Tuesday, September 30

Alabama has Reece Davis

Ole Miss has Shepard Smith...


Ole Miss Makes The Cover?

First Ole Miss-centric cover since Archie in 1970 (click to enlarge)

Well, that supposed curse hasn't seemed to effect Bama one tiny bit (quite possibly it's done the opposite). Damn the curse! I'm enjoying this sumabitch. Can't wait to see how the Chicago Cubs of the SEC can handle it this weekend against Spurrier's cocks.

First the Debate, then The Swamp, now this? Surely hell is freezing over (see: The Economy) Enjoy this sneak peak at SI's Ole Miss cover story (words I honestly never thought I'd hear in succession)...

Block Party

Ole Miss's stunning win over Florida was just one of seven upsets involving Top 25 teams in a chaotic week that also saw the emergence of Alabama as a contender for the national championship

By Albert Chen

It was a sultry Saturday evening in the heart of Mississippi , and Houston Nutt, still sticky from the Gatorade bath he had received in the waning seconds of his team's 31–30 win over No. 4 Florida, stepped out of an airplane at Tupelo Regional Airport and into the night. The first-year Mississippi coach looked up, and on the other side of a nearby fence was a cheering throng of 500 rhapsodic Rebels fans. Then Nutt looked at his players. "They were just standing there," says Nutt, whose team, a three-touchdown underdog to the Gators, returned from Gainesville having toppled a top five team for the first time in three decades. "I had to tell them, 'Guess what? They're here for you. It's O.K. to go over there and say hello.' Apparently they're not used to this kind of attention. They looked like they were in a daze."

The college football universe was in much the same state. The Stunner in the Swamp turned out to be the biggest upset last Saturday, but the madness didn't end there. After greeting another 400 fans at the Rebels' practice facility when he and his team arrived on campus later that night, Nutt finally returned home to his 150-acre ranch outside of Oxford around eight o'clock and flipped on the living room television to watch No. 8 Alabama against No. 3 Georgia. He nearly fell out of his chair when he saw the score: Alabama 31, Georgia 0. At halftime. "It was a pretty wild day in college football, huh?" Nutt said on Sunday.

You think? During a 48-hour period that started last Thursday night, nine ranked teams lost, six to unranked squads. Three of the country's top four schools went down, including No. 1 USC (page 35) from the Pac-10. The top-ranked teams from three other BCS conferences—the SEC (Georgia), the Big Ten ( Wisconsin ) and the ACC ( Wake Forest )—also fell. While there has been no paradigm-shifting upset on the scale of Appalachian State over Michigan , this season is proving to be just as unpredictable as 2007 was. "What we've seen in the first month of the season isn't an aberration," says BYU coach Bronco Mendenhall, whose Cougars moved up three spots to No. 8 in the AP poll—on a bye week. "What we're seeing is a leveling of the field."

The result is a volatile environment in which a school can go from being a borderline Top 25 team to the second-ranked program in the nation in five weeks—as Alabama , ranked No. 24 in the preseason, has done in coach Nick Saban's second year. Following his team's win in Athens , where the Crimson Tide steamrollered No. 3 Georgia 41–30, Alabama (5–0) suddenly looks like a national title contender. That Saban's crew pulled off the road win wasn't as surprising as how easily the Crimson Tide dismantled the Bulldogs. With quarterback John Parker Wilson (10 of 11 passes for 139 yards and a touchdown in the first half) operating behind an overpowering line, Alabama, which has yet to trail in a game and has outscored opponents 74–0 in the opening quarter, scored on each of its first five possessions. By halftime the Tide had turned the much-ballyhooed rumble between SEC rivals into a funeral for the nation's preseason No. 1 and its fans. At least the Dawgs dressed for the occasion. Georgia broke out its rarely worn black jerseys, and the Bulldogs faithful donned black as well.

In the Crimson Tide locker room, moments after the biggest win in his 18-game tenure in Tuscaloosa , Saban began his postgame address with a saliva-spewing rant about all the things his players did wrong in a sloppy second half. (Though Alabama was outscored 30–10 after intermission, a Crimson Tide victory was never in doubt.) After making it through his checklist, the 56-year-old grump paused, then smiled. The room exploded in giddy laughter.

There wasn't a bigger winner on Saturday than the embattled Ole Miss football program, which came into the game with nine consecutive SEC defeats. This fall the scrutiny of the Rebels has been intense, and not just because of the new $6 million, 4,032-square-foot high-definition scoreboard (touted as having the largest HD display in the SEC) that now towers over the north end zone at Vaught-Hemingway Stadium. Even though the Rebels had floundered through four straight losing seasons, including a 3–9 mark last year, and even though their sophomore quarterback, Jevan Snead, had thrown only 49 college passes before the '08 season, expectations were high for a once proud school reenergized by the hiring of Nutt last November. "The moment it hit me how passionate the fans are here was the day I held my first press conference," says the 50-year-old Nutt, who, despite a 75–48 record at Arkansas , resigned last year after 10 tumultuous seasons in Fayetteville . "I was expecting to speak to a few reporters in a room with five cameras. But I find myself walking into the Ford Center , where there are 1,500 people packed in, and I later find out that 500 to 600 people were turned away at the door and waiting outside. I had goose bumps."

The Rebels headed to Gainesville with a 2–2 record—their pair of losses (at No. 20 Wake Forest on Sept. 6 and to Vanderbilt on Sept. 20) by a combined eight points. Snead could not have looked worse in the Vanderbilt defeat, tossing four interceptions as Ole Miss lost 23–17. In more ways than one the game against Florida presented an opportunity for redemption for the quarterback. When he stepped onto the field at high noon, he stood in a place where he once thought he'd become a star. In 2005 he had committed to Florida out of Stephenville (Texas) High, but then he found out that the Gators were heavily recruiting another high school All-America—a gunslinger from Jacksonville named Tim Tebow. Snead backed out of his commitment and signed with Texas . But redshirt freshman Colt McCoy beat him out for the starting job in 2006, so at the end of that season Snead transferred to Mississippi .

Now here was Snead, facing Tebow in front of 90,106 fans—and it was the unheralded interloper who was the poised playmaker and the 2007 Heisman Trophy winner who appeared flustered. His team down 17–10 in the third quarter and facing a third-and-10 deep in Florida territory, Snead dumped a screen pass to running back Cordera Eason that went for an 18-yard touchdown. Then, with 5:26 left and the game tied at 24, Snead connected with a wide-open Shay Hodge on an 86-yard pass play that gave the Rebels the lead for good. "The corner fell off, and I knew I was going to be open, but I didn't expect the safety to miss it that bad," says Hodge. "I didn't think I was going to take it all the way."

Tebow, meanwhile, continued his disappointing encore to his Heisman season with another uneven performance. The junior quarterback fumbled once (the third-quarter turnover led to Eason's touchdown), missed open receivers and often held on to the ball too long as a ferocious Rebels pass rush sacked him three times. He did respond with a six-play, 68-yard touchdown drive that pulled the Gators to 31–30 with 3:28 left, but the Rebels' Kentrell Lockett broke through the line to block the extra point. Then, on fourth-and-one at the Ole Miss 32 with 41 seconds left, Tebow was stopped for no gain as he tried to run off right tackle out of the shotgun. "You have never seen any player in the entire country play as hard as I will play the rest of this season," an emotional Tebow said after the game. "And you'll never see someone push the rest of the team as hard as I will push everybody the rest of this season."

Though they tumbled to No. 12 in the rankings, the Gators are hardly out of the national title picture in what is shaping up as another crazy season. But Florida fans can't like the team's chances to run the table (three games against top 20 teams remain on the schedule) with coach Urban Meyer's offense looking as out of sync as it did against the Rebels. Though Percy Harvin, a wideout who occasionally lines up in the backfield, rushed for 82 yards, the Gators still aren't getting any production out of their running backs. And Tebow was limited to seven yards on 15 carries.

Meanwhile, Ole Miss looks poised to take off. Less than 24 hours after his Gatorade bath, the coach of the resurgent Rebels was back in his office, meeting with his assistants to prep for this Saturday's game against South Carolina . Nutt's team showed last Saturday that it's good enough to make noise in the SEC West. An intradivision showdown with Alabama looms on Oct. 18, but the coach wasn't looking ahead. "One week at a time," Nutt said. "If we've learned anything about college football this weekend, it's that, week to week, all you can hope to do is survive."±

[Thanks to Karen at SI for the heads up]

Saturday, September 27

Ole Miss Pwns Gators

Fast Facts
• The Rebels had lost 14 straight SEC road games entering Saturday as well as nine straight SEC games overall.
• The Gators lost three fumbles after not losing one in their first three games.
• The Gators are now 0-5 when trailing at any point in the second half with Tim Tebow as the quarterback.
• Three of the last six times Florida has lost to an unranked team it has been to the Rebels.
-- ESPN research
Ole Miss has won three of its last four vs. Florida, including the last two matchups between the teams at the Swamp.
UF Regular-Season Losses toUnranked Opponents Since '02:

2008 Ole Miss
2007 Auburn
2005 South Carolina
2004 Mississippi St.
2003 Ole Miss
2002 Ole Miss

Friday, September 26

GeekSheet Report

Your best friend on gameday (not our actual geek)

Starting what I hope will be a semi-regular feature here on DSS is updates from the friendly wagering world via my boy at The Geek Sheet Sports. Good people, from right here in the Deep South, with some solid numbers in their corner: 12-4 on the season's recommended plays (now I'm no mathmagician, but I'm pretty sure that's 75% Win). So, what I'm saying is...this might be the only worthwhile feature on this God forsaken site. It could even make you a dollar or two if you're smart. Lookit...

The Bold and Most not so Beautiful SEC, comments and predictions

I’d like to open our inaugural post from the thegeeksheetsports.com with a thanks to our elegant, handsome, brilliant and witty host, Erik for allowing us to share our weekly thoughts on the soap opera that is the SEC. Hopefully these gratuitous complements won’t go un-noticed and will buy us at least a week or two in this space, presuming it tanks as bad as we suspect it will!

Ohh the beauty of SEC football, or perhaps really just their fans, I mean in what other sport, conference, or geographic location is it more important to openly display the hatred you have for your cross town rival than it is the love for your alma matter (or in the case of your mortal enemy the love they blindly have for the team in the state where they graduated middle school). Where else is it so important that you contain such a complete understanding of your teams offense or defense, whereby you can openly discuss and debate why that dumb a** OC / DC/ HC continues not to play (insert unheralded freshman or rFr recruit of choice), or call that same play that all 80,000 / 90,000 / 1000,000 people in the stadium (half of whom didn’t graduate college and the other half which can’t spell college because they’ve drowned themselves in bourbon prior to the all too familiar 3 Dave’s 100 degree September afternoon kickoff classic). God forbid the drama that ensues on the messages boards during the games from the people to stupid or lazy to even go to the game, but have an even keener sense of things as they have the luxury of watching, rewinding, and analyzing in slow motion the ensuing debacle that comes from being a fan of (insert team of choice). Perhaps even better is the unbridled optimism that can ensue after a 2 point victory over the direction Michigan school for the blind, after a particularly good offensive performance compared to the catastrophic apocalypse on the horizon that comes after a hard fought victory over a conference rival if the offense doesn’t score 100 points and rack up 1000 yards….Good love those brilliant football minds.

With a moment of clarity it occurred to me that the drama we choose to create, more times than not in a completely irrational and unjust manner isn’t too dissimilar to the calamity that is our testosterone lacking compatriots from Venus. When the wine and estrogen starts flowing we run for the sanctity and cover of college football, and the self destruction that ensues…because remember, we are the sane ones…right?

Anyway, with that mostly likely long, incoherent, and un-necessary bit of rambling out of the way, we’ll move on with our inaugural post, honoring the bizarre soap opera that is SEC football (as played out in the eyes of its beloved fans). We’ll have a little bit of fun with everyone, and hopefully give you a little bit of advice along the way (to the degree I can forcibly remove my genetic and paternal biases for those stupid F-ing inbreeds up the road). With that said, we’re off…

Game of the Week

Abalamer vs Leg Humpers

Ponder for a second what this must be like for a poor Auburn fan living in Atlanta? On one hand you’ve been raised your entire life to hate the cheaters on the west side of the state (presuming your are a multi-generational War Eagler and not a carpet baggin trust fund baby from Buckhead too stupid to get into Athens Tech that has infiltrated your beloved home on the plains like a cancer that won’t stop spreading…this is the cow-college damn it)…on the other you have the seemingly never ending UGA promotional video and ads that is the Atlanta press combined with the seemingly unending supply of Ugly alums that seem to percolate the atmosphere thicker than a code red smog alert day in the summer (for those of you not from Atlanta that means it is suffocating)…I guess there is such a thing as hell on earth.

What interests me more about this game, is the show down that is liable to ensue on the pedestrian walkway in A-town Saturday evening…not just the mullets from north Alabama vs the red-dadios from Moultrie (although that cultural class will surely be one for the ages), but consider what happens when Mr. Bear Bryant Back Tat toting his big ole A flag bumps into that big bald overall wearing fattie from UGA with the bulldog painted on his head…wow, I’d pay the scalper 3 large for the privilege to see that…I wonder if the guys from National Geographic will be there to capture this chance encounter?

The actual game itself I suspect will be a pretty good one, although I question how good and proven the Bama offense is. Every week that victory over Clemson looks worse and worse, and no offense to Casey Dick but there is a reason D-Mac lined up at QB last year and Nutter sold his sold to the devil to get Mustain along with the baggage that came with him. UGA has been very good defending the run, and I don’t see how Bama makes anything of substance happen on the ground in this game (I won’t bore you with the statistical support). Without a ground game Sarah Jessica Parker starts to look more like Little Dick from the hills of Arkansas than the Tony Romo of late.

I am a little less sure of what happens on the other side of the ball as the humpers have looked pretty good thus far, but so has Little Nicky’s crew. Despite the Pac 10 hatred we all can agree on, Arizona State does have a legitimate defense (by left coast standards), and, statistically, what UGA did last week is impressive (far more impressive than Sabans efforts to date vs a pretty pitiful slate of defensive opponents).

A TD is a lot to lay in this game, and my guess is it will be relatively close for a while…still as Nick says, “it is a process”, and I think the success early against some very bad teams has the Tide Pride a little over-amped…Leg Humpers 28 Roll Tide 17

The Second Fiddle Game of the Week– which just so happens to involve two perpetual second fiddles

The Great Pumpkin in the Hills vs Dumbo gone amuck

The two great cartoonish coaches of the conference clash in this battle of big orange vs big ears, although watching both of late makes you wonder if anything big is going to happen offensively. UCLA’s continued implosion could potentially end up being worse by year end than Big Nicks glorious egg vs the War Hawks last season (how do you get pounded by 21 to Arizona? I mean their coach isn’t even the best coach in his family?), and Awburn continues to find new ways to self destruct offensively (and why shouldn’t they, they hired the Guru who was just hiding all these years near the condom producing capitol of the world…where I would be 1st to look when trying to find an offensive mind capable of competing in the best conference in the land).

Both these schools constantly fight the second fiddle status whether it be the War Eaglers contempt for thier corn dog friends to the south or the mullet nation to the west, or Good Ole Rocky Top who can’t seem to get over the “hump” consistently vs the the humpers or the proprietors of factory denim shorts down in North FL. My guess is we’ll get a second rate performance from both here in a game that will probably dissolve into a contest of who can avoid screwing it up the most…I’ll lean with the dual nick-named home team, presuming they embrace the dual QB strategy…Deep Orange 24 Faded Orange 16

3 Dave’s caliber contests

David vs Goliath (Act 1 and 2) –

Whether it Nutt or Croom, Miles or Meyer this one is about the same… Croom and Nutt will try and run the ball 99% of the time, hope like hell Meyer or Miles does enough un-necessary and unbelievably stupid (or perhaps brilliant) things that the poor peasants from the hills won’t get absolute destroyed by the Kings of the lands….The former Mormon leader and his now missionary leading general stand a bit more of a chance for a slightly contested contest here than The HAT and his corndog crew further west. Nutt’s got the makings of a respectable offense, poor Croom’s got Nutt-in…All in all 40 something for the big guys…State is lucky to get 10 w/o a backfire or two by the lunatic leader of the corn dog nation…Ole Nutt probably gets 14, maybe a late one late for 20. Either way, I hope the Dave’s bring their A game, and have a great montage prepared of Saint Tebow’s good work, because this should prove to be a pretty boring game (same-same for the nite cap hosted by brilliant color man Michelle Tafoya, or I supposed color woman…wow, that is inspiring).

Don’t waste your time---and I won’t either

South Carolina v UAB How is Darth Visors offense favored by 24 over anyone? Have they scored 24 all season, I guess it helps they get a UAB team that isn’t even the best team in their city (props to Samford). Still, DVs horrific QB and passing situation doesn’t give me any confidence. Still the Cocks have a really hard D (been waiting a while to put that in print), and I can’t see UAB doing any better than they did vs UT… Cocks 31 Blazers 6

Directional Kentucky vs non-directional Kentucky

Pop Quiz – How many D1 teams did WKU face last year…Answer – 12, although over half where 1AA, 7 vs 1-AA team, and a 7-5 record w/ 5 games vs the mighty Sun Belt…you do the math…Enough said…UK 34 Topers 13

Pigtrino vs the place where Auburn DCs go to become head coaches

I bet ole Bobby wishes Mack Brown liked to get offensive coordinators head coaching jobs as well as the defensive variety, maybe they can exchange numbers and discuss new ways to poach on poor dumbo later this season as they both seemingly like to do. Dick gets the pigs slaughtered here, badly…you’ll find out two things after this game…how bad Arkansas is and how irrelevant the Tides victory against them last week was. Major League affiliate for AAA Auburn Tiger Defensive Coaches 43 – when pigs fly 17.

Good luck to everyone, drink too much, yell at the TV because the coaches can actually here you, and remember if you are on the taking end of it this week, you always have your class which the other team doesn’t…

For more info on other games this week, and a slightly less condescending approach, check us out on our blog…


Till next week

The Geek

Wednesday, September 24

SEC Power Poll - Week 4ish

Comments on every SEC team, courtesy of Garnet and Black Attack...


1. Georgia, 247 points (11 first-place votes)

2. Florida, 245 (8)

3. LSU, 232 (3)

4. Alabama, 199.5

5. Auburn, 167.5

6. Vanderbilt, 161

7. Kentucky, 111

8. Mississippi, 100

8. South Carolina, 100

10. Tennessee, 86

11. Mississippi State, 34

12. Arkansas, 33

...and forth.

Georgia and Florida's back-and-forth battle for first place continues. Week 1 brought us first-place Florida. Week 2, first-place Georgia. Week 3, first-place Florida. And this week, two points give the spelling-challenged Dawgs the nod for No. 1. These teams have essentially been deadlocked the whole season, and unless one gets upset, the argument won't be settled until they meet in Jacksonville on Nov. 1. LSU isn't far behind; Alabama has a ton of ground to make up. Auburn and Vanderbilt round out the top half.

Then comes a yawning 50-point gap before Kentucky comes in. By contrast, only 25 points separate the Wildcats in 7th place and the Volunteers in 10th.

And Arkansas has now fallen into possession of the "Worst of the Best" Cup, as Mississippi State's dominated performance against Georgia Tech isn't quite enough to underwhelm Arkansas' self-immolation against Alabama. This race should also go down to the end, as each team looks to one-down the other.

Voters expand upon these thoughts after the jump.



Still working out some issues with penalties and leaky kickoff coverage, but clearly the most complete team in the league so far this season.--The Dead Guy

For years now I've been asking Santa, "Please bring me a game-breaking receiver for Christmas," and when I got to Tempe ... he finally came.--Hey Jenny Slater

The Dawgs went from posting a minus-37 total yardage deficit at Carolina to a plus-249 surplus at Arizona St. Fair to say Georgia's doing its part in making the SEC look good.--Joe Cribbs Car Wash


While the defense is markedly better than the 2007 version, there may be some concerns for the offense. The coaches in the SEC are the best in the country and they're developing ways to slow them up.--The Dead Guy

What, precisely, are we to take from Saturday's conquest, though? The first downs were even at 16 apiece; had the Big Orange held the ball for two fewer seconds, the time of possession would have been divided equally between the two combatants; the home team outgained the visitors from Gainesville in total yards (258-243). Three Tennessee turnovers and a 78-yard punt return allowed this one to get altogether out of hand, but how good are the Gators? Considering that they converted over 60 per cent of their third downs against U.T., I'm going to err on the side of saying they're pretty good.--Dawg Sports

The vaunted offense has been coasting through most of the games so far, and UF has won by 46, 23, and 24 points. The defense and special teams have been championship caliber.--Year 2


Impressive win in Auburn. Maybe Les is smarter than we give him credit for. That onsides kick was brilliant.--Garnet and Black Attack

So much for the lingering effects of the Ryan Perrilloux Xperience. Anyone who thought that the QB situation might be enough to sink LSU this year might want to start exploring other options.--Hey Jenny Slater

If Jarrett Lee's second half on the Plains isn't a fluke, the rest of the West can start heading for the exits. Everything is, infuriatingly, in place.--Joe Cribbs Car Wash


When, oh when, will SEC teams stop scheduling so many cupcakes? Oh, wait...--Save the Shield

Convincing victory made even more impressive when you factor in the number of freshmen and sophomores Saban is playing.--The Dead Guy

I'm really surprised with the Crimson Tide so far. They are top 15 in all of the key defensive statistics with the exception of third down defense, and they're No. 16 in that.--Rocky Top Talk


They need to figure out this offense. I know they are in a transitional phase, but 1.9 ypc against LSU is awful, I don't care how good LSU might be up front.--Alligator Army

The Tigers fought down to the end against LSU, but couldn't stop the Hat. The defense was strong, and the offense showed signs of life. Auburn is a good team and lost to another good team. No shame.--Gate 21

The Plainsmen clearly have some problems, and not just on offense, as evidenced by the fact that their once-smothering defense allowed an inexperienced sophomore QB to turn into a hero Saturday night.--Hey Jenny Slater


Somehow managed to clip Ole Miss despite a less than stellar performance. Are they opportunistic or just lucky? We'll see next week against Auburn.--Save the Shield

4-0. 4-0. No, it's not their GPA, it's their record.--Pelican State Sports

It's like the 'Dores saved up all their luck over the last 20 years just for this season.--Joe Cribbs Car Wash


Pass efficiency defense ranked 11th and rush defense ranked 5th. Offense, though, is atrocious, statistically speaking.--Rocky Top Talk

Here's an SAT question for you: "Choose the best answer. The Kentucky Wildcats have not: A. lost to anybody, or B. beaten anybody." Every answer is right, but every answer is also profoundly wrong.--Red Solo Cup

Who knows? Unless they struggle against Western, we figure to have to wait until their trip to Tuscaloosa to know anything.--A Sea of Blue


Somehow managed to lose to Vandy despite outgaining them by almost 200 yards.--Garnet and Black Attack

For the next several days Jevan Snead will keep waking up in a sweat at 3 am, thinking that Ryan Hamilton just picked off another pass.--Save the Shield

Jevan Snead is teetering on the edge of the abyss that is the Ole Miss Quarterback position A.E. (After Eli)--Deep South Sports


Unimpressive Wofford win, but 'Cocks' two close SEC losses don't look so bad, and the NC State win looks a lot better.--Save the Shield

A 10-point win over Wofford? Isn't Wofford an English soccer team?--Alligator Army

After tuning up with *Wofford*, I suspect that Spurrier continues his prodigious offensive revolution against UAB.--Loser With Socks


The Clawfense is befuddling Crompton, leading to a curious lack of production for an offense with lots of good players. If they lose to Auburn this weekend, which they should, they might have to battle to stay out of the East cellar.--Georgia Sports Blog

The Vols' defensive stats are fine. Offensively, they're still struggling, but much of that is probably attributed to productivity-killing mistakes.--Rocky Top Talk

The death march has begun. No more blaming things on assistants. No more rebuilding years. The Vol Navy is in shambles. Knoxville is burning to the ground.--UK Wildcat Country


MSU's offense has taken a major step backwards this year, which is tough considering how bad it was last year. You've got to think that Woody McCorvey's days in Starkville are coming to an end.--The Dead Guy

Sly continues to croom himself.--Loser With Socks

If you were a child psychologist and asked a six-year-old to draw a picture of "sad," the result would probably look a lot like MSU's offensive playbook.--Hey Jenny Slater


Casey Dick impressed me with 190 yds passing, but he threw more passes to the other team than he did to his own. If he keeps throwing 4 picks a game he's going to have to work harder on his tackling.--Gate 21

Hey, at least Casey Dick had 3 Touchdown passes. Two of them were to the opponent, but let'snot get worked up about who we're tossing it to since Arkansas needs something to build from.--Tide Druid

On the bright side, everyone agreed that the halftime show was very nice.--Razorback Expats

Tuesday, September 23

Red Tide Diaries

Not Spencer Pennington...Not sober?

True tales of Tider encounters, from real readers. Names have been changed to protect the innocent...

"I was at [a long standing, Mountain Brook Barber shop] getting my hair cut this morning and listened in on some Tiders discussing the big game this weekend. Oddly enough 3 of the four were very realistic about the game this weekend. They do believe we have a shot at beating UGA, and even agreed with me it was small and this is the first real test we've had this season. The team is healthy and ready to roll...However, the one fan lived up to the Tider Nation true. She is the the mullet sporting, fried hair from the curling iron, tat on the upper arm barber. Thankfully she didn't cut my hair, but did torture me with her obvious lack of college, nay high school education. It was a painful reminder of the typical Tider fan and that many do believe we will win the NC this year. Though I didn't hear claims of a NC from the Tide out of this individual, I did hear that Spencer Pennington was going to bring the Tide a victory over the UGAly bulldogs this weekend. Yes, I just said Spencer Pennington...the roar of laughter in the barber shop shook the bowels of Mountain Brook. Thankfully I was done getting my cancer patient haircut and got out before she was fired...I'm sure.

She might be a METH addict."

- Dirty D.

Just goes to show you...living in the past not only makes you look like a silly asshole, but it can also cost you your job. The Lesson: It is better to merely cut hair and be thought a troubled, drug addicted Tider, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Thanks for sharing, Dirt.

If anyone else has a recent, even mildly entertaining true life encounter with a SEC fan, do not hesitate to send it in. Seriously...I could use the help.

Sunday, September 21


This video, tip of the hat to rebheadedstranger, goes out to all the fans of SEC teams that shat the bed this weekend. You know who you are Arkansas, State, Tennessee and Ole Miss. Congratulations on your season.

Thursday, September 18

Jean Shorts and Football....That's what Florida Does

Not to mention circumcision talk, and some ghey new cornhole/horse shoes type game with ropes and balls. SI tour guy starts off slow, but ends up humorous...

Tuesday, September 16

Highlight FAIL

I didn't get to partake in the State/Auburn suckfest this weekend (I was attending the ND/Michigan rain soaked turnover extravaganza!). I'm sure in a few weeks, Tommy Tuberville and Tony Franklin will sit down, pop in the tape of this "defensive masterpiece" and just have a good laugh.


My Ballot - SEC Power Poll

typical tebow tugger [credit: dan]

1. LSU My wife, the Barn-ette, may not like this, but things are gonna get ugly down on the plains this weekend. LSU's beastly shaved apes have grown wary of appetizers.
2. Florida Bye week last week, but Gates somehow solidified this 2 spot. Look for Urban's boys to dominate UT in all phases once again.
3. UGA What is the dawg's problem with the Cocks? They looked like ass…ugly, ugly ass. Who knew Tons-of-fun Stafford could move like that?
4. Alabama Because of turdulent pre-season rankings, most folks think this team has been tested. They haven't, and don't look for that test to come this weekend in Fayettenam.
5. Vanderbilt The positive surprise of the young SEC season. To go bowling, Vandy must win only 3 of the 6 extremely winnable games left on their schedule (OM, AU, State, Duke, UK, & UT).
6. Auburn WTF? Really?
7. Ole Miss Shoulda beat the Samford Bulldogs by 40. Snead was off (2 picks) and that can't happen, even against Vanderbilt. Turnover margin is key to bowl season.
8. Tennessee UAB effing sucks, but the Vols beat them down quite effectively. BYU so very > UCLA > Tennesse is a polygamistic abomination. Congratulations on your life, Fulmer.
9. Kentucky The Wildcats just kinda suck this year. And while "kinda suckage" would get you the silver medal in the ACC, you're relegated to the bottom third of SEC (speed, bitches!)
10. Cocks Jeri needs to start holding out on him til they beat a program with a pulse. Wofford, this weekend, need not apply.
11. Arkansas Hurricane Ike delayed the debut of "Balls and Ass, Petrino Style" until this weekend, when Alabama eats another cupcake.
12. State How the hell does this team keep getting on TV week after week? Crooms: The non-narcotic, no risk of dependency sleep-aid.

Think Tiger Pimp Nation, but with a splash of Douche

Thursday, September 11

Dance, Dance, Revelation

Sometimes, even we Southerners need to refocus on what's really important. In the fall, Satan can use the football to keep us from "renewing our mind." At some point, everybody needs to recenter themselves and just awkwardly break-dance like the gays...

(1:54 is especially praise-worthy)


Tuesday, September 9

Week 2: My SEC Power Poll Ballot

"Hey, Coonass!"

1. LSU Innocent until proven guilty. Why the hell is LSU behind an Ohio State team that struggled mightily with the turdulent Ohio Bobcats?

2. Florida Team Tebow wins another snoozer. Florida D looks strong to quite strong.

3. UGA Stafford looked like the second best QB on the field when Central Michigan came to town. Thank gawd for Knowshon and that Defense.

4. Auburn Todd appears to have settled the QB debate. Kodi Burns crapped the bed. Run D is stout. Look for consistent improvement in the passing game.

5. Ole Miss My favorite Rebel loss of the last five seasons. However, The Jury just delivered a verdict, and it reads "Jevan Snead is Your Dad." Rebs are too legit to quit.

6. Alabama Put this on the cover of Sports Illustrated... "YARDS…172 Total vs. effing Tulane, Seriously."

7. Vanderbilt The Wake Forest of the SEC…except the rest of the conference doesn't suck. When the Dores go bowling this season, Bobby better win SEC coach of the year.

8. Kentucky Who knew Norfolk state had a football program…Jury's still out on the Cats.

9. Tennessee Fulmer without Cutcliffe is like "Journey" without that new Asian dude.

10. USC Who could have guessed this in 2004: Spurrier gets embarrassed by Vandy for the second straight season, while Skip Holtz beats three straight ranked opponents coaching East Carolina.

11. Arkansas Worst 2-0 Team in D-I. Bobby Petrino is the Steve Kragthorpe of the SEC.

12. State Big win over the mighty Southeastern Louisiana Lions. Enjoy it, cause it's gonna be a long fall.

[The Home of the SEC Power Poll]

Monday, September 8

Mindless Morning Youtubery

Nothing says college football in The Deep South like tailgating with loved ones, children innocently tossing the pigskin in the quad, and some fat, shrieking whore, rhythmically convulsing right outside your tent.

[with leather]

Bama Fan of the WTF?

So she's no Alana Collette, but that sure is a Bama "script A" (see: the Atlanta Braves original) on this young perpetrator's right cheek. Thanks to the keen eye of reader Joe Blow, we get this perplexing young lady, fresh from The Smoking Gun.

The website gives no real explanation, but we all know that a Bama tattoo, no matter how temporary, is considered probable cause for Meth abuse in 7 states and West Virginia. Ask a lawya.

If you're drunk, don't blow...and if you're tweakin' on hillbilly heroin, tell that pig "I'm obviously a Vandy alum and will have your badge if you continues this backtalk. And get your effing hands off my Trans-Am."

It's common sense really. RTR!!!

By the way, had to give credit to this stud from the same series...

Bama's sleeper linebacking sensation, LaPervis Griffin looks on

Friday, September 5

Return of Fark Friday?

Now, that's just effing rude. As well as terribly, terribly accurate. Credit goes to comedic genius(es) Gump4Heisman [HT: nafoom] Click here to see all 15 alternate (uncencored) covers.

Thursday, September 4

SEC Power Poll - Week 1

Copied from Garnet and Black Attack. I had some technical difficulties posting my ballot this week, but my votes and comments were included in the greater poll. Enjoy yo-self...


Florida started slow but ended like a freight train with no breaks.--Hotty Toddy Blog

While the Gators' win over Hawaii was a mite less impressive than the final score made it look, UF still looks like the chief challenger for Bulldog supremacy in the Eastern Division, if not the league as a whole.--Dawg Sports

Hawai'i briefly hung around with the Gators, but eventually provided the resistance of warm jello. I'm still not scarred of that defense.--Georgia Sports Blog


A win on the field but a loss on the injury front. Georgia depth is being pushed to the limit this year.--Orange and Blue Hue

If Georgia is the #1 team in the country, they should have shut out Georgia Southern. Did they put in the second string defense in the fourth quarter?--Mississippi State Sports Blog

Ignore the 21 points allowed. [Knowshon] Moreno had three TDs on his own. UGA is still the Class of the league.--Alligator Army


For a team with a Division I-AA Quarterback, their performance was almost flawless.--Tide Druid

Screw the QB controversy, they have more than enough talent at running back alone to hit double digit wins.--Roll Bama Roll

The way LSU handled App State proves they aren't ready to give up the SEC crown yet.--UK Wildcat Country

That lil QB looked solid. These days I really appreciate solid competent QB play.--Loser With Socks


Vic Koenning: "Somebody set up us the bomb!" Nick Saban: "All your Escalades are belong to us."--Tide Druid

Imagine what Saban could do with Clemson's talent.--Orange and Blue Hue

[John Parker Wilson] actually played well and Alabma won in a convincing fashion. It was Clemson though, and they always faceplant in these situations. If Bama plays this way every week they could go to Atlanta.--Red Solo Cup


Louisiana-Monroe is not a cupcake. A bear-claw, maybe ...--A Sea of Blue

There won't be any billboards along I-20 after this one. The new O needs some work though, as Kodi Burns and Chris Todd both struggled. However, Burns may become the SEC's hot new dual-threat QB.--Red Solo Cup

No shame here. This team could be like the 2006 Gators with a freakish defense and supercharged offense.--Alligator Army

South Carolina

A tale of two halves was the story in Columbia and thank God that it was against NCSU because if it was a real opponent the score could have easily been the other way.--Leftover Hot Dog

That was a boring game Thursday. But if Spurrier has finally found a competent quarterback to match the Gamecocks' defense, the rest of the division needs to watch out.--Hey Jenny Slater

Maybe the OBC should suit up and take the field at QB.--A Sea of Blue


Welcome back to relevance Rebels.--The Dead Guy

Memphis is not very good, but Ole Miss showed some real promise. The Wild Rebel formation, about the only thing Houston Nutt took away from his year with Gus Malzahn, was a smashing success. All that talk about Ed Orgeron stocking cupboards in Oxford was true, and if Nutt can harness it into something cohesive for a season, the Rebels will finish comfortably ahead of Arkansas and their in-state rival.--Year 2

Nutt has found a solid quarterback in Jevan Snead. If they can beat Wake this weekend, the SEC West all of a sudden becomes very interesting.--Georgia Sports Blog


Defense was outstanding until the last 2 series. Offense looked like a goat chained to the tracks staring at the locomotive coming straight at it. Yikes!--Gate 21

Dead Fat Man Walking.--Deep South Sports

Beginning of the Neuheisel Era. Beginning of the end of the Fulmer Era?--Save the Shield


Solid win for 'Cats in post-Woodson era.--Pelican State Sports

I'm not sure I'm ready to live in a world where Kentucky has an above-average defense. I'm just not.--Joe Cribbs Car Wash

The Wildcats appeared, at best, only intermittently other than awful against an opponent that looked utterly horrible in a contest confirming Louisville's complete fall off of the college football map. The final score is a testament not to U.K.'s competence but to U. of L.'s absolute lack thereof.--Dawg Sports


Looked better than expected against Miami (OH). Lots of questions remain, though. This week will be a good test.--Garnet and Black Attack

I think that at the end of the season, Vandy destroys my beloved vols.--Loser With Socks


Thank God for Mississippi (State).--Razorback Expats

Good news for the Hogs: at least they won. More good news: Bobby Petrino didn't quit at halftime to take a high school job.--Save the Shield

Arkansas outgained WIU 394-262, committed just four penalties, went 7-11 on third downs, and yet was still down by 10 points in the fourth quarter. That's some special kind of voodoo right there. Three turnovers, a reported six or so drops by receivers, and a 13:23 deficit in time of possession are troubling. This could be a long, long year in Fayetteville.--Year 2

Mississippi State

For shame.--The Auburner

Maybe in '09 State can just start the season with an automatic 0-1 record and skip the actual playing of the game? Seems like they'd avoid some embarrassment that way.--Joe Cribbs Car Wash

Tuesday, September 2

Bama's Back...Again...No Seriously, Asshole

[ht: Daniel]

If magazine covers added up to national championships, consider this "13." Apparently the editor over at SI was the recipient of a Bear Bryant organ back in '83. Jeebus.

Everybody loves an underdog (unless said underdog is wearing a houndstooth baseball cap) ...I call it "The Gump Effect."

[last year's fellatio]
[The time Bama was almost back]

Wherefore Art Thou, Julio?


Surely there's been a mother effing mistake. From SECSports.com...


Running Back
5-11 • 215
Baton Rouge, La. (Scotlandville Magnet)

  • Bolden led Ole Miss with 76 yards rushing on eight carries in the Rebels’ 41-24 win against Memphis.
  • He added a 10-yard touchdown run in the fourth quarter giving the Rebels a 41-17 lead.
  • Bolden also threw a 37-yard halfback pass to quarterback Jevan Snead that helped set up a Rebel field goal in the second quarter.

  • WTFYMFAF!!?! Wait...Is "Brandon Bolden" some pseudo name for The Julio? Cause the only "Brandon Bolden" I know of was some non-dreamy three-star "athlete." What could he possibly know about outstandingness?

    What is this Brandon's vertical? Where are his erotic preseason photographs? Has Brandon ever testified at a murder trial? Has Mr. Bolden ever even been accused of owning an Escalade, much less driven one? I think Not. Fact is, nobody touches themselves when they think of "Brandon Bolden." He doesn't even have a gosh damn face, while Julio is the face of all things classy and traditional.

    These types of things need be taken into consideration for some stupid award such as "SEC Freshman of the Week."

    Julio Jones: The People's Freshman of the Week

    Monday, September 1

    What a Wonderful Gosh Damn Weekend

    Can Houston shoulder the hopes and dreams of good Rebels everywhere?

    So much to say, so little time. It was a lovely day in Oxford...I'll say that much. Is Ole Miss Back? Well, I don't mean to go all "Tider" on ya, cause they're certainly not 60's back, but very likely Tuberville/Cutcliffe back (read: 6-8 wins). First time the Rebs scored 40 since Eli's senior season, and that's huge since the D is suspect at best. True test is Wake on ABC this Saturday.

    Here's the highlights of the Rebel's Houston Nutt revival with requisite annoying, repetitive hard rock music...

    Dexter McCluster is a bad little water bug (#22 seen above receiving footballs and orchestrating the McClusterf**k/Wild-Rebel offense) Like I didn't already tell you that. The jury's still out on Snead.

    The SEC, with a clear UT win this evening, is staring down the barrel of an 11-1 opening weekend. So, in my opinion, other than Mississippi State and Arkansas, the SEC ain't too shabby. Even Kentucky and Vandy notched convincing victories.

    Wait, the reigning SEC coach of the year got Croomed by a mid level Sun-Belt team? Who could have seen that coming?

    The Hawgs looked like G.I. drainage on Saturday in their comeback victory over Western Iowa or some such titty baby team. Yeah...about that. Don't see so many Arkies talking shit about Ole Miss' Nutt hire now do we? Good luck with all that "b,b,but the cupboard is bare" talk, Hawgs. It gets old after a few years. Trust me.

    As far as the top teams in the league, look for my SEC Power Poll ballot in the next few days.

    Why so many Ole Miss students should be punched in the face [friendsoftheprogram]