick-Bandit. He set the bar high in the 90's and inspired little future-douche bags to reach for the stars!

2. Josh McRoberts - This guy just looks like a big goofy asshole. Plus, he was cocky enough to think he could leave college after his Sophomore year?!? Now, Josh, was it your 13 points a game or your 3.5 assists that screamed, "I'm ready for The League"? Well, he wasn't. He even got demoted to the NBA's Developmental league last year. Way to go, Douche.

1. Greg Paulus - This guy's scrote quotient potential is off the charts! Being the only current member of the Blue Devil squad, Greg has obviously internalized much of his "fore-father's" douchiness. In the tradition of J.J., Greg flops and smirks with the best Euro-trash. Like his former honky teammate, McRoberts, he's an overrated, girly bitch. And thanks to The Blue Devils amazing comeback win over juggernaut 15 seed Belmont, Paulus lives on to douche another day. Hopefully, Greg won't take his 11 points and 3 assists to the NBA D-League anytime soon.


Duke, This is why you suck [youtube]
More Duke Hate [TruthAboutDuke]


  1. Accurate, creative, well-written. Bravo! One of the best entries I've seen on this blog.

  2. Paulus is my most hated too. He looks like every time there is a dead ball he is saying, "coach said to press guys, GUYS! COACH SAID TO PRESS!, Coach they aren't pressing."

    And every time he gets the ball to bring it up, he raises his freakin fist in the air and looks, mouth agape, at the set they are in, like it matters. He personifies the Duke sense of entitlement on the court every game. Flop-master, drama queen, cry baby, fucktard.

  3. Duke and Hillary Rodham seem to have the sense of entitlement down pat. And they both seem to have going down in flames (this time around) down pat as well.

  4. you really shouldn't limit yourself to 5, because no Dukie list is complete without Wojo, Chris Collins, Bobby Hurley, and Jay "I know everything there is to know about college basketball" Bilas... you could also make arguments for Danny Ferry and Cherokee Parks...