Monday, June 11

At Alabama, It's No Shirt, No Shoes...No Football

Oh Yeah, And You Can't Be Drunk Either

Times are a changing in T-town, and some die-hard Tiders are sure to be upset about it. According to the Piedmont Gazette, university officials have put out a laundry list of new rules that cover everything from drinking to to jerseys. Oh, and here's a change that at least one Bama fan, Alana Collete Connell, is sure to be familiar with. The Breathalyzer:

"According to University officials, State Troopers will be stationed at random gate entrances and if they, or the gate workers, suspect you of drinking, you will be asked to take a breathalyzer test. If you blow more than a 0.08%, you will be asked to leave the stadium"

Yikes! No more Bama Bombs, eh? What the hell? Is Saban trying to whip the Crimson Tide fans into shape as well? Eddie Kines, an Alabama fan in favor of the new rules chimes in:

"I remember when Coach Bryant was here; our fans didn't act this way. We came to the games, sure, we might drink one or two cold ones before hand, but we didn't get drunk, and we certainly didn't cause problems in the stadium. We just liked to come in, watch some good football and contribute to the atmosphere. That is Alabama football.

Our football team played with class and our fans cheered with class. Once he left, it was like he took our class with him - we stopped acting like champions, and I think that has hurt the football team, too."

I'm sensing a "Classy" theme to Eddie's ramblings. What is he trying to say about the proletariat? Surely this new dress-code will not stand... Some articles of clothing that will no longer be allowed into the stadium:

• Tank tops or shirts with the sleeves cut out

• Halter tops and cut-off t-shirts

• Cut-off blue jean shorts

• Jerseys worn into the stadium must be Nike

• Attire with vulgarity or obscene photographs

• Shoes must be worn at all times

A fanbase like the Tiders that is historically, largely drunk and sleeveless is sure to be up in arms about these new rulings. Sometimes, you gotta kick back and let the guns breathe, right? I hate to say this, but these rules are sure to have a noticeable effect on attendance figures and charitable donations. More to come on this developing story...

Greetings, From Tuscaloosa - Photocredit: maryatuab

Link: Piedmont Gazette


  1. are you freaking serious!? all jerseys must be nike????????????
    since when did bama look to the soviets for law-making and guidance.

    oh already explained the corrolation between the two last week

  2. Did you really think that people would believe this shit? I realize that most people in the red states we inhabit can't recognize satire, but I'm always surprised when it happens again.

  3. Hey, I didn't write it. Just reporting the facts!

  4. hey man, i'm out of touch....i don't live in a blue/red state...i live in freaking nicaragua, where fact and fiction are so blurred, one must keep a constant supply of ice cold beer to stay sane....i get the shakes, waiting for my lindy's and athlon's to land in my banana republic mailbox.

    2 months til 'toe meets leather'. GO GATORS!

  5. a fake article. They would institute rules like these @ Bama on the same days they stop letting the sluts walk around the grove w/out panties under their sundresses...

  6. Brit Spears in The Grove? Say it ain't so.

    Now, do you have proof of these happenings, or is that just what you would like to happen...Ideally?