Friday, August 31

Who's On Team Kige?

No tailgate is complete with out it

Thanks to astute reader Josh for this here find. It's the unofficial "Value" Kige Ramsey Tee Shirt ($11.99!!!) from No Worries Brah. What better way to show your support for a true interwebs superstar in the making? Get yours now so you can say you loved Kige way back in the youtube days... before he got that 3 year contract with The World Wide Leader, a raging coke habit and fathered Lindsey Lohan's bastard child.

Enough Said...



I think This sums up the MSU-LSU game a little bit better actually...

Hat Tip: Mississippi State Sports Blog

Thursday, August 30

Mindless Morning Youtubery

The Kige Party

Kige Ramsey is what I like to call "A Renaissance Man." Give him any topic, and he'll freak your mind with his in-depth analysis for what seems like at least 30-40 seconds. That's why I'm so giddy about the next few months of Youtube Sports.

See Kige isn't exactly bound by the traditional laws of broadcasting. Don't get me wrong, Mr. Ramsey is a true southern gentleman, but he won't hold back...and he won't take any shit. Kige certainly won't sugar coat any "takes" for you, Nancy boy. No, he'll turn that take sideways and stick it in your ear whether you like it not.

In this installment, Kige sets the table for what is sure to be a most memorable football season. I personally can't wait for Touchdown Chuesdee and Sayturdee NFL Pronostications.

You're Welcome...

Tuesday, August 28

The NCAA Hates Jerrell Powe

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photocredit: James Bryant -

Powe Denied College Football For the Third Straight Year

The NCAA ruled that Powe will be allowed to receive athletically related financial aid to attend classes. However, he will be ineligible for practice and competition until meeting NCAA and institutional academic requirements in college.

"The idea for determining if student-athletes are academically eligible to participate in college sports is to ensure that the rigors of practice and competition do not interfere with the primary reason student-athletes enroll in college -- to get an education," said Kevin Lennon, NCAA vice president of membership services. "Mr. Powe has not achieved sufficient academic success under NCAA rules to permit athletics participation."

WTF?!? I hope Myles Brand gets unceremoniously butt raped... repeatedly for this. Basically, the NCAA gets to avoid the public relations nightmare of "denying a poor black boy an education" while they get to f. around with Ole Miss and the Powe family. Newsflash: Jerrell Powe is not in College to get an education, you Ass-Hats. Jerrell Powe is in college so he can play football and make a living in the NFL. You're not doing anybody a favor. You're just playing God. Have some balls about you and make a real decision. What a bunch of pricks.

How does the NCAA justify putting a student on athletic scholarship when he's not even allowed to play athletics? Brilliant!

ESPN via the AP

SEC Roundtable

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"who's that guy?"

Thanks to David at From the Hedges we now have the beta version of "SEC Roundtable." Hopefully a semi-weekly feature. (I don't do consistancy very well) Since David brought up several extremely thought provoking questions, I though I might just take a stab at them. Hopefully I'll be just slightly more successful than Miss Teen South Carolina.

If you could have any player back from graduation last year who would it be?

Hmmm...That's a tough one for Ole Miss. Yeah, about that...I'm gonna go with the top linebacker taken in the draft, The 49ers 11th overall pick Patrick effin' Willis. #49 was not only the best player on Ole Miss' team, but he was the best defensive player in the country. Willis was a nightmare for offensive coordinators and one of the few enjoyable things about the Rebs 4-8 season. With a more veteran supporting cast in 2007, Willis' 4.38 speed and 250 pound frame would have made the Rebel defense a major force to be reckoned with. Nope, instead the Rebs got three green linebackers with about 7 career tackles between them. Sweet!

Who's the most underrated/overrated team in the SEC? Why?

Underrated - Kentucky: The Cats have the best quarterback in the nation that nobody's ever heard of in Andre' Woodson. They were also an 8 win team in '06, which is an amazing feat for Kentucky. Nobody is giving them any credit, but they will upset a big boy this season. I'm thinking Louisville or Tennessee.

Overrated - Arkansas: The Hawgs are one or two injuries away from a horrible season. With Nutt's personal life impoding like it is, everything must fall perfectly for this team to be Top 25. Yes, they won the West last season (10 wins), but they also ended the year on a three game slide, lost their OC, Quarterback and a huge amount of fan support.

Take your team's biggest rival's head coach and make a case as to why he would be a good fit on your sideline

Mississippi State - Sly Croom: I'm sorry, I can't think of anything positive to say about what he's done at State. I guess he would help Ole Miss in the race relations department, until all those rich old white men had to up and fire his ass.

LSU - Les Miles: Why would Les Miles be a good fit? Well, Les Miles brings a lot of great things to a program...unfounded arrogance, tasteless smack-talk, a potty mouth, a huge forehead and a sub-par IQ.

Other than your team who do you want to win the National Title?

Vanderbilt : Wouldn't it be great? It would shake the foundations of the space/time continuum. Everybody would start hating Vandy and Bobby Johnson would get offered crappy NFL jobs. I think the Dores would be forced to expand stadium capacity upwards of 30k.

Predictions w/ scores:

Kansas State v. Auburn - Tigers 32 - Wildcats 28
Oklahoma State v. Georgia - UGA 24 - OSU 10
Tennessee v. California - Vols 36 - Homos 20

Mindless Morning Youtubery

Apparently the 4-8, '06 Ole Miss Rebels Were Really The '72 Miami Dolphins

This compilation of Ole Miss' 2006 season really gets me pumped up for the weekend...even though it's pure communist propaganda. It's amazing how good an 8 loss team can appear on a highlight reel. It is wrong to admit that I kinda enjoyed that Creed song?

Monday, August 27

Blogpoll is Back

Note: This is a "Houndstooth Free Zone"

From the Blogging Brain behind MgoBlog comes Blogpoll Season 3

Erik's Worthless Pre-Season Ballot:

1 Southern Cal 25
2 Florida 24
3 Wisconsin 23
4 West Virginia 22
5 LSU 21
6 Louisville 20
7 Texas 19
8 Michigan 18
9 Florida State 17
10 Oklahoma 16
11 Ohio State 15
12 Virginia Tech 14
13 UCLA 13
14 California 12
15 Penn State 11
16 Tennessee 10
17 Missouri 9
18 Georgia 8
19 Arkansas 7
20 Hawaii 6
21 Wake Forest 5
22 Rutgers 4
23 Nebraska 3
24 Auburn 2
25 Texas A&M 1

What Stands Out:

1. Southern Cal - I tried to fight it, but it's impossible. (Knock on the Pac-10 coming in There are probably three or four teams, if in USC's conference shoes that I would put in this top spot (LSU, Florida, Wisconsin and Maybe WVU)

2. Florida - Much easier road this season. I'm still not sold on Tebow, but what the hell. It's the pre-season.

3. Wisconsin - One loss team from last year returns a load of talent and a bright young HC. Class of the Big 10.

4. WVU - Too many weapons on offense, and fortunately the Eers play in the Defenseless Big East.

5. LSU - Not as sold on the Bengal Tigers as everyone else in the nation. They have the damn dumbest HC in Major College Football to thank for that.

The Rest...

16. Tennessee - I see the Vols putting the pieces together this season. If/when an RB steps up to the plate, this offense should be outstanding.

18. Georgia - So maybe I took a flyer on this one, however they've got the talent, especially at QB. They finished strong and I don't foresee the Dawgs losing to any Vanderbilts in their near future.

19. Arkansas - In spite of the turdulent off-season, these Hawgs will make some waves in the SEC. How could they not? Injuries are the only thing that could completely sabotage the Run-DMC train.

24. Auburn - This season will be a major test for TT & Co. I heard Al Del Greco reviewing the depth chart and injuries this morning on the drive in and (hate to say it) doesn't sound so great. Especially when you're going to The Swamp, Death Valley, Fayetteville and Athens.

Mark Richt Makes A-hole Comments

Related News: Georgia Head Coach Loses W.W.J.D. Bracelet

The normally reserved and composed Georgia head football coach, Mark Richt made doves cry this weekend with his sarcastic asshole comments concerning UGA's lack of an indoor practice facility...

Richt was particularly annoyed this past Friday after a late-afternoon thunderstorm first delayed, then cancelled, the team's practice. To make it up, the Bulldogs had practice twice on Saturday, once in the morning and once late in the evening. That meant many coaches and players had to change Saturday evening plans, including cornerback Remarcus Brown, who was supposed to be in a wedding.

"It's just a royal pain to have to deal with this kind of stuff," Richt said on Friday. "It would be nice to have a little indoor facility nearby where you wouldn't have to spend your whole life trying to figure out a new plan. It's very frustrating, it gets very old and I'm about tired of it.

"Maybe one day we'll get that done."

Richt was then asked if not getting an indoor facility would be something over which he'd leave.

"They'd probably say 'good riddance,'" he said sarcastically. "I'm not going to threaten anybody."

I don't know what to do or think about this. Mark Richt has always been like a second father to me. An omnipotent, lilly-white second father. If there was one thing I was sure of in this crazy, mixed up world it was that Mark Richt was an Angel sent from heaven to show us how good and pure college football can be. I'm just lost. A castaway set adrift on my personal sea of sorrows.

Then...Then Richt issues a formal statement/apology. Sorry, Mark. You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube, you Judas.

"Friday's comments regarding the lack of an indoor practice facility were a knee-jerk reaction to a series of events that happened throughout the day ending with the cancellation of practice due to a storm in the area," Richt said in the statement.

"When I actually read my comments late in the day on Saturday I was very disappointed in what I said and the way I said it. It appeared to be someone who was ungrateful for what he had and that is certainly not the case. For that, I want to apologize to President [Michael] Adams, [athletics director] Damon Evans, and the Bulldog Nation."

Stuff your sorries in a sack, a-hole.

Link: AJC - Chip Towers

Saturday, August 25

Rough Week for South Carolina

Only a few days after Cocks QB, Blake Mitchell did us all proud once again, Miss Teen South Carolina, Caitlin Upton, further lowered the bar for the next generation in The Palmetto State...

How about a nice, "I blame the terrorists." (and the mic drops) Or...just start a rousing chant of "U-S-A...U-S-A!" That always get the crowd going. I thought she might be back on the right track when she brought up Iraq, but then she failed to mention "those damn terrorists and their weapons of mass destruction." Actually, who am I kidding...She had me at "U.S. Americans." It's almost as if her speaking coach just told her, "When in doubt, just start naming all the counties and continents you can think of...Oh, and say 'such as' a lot."

Why do they ask these lovely young ladies such thought inducing questions anyway? They're called Beauty pageants for a reason.

I recall some old drunk football coach once mumbling something to effect of, "You'll never see 60,000 fans show up to watch a chemistry experiment," and well, you'll also never see 10 million folks tune in to watch uncomfortable 18 year-old girls with their ta-tas taped together talk about national education issues. Why can't we all just appreciate Caitlin for her obvious strong points and forget all that silly public speaking and critical thinking.

By the way, Caitlin was the 3rd runner up. That's right ladies. That girl is better than 90% of you dumb skanks!

HT: Dirty D

Friday, August 24

Mindless Morning Youtubery

American Gladiators Is Back!

The music, the muscles, the tans, the tights, the perms, and the post-op trannies. It's all deadly, and it's coming back to NBC. We can only hope that the peacock will have the presence of mind to include Malibu in this ensemble cast...

Thursday, August 23

This Is Why You Suck

A Rival Fan's View Of Your Crap-Ass Team

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He Hates Your Team! (damn, I hope this stud is back for more in '07)

Let's be honest here...You're team probably doesn't suck that bad (unless you're a State fan). However, your rival fans would have you believe otherwise. All summer long, you've had to listen to those obnoxious assholes from (insert team) on the internet, talk radio and in the newspapers. Blah, Blah, Blah. Lies, Lies, Lies! No team is spared. So anyway, I thought I would compile their smack into one tight little blog post for you to mull over. Note: These aren't my views (notice the quotes, right)


Auburn - "Them Barners is just scared of Coach Saban. Now that there's a real Coach at The Capstone, Tuberville is done fore sure. They ain't never gonna get another recruit in this state. They can stick that thumb up they ass! Oh, and Chete Williams had sex with my mother. Promise."

Arkansas - "What the hell is wrong with you white-trash hillbillies? None of us really hate you...we're more concerned than angry. You're like the Kennedy family of SEC football. In 2006 you seemed to have everything going for you early, and you managed to F it all away. Your off season played out about as smoothly as The Hindenburg landing on The Titanic."

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Alabama - "What's that smell. It smells like...Desperation. Don't look now bammers, but our coach is paid less than half of what you're getting raped for and we've still got a winning record against that tiny, over-hyped S.O.B. (3-2). How about this...How bout we decimate your weak ass D-line, Groves will "Brodie" Sarah Jessica Parker Wilson, and we'll call it six in a row. Speaking of 6, enjoy another trip to Shreveport...I'm positive the Cajuns won't hurl urine filled bottles at your coach. That is, If he's still your coach at that point. Wow...4 arrests in the last month. Stay Classy, Crimson Tide."

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LSU - "How did LSU manage to hire the damn dumbest Head Coach in Division I Football? (Skip Bertman = Outstanding Baseball Coach...Train wreck of an AD) Yeah, Numb-nuts Miles has a great record, but does that have anything to do with him? Or could it be the dearly departed OC, Jimbo Fisher, or the overall #1 pick in the draft, or an amazing boat load of talent. Newsflash: You didn't even win the West last year, much less the SEC. Yes, your shit still stinks. Lose that 'Corky' of a HC and get back to us."

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Ole Miss - "Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw... Walk-on Quarterback? (Coach O song never ceases to get a laugh). So The Ogre is the all-star recruiter of the century but he's starting a Walk-on at the most important position. Yeah, he couldn't start at Division-II Delta State but he's gonna lead Ole Miss to the promise land. It's been fun Orgeron. Better hope Pete Carroll gives you your old job back. Another 3-9 season. Cutcliffe never went 3-9!"

Mississippi State - "Wow, where do I start. You poor bastards haven't tasted a bowl game since Y2K. Kinda hard to bring in the talent when you're not cheating your effin' asses off isn't it? I'm gonna stop right there cause making fun of Crooms boys is like talking shit about my demented grandmother. It's just not right."

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Florida - "Tebow is a jort-sporting, meat-headed bitch. He can't pass worth a damn. He's nothing more than over-hyped, over-sexed fullback who occasionally throws the ball. He certainly ain't no every-down quarterback. Then you've got Herban Meyer and his thuggish-ruggish team of pot smoking cock-bandits. He's turning that program into Miami North. Not to mention he lost his whole defense. Good luck beating Vanderbilt this season, Herban."

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Georgia - "That Stafford's a fat drunk. If he spent as much time on the practice field as he did gettin' liquored up and chasin' tail he might live up to his hype. Richt ain't never gonna win the big one. Don't talk to me until you beat Florida when it counts, bitches. Fat, Drunk and Stupid is no way to go through life, Matty."

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Kentucky - "Andre' Woodson - The best quarterback nobody gives a shit about. Kentucky beats Georgia, has a winning season, goes to bowl with the best quarterback in the conference and we still give a collective yawn. I think I'm falling asleep just talkin' about Kentucky Football. In conclusion, UK fans don't care...We don't care. Lets move on."

South Carolina - "Blake Mitchell is really best quarterback you could find Spurrier? Really? What is the arrest/embarrassing-fiasco count in your QB depth chart, Steve? I count 4 in the last year. Nice dicipline. I know you're more of the "Xs and Os" kind of coach, but you might want to actually interact with your players...maybe show them you care. Then maybe they'd stop acting out like 19 year old, abused step-children. P.S. - You're soo not winning the SEC at South Carolina an time soon."

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when white qbs go bad

Tennessee - "If it isn't Philip Fulmer. 'Fulmer' loosely translates as 'He who does less with more'. Phil just isn't cutting it anymore. He's tricked the hillbillies for 16 some odd years and it's starting to get old. I can't remember the last time UT played in the SEC Championship game. Fat Phil's got all the tools in hand, and he's still shittin' the bed. You make me sick."

Vanderbilt - "Congratulations. Now you've moved up to the 11th least crappy program in the SEC. (Sorry, State) Whenever things seem to be going your way, you always F it up. (See: last years Ole Miss game, or any MTSU game). You've got a great coach, but you're Vanderbilt. Maybe you should get your priorities straight and start cheating your ass off, cause nothing else seems to be working. Look for another 5-7 season. So close!"

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Vandy Stereotype Fight

Monday, August 20

Separated at Birth?

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Crimson Tide place kicker Jamie "Money" Christensen and a Neanderthal

Maybe "Money" should try out for a part on The Caveman's new show on ABC. He'd really save the network some green as he would avoid needless hours in the makeup chair.

Credit: thanks to astute reader Mike for putting 2 and 2 together

Racist, Barner Cops Entrap Simeon Castille

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Tuscaloosa Police Department Hates America

Castille, 21, was charged with disorderly conduct and booked into the Tuscaloosa County Jail at 3:30 a.m. He made $500 bond and was released at 4:25 a.m., according to jail records.

What could possibly explain this rash of recent arrests under the Nick Saban regime? 4 football players in 5 weeks?!? Certainly, this is not just a lack of discipline or good judgment on behalf of some overly-entitled college kids. No, this is much, much more...

As one enlightened tider said on The Opening Drive this morning, "Simeon is a model citizen...Them Tuscaloosa police need to get they priorities straight...I ain't tryin' to say anything, but there may be some other schools involved in this..."

Ya Damn Right! These so called "officers" are certainly not "protecting and serving" Alabama football.

Let's set the record straight before we attemt to taint a highly decorated member of the pre-season All-SEC First Team. He's got a Crimson Tide All-American preacher of a daddy in Jeremiah Castille...A good Tider brother in Tim...He went to Briarwood CHRISTIAN school...he's a team leader. He's even a founding father of Saban's groundbreaking, and completely not bullshit "Peer Intervention Group." Simeon would never do anything to hurt UAT.

Surely Simeon just took a break from his study group at two in the morning to offer Designated Driver services to some of his morally ambiguous teammates. That's the only explanation that makes sense here.

Obviously, there is a Big Blue hand in all this. What better way to hurt the tide than send undercover Barner fans to infiltrate the elite forces of the Tuscaloosa P.D.? It might take years to earn the Tider's trust, but it'll be worth it. Those Auburners knew they couldn't beat Saban in a fair fight, so I guess they'll just try and bring him down from the inside. It's genius. Who here hasn't seen "The Departed?" Surely the flagship university's highly educated fanbase will piece together this nazi-esque plot. (Tuscaloosa is to Occupied France as the football team is to the Juden) Case in point:

An eye witness account (that was told to somebody who posted it on a messageboard which was then intercepted by Good as gospel)...

Simeon and Rashad were at a club with their girlfriends. As they were all leaving Simeon and Rashad were wrestling with and trying to pull BJ and Caldwell out of a car. Simeon was pretty loud and two cops came running up and grabbed him. They cuffed him and pulled his wallet out and while Simeon was trying to tell them he was only playing. The cop with the wallet looked at the other cop and said sarcastically "should we call the coach"? The informant said the other cop stated "nah, let him find out through the newspaper." They arrested him for disorderly conduct. None of the other players or girlfriends, who were all black, wanted to talk to the cops, both white, for fear of being arrested too. So Simeon was carried off to jail and held for about four hours.
And I thought we had made so much progress as a state and a conference. These evil, racist, cartoonish Auburn sympathizing police officers have set our state back decades and should be castrated. I'm surprised Saban hasn't dropped the charges and at least fired these two rogue, barner honkies.

Next thing you know it's gonna be,
"Hey there's a Football player conversing with a white, plant this dime bag that boy's pocket...Oh, and War Eagle."

Related: Coverage
Tidefans Messageboard Meltdown!

Wednesday, August 15

Mindless Morning Youtubery

Get Pumped for SEC Football - Russell Crowe Edition

Aside: Content has been lacking lately as real life has taken a front seat (shit happens). However, I do have a few things in the works, and this site should be back to its normal craptasticness on monday... after I finish a stint on the Redneck Riviera starting tomorrow (thursday).

This here is the Hotty Toddy intro before a massively huge 2003 SEC showdown at "The Vaught" between Ole Miss and LSU. Insane as it might seem now, Ole Miss comes into this game 6-0 in SEC play with a senior Eli Manning pulling the strings. LSU was a beastly one loss team with visions of crystal trophies dancing in their heads. Everything is on the line. Winner takes The SEC West and earns a spot in Atlanta. Pregame, in Vaught-Hemingway Stadium, anything is possible. And Then they play this...


- The CBS game Intro
- LSU's First Series ends with an Ole Miss TD

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah. I know Ole Miss lost this game.

Monday, August 13

Awesomely Bad SEC fans that don't happen to cheer for the Tide

Gotta Spread the Love

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WTF?! Is that Horatio Sanz in drag? I mean, are you effing kidding me?