Thursday, January 31

Mindless Morning Youtubery

It's really cool these days to be so over the media hype of the Superbowl, but I don't care. I embrace hype. Hype brings awesome drunks like Alana Colette Connell into our lives, or in the case of the Super Bowl, some crazed Mexican News-Skank in a wedding dress. Namely, Ines Gomez-Mont.

Yeah, you've all heard the story, but here's the video...

And I thought Peyton was the biggest media-slut in Glendale this week. "Losers" has more on this developing story.

Tuesday, January 29

How Bad Did Ole Miss Need a Back-Up QB?

Apparently Eli put a NOLA-style voodoo curse on the Ole Miss Rebel quarterback slot. After the youngest Manning left for the NFL, it's been one huge embarrassing failure after another.

The latest mark against the Ole Miss quarterbacking fraternity, is potential backup hopeful, Jared Foster, formerly of Gulf Coast C.C.:

The Clarion-Ledger of Jackson reported Foster's arrest Monday on its Web site. The school announced that Foster was off the team in a one-sentence release but did not say why.

"It's a shame," Ole Miss coach Houston Nutt told the Clarion-Ledger. "But we're trying to build a football program and that's stuff we can't tolerate."

[espn via The Clarion Ledger]

Not only is Jared Foster the Illegal Steroids Club for Men president, but he's clearly also a client

One very fitting quote from a recent recruiting article on young Jared from

One coach Foster wants to begin spending time with as soon as he passes his physical is the Rebels new strength and conditioning coach, Don Decker.

"Coach Decker has trained players like Darren MacFadden and has made a difference and he'll make a difference at Ole Miss."


Today Don Decker was quoted as saying, "WTF?! That dumb boy better leave my name out of this #$%&! This Ain't No BALCO, Son! You ain't Rodger Clemens, and I certainly ain't gonna be no Brian McNamee! Huh? Nobody cares? Cool."

[HT: DailyFootballFix]

Ole Miss Quarterbacks In The Wake of Eli: A Tragedy of Errors...

2004 (Record: 4-7 with wins over Vandy, Arkansas State, South Carolina and MSU):

Michael Spurlock
- This much hyped "Mike Vick Clone," seemed to shat the bed on demand on his way to passing for 1,709 yards on 142-of-267 completions with seven touchdowns and nine interceptions and two rushing touchdowns in two seasons. Did I mention he couldn't see over the offensive line? (5' 10" in heels) That led to the emergence of...

Ethan Flatt was the complete opposite of Spurlock (except when it came to winning...they were much the same in that catagory): A flat footed, skin-and-bones, legit 6 '5" honky. Ethan may have been able to see the field with ease, but unfortunately he had the savvy of a Britney Spears and the arm strength of Stephen Hawking. However, Flatt did account for Ole Miss' last SEC road win at South Carolina. (yeah, you read right: last SEC road W, in 2004) And the third piece of the '04 "three headed QB monster" is...

Robert Lane
- This highly regarded, duel-threat quarterback was often viewed as the "heir apparent" to Eli when he set foot on campus in 2003. And to his credit, he had some early Tim Tebow-esque moments on the playing field (If Tim Tebow happened to not be able to pass worth a damn...which if usually frowned upon in quarterback circles) As is standard operating procedure, Lane was swiftly converted to tight end and never heard from again.

Off Season: Head Coach David Cutcliffe gets fired; Enter crazed Shimp-Boat Captian Orgeron of the S.S. Failure. Recruits: Billy Tapp - Late, late "find." Other offer(s) for Tapp - Columbia (yeah, of the Ivy League...a football powerhouse). Orgeron says pre-season that he's gonna feature Spurlock and Lane in "The USC Offense." Meaning "Southern Cal" (preemptive, "pssssssffffff!").

2005 (3-8 with wins over Memphis, The Citadel and Kentucky):

The Same 3 deadly QBs as above battled it out with an even worse result under a first year Orgeron.

Off Season: Offensive Coordinator Noel Mazzone gets the axe in an extremely messy divorce (supposed fisticuffs!), and retread Miami OC, Dan Werner hired. Recruits: Brent Schaeffer - Ah, Brent. A highly regarded duel-threat quarterback that Orgeron hung his career on. Michael Herrick - 6'1", 175 lbs quarterback (but he's got big feet) from California with zero other offers. Sweet backup plan. Ethan Flatt leaves Ole Miss with a year of eligibility still on the table, if that tells you anything. For depth, Orgeron signs a few walk-ons out of desperation. One of them being the great Delta State/Hinds Community College "a walk-on to remember," Seth Adams.

2006 (4-8 with wins over Memphis, Vandy, Northwestern State, and MSU) :

Brent Schaeffer - Because Brent is not smart, the transfer didn't make it to campus until pre game warm ups of the Memphis game. Amazingly enough, the savior of the Orgeron Era rattled off 47 % passing with 9 TDs to 10 INTs in 2006 and basically lost his starting job by season's end. Who's next???...Lil' Herrick???

Off Season: Orgeron, realizing that Schaeffer sucked ball, turns to completely unproven former walk-on Seth Adams. Pre-season, he named Seth the starter over poor, misguided Schaeffer. Orgeron pulls a huge pseudo-victory in recruiting by getting highly regarded, duel-threat quarterback (seeing a pattern?) , Jevan Snead to transfer from Texas to Oxford. Unfortunately for all involved, Jevan has to sit out a year (especially, in hindsight, for The Orgeron)

2007 (3-9 with wins over Memphis, Northwestern State and La Tech):

Seth Adams - He actually looks like a somewhat serviceable quarterback for a few games (relative to the previous assholes), but Ole Miss still didn't win anything. Then, like a flash, he started to suck balls, (even by The Rebs lowered standards) and slang interceptions like they was crack rock! Back to the same ole, Ole Miss post-Eli era.

For the rest of the season, Seth goes on to split time with the underwhelming superstar, Schaeffer until they both mercifully ran out of eligibility. [There is some speculation that Schaeffers' talents (running and what not) were wasted by forcing him into a pocket-passer, pro style offense. In the end, what does it really matter? At least 4 years of Ole Miss fans lives were wasted in search of a real quarterback]

Off Season: Ed Orgeron is fired, largely for failing to produce a quarterback/offense that could compete in the SEC. Michael Herrick decided to take his big feet to I-AA football at Northern Arizona, leaving Ole Miss with one real scholarship QB (Snead) and then Billy Tapp (remember the Ivy League-esque stud?). Houston Nutt is hired and charged with righting all of Orgeron's wrongs. A big piece of the puzzle has to be...

2008 (???):

Is this the year when Jevan Snead leads Ole Miss out of the cellar and above .500? Is Jevan the highly regarded, duel-threat quarterback Ole Miss has been waiting for? I sure as hell hope so.

Mindless Morning Youtubery

Off Topic Edition

I love people, in all walks of life, who tell it like it is. No B.S. As felonious micturater, R. Kelley would say, "This some real talk" from one of my heros, Dennis Leary concerning all the massive ass-hats running around in LA LA land eroding the tattered moral fiber of this great nation, one failed rehab stint at a time...

Friday, January 25

F Drama

Big 10 grad, Dana Jacobson, keepin' it real [deadspin]

Wow. A woman got drunk and embarrassed herself. Stop the press? Or, wait. Maybe we could talk about this skank ad nauseum like she's some kind of She-Imus.

Welcome to off-season life here in the Deep South, folks. It's a Birmingham radio host's dream story. Thoroughly stir up the Bible-Belters and watch the scripture quoting calls roll in. All week.

Enough is enough. I'd rather hear about a thrilling Sabres vs. Maple Leafs match up than endure yet another caller on a sports-talk discuss "the condition of that young woman's heart and soul."

Why do we even care about Jacobson? I barely even recognized her prior to this, and now she's a household name? (sorry, didn't exactly Tivo "Cold Pizza") This types a stuff happens all the time. Reality tv is practically fueled by alcohol induced drama. Are we worried about the souls of all the "cast members" of The Bad Girl's Club? Oh no. No way. Those ladies aren't nearly as important as Dana Jacobson.

By the way, what is getting this dumb woman fired do for anybody?


Wednesday, January 23

Was Gregg Doyel Sexually Abused in Oxford?


It's pretty clear Gregg Doyel of has a little something against the University of Mississippi, where he spent a portion of his childhood. He rants about Ole Miss' supposed shortcomings quite often.

Well, Dorky Doyel is at it again. This time, he's raking a great man over the coals because he can't think of anything else to write about. This weeks attempted victim is Archie Manning.

Doyel is quick to say, Archie shouldn't be stealing his son's thunder. He should just disappear...fade away...

"Archie didn't go away Sunday. He went front and center. On the biggest day of his son's athletic career, the day Eli Manning led the Giants into Lambeau Field and did what no team in NFL history had ever done -- beat Green Bay at home in a title game -- Archie Manning stole the spotlight. If there was another father in the Giants' locker room, I didn't see him. Then again, how could I? Archie was blinding.

He had accomplices, of course. Only the most brilliant thief does it alone, and Archie Manning, for all his football ability, has never been accused of brilliance. To dominate the room, the winning locker room immediately after the NFC Championship Game, Archie needed help. And he got it from the media, who saw him standing there and couldn't help but seek his opinion."

First off, bullsh*t on Archie "dominating the locker room." I sure as hell didn't even glimpse Archie Manning when the Giants were celebrating and accepting the NFC championship.

Even so, when my young, oft-maligned, NFL quarterback son goes and wins three road playoff games on the way to the gosh darn Superbowl, you better believe I'm gonna be right down there in his mug, getting emotional and patting him on the back. Sue me, toolshed.

I certainly wouldn't give a rats ass what some random bleach blond, pube-hair goatee sportin' scrotum has to say about it on Wednesday. In those crazed moments, when your baby boy just beat living legend Brett his house... to win the conference...when it was negative cold as balls, you don't think about what the media might're just there for your boy. Right where he wants you to be.
"Archie has gotten a lot of media mileage out of his kids. If this comes off as armchair psychology, so be it, but I sense something unfulfilled in Archie. He was one of the most talented quarterbacks of his generation, but he was stuck for most of his career on the horrible New Orleans Saints and never played in the postseason. He's not in the NFL Hall of Fame, and it doesn't look like he ever will be. As good as he was, he had disappeared from the NFL conversation."
Wow. Hate to be Debbie Downer, Gregg, but this is a little more armchair psychology for you: Maybe that "unfulfilled something" you sense in Archie, is Archie knowing that his own father was never around to congratulate or applaud when he did good. Archie was 19 when his father committed suicide.

Yeah, maybe he's holding on to his boy a little tight. Maybe he lingers a little long in the locker room. Maybe he cares a little too much. So what? Instead of thinking Archie is somehow envious of his son's successes, try and think about it this way: Maybe Archie's still trying to give his boys another experience he missed out on. Asshole.

To Catch a Predator much?

Tuesday, January 22

Mindless Morning Youtubery

How Bout Dem Nazis?

Click below to enjoy one of the best youtubes of this young year. By the way, congrats to Eli and his New York Giants (why does everybody always say "The New York Football Giants" anyway? Is there any other kind of New York Giant? Nobody ever says "The Arizona Football Cardinals"?!?).

Warning: lots of German cussing and NSFW subtitles, even so, it's worth it...


Thursday, January 17

PTI is Strangely Pro-Playoff

Mike Wilbon may think blogs is the devil, but he's ok in my book. Why? Cause he's "a Big 10 guy" with some clout and perspective who actually believes in an 8 team college football playoff. Here's the truthiness...

[HT: GeorgiaSportsBlog]

Tip Drill - Petrino Edition

My thoughts on Various Other Sundries...

I have never really teed off on new Hawg head man, Bobby Petrino like some have thought I should. Actually, I think Gene Wojo, of ESPN, did quite enough of that in yesterday's column (hint: read the 520+ angry razorbacker's comments in less than 24 hours). In Atlanta, with the Falcons, Bobby was kind of (how do I say?) outside my sphere of giving a rat's ass. Kinda like when Saban was at Miami. And interestingly enough, Petrino seems more and more like an offensive minded Saban clone everyday.

What do I mean? Well, Petrino may be the ultimate dick-faced asshole, but as long as he's your dick-faced asshole, it's all gravy, right Arkansas and Alabama fans?

How blessed am I to have such "entertaining" coaches in the SEC West this coming season. It's a gosh dang murderers row out there:

LSU: Les "The Hat" Miles - Won the BCS NC game, and he's rightfully on top of the football world...However, he's still largely viewed as an extremely lucky, high functioning retard.

Alabama: Nick M. Effin Saban - Is there anybody this guy can't piss off? Lately it's the head coach at Brentwood Academy speaking out about what a scrote-bag Saban can be on recruiting visits. Add that to the overflowing "comment box of horrors."

Mississippi State: Sylvester "Made Man" Crooms - Credit for having a winning season in your 4th year. Even so, isn't that what coaches are expected to do? Win?!? Crooms is a career .362, but everybody and their mother seems to treats this guy like he's the second coming of Black Santa Claus.

Ole Miss: Houston Damn Nutt - He's yet to open up his patented can of Arkansas Crazy in Oxford, but I've seen the warning signs. Me thinks Houston's crazy is like a crock pot: It may take a while for that Nutty goodness to bubble up, but when it does...It's on like Donna Bragg in the equipment closet.

Arkansas: Bobby "Pinocchio" Petrino - Damn. Nobody ever gonna accuse the SEC West of being "high character." He sadly takes over Saban's crown as SEC Media Scumbag-Newcomer of the year.

Auburn: Tommy Tuberville - Wow, never thought I'd view Tubs as the least volatile, least controversial coach in the division. Even so, Tommy can still be quite the asshat when things don't go his way.

Wednesday, January 16

Major Applewhite Can't Handle The Saban?

Here, young Applewhite is seen dropping "F bombs" on the scout team quarterback so Coach Saban will think he's cool

What a Redheaded, Texas-Style Sandy Vag

When you boil it all down, Applewhite is strongly, strongly considering abandoning a position as the offensive coordinator for a team with 12 Nashunal Champ-yin-ships in beautiful/scenic Tuscaloosa, to go be a running backs coach in crap-ass Austin, Texas.

First off, why would any one want to leave Tuscaloosa? Even the name is beautiful and flows off the tongue. So much to offer...the beautiful Black Warrior river...Weekends at The Bear Bryant Museum, The Flea Markets and Alabama Adventure (post-chapter 9 "Visionland")...proximity to great deer huntin' land, a major Sticks n' Stuff retailer...It's kinda close to cultural hot-spots like Bessemer and Meridian. Damn, they've even got an interstate-highway running through that bitch.

What does Austin, Texas have to offer, other than a great music scene, a flourishing economy, tons more eyecandy and rankings as one of the best cities in America?

Also, who wants to work for a coach who treats you like an "adult" with "respect" and "dignity?" Screw a head coach who doesn't spit on you or doesn't even bother to prank call/dog-cuss your wife for encouraging you to go to church on Sundays with the rest of the "sheep."

What? Go work for Mack Brown? Who needs a boss with "perspective" or "morals?"

Plus, recruiting to Texas isn't even a challenge. It's like finding a million-dollar-bill in your old winter coat pocket. Where's the fun in that?

What do I know, eh? When a coach moves from an Offensive Coordinator in the SEC to a Running Backs coach in the Big 12 after 1 season, there might be a little bit more to the story (hint: read below...).

Obviously, the former Longhorn QB didn't take kindly to his Nick Saban appointed nickname, "Coach Fire Crotch."

Monday, January 14

Is Houston Nutt Really A Better Coach Than David Cutcliffe?

nutt VS. Cutcliffe

What makes Nutt better than Cut? Most people would say, "Easy. Two trips to the ATL, asshole."

Well, Let's just talk about the things these coaches can control. Trips to Atlanta involve many outside factors.

In 2002 Houston's Hawgs went to Atlanta on the virtue of a 5-3 SEC season. Lucky for the Hawgs, one of their regular season beatdown losses came at the hands of a probation laden Alabama squad who was conveniently ineligible for the Championship game. Bama ended up 6-2 in the SEC that season, but Houston's Hawgs "earned" their way in as West Runner-ups. They subsequently got their asses handed to them by Georgia (27 point win), and to show the real caliber of this squad, the Hawgs then went on to get owned by Minnesota in the ever-so-prestigious Music City Bowl.

When was the last time an "SEC WEST Champion" played in the Music City Bowl?

Cutcliffe got his ass kicked in the Music City Bowl as well, but it was after a 4-4 SEC season.

In 2006 Nutt went 7-1 in the SEC, while losing to LSU at home toward the end of the season. In 2003 Cutcliffe went 7-1 in the SEC, while losing to LSU at home toward the end of the season. Scary. The only difference was another outside factor. In 2003, LSU was a better squad than they were in 2006. So, while Cutcliffe stayed home, Houston gets to travel to Atlanta for another double digit loss.

Other Factors...

SEC Record
Nutt: 43-37 (.5375 over 10 seasons)
Cut: 25-23 (.5208 over 6 seasons)

Bowl Games
Nutt: 8 bowls in 10 years
Cut: 4 bowl games in 6 years

Bowl Wins
Nutt: 2 bowl Wins (Indy, Cotton)
Cut: 3 bowl Wins (2 Indy, Cotton)

10 Win Seasons
Nutt: 1 in 10 years (2006)
Cut: 1 in 6 years (2003)

BCS Appearances
Nutt: 0 (10 years)
Cut: 0 (6 years)

All this to say, I didn't exactly argue with the Cutcliffe firing. (He wasn't building on his moderate success, mostly attributed to the genius QB play of Eli Manning)

So, honestly...what makes Houston Nutt a better coach for Ole Miss than David Cutcliffe?

[info from CollegeFootballDataWarehouse]

Jim Rome Says All The Things We Know

It's amazing how many folks come to your defense when you demoralize the Big Ten for the second season in a row.

You still won't hear too much pro-SEC talk from the mainstream ESPN types (sportscenter, gameday), but at least Rome doesn't swallow the ABC/Disney, contractually obligated, Big-10 load which the rest of his network thrives on. It's great to see a few talking heads out there who can speak their mind without constantly worrying about who's in bed with who (ABC hearts the Big-10 for 100 Mil).

Friday, January 11

Pro-Playoff Article From The Left Coast?

[ht: georgiasportsblog]

I just figured every southern college football fan should read this. It seems our pro-playoff sentiment is making waves, even in wacky California. To San Diego's credit, this largely military based settlement has always been (how do I say this) a little more grounded in reality than the rest of the west side. Note: [the additions are mine, not the author's]

By Brent Schrotenboer

January 9, 2008

Back in the bad old days, a small group of U.S. senators from the South often used a delay tactic called the filibuster to obstruct progress for racial equality.

It didn't matter to them that it was morally wrong to do so, or that most everybody else demanded progress. They did it anyway because they had the power to do it and because it suited them [Very Nick Saban-esque, but we get your point].

Today, we have a similar political dynamic at play in college football – albeit with far less moral significance.

Two specific interest groups are standing against the wave of demand that rises every year for a major-college football playoff – the Big Ten and Pac-10 conferences [Why? Because they are scared, no-talent pussies. Afraid of being exposed, embarrassed nationally for what they really are.]

Those conferences are filibustering the call for change – any change – to the college bowl system.

Yesterday, the president of the University of Georgia, Michael Adams, was the latest to make a public proposal for a playoff, this one involving eight teams. He said he wants change because of “widespread public lack of confidence in the current system.”

Which is sort of like saying the Democrats want change in Washington.

Of course they do.

Wake us up when there's an election, or when the Big Ten or Pac-10 commissioner is making such a playoff proposal [They never will. It's akin to a welfare recipient voting for legislation which forces them to get a job].

Only then will significant change happen. Just don't hold your breath in the meantime. It probably won't happen until at least 2014. If it does happen – and it probably will eventually – it probably only will be because the Big Ten and Pac-10 have been leveraged out of their filibustering power.

“The issue is, could there be an NCAA championship without the Big Ten and the Pac-10?” said John Sandbrook, a longtime UCLA administrator who conducted a report on the bowl system in 2004. “I think that would be a very interesting question to watch in terms of who stares the other one down.”

For example, Sandbrook said, let's say the Big Ten and Pac-10 stick with their beloved matchup tradition in the Rose Bowl [Why is it beloved? The Big Ten hasn't won the game in 8 years!] while the other conferences decided to stage a playoff without them. What happens when USC's football coach pursues a blue-chip recruit. Wouldn't the recruit ask the coach, “You guys can't compete for a national championship. Why should I go to USC?”

Doing so may be the only way to leverage the Big Ten and Pac-10 to participate in any playoff format, whether it involves eight teams or four.

Yesterday, Adams, who also serves as chairman of the NCAA executive committee, hinted at such leverage.

“If they chose not to participate, then I suspect the Cotton (Bowl) or Chick-fil-A (Bowl) here in Atlanta would be willing to pick up that fourth game” in an eight-team playoff, Adams said.

Adams also said his “fervent hope” was that “we could come up with a plan that they might decide is in their best interest as well. I think we would be poorer if there were not full participation by Pac-10 and Big Ten.”

Yesterday, as Adams' proposal hit the news, Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delany was ready. He had a statement for those reporters who called to ask. He noted the Big Ten and Pac-10 have a contract with the Rose Bowl until 2014 [to put that in perspective, at the going rate for a Rose Bowl broadcast, that's $240 Million guaranteed over the next 6 years..."Delany, your strings are showing"].

“We continue to support the current system and are strongly opposed to any form of a college football playoff, [We know that we are a clearly a 2nd tier conference and cannot compete on a level playing field, but we've got this sweet-assed deal with ABC, what a bunch of Idiots!]” he said.

The Pac-10 expressed similar sentiment yesterday.

They say it's about Rose Bowl tradition [their red herring, crutch of a bastardized bowl game], but those two conferences have at least two big reasons to oppose a change in the current system: money and power. The Rose Bowl deal with ABC is worth $30 million a year [wtf? Don't forget ABC is the parent company to "The World Wide Leader," ESPN], compared with Fox's $80 million deal for the other four major bowls, including the national championship, until 2010.

Changing the current system also might mean Big Ten teams actually would have to do some work to get into the national championship game.

This season, Ohio State proved it could get into the national title game by beating up on the likes of Youngstown, Akron and Kent State. Then the Buckeyes didn't have to play in a conference title game, unlike other conference champs. After that – presto! – they've “earned” a berth in the national championship game against Louisiana State, which beat them on Monday, 38-24 [With 7 of Ohio State's point scored in "garbage time"].

Six days earlier, USC beat Illinois in the Rose Bowl, 49-17 [it's a "great tradition" though]. The Rose didn't have to pick Illinois, a Big Ten team, to play in the game. It could have tried to pick better teams such as Georgia or West Virginia. But it went for tradition and picked Illinois.

“I don't believe they did themselves any favors this year with the kind of matchup they had,” Adams said. “And it may be after a few years of those kinds of matchups that they might think some of us in the South might be a pretty good draw.”

[ with a hat tip to thewizardofodds]

And for those of you who might wonder why ESPN, and more specifically College Gameday, constantly uses their monopolistic platform to bash even the possibility of a playoff (I've heard Kirk and Lee on more than one occasion say "For those out there hoping for a playoff, It's Just Not Going to Happen. Forget about it.")...For those wondering "Why would the Nation largest sports network take such a negative, cut-and-dry view on a subject that the vast majority of fans want?"

Well, I found an equally cut-and-dry answer, in a great a year old Yahoo Sports article by Josh Peter about the supposed biggest power broker in College Sports... Big Ten commissioner, Jim Delany:

From Big Ten headquarters in Chicago, Delany presides over a college sports monarchy. The Big Ten is the nation's biggest conference, a collection of 11 universities that covers an area with almost 25 percent of the nation's TV households and prompts television networks to genuflect. When Delany arrived at ESPN's headquarters in Bristol, Conn., this year, employees wore buttons that proclaimed "Bristol is Big Ten Country."
Your dead to me "World Wide Leader."

And for dessert, here's noted LSU fan/alum James Carville giving ESPN, Lee Corso the Big Ten and The Rose Bowl a thorough, yet well deserved ass-rogering...

[awful announcing]

Required Reading:

- Playoff Plunderer - Why Jim Delany is the College Football Anti-Christ
- Rose Bowl Roadblock - Pro-Playoff = Anti-Rose Bowl

Thursday, January 10

Bama Fan of the Week

JaMarcus and His Amazing Technicolor Dream-Sweater


An up close photo of the Bama themed hubcap from a previous occasion - Apparently the "BAMA BOY" elephant went over so well, he decided to wear it an LSU game...his Alma Mater [Hat Tip: Dave]

What the hell? Way to rep your state, Russell. Lesson #1: Just because it's expensive (as i'm sure the sweater was) doesn't exactly make it good. Hey, next time why don't you wear a Faberge egg on a chain around your neck? That would look just about as "gangsta" as your current get up. Damn, even Troy Smith is laughing at him, and that guy sucks.

Anyway, somebody finally uploaded the "interview" of Russell and Smith from the BCS Championship Game where JaMarcus attempts to speak English and rep his Crimson Tide...

Tuesday, January 8

They Say All Press Is Good Press

So Hooray for Ole Miss?

Thank God Ole Miss has a pregnant 16 year-old pseudo-celebrity on its side. And wait, is that a GED textbook in her little maternal mits? Why yes it is! Perfect.


"I haven't thought anything about what I might study," she has said. "I'll have to look more into that. But if I went anywhere, I think it would be fun to go to LSU."

Is anyone else confused? I guess confused is what being 16 and pregnant is all about. That or dumb (maybe that's where the GED comes in). Little Jamie Lynn is damn right "it would be fun to go to LSU," if by fun you mean conducting The Train at the DKE house. The last thing this girl needs is "fun."

Stick to Ole Miss, Jamie Lynn. You never seem to see pregnant girls at Ole Miss.

Maybe next time K-Fed and his 4 kids could do the Jumbo-Tron Hotty Toddy for the Rebs, or possibly Lindsey Lohan could "get caught" at Bungalow 8 snorting a line of blow with Eli. The promotional possibilities are endless. What better way to reach America's youth? Forget "US News and World Report"...Ole Miss is all about "US Weekly."

Monday, January 7

O and 9


Congrats to The Bengal Tigers - Same Song, Different Verse - Another Boring BCS Game

Ohio State Still Can't Measure Up to The SEC


Friday, January 4

DeepSouthSports' Best of 2007

Why does everybody insist on putting out their "Best of '07" lists before the years even done? Here at, we do things the right way, or we don't do them at all. Usually, it's the later. None the less, on the last day of the 2007 College Football season, I must say, It was a great year to be a fan. So much to enjoy, so much pain shared by all...and therefore, so much to make fun of. If only 2008 can capture some of that same magic.

Best College Football Team: The University of Georgia - It's not how you start, but how you finish that matters. (I'm going with The Dawgs, pending some insanity in tonight's BCS National Championship game)


Best College Football Game: Appalachian State 34, Michigan 32 - A D-IAA Southern school embarrassing a "Big 10 Power." What more you could you ask for? (even though Lloyd exacted a smidgen of revenge against UF in Orlando).


Best Deep South College Football Game: Kentucky 43, LSU 37 (3OT) - Both teams fighting for their undefeated lives. Did anybody see this coming preseason? Never in a parallel universe could I have ever imagined that the entire bar I was at in suburban Chicago would stop to watch the end of a Kentucky football game. That's the power of SEC Football.


Best Uber-Douche Player: Colt Brennan - Hawaii - Nice hair.


Best Uber-Douche Coach: Jim Levett - South Florida - Nice face.

Best Uber-Douche Fan(s): Tiger Pimp Nation - This was a tough one (so many worthy contenders), but as Saban would say, It's always fun to rip on a coonass. Or multiple connasses. What an embarrassment to an already somewhat Cousin-Eddie-esque fanbase...


Best Super-Stallion Player: Felix Jones - Arkansas - This badass never seems to get enough credit. 2007's numbers: 1164 yards at 8.74 per carry (which happens to lead the nation). Can you say "underutilized" and/or "undervalued?"

Best Super-Stallion Coach: Brian Kelly -Cincinatti - In his first season at the helm, Kelly made people fear the Bearcats...In Football. Just take a look at his numbers and get back to me, a-hole.


Best Movie: No Country for Old Men - Outstanding. A must see for all heterosexual males.

why is the older brother from the goonies pointing a gun at us?

Best TV: Dexter - My advice: Get Netflix, find an open weekend and rattle off Season 1, ASAP. 100% satisfaction guaranteed.

DEXTER (Season 2)

Best Sports Related Book I Read This Year: The Courting of Marcus Dupree by Willie Morris - This amazing, world renown author bring his unique style back home to Mississippi as he tells the tale of a big time "5 Star" running back's sordid recruitment. This book has as much to do with the unique culture of small town Mississippi as it does football. Good or bad, Morris vividly reveals how little has really changed in the 25 years since the books publishing.

Willie Morris

Biggest Blog Post: Talladega Days: The Ballad Of Matthew Stafford - I'd dare say, half the people who who first visited this site, did so because of this post heard round the South. Thanks, Matty.


Most Awful Announcing: Mike Patrick...

Most Awful Officiating: Alabama vs Ole Miss - This end-of-game call made absolutely no effing sense whatsoever. Thanks for screwing a great game, Doyle.


Best College Football Related Youtubery: Fake Lou Holtz - Cause it doesn't get much better than making fun of the elderly...especially when they have dementia coupled with a speech impediment...

Best Photo: Wes Byrum (Auburn) - after kicking a long winning field goal thus beating his home-state, undefeated, defending national champion Florida Gators (not once, but twice) on their home field. Post gator chop as well. In football, the life of a freshman kicker doesn't get much better than this...on the field, at least...


Best Bama Fan of the Week: The Party Crasher - A personal experience always tops a second-hand video or picture in my book. Especially when the rogue (read: wasted), middle aged Tider rides up to the party on his kid's Huffy. (I'll try and add an blurred image later today - to protect the not-so-innocent).

Best Will Muschamp Inspired Tee Shirt Idea: "BOOM, MF'ER!" -Even though potty-mouthed Muschamp is now dead to us in the SEC, his legacy will live on through this lively graphic based on this infamous clip..

[not sure who to credit for the above graphic found on edsbs]

and last but certainly not least...

The Britney Spears Award For Excellence (for the biggest media scandal whore of 2007): Nick M. effing Saban! - In 2007, This guy couldn't squat down to pee (like you know he does) without brushing up against the cold and wet toilet seat of scandal. If he wasn't telling bold faced lies in Miami, he was snatching kisses from DUI-bait at the Tuscaloosa airport, or committing recruiting violations, or "Not having time for this s**t" with the media or losing to Louisiana-Monroe, or selling out his players, or compairing the tragic death of thousands of Americans to a collegiate football game. Saint Nick's had a busy year. Saban also managed to fall from the heavens in 2007. Yep, he's back to mere millionaire mortal status after stumbling and bumbling to an underwhelming 7-6 record. Something tells me there won't quite be 92,000 at the spring game in 2008. But you never know...Crootin' looks strong.

When the price was right, Saban was extremely honored to join such an exclusive coaching fraternity [LWS]

Mindless Morning Youtubery

Auburn's Young Offensive Line Makes Friends, Influences People

Got this clip from one of the best, most well informed CFB blogger on the interwebs: dawizofodds over at aptly named "TheWizardOfOdds". Behold...

Feels like the first time...Feels like the Very First Time

Wednesday, January 2

This Just In: The BCS Blows Ass


I Say Screw 'Em

With apologies to The Lloyd Carr Retirement Party, what a turdtastic New Years Day of College football. Wow, Bowl Gods/BCS Gurus... thanks for putting together such titillating match ups of top tier talent and teams. Behold the once meaningful Sugar Bowl (UGA 41, Hawaii 10) or the has-been respected Cotton Bowl (Mizzou 38, Arkanas 7) or the "Grandaddy" (of poop?), Rose Bowl (Southern Cal 49, Illinois 17). Yes, BCS, directly or indirectly thank you for another huge, steaming pile of crappy dung this holiday season. I needed that.

Maybe we blogging types should spearhead a nation-wide, post season Bowl boycott. Hmmm... Don't watch and don't attend the bowl games for a year?!? Interesting.

Hit those effers in the wallet! Screw them for thinking they can force feed us this processed, punchless excuse for a post-season. College football is the people's game, and these scrote sacks are trying to tell us how it's gonna be. Nonsense! But who is this proverbial "they?"

Contrary to popular belief, the NCAA is nothing more than an organization governed by the combined university presidents. Those same university presidents who constantly beg us alumni and fans for donations, support and attendance.

I don't think I've ever met a fan who can say with a straight face, "No, I think the BCS is the right way to go. It just works. Can't you see?" No. That's total balls and ass, and it was hard to even type.

Why can't the presidents see this as clearly as we fans? I'll tell you why...Those jackholes are thinking "What is better than guaranteed money in hand?" Basically, "Why change...We gettin' paid, son!" Yeah, you'll see this kind of backwards, short sighted, ignant behavior in all aspects of life.

That why so many dumbass are out there buying Certificates of Deposit at their local bank... "Well, I may only be earning 3% interest but it's guaranteed, bitch!" Who cares that the stock market is averaging 12% returns over say the last...forever. Who wants to put their dick out there like that?..."Mutual funds ain't guaranteed and they kinda confusing, right?"

In The SEC, the biggest opponent of a playoff system (proposed by The Florida President at the SEC meeting last spring) was Vanderbilt President (And Founding Tri-Lam), Gordon Gee. Obviously, Vanderbilt (a school that hasn't been bowling since The War of Northern Aggression) potentially has the most to lose from a change. Vandy's struggling pseudo-athletic department gets a much needed kick in the pants after every bowl season when the (oft unearned) pooled bowl payouts are spread evenly among the 12 SEC member institutions. The prospect of no more SEC welfare must be a chilling possibility to these "have nots."

However, if we can somehow guarantee that the Vanderbilts of the world will continue to get their government check on the first and the fifteenth, the sky seems to be the limit (example: guarantee each conference at least one spot in the playoff and spread the money around like normal - What's the difference between that and the BCS?). The NCAA would be printing money.

Just imagine, right now, January 2...after a few rounds of the intensely exciting and lucrative college football playoff, we'd be looking at the most amazing final four in sports...

LSU vs USC and Ohio State vs. Georgia


USC vs Georgia and Mizzou vs West Virginia

or who the hell knows...That the beauty of a playoff.

My question is this: Why do we support this crapass system, only to complain about it for the other 11 months of the year?