Monday, June 25

On Notice Returns!

You're On Notice...

Phil Steele's Face - Auburn fans everywhere would love nothing more than to Dirty Sanchez his smug little, handicapper face...or do they? Auburn people seam to thrive on doubt and underdogged status. By the way, I didn't know the recently drafted, Ben Grubbs was that good? Auburn drops from #2 in his preseason 2006 rankings to #41 in 2007. Shnikies! Supposedly, Steele is the most accurate in the business, so maybe the Tigers shouldn't kill the messenger, eh? Phil did pick Arkansas to be a Top 15 team last season, and that made me LOL at his goofy ass! Seriously. Then, the Hawgs went on to a 10 win season. Who's LOLing now? Phil Steele. That's who.

Al F'n Gore - Because of Gore and his global warming, I can't water my lawn. Al, we're all real thankful for the internets, but if you haven't heard, Central Alabama (read: The Ham) is under the ownership of a STAGE THREE DROUGHT. We are getting less water than any other State. Even fake states like Rhode Island. My phallic cactus is even drying up. Not Cool. Supposedly, I can "hand water" (whatever the f that means) two days a week. Those days are determined by my address - 616 - which is then divided by Pi - 3.14 - and multiplied by the square footage of my lawn - Unknown. I say screw that. I irrigate whenever I damn well please. They can arrest me, but I'm taking the Three Flags over Bessemer Waterpark down with me. Why do they get special treatment, eh? WTF? So, Gore. Let's quit this whiney b**ch routine about how you didn't win the presidency but at least you make hip movies that Leo and Sharon Stone gobble up. Quit that s**t, and let's figure out how to make it rain! Pacman, what?

Sabanism - Is Saban a good College Football coach? Yeah, sure. Is he The Alpha and the Omega? Not so much. But here are a few more things that Saban is: Over-hyped, over-paid, over-inflated in the Ego Department. Damn, maybe Saban and The University are perfect for each other. They both came off of losing seasons last year, and they both think they are God's gift to The State of Alabama.

Gordon Gee - He's Vanderbilt's nerd-ass president. He was also the was the most vocal voice shooting down a playoff system at the recent SEC Meetings in Destin. I always realized that money was the reason for the BCS Season, but I still never understood why the schools didn't want a small playoff. The Green would still be there....In fact I don't see any reason to think the money generated wouldn't dwarf the profit of the current system. Hmmm...Why would Florida want a playoff and Vanderbilt wouldn't?? Interesting... I'm thinking Gordy, who gets a fat BCS check from the SEC offices every year is a little worried that his massive bow-tie fund might just dry up in a playoff scenario. Yes, there would be more money in a playoff, but would the Gridiron welfare system remain intact for the have nots? Florida is on board with a playoff cause the Gators know they can pay their own way (win and you're in). Vanderbilt's is just a stow-away on the BCS gravy train.

Academic Integrity - The NCAA can hum on deez. Academic standards are for the Ivy League. The college presidents can't have their cake and eat it too. The more money you make, and the bigger the stadiums become, why make it harder and harder for athletes to qualify for college?
First there was a 2.5 GPA required in 12 core courses. This year it's up to 14 core courses and next year, 16 core courses are required! What, are the universities trying to keep all their knowledge a secret? Newflash: The High Schools are not improving in an exponential fashion like the requirements their state universities have to sign a scholarship. Why punish the football player? Do you really think he's taking up somebody else's spot? Maybe if that's the problem we should stop giving so many scholarships to gosh darn foreigners (Tennis, Basketball, etc.) and start educating our own. Crazy I know!

Mobile, Alabama - The Beel is the new hotbed of football talent and controversy. Basically, It's the new Memphis. Playas be ballin' out of control and fools be fixin' grades. By the way, where is all this talent coming from, and why is it all funneling to Red Stick? Sidenote: It seems that Hoover (read: Rush Propst) is getting jealous of the attention and serving up a little scandal of its own.

LOL Cats - Damn who-so-ever came up this bulls**t. Damn you! (No link for you. I will not propagate such atrocities. You can find them on your own time.)

Dave, Dave, and Dave - This is some preemptive hate as I look forward to the football season. Typical Southern good ole boy thinking here. Hey, you're incompetent, you're all named 'Dave' (hayseed much?) and the young college football audience cringes at your every word, but you played a little ball and you've been working for us for a long time. We might as well keep you on indefinitely. Oh yeah, plus you're married to my sister.

Dave Rowe: The cornerstone of the oft imitated, never duplicated "Dave Trifecta"


  1. Don't forget that Gordon Gee cancelled the Vanderbilt- Middle Tennessee State University football series after little Middle spanked that ass compiling a 3-0 record since 2001 in Vanderbilt Stadium/Floyd Stadium North. Poosays.

  2. It's going to be hard for Mobile to become the new Memphis. They did have the leprechaun in the tree from last year. But I don't think their local diet of seafood can compete with our local diet of fried chicken and bbq. Besides they will never be able to top us in scandals. We are the scandalous city that put Albert Means in the slammer and put the almighty Bama on probation.