Wednesday, September 13

SEC West Grades

Week 2

"Excuse me Maam, your skank strap is showing... oh, and I can't see the game"

Note: This is an indicator of how these teams look on the season (graded on a curve), and not just based on the past weeks performace. What I mean is, The national champion will end up being an "A+", while Temple University will end up being an "F-". Everyone else will fall somewhere in between...

Alabama: B- (last week: B-)

This is as low of a grade as I can give a 2-0 team. Why would I do
such a thing? Because they squeaked out victories over two solid "C
students" home in Mighty Bryant Denny the skin of Joe Kines' teeth.

Ray Melick thinks Shula's offense is merely "conservative." I might have gone with "ineffective" or "accident prone."

Tomato - Tomawto.

Ray tries to imply that a low scoring offense is acceptable and even downright desirable.

I guess he's saying you can choose between "Pro Style," "Spread," or "Low Scoring"

"Excuse me, Mr. Shula...Is this Offense low in TDs? Yes? My
Doctor said I need to lower my excitement and production levels...Maybe
a low-fat wishbone would be perfect, Yeah, hold the pigskin."

What is the textbook definition of Overrated?

Being favored, and NOT covering the spread in 7 straight games. Alabama Football.

Finebaum's always entertaining take on the Tide

Arkansas: C+ (last week: C)

When you pitch a shutout like the Hawgs did Saturday, the fans gotta be
proud of their team, right? Not so fast, my friend! Arkansas only
managed to score 20 against the 110th ranked team in the nation (thanks
Sportsline 119). They've been upgraded slightly for getting the
shutout, and for the uplifting/mature Dick, Johnson, Nutt, Hog and
Trojan jokes that kept me going in the early weeks. Next up for Arky,
The Moral Victory Madman, Bobby Johnson and his spunky Vanderbilt
team. It should be quite a shootout!

Auburn: A- (last week: A-)

What do we really know about Auburn? I'd say they've met expectations to this point, but they certainly aren't Wowing folks. They've thumped a few marginal teams and covered the spread, but it just seems like something is a little off...

I can't really put my finger on it.

Auburn's like that new kid at school that you're not quite sure about. You can't really pigeon-hole him yet. He looks like a cool guy at first glance, but then you notice a wallet chain.

What's up with that?

Is he trying to be ironic and funny or does he seriously endorse that kind of behavior? You wanna be nice the guy, but he might be that kooky kinda dude that microwaves kittens in his spare time. Who knows?

No, we'll just sit back and watch how he reacts when a real bully brings the fight to him.

LSU: A- (last week: A-)

Wow. Louisiana State looked like a rabid pack of wildebeest hyenas against Arizona. Early on, they scored something like 5 touchdowns in 2 minutes.

Does Les Miles actually have the real deal on his hands? With the recruiting lock down The Fighting Tigers have had on the Pelican State the past six years, you'd have to think so. The question: Is Les the man to orchestrate all this thoroughbred talent? We'll get a much better idea this weekend, when Miles sics his wildebeest hyenas on Auburn.

Auburn hosts LSU

Biggest SEC West Game of the Century?

Yes, please!

Ole Miss: C (last week: B-)

Nothing went right for the Rebels on the road in the Big XII. Mizzou pulled a deadly spread offense out of their ass like a ninja and quickly made the Rebel's their girl-dog. Nothing went right for the Rebs, Nothing. Except, of course, for P. Willie. He still managed 10 tackles. To bad he can't play in the offensive backfield as well. Shaeffer looked like an emergency flag-football quarterback as he scrambled aimlessly and threw to non existent receivers. The ill-communication and lack of prep time (short week/he's only been on campus for a month) was evident.

I gotta give a lot of credit for the raping to a strong Missouri team. Anybody who watched this game will back me up. Their schemes are badass and their defense is surprisingly stout.

For any hopes of decent season, O's Boys better be on the rebound against a dreadful Kentucky team.

Hey, At least The Rebels aren't...

Mississippi State: D- (last week: D)

I'm not giving up on you yet, Sly! Not just because your firing would be a big, hairy, public relations nightmare for the entire conference, but because you're a hard worker and a hell of a good guy.

So what your West-Coast Offense hasn't scored a point yet. That's no big deal, right?

Croom, you offered to coach football at Mississippi State University. You're pledged to work hard, and to a craft a winning program in Starkville. You want to do that with integrity and honor, and most of all, you want to do it without cheating.

Hey, I want to be an astronaut when I grow up. We all have our goals.

You go, Croom.

Make us proud vs. The Mighty Green Wave.

Top to Bottom:

1. LSU - No more "Titty Babies", it's time for the Tiger Bowl

2. Auburn - Will Home field make all the difference in "The Game Of The Century?"

3. Alabama - Huge drop off from the top two - Bama's not even on the lead lap

4. Arkansas - I'm calling it now: Dores Win! Dores Win!!!

5. Ole Miss - They've got more issues to resolve than Andy Dick's Shrink

6. Miss St - We are all now dumber for having watched State's offense


  1. Nice try. Missouri sucks and they only looked "bad ass" because Ole Miss was on the other side of the ball. Looks like another season where Ole Miss fans have to get their rocks off by cutting on Alabama (all the while knowing the usual 38-3 whipping in Bryant-Denny is coming).

  2. good call erica, Missouri stomped a mud hole in ole piss and you give them a C...seems like coach O is building a program down their.

  3. I guess only time will tell, Bama fans...

    Question: Is a "C" suddenly a good grade or something?

    Well, Maybe for you, Russ.

  4. I have a hard time understanding how we know more about LSU than we do about Auburn.

    I would venture to guess that LSU doesn't even know what kind of team they have. How much can you know about yourself when you have been tested in any way?

    Auburn played a team in their first game that is capable of scoring 56 points in a game even with fewer possesions - like they did against Idaho this past weekend. Then they went on the road and put 34 points on a team that has one of the best defensive front 7's in the nation. It's a shame the d-line and linebackers at MSU are being wasted because the offense is terrible.

    Auburn knows:
    - How to shut down big time wide receivers (Jason Hill, et al)
    - They're nickel and dime packages are susceptible in the middle of the field (WSU)
    - If Kenny Irons is held in check they can go to Brad Lester as a change of pace and Brandon Cox can get the job done (18/27, 249 yards, 2 tds)
    - They're young guys have enough pride to preserve a shutout on the road (although against MSU that's not saying much)
    - They're defensive line is undersized but athletic and has been very productive up to this point.

    LSU's running backs are still tentative coming off of injury - does Jacob Hester have any business being in a backfield with Alley Broussard and Justin Vincent?

    I just don't buy in to the crap about LSU being so much further ahead of Auburn.

    Bottomline - I think LSU's coaches (Miles, Fisher, and Pellini) get outcoached by Auburn's coaches (Tuberville, Borges, and Muschamp).

    War Eagle!

    Also, Alabama really is that bad - they don't even match up with Auburn this year. Auburn will be favored by double digits by the time that game rolls around.

    Keep up the good work Eric. Don't let the bammers get you down.

  5. Wow, an insightful commenter! Thanks, Jason.

    Like I said, I think Auburn is solid, but LSU seems just as solid and a little more fired up.

    However, if you don't get fired up for this weekend's game, you need to check into a hospital.

    It's gonna be insanity on the plains, and I can't wait to pull into A-town tomorrow.

    Excitement is in the air.