Tuesday, September 5

SEC West Grades

Week 1



Alabama: B-

Considering this was John Parker Wilson's first game at QB (and they won), I will cut them some slack. However, I don't think any non-brain damaged Bama fan was really satisfied with the product on the field. A Bama that is truely "Back" should have destroyed a WAC team like the Rainbow Warriors. Especially in their newly badass, 92,000 seat stadium. Oh, and Bama gets a minus for starting a drug dealer at linebacker. Stay Classy, Shula.

Arkansas: C

Wow, at least the Trojans didn't put up 70 again this season. We'll attribute the 20 point difference to the Hawgs "Home Field Advantage." It just seems like Trojans were wrapping up The Hawg's Johnson all night long! This game really pisses me off because it give the Pac-10 something to crow about (already had one hippie say that the Pac-10 owned a legit BCS team). At least the Razorbacks will be in better hands next week. True freshman, Mitch Mustain, will be making his first collegiate start in the second game against perennial doormat, The Utah State Aggies! (Ranked: 107 out of 119 nationally)

Auburn: A-

Auburn showed up on opening day! Yea for Tubbie. Considering that The Tigers were forced to kick 4 consecutive field goals to start the game (against the mighty WSU Defense) I will not give them super-outrageous credit. I will, however, give mad ghetto props to John M.F'in Vaughn, who put the Tigers on his back in the first half. A 52 yarder? That's strong to... quite strong. Kenny Irons was a super stud (183 Heisman-esque yards), while twin brother David didn't really bring his "A game" (roughed up a few receivers) . Overall, they do look like a team that, with a little luck and a friendly schedule, could take this season to the house (Championships). In the words of Tommy Tuberville, "Klick, Klack." Klick, Klack, indeed.

LSU: A-

You can't really tell much about your team when you start the season against Louisiana-Lafayette. 45-3 is an surely an expected and acceptable tally, but the rabid LSU faithful won't be satisfied until they sink their yellow teeth into some BCS League Meat (Arizona's up next). Jamarcus Russell solidified his starting spot, but again, It must be nice having three quarterbacks on the depth chart that will, barring another hurricane, fill roster spots in the NFL.

Mississippi State: D

Words can not describe the ugly spectacle that is the State offense. The West Coast Offense just called, and it has filed a cease and desist order. They no longer want to be associated with such a turd of a game. Croom seems to be in a lose, lose situation at State. As is their Athletic Director when it comes time to fire him.

Ole Miss: B-

Holy Shnikes! Ole Miss has an offense! What a difference some Coach O talent and the Miami coaches make. Schaeffer had 28 days to learn the offense, and learn he did. Can you say "No Mistakes?" (Not one offensive penalty, fumble or interception) Ben Jarvis Green-Ellis is a legitimate SEC RB, the likes the Rebels have not seen since Deuce, and Dexter McCluster (SEC Freshman of the Week) is a complete gamebreaking badass (268 all purpose yards in his first college game). Watch his incredible highlight reel here (thanks, ReplayReb). Now you can be the first on your block to tell your friends what a stud Dexter is. "P. Willie" (Patrick Willis, Demigod of the Defensive backfield) was his usual beastly self (12 Tackles, 2 for a loss and one fumble recovery), but the Defensive line suffered from fatigue and got pushed around. Orgeron must find an answer on the Defensive front, or else these Rebels won't be competing with the big boys anytime soon.

Top to Bottom

1. Auburn - beat a feisty Pac-10 Team, soundly

2. LSU - Whooped up on a bunch of Cajun titty babies

3. Ole Miss - So so much potential on offense, and overall they are already pretty solid (minus D-line)

4. Alabama - Guilty until proven innocent, just like Simpson

5. Arkansas - We'll soon see what this high school offense and True Frosh QB are made of

6. Miss St - Just plain fugly

22 comments:

  1. Might want to look up the definition of libel... Simpson pled guilty to misdemeanor possession (not traficking, intent to sell, or felony possession) more than four months ago and has successfully completed a rehab program in the mean time.

    I guess you've got to take the shots you can, though, right?

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  2. I didn't say he was a convicted Drug Dealer. Just a drug dealer. Do you want me to insert "alleged?"

    Is it ok if I say he's a convicted thug?

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  3. Pete, are you actually defending Shula's decision to let him play and essentially have no punishment from the football program? BAMMERS have always prided themselves on the tough discplinarians their coaches have always been, thriving off of the Bear's attitude of treating players like maggots and not dealing with any BS. My how your tune has changed. I guess it's now just do what it takes to win with whatever hoodlums you can get to come play at your school. I would hardly say that BAMA is back.

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  4. Nice article. The only thing wrong is the fact that you think Wash.St. is a stout Pac-10 team. They are picked to finish 8th or 9tyh in the pac 10, but since AUB played them i guess you must refer to them as a fiesty pac-10 team. Nice one!!! You just put the bullseye on Aub back and now everyone is gunning for them.

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  5. What the? I said feisty, not stout:

    Feisty

    adj.

    Full of spirit or pluck; frisky or spunky


    I never implied they were good. Don't be a turd tapper.

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  6. Ha ha Erik, putting the Hogs next to the Miss State gang is just hurtful!

    http://www.hogs-hill-sec.blogspot.com

    Keep up the good work!

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  7. I really, really doubt Ole Miss proved they're better than Alabama by beating Memphis. Of course, no one will really get a good feel of the Tide until the trip to Fayetteville.

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  8. Hey Eric, I mean crossingdixie quit trying to stir the pot like Finebaum does. Coach O = best recruiter in the nation? are you kidding me. Who can't recruit to usc.

    You know BAMA is in a different league than ole piss. Try and beat us more than once every two decades and then you can talk about who has the better program

    btw how many points did coach O's d give up to Miss St. last year?

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  9. Objective writing is not something you are familiar with. Pitiful indeed.

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  10. I love it. I rated six teams, and the only folks accusing me of "not being objective" are Tide fans. Sorry, kids.

    Russ (tide 1), you figured me out! You're brilliant.

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  11. Tide 1, you seem to lack reading comprehension skills. Please point out where Erik said Ole Miss has a better program than Bama. I think you missed the whole point of his post. He ranked the SEC West teams on their performances last weekend - not on who has the best program or even the best team. The list could look totally different from week to week.

    I would also like to address your comment regarding Coach O and recruiting by saying I'd put CEO up against anybody in the country in recruiting. Who can't recruit to SC? How about WHO can't recruit to Bama? Anyone still claiming O's recruiting success was solely due to him being at USC is either blind, uninformed or both. (How about a top 16 class at lowly Ole Miss after a 3-win season?)

    Btw, what the hell does the MSU game have to do with this article anyway? Again, the article was simply based on how SEC West teams fared in week 1 of the 2006 season.

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  12. paul bearer, I made those comments b/c erik made some statments on the rivals.com board. Go look at it and you will know what I am talking about. My comments had nothing to do with his post on here but what he linked to the rivals board...go look you ole miss homer

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  13. Tide10 (Russell the love muscle), If it didn't have anything to do with this post, then why the hell did you copy and paste that turd onto my site?

    Go sell some drugs...just like Shula's favorite linebacker!

    I think i'm going into redneck, I mean bama fan overload.

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  14. I guessw your an auburn fan, by the way you trash bama and build up a lowly opponent who would have gotten drilled by hawaii...By the way, simpson was proven innoncent, thats a fact. Oh although i thought your useless diatribe was worthless, i do agree with the assessment on the grading scale you used....All are right in line with what i perceived as well.

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  15. I have no idea who russ is but I did not mean to offend all of the ole miss mans (all three of you)

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  16. Anon...hate to break it to you, but Simpson plead guilty. and that... actually is a fact.

    ouch.

    tide10, don't be silly. I saw your ID on James' computer in Louisville.

    plus, I can smell your computer illiteracy from Homewood, russ.

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  17. Erik,

    I happen to play at Lo-La and would not consider myself, or anyone else on the team a "cajun tittie baby". If I ever find myself in Birmingham and see your ugly ass, I will show you fucking tittie baby. I mean what the fuck is wrong with you, where did you play? I bet you didnt even play highschool, guys with fucked up reasoning like you, never actually play.

    So, yeah we got beat, thats like the newsbreak of the century. But tittie babies, I dont think so. So fuck off.

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  18. congatulations Mr. anonymous. You come on here talking trash and hide behind anonymous said...

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  19. Great, I'm getting my ass kicked by some Anonymous cajun.

    Dude, I didn't even call yall Tittie Babies...I called you Titty Babies. Huge Difference.

    Oh, and annonymous hardass, please stop referring to your supposed school as "Lo-La." It makes your blessed University sound like a Stripper in Vegas.

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  20. In my very best North Alabama redneck voice......

    "Hey, did Bama win last week?"
    (Yes, they did.)

    "They did? Who'd they play?"
    (Hawaii.)

    "Have they played ya'll (ole miss) yet?"
    (No. Last week was the first game of the season.)

    "Oh. Well....I tell ya what, man. I think Bama's got a chance to go aaaall the way this year."

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  21. Hey Ole Miss homer. How did that Missouri game turn out.

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  22. Russ, Bama beat Vandy by 3. Shut your whorish mouth.

    I've officially downgraded the tide to 6-6. Thank god yall scheduled Duke this year! (They got shutout by a D I-AA team)

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