Tuesday, August 29

Who's Got The Best Rednecks?

One Man's White-Trash is Another Man's Treasure


The South is known for many great stereotypes: Friendly folks, beautiful women, and also great down home eats.

And luckily for me, most of those stereotypes are spot on, but depending on your viewpoint, The South can also leave a somewhat ugly taste in your mouth.

Like it or not, The Redneck is our unofficial mascot.

When some ignorant geek in California or New York thinks about our home, The South, what so often comes to mind? Or, when a Pac-10 Girly Man watches a CBS game, what preconceived notions are being reinforced and by whom?

In the vein of "One Man's Trash is Another Man's Treasure" we need to get to the bottom of this.

Rednecks run rampant and unsupervised in The Deep South. While they serve their purpose (keeping Hardees and Aaron's Rent to Own financially viable), rednecks can also be a drain on our floundering economy.

The evidence shows that Rednecks are responsible for any number of crimes against civilization:

-Pickup-trucks up on blocks ("that there got good bones")
-Miller High Life (Sh#t,Yeah!)
-Wife Beaters in Public (gotta pimp tha new "These Colors Don't Run" tatoo)
-Trucker Hats (wondering why everyone else wears them now)
-Midriff exposing attire with prerequisite gut and/or "front butt" for the ladies
-Crystal Meth
-Cutoff Jorts
-Mullets
-Football Jerseys that say things like "Roll Tide"
-Sports jerseys in general
-Wallet Chains
-Black Tee Shirts
-Tee Shirts with things like "Princess" or "Drama Queen"

These people, who so prominently represent us (Southerners) in film, on
Springer and in national news casts ("Now Bubba, tell us about the train
wreck..."), must be recognized for what they truly are. In no way representative of me/you (you are in fact reading this blog and doing so at a gainful job).

Furthermore, their drunken, unprotected and disease-ridden sexual
transgressions are the ground zero for many of the social ills that plague our
nation. If you were conceived in "The Infield" of Talladega Super Speedway, you might be a Deep South Redneck. Especially if you brag about that fact (unfortunately, those that were, probably haven't heard about this thing called "da enter net")

As you can see, this subject matter fascinates me. That's why I'm working furiously to obtain a few research grants to open the first Southern Institute of Redneck Studies. But which University would be the perfect environment to house such a groundbreaking center like S.I.R.S.?

What SEC school would give me the best petri dish from which to observe the worst and the brightest of the True Southern Redneck (Dixious Rouge-neckus) in its natural habitat?

This question will not be answered in one simple posting. Oh no! This is a complex issue with multiple facets and what not.

Soon we will ranking the SEC schools and their fans in order of their redneckery, and that, my dear friend, is something you cannot afford to miss!

4 comments:

  1. as a Vanderbilt graduate, I realize this is yet another ranking in which we will be last - will there be divisional redneck champs? do we really need to consider any school other than auburn or mississippi st if we are talking about students and alums? if we are talking about fans other than students/alumni then it is wide open - except for Vanderbilt which is practically fan-less - at least in football

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  2. Come on!

    Auburn rolls a tree after victories! Shouldn't that guarantee a win! At least top 3! It doesn't get much Dixous Rouge-neckus than that!

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  3. I'll take our white trash over yankee white trash anyday. Ever been to a game in Columbus, Ohio ?

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  4. Now that sounds as hyped as the Ballad of Ricky Bobby. I hope I won't be as let down as I was after seeing it. I think if you are talking about white trash redneck, you gotta go with Florida. If you're talking about mountain man weird redneck, you gotta go with Tennessee. If you're talking about rich annoying ass redneck, you gotta go with UGA. If you're talking about farmer redneck, you gotta go with Auburn. If you're talking about toothless inbred redneck, you go with BAMA. So I think you have to be more specific than "white trash" or "redneck." If it's white trash redneck, which I think is the most fair solution by combining both parts, my vote for #1 is Florida, followed by #2 Miss. St., followed by #3 Alabama, followed by #4 Kentucky, followed by #5 Tennessee. Wow, that seems like a really good list. At least to start the conversation.

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