Wednesday, August 20

SEC Coaches Power Poll

shots on Shelley, not literally, dirtbag

As part of Garnet and Black Attack's 2nd annual SEC POWER POLL, we, the members, will obviously be completely unbiasedly ranking the SEC teams 1-12 this season. HOWEVER, to start this thing off right, "cocknfire" has asked us, his colleagues, to rank the coaches from 1 thru 12. It's a Herculean task, but eff it. I've got spare time.


1. Urban Meyer - The compete package. He's so good it's scary. Recruiting, gameplanning, improv, motivation, media savvy. If only I could get his sissified crying out of my head.

2. Mark Richt - Had to learn on the job, but it's finally coming together for him. Richt's in his prime. The kind of coach you wouldn't mind taking home to Momma, if you're into that sort of thing. About as polished and poised as they come.

3. Tommy Tuberville - Big Game Badass. Squeezes the most out of his players. Wins with a smart defense, but historically has trouble developing the passing game (obviously, set to change in '08) Prone to occasional game-long mental-farts (see: '08 UGA, South Florida, or MSU)

4. Steve Spurrier - Still a great football mind, just not playing with the stacked deck he inherited at UF in the 90's. Appears to loathe all aspects of CFB other than play-calling the offense. Gamecock experiment growing old? Didn't vote for Duke for the first time this season because he apparently hates David Cutcliffe.

5. Les Miles - Hate to say it, but this guy just wins football games. Can't too much argue with that. He may very well be a prickly dumb prick, just with Gump-like luck, but he's certainly doing something right. I know, he's got more talent than Marisa Miller, but still. That'll only get you so far. Even back at OK State he was doing big things with far less.

6. Nick Saban - If this were "most powerful" or "best recruiter" or even "inverse height-to-ego ratio" Saban would be numero uno. However, Nick's overall coaching leaves tons to be desired. In fact, his recruiting is pretty much the only good thing I can say about him. Discipline? In Game skills? Motivation? He's not exactly lighting the world on fire when it comes to actual football between the hedges in T-town. (to borrow one of his favorite preachy words) At least not relative to expectations.

7. Houston Nutt - Now here's the polar opposite of Nick Saban. A man of the people...loves the media, loves his coaches and his players. Even loves to motivate...except he couldn't give two shits about recruiting. He's very comparable to Tuberville in this regard. Consummate winner of the "does more with less" award. Great football mind and surrounds himself with quality assistants. Never gonna ascend these rankings until he starts to take it all a little more serious.

8. Phillip Fulmer - Has-been. Football is passing Phil by. Has the keys to one of the SEC's proudest programs yet he continues to fart around and crap the bed. Tons of talent, but little leadership. Consistent winner of the "does less with more" award. How many more seasons will a 10-year-old Championship buy you on Rocky Top?

9. Bobby Petrino - His record says a lot, but that's little league, Big East stuff. Give me a season against big boy defenses (SEC speed, bitch) before I move him anywhere up this list.

10. Rich Brooks - What can I say, Kentucky's no joke anymore. When you take a perennial laughingstock and in due time develop a team that takes out the eventual national champions on the road. That's effing saying something. But Rich has yet to move the Wildcats past the Music City Bowl.

11. Bobby Johnson - Look, he's obviously a pretty good coach, and going to a bowl with Vandy is the equivalent of winning the National title with LSU, but every time he gets a legitimate chance at, well legitimacy, his team craps itself. Sure, go beat Georgia, Tennessee and Ole Miss...then lose to Middle Tennessee. Can't give you too much credit Bob.

12. Sly Crooms - received every lucky break a coach could get last year to finish 8-5 (read: State won every close game) Don't expect that to happen two years in a row. Yeah, time for Croom to get Munsoned a time or two. Oh yeah, State has yet to field an offense under this former NFL offensive coordinator.


  1. have you seen the julio tape you stupid olemiss/barner...recruiting will overcome saban's (supposed)coaching shortcomings..rtr

  2. julio will be in prison before bowl season you stupid bammer

  3. Remember all of those football teams that were painfully mediocre until a freshman wideout came along and fixed everything?

    Oh yeah, that's right, there weren't any, and Bama isn't about to set the trend.

  4. Kentucky didnt beat LSU on the road last year.

  5. Cyberspace trash dump....

    I guess that we should all be impressed with what you think is your deep knowledge of the game and coaching.

    Well the way I see it is you should be able to "tell it like it is" after you've coached your first season of college ball.

    Up to this point it seems to me that you have problems coaching your stools out of your ass.

    Let us know when you sign your contract.

  6. 12. Sly Crooms - really? oh yea I forgot your Ole Miss ties.

    4. Steve Spurrier - Still a great football mind, just not playing with the stacked deck he inherited at UF in the 90's. How do you inherit tens years of good to great teams?

  7. I'd probably have Croom at 11 ahead of Bobby.

  8. Still believe that's an Ole Miss hat - this just reinforces it. Oh and you are an idiot.

  9. It's forgivable since you're a rebel fan, but otherwise no sane man could put nutt ahead of fulmer. Look at the players drafted from each team the past two years, and you can see that it was houston "more-with-less" nutt who underachieved when compared to fulmer, even in fat phil's dilapidated state.

  10. NC ring or not, Fulmer is just about the last coach in the SEC I would want at my school.

  11. Check here to answer the Florida "stacked deck" question...

  12. --"Well the way I see it is you should be able to "tell it like it is" after you've coached your first season of college ball."--

    It's a good thing stuff isn't actually "the way you see it."

    That's like telling a chef that something he cooked for you wan't too good only to have him say "well fuck you, faggot! I went to a God damned CULINARY INSTITUTE!"

    Being able to "tell it like it is" or "calling it like you see it" is just a part of being a fan (or, hell, a person). Just because the musings of a blogger "telling it like it is" doesn't align with whatever it is that makes you happy doesn't mean you should discredit it on some bullshit notion that you completely made up in your ass.

  13. These comments are OUTSTANDING. Quality laughs.

    I do have to agree that Nutt before Fulmer is somewhat ridiculous. And I've generally found Nutt to be a "does less with more" kinda coach...but that also points back to him not taking his job very seriously.

  14. Put Phillip Fulmer at Arkansas for 9 years or Houston Nutt in Knoxville for 15...who's gonna do a better job? That's how I look at it.

    And obviously, they are very close.

  15. Fulmer's cell phone bill would have been dramatically less.

  16. Hahahahaha we beat Vandy thrice in a row. Thrice. Hahahahahaha it's so much fun to go to Nashville and watch those trust fund babies cry. Well, the ones that actually care about their football program anyway.

    Hahahaha sucks for you 'dores