Two-fer Bama Fan of the Week

seriously, this is where it all went down

A 35-year-old woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet for so long that her body was stuck to the seat had a phobia about leaving the bathroom, the boyfriend said (photoshop, what?).

McFarren, 36, said he can't be certain how long Pam Babcock stayed in the bathroom because "time just went by so quick I can't pinpoint how long." He said beatings Bama received in her childhood caused her phobia.

McFarren said he finally called police February 27 after he became worried because Babcock was acting groggy and talking about dropping a "Shula" -- like she didn't know what was going on, except she was awake.

What emergency responders found when they went into bathroom has left residents of this small western Kansas town buzzing, and law enforcement officials incredulous.

Police found the clothed woman sitting on the toilet, her crimson sweat pants down to mid-thigh. She was "somewhat disoriented," talking about the "G** D*** Poulan Weedeater Bowl" and her legs looked like they had atrophied, Whipple said.

"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body," Whipple said. "It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself. For some reason, clutched in her fingers was a Dennis Franchione bobble head."

Ok, so this really happened in Ness City, Kansas (where ever the hell that is) [CNN], and I kinda took a few liberties with some of the details. But it doesn't not say she's a Tider, and if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

Hell, I'd probably spend all my time hiding in the bathroom if I lived in Kansas too. I remember driving through that God forsaken state on my way to church ski trips in Colorado. I think God made Kansas suck really bad so Colorado would be totally AWESOME!!! by comparison. Kinda like Shula ($1.55 Million, 6-6, Shreveport) and Saban ($4 Million, 6-6, Shreveport).


Not Pam Babcock, in happier days

[Boyfriend: Phobia caused woman's 2-year bathroom stay]