Monday, September 18

What is LSU all about?

Urban Dictionary Says...

LSU (also known as Louisiana State University) is home to numerous loud and obnoxious coon-ass douchebags. The university was founded and is run by the dodgiest of politicians and criminals that Louisiana could gather and manage to put in suits and shoes. Somehow, the state of Louisiana justifies LSU's existence because the football program is only slightly better than the New Orleans Saints.

What is worse than the shaved apes that LSU calls men, LSU women wear fake fur, tiger-striped coats to football games and look like well-used, truck-stop whores who were dragged down I-10 by their pimps.

LSU is not really a college. It's a place where Louisiana's fanciest white trash send their sons, daughters, and incestuous mistakes to spend 5 to 7 years $#%@ing around, drinking, and learning etiquette such as how not to s#@t on the lawn and which spork is the proper dinner spork with which to eat their roadkill gumbo.

LSU holds contempt for every other institution in the SEC for the sole reason that every other institution actually manages to educate their students and because none of the other athletics teams in the SEC have to rely on the state penal system for recruits.

Boy, I'm glad I'm not at LSU - the school colors are gay and I really want to avoid working in the fast-food or erotic entertainment industries. Thank God, I'm literate, which is why I'm much better off here at Ole Miss. Hotty Toddy!

Well, I'm not sure who's responsible for this alarming and mysterious write up, but I don't think it came from the LSU media guide. Even so, it seems quite accurate taking into account my most recent experience with The Coon-Ass nation down in Auburn, Alabama. Fights, extreme inebriation, public urination, indecent exposure and gratuitous, insufferable, bisexual body/facial hair violations.

Here's What the always humorous, Chaste Chad of WarDamnTailgate had to say about our closest evolutionary holdovers...

How to Act Outside of Baton Rouge An LSU fan's guide to civilization

- Unlike Louisiana, the legal blood-alcohol limit in other states is not half-n-half, so think moderation. When your sister starts to look attractive, make the switch to soft drinks, quickly. (If you are married to your sister, please disregard)

- Gumbo is not a finger food

- Just because the goat did not say "no," doesn't make it consensual

- None of our wives are for sale, so don't ask

- Not everyone likes to share a commode

- If you have to urinate in public, make sure to...

Forget it, this will never work. You people are going to come to Auburn, act like raging lunatics, get beat, and leave a smell that we won't be able to get rid of for weeks. Nothing I write can stop that, I doubt you can even read. But if by chance you can read, or if your parole officer is reading this to you, please don't use your Cajun voodoo on our kicker again, that just isn't fair.

"By the time we had left the swamps and reached those rolling hills near Baton Rouge, I was getting afraid that some rural rednecks might toss bombs at the bus. They love to attack vehicles, which are a symbol of progress..." Ignatius J. Reilly discussing LSU fans


  1. Eric,

    Is Ole Miss now the doormat of the SEC. Your competition and results

    MSU - blowout
    Vandy - blowout
    UK - blowout

  2. Thanks for that extremely relevant comment on this post, russ.

    It's funny hearing a Bama fan talk shit this season. Have you beat anyone that went to a bowl game last year? Have you left Bryant Denny?

    You've played Vandy, a WAC school and a Sunbelt school and stuggled mightily with 2 of the 3. Later you've got home games against Duke and Florida International???

    Hey, Birmingham Southern is putting a team together next year, maybe yall can schedule them too.

    Quite humorous, Russell.

  3. you forgot to mention that we play ole miss too.

  4. Yeah, that's one of your 10 home games this season. Don't speak too soon, stephen!

  5. Sounds great, we are going to the LSU vs. Kentucky game. Will they pester us as well ? We come in peace. I've been to several SEC road games and everybody is always really nice to us. Is it because A. we are Uk and we pose no threat. B. We openly share inside horseracing information C. We always bring very hot chicks and very smooth bourbon both of which we are willing to share or D. People in the South are happy to find out we are not the yankees you people make us out to be.

  6. It's rollin' baby... It's rollin'

  7. Yankees? I love Kentucky! You people have something Alabama will never, ever have (Thanks, Bible Belt). It's Called "The Liquor Barn" It's heaven on earth and/or a Toys R Us for Adult folk.

  8. I get it now LSU dominates just about everyone and Ole Miss is a sad school in a sad state, so this guys thinks lets try to put down another school to make us look good. LSU educates their students ten times better than Ole Miss. You couldn't pay me to go to Ole Miss or even live in Miss. Hell you couldn't pay me to visit Miss. Well I got one more thing a little joke ok so God was making all the states when he came down the east coast then through the south when he sneezed in his hands. Then he threw it down and Miss. was born! LSU 2007 National Champs!

  9. You boys from Alabama sure don't take to having your asses handed to you too well. A loss to LSU seems always to result in your spewing venomous, albeit slightly comical, untruths about a University, Team, and fan base that has long since been on a plane that you can only aspire to reach.

    Urinating on your campus is not the result of a lack of civility, upbringing, or education as you claim but of the utter lack of respect we have for you. When I visit a university worthy of respect, I don't urinate on their campus. You are just too dense to see the difference and that is a shame because the intended insult is truly lost.

  10. Number one LSU is not gay and number two gumbo can not be eaten with your fingers it is impossible

  11. Wow- I wonder what disgruntled douchebag wrote this blog on LSU? Could it possibly be because he is from Alabama? (Which happens to be one of LSU's BIGGEST Rivals, especially since Nick Saban became coach) Or is it purely that LSU & LOUISIANA is the most glorious state to live in -- The food is better than anywhere else in the nation, YES -- YOU CAN get alcohol through a drive thru shop, Tons of celebrities are FOUND in Louisiana - and if you think Louisiana does not have HOT women, I am afraid to find out what this guy considers as "Hot" (Look up Mrs. Playmate March 2007 - Tyran Richard) to get a view on what women from the Pelican state look like. But you know, I guess when you are National Champions, there is nothing more to expect than an absurd blog such as this, written by an author who needs to make time to get HIMSELF a makeover and an obvious haircut. (For the record - If this guy thinks HE looks good, imagine what the men look like there using him as an example)

  12. hahaha, I guess you got it all right about going to auburn and acting like lunatics, but it seems you got one thing WRONG. Who went home with a W and who moped back to their locker room with a FAT SEC L.


  13. Baton Rouge is about as flat as it can be...Cajuns have absolutely nothing to do with voodoo...Mississippi's education system is definitely behind that of Louisiana (not that that is much to brag about, but it's even less for you to brag about)...Education system rankings are not based on universities...Lousiana has a culture that Mississippi nor Alabama would understand, but that does not equal stupidity...Your racist, stereotypical, and closed-minded comments portray your own ignorance...School rivalries should be fun, not personal attacks, especially on the players...Do not tell me Mississippi does not eat what you term "roadkill"...I'm glad you can speak for every fan of your team (that they don't drink and aren't loud...then what fun is going to an away game?)...LSU football fans are spoken about during baseball games between UT and Arizona as THE most passionate, fun, and amazing fans...Don't believe you'll ever reach that high! I meet people in Houston from all over the nation who have never visited Louisiana but have always aspired to attend a Saturday night football game in Death Valley! GEAUX TIGERS!