Friday, September 21

Bama Fan of the Week

A Personal Encounter - "I'd Rather Push It."

Who doesn't love a good party? Well, one of my buddies from college was moving back to town and we decided we'd have a get-together in his honor. Little did we know that our plans would be thwarted by a Tider of ill repute.

So there we were, roughly twenty young adults of mixed collegiate allegiance having a good time on the deck. Catching up with each other on a Friday night...drinkin' some cold beers and playing some flip-cup... When all the sudden...there was trouble afoot. There was a stranger in our midst.

Who was this middle-aged, "Script A" hat sporting asshole helping himself to our beer? No one seemed to know. Word is, he rode up on his bike (not so much Harley as Huffy) on the way to the gas station to get some cigs. Rumor has it he lived 3 houses up, was married with three kids and he apparently had a thing for George Dickel. What a great addition to the party. Oh, did I mention he was about half-past F'ed up?

I guess he saw some folks who obviously like to feel good and thought he'd make himself at home. He interrupted our game, stared longingly our women's asses and pretty much annoyed the hell out of everyone at the party. Even so, we let it slide. No Bama fan is gonna come between this group and a good time. We had cups to flip...

Then he went and laid hands on my buddy's dog. As you might expect, all hell broke loose. Mike Hunt (the owner, who's name has been changed to protect the innocent) isn't exactly known for his restraint or even temperament, so he took this opportunity to do what all of us had been dying to do since this crimson turd arrived.

Mike ran at him, quick as lighting! (well, more of a spirited, purposeful walk) All the while, spouting a stream of obscenities, the likes of which had never been uttered in Homewood.

The perpetrator was dumbfounded (and wasted). He didn't know what the hell was going on! He just started clumsily backing away from obvious, impending danger. Mike cussed him all the way outside the fence and then slammed the gate in his face. Problem solved, right?

Surely this tider can take a hint and ride his 10-speed off into the sunset with his tail between his legs.

Not so much. No Sir. Five minutes later, this Bammer was back at the fence, talkin' shit, ready to fight. He had his dukes up ready to take on any of the 10 semi-sober, 20-something guys at the party. (damn, I need a video camera with me at all times)

Much to the inebriated tider's chagrin, there were no beatdowns being issued that evening. Just a few harsh words. At one point the owner of the house told the drunk bammer to "Just get on your bike and ride on home!"

In the heat of the moment, the Tider was quick to tell her, "No Thanks! I'd rather push it."

Safety first, my friend.

Eventually, the Homewood Police were called...

"Yeah, we've got a drunk, middle-aged, white, father of three on a ten-speed trespassing and threatening folks here in Edgewood. Yes, Maam. He's wearing a Bama hat."

When the police arrived, the Bama purp had conveniently disappeared into his house, never to be heard from again. Seems this stud had a little bit more respect for the law than his boys Deadrick and Simeon.

Edit: 9/24 - Photos kindly removed at Bama Fan's request...Even though he was trespassing and gave permission. DeepSouthSports isn't completely heartless.

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