Tuesday, September 26

SEC West Grades

Week 4

Whiffin' Tiffin's New Dorm - "See, Honey...It's not so bad!"

Alabama: C+ (previously B-)

For all the breaks that Bama received last season (See UT, Ole Miss), they were paid back in spades against The Hawgs. However, a lot of the Bama faithful have said, "We beat ourselves," while the Arkansas fans are saying, "We tried to give that game away." That makes for a fun game. Especially if you're not emotionally invested!

Here's what I say: Both teams played like ass.

Mustain seemingly completed three consecutive passes to Alabama DBs while Leigh Tiffin did his best John Vaughn impression (circa 2005). (Note: Only at Bama would they start a kicker because his Dad did something cool to beat Auburn a quarter century ago. "What a Classy guy Van was...And he played for The Bear...Sheit, I'll bet his boy is classy too...Leigh Tiffin deserves the start!")

Think for a second about Leigh Tiffin, an 18 year old freshman, walking to class this week... I ain't got the words, son. I will say this. If any Bama player over the years, ever needed to be admitted to Bryce State Mental Hospital, Leigh Tiffin would have to be him. But hey, think about the reality show we could make about his troubled life.

"Laces Out, DAN!!!!" (wish i knew who to credit for this. The worst MS Paint job eva)

JP Wilson looked as good he needed to be. To bad Shula wouldn't use him when it counted. The run game was a joke (2.3 per carry) as Darby looked about as effective as the rhythm method.

Bama obviously has some issues on the offensive line, the running game and special teams, but the biggest problem is confidence and coaching. Does any staff in the SEC coach with less emotion and/or balls?

Attitudes are contagious...Is Shula's worth catching?

Arkansas: C+ (previously C+)

That has to go down in the history of Hawg sports as the ugliest victory on record (and that's actually saying a lot). Just as Bama was down 10-3 to Vandy at the Half, I just knew Arkansas would rally and win after their 10-3 halftime deficit.

Mustain played like a true freshman. (7-22, for 97 yards, with 3 picks, but one crucial, redemptive overtime TD). He is getting priceless experience and will be a force in seasons to come. I give Gus Malzahn credit for pulling some wild and crazy crap out his ass. That Quasi-Pseudo-Swinging-Gate-Thingy was Beautimous!

Even though, all in all, this game was about as ugly as Jenn Sturger's personality, round 1 goes like this:

High School Offensive Coordinator - 1, NFL Offensive Coordinator - 0

Auburn: A (previously A-)

Auburn is one of those programs that can beat you soundly, even if they don't bring their "A Game" or start their first team. They've earned that status. At least against average to poor competition. Since it's been two weeks since your last installment, I have to mention the SEC West Championship game that took place a few weeks back.

Auburn certainly brought its A game to Jordan-Hare (especially on Defense) last weekend when the purple and gold Tigers came to town. I'm pretty sure everyone in the War Eagle Nation understands how fortunate they are to squeak that W out.

Some might say that home field was the deciding factor, which it most likely was. Just as it was last season when the West was decided over 5 missed field goals down in Red Stick. It's a damn shame that LSU and Auburn can't meet again in Atlanta, cause this blogger is fairly certain that this pair of Tigers is still the cream of the SEC.

LSU: A (previously A-)

Well, after falling short on the big test, The Drunks went home to whooped up on the wife and kids (Tulane). That a way, LSU! Take it all out on somebody smaller than you. It'll make you feel better.

No...no it won't.

Sad thing is, LSU is going nowhere fast. Their fate was sealed after week three. Which is not unlike three other teams in the SEC West (Arkansas is technically "in control of its destiny"), however nothing less than a BCS game was going to satisfy The Louisiana State University.

If LSU loses another game this season, it will not be for a lack of talent. If Florida (their only potential, remaining regular season loss) pulls one over on the Tigers, It will result from flacid play calling (read: not letting JaMarcus deploy his Howitzer) or just plain lack of effort.

JaMarcus and his support staff seen here warming up on the sidelines

Ole Miss: D (previously C-)

Could the Five Star QB Recruit Shaeffer be supplanted by a Walk-on? Is Offensive Coordinator Dan Werner the second coming of No-Redzone (Noel) Mazzone? Is the issue really just youth, inexperience, injuries and confidence (and every other tired excuse), or is it coaching?

These are the typically tough questions that need to be answered during the remainder of the season, cause the Plantationsmen aren't playing for much else. Wake f'n Forrest???!? 3 f'n points???!?!

Right now, I think the Rebs would settle for a few cute little moral victories or a hard fought, close loss. It's a sad time in Oxford, but is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

Orgeron is still recruiting like the madman that he is (18 committed for 2007 and a #4 ranking in the Rivals Team Ranking Debut). He is also holding true to his promise of early playing time (Recruits seem to like that for some reason). 15 true freshman have seen action thus far, and that's...a hem...not really a good sign if you like winning football games.

Mississippi State D+ (D-)

An embarrassing loss to Tulane followed by somewhat surprising overtime win over my hometown (and employer) UAB Blazers.(UAB was -10)

State fans know to thank their stingy defense and athletic turd third string WR/QB Omarr Conner who, after a key pick, danced his way into the endzone for the clutch "W."

If this stellar trend continues, you could be witness to a 2-9 Ole Miss battling a 2-9 Mississippi State in The Battle For The Golden Shower Egg.

I Dedicate this Remix To Ole Miss and Mississippi State


  1. Honest question Erica. What do you think of Coach O's restraining order?

  2. No way Aubarn should get an A. They were leading Buffalo 17-7 in the 3rd quarter! They beat LSU b/c of some homecooking and will lose several games later on.

  3. Russ, I know he got one in 1992. Don't know much about it though. Otherwise, I haven't read anything.

  4. Apparently he blew up at his neighbor (female) and she had to get a restraining order. That is a VERY condensed version of what "supposedly" happened. Just didn't know if you had heard anything.

  5. What does it say about Ole Miss and Miss State that we're pretty confident that Vandy and Kentucky could pimp-slap them?

  6. Whatever it says, it's not good.

    The Rebs are gotta be thinking about benching Shaeffer. He's just not managing the offense.