Monday, June 11

A Day in the Life of The Four Million Dollar Man

Lifted from Loser With Socks

I usually don't post email forwards, but this was breathtaking.

laser eyes are handy on the golf course too

Subject: Fwd: Nick Saban’s Day

90 days and counting


4:00 AM - Wake up.

4:01 AM - Fire secretary for mispelling ‘ITINERARY.’ Get security to go to her house, step in her garden, wake her ass up, get her to fix them breakfast. …. Then fire her.

4:02 AM - Watch the movie ‘Gladiator’ in 16X fast forward.

4:20 AM - Think about how much of a p***y Maximus is and how I could dominate his ass.

4:21 AM - Call Major. Tell him if he isn’t at my house in 5 minutes I will hire Chris Simms to do his f***ing job.

4:25 AM - Tell Major who he is recruiting today. Send him on the road with a cooler and a case of Red Bull. Tell him not to come back until he has a commitment. From a 5-star.

4:26 AM - Call Kevin Steele. Ask him where the f*** are my 5-star D-line commits? Call him names. Hang up.

4:27 AM - Power nap.

4:28 AM - 3-mile jog.

4:29 AM - Play game of NCAA 07. Beat LSU 63-0.

With Valdosta State.

5:00 AM - Think about how even EA sports makes Les Miles looks like a walking bobblehead doll.

5:01 AM - Call Mal. Ask him where the f*** is my bagel.

5:02 AM - Get bagel from Mal. Complain that it isn’t toasted enough. Slam door.

5:03 AM - Toast bagel with laser eyes, then eat it.

5:05 AM - Do whatever the hell I want for two-and-a-half hours.

7:36 AM - Wake up the daughter, tell her how much I love her, fix her breakfast, ask her how her school is going, pat her on the head, buy her a pony, kiss her on the forehead, telepathically threaten her boyfriend, and give her a ride to school.

7:39 AM: Wake up the wife.

7:39 - 10:39 AM - None of your f***ing business.

10:40 AM - Take 15-minute hot shower.

10:45 AM - Head to office.

10:50 AM - Prank-call Don Shula. Tell him that Nick Saban is looking to hire a new secretary and that if he ’s interested to email his resume to Do not disguise voice.

11:00 AM - Go to Mobile. Recruit my ass off.

11:50 AM - Go to Daphne. Recruit my ass off.

12:25 PM - Go to Louisiana. Take huge sh*t…

...inside the LSU Football Complex. Use the bathroom in Miles’ office. Do not close door.
Read the rest of it at Loser With Socks


  1. I got an email from a guy off of the Bama On-Line named Run Forrest Run that claimed it as his.

    I gave him credit on my site because it was better than what I had....which was nothing

  2. A Bama Fan allegedly came up with that? Damn.

    Now you gonna tell me that Nick Saban has a human heart, or that The Orgeron has a soul.

    Thanks, I guess.

  3. Or Orgeron has silver stud nipple rings? I sent you an email earlier to the deepsouth account