SEC West Grades

Week 1



Alabama: B-

Considering this was John Parker Wilson's first game at QB (and they won), I will cut them some slack. However, I don't think any non-brain damaged Bama fan was really satisfied with the product on the field. A Bama that is truely "Back" should have destroyed a WAC team like the Rainbow Warriors. Especially in their newly badass, 92,000 seat stadium. Oh, and Bama gets a minus for starting a drug dealer at linebacker. Stay Classy, Shula.

Arkansas: C

Wow, at least the Trojans didn't put up 70 again this season. We'll attribute the 20 point difference to the Hawgs "Home Field Advantage." It just seems like Trojans were wrapping up The Hawg's Johnson all night long! This game really pisses me off because it give the Pac-10 something to crow about (already had one hippie say that the Pac-10 owned a legit BCS team). At least the Razorbacks will be in better hands next week. True freshman, Mitch Mustain, will be making his first collegiate start in the second game against perennial doormat, The Utah State Aggies! (Ranked: 107 out of 119 nationally)

Auburn: A-

Auburn showed up on opening day! Yea for Tubbie. Considering that The Tigers were forced to kick 4 consecutive field goals to start the game (against the mighty WSU Defense) I will not give them super-outrageous credit. I will, however, give mad ghetto props to John M.F'in Vaughn, who put the Tigers on his back in the first half. A 52 yarder? That's strong to... quite strong. Kenny Irons was a super stud (183 Heisman-esque yards), while twin brother David didn't really bring his "A game" (roughed up a few receivers) . Overall, they do look like a team that, with a little luck and a friendly schedule, could take this season to the house (Championships). In the words of Tommy Tuberville, "Klick, Klack." Klick, Klack, indeed.

LSU: A-

You can't really tell much about your team when you start the season against Louisiana-Lafayette. 45-3 is an surely an expected and acceptable tally, but the rabid LSU faithful won't be satisfied until they sink their yellow teeth into some BCS League Meat (Arizona's up next). Jamarcus Russell solidified his starting spot, but again, It must be nice having three quarterbacks on the depth chart that will, barring another hurricane, fill roster spots in the NFL.

Mississippi State: D

Words can not describe the ugly spectacle that is the State offense. The West Coast Offense just called, and it has filed a cease and desist order. They no longer want to be associated with such a turd of a game. Croom seems to be in a lose, lose situation at State. As is their Athletic Director when it comes time to fire him.

Ole Miss: B-

Holy Shnikes! Ole Miss has an offense! What a difference some Coach O talent and the Miami coaches make. Schaeffer had 28 days to learn the offense, and learn he did. Can you say "No Mistakes?" (Not one offensive penalty, fumble or interception) Ben Jarvis Green-Ellis is a legitimate SEC RB, the likes the Rebels have not seen since Deuce, and Dexter McCluster (SEC Freshman of the Week) is a complete gamebreaking badass (268 all purpose yards in his first college game). Watch his incredible highlight reel here (thanks, ReplayReb). Now you can be the first on your block to tell your friends what a stud Dexter is. "P. Willie" (Patrick Willis, Demigod of the Defensive backfield) was his usual beastly self (12 Tackles, 2 for a loss and one fumble recovery), but the Defensive line suffered from fatigue and got pushed around. Orgeron must find an answer on the Defensive front, or else these Rebels won't be competing with the big boys anytime soon.

Top to Bottom

1. Auburn - beat a feisty Pac-10 Team, soundly

2. LSU - Whooped up on a bunch of Cajun titty babies

3. Ole Miss - So so much potential on offense, and overall they are already pretty solid (minus D-line)

4. Alabama - Guilty until proven innocent, just like Simpson

5. Arkansas - We'll soon see what this high school offense and True Frosh QB are made of

6. Miss St - Just plain fugly