Dear Diary

With Nick Saban, Emperor of the Tide

Editor's Note: We here at DeepSouthSports.net have offered up our site as a forum for the new Crimson Tide skipper to express his thoughts and dreams in a "media free" environment. Nick pours his heart out in following journal entry, and we hope that you will gives him the respect that he so genuinely deserves. Due to mature content, Coach Saban's ramblings were edited to protect the innocent.

May 21, 2007:

Dear Diary...

Who the hell do these rednecks think they are? I mean, WTF?!? I'm Nick F'n Saban.

I'm the highest paid coach in college football. I'm the most powerful force in this god forsaken state.

F Governor Bob Riley! He didn't have drunk bitches lining up at the airport. He didn't bring in 92,000 for an F'n practice. He doesn't piss excellence!

Veni Vidi Vici, bitches.

Haha. LOL!!!1

Anyways, I'm so over this job. So what if I backed out on a few of my obligations at your little Regions Charity Golf Tournament?

I answer to no man. Golf sucks, and charity is gay. I don't have time for that shit.

Mal, you can hum my BCS Champion balls if you like! LOL. If you say another word, I'll Franchione your ass so fast they might actually fire you. (gasp!) Something they should have done about Five coaches ago. "Oh, but I played and coached and sniffed The Bear's Jock...I must be worth a damn." F you, Mal.

You owe me your career. Check that...your life. Out of my way. I don't have time for this shit.

Jeez. Is $4 million a year worth having to live in this crap-ass town? It's no West Virginia, that's for damn sure. I'd rather be around a bunch of Coonasses.

I can't even go to the F'n mail box without this dick-smack neighbor yellin' "Roll Tide" all the damn time. That guy will most certainly NOT be getting his mortgage refinanced. Bryant Bank, my ass! LOL!

They say that no-talent-ass-clown Shula even had trouble at the alter on Sundays, well...that shouldn't be a problem with me. Church doesn't jive with my staff's new Mandatory Sunday Morning Film Study (MSMFS). Organized religion is for the weak and poor.

These days, even my home life is a pain in the ass. Terry tried to speak without being spoken to at dinner tonight. Son of a Bitch!...Next thing you know she'll be asking to sleep in my chambers. LOL! Get this...

I told her "we need total unanimity...I know things aren't going to change overnight, but I'm working hard for you. It will take a commitment to excellence in everything we do. Are you committed?" She looked at me all confused, so I suspended her from that shitty yacht club for a month! HAHA.

Damn, this place is dragging me down. I need a pick me up, if you know what I mean! LOL. I wonder if that skank from the airport could sober up long enough to come over here and show me her "Tide Pride."

You know...Maybe I should just say F it...and move to Hollywood. I could get some celebrity tail and star in some kick ass movies with Brangelina! Yeah...that sounds nice.

WTF-ever...I don't have time for this shit.

Saban Out.

Saban, seen here relaxing in his office