Friday, June 29

The Real Manning Bowl

Mrs. Manning - Draft Analysis

I would dare say that the football gods have smiled upon both Peyton and Eli Manning. Well, for Peyton it was a big toothy grin, while for Elisha it was more of a half-hearted smirk...Smiles none-the-less.

And yes, everyone in the civilized world has heard the stories of Football's First Family: The cute little pickup games in the front yard, sibling rivalry, the endless cheese-dick commercials. All that without addressing the central issue...

Eli's recent engagement now begs the question that's been on everyone's mind: Which Manning recruited the best Wide Receiver (read: Wife)? The better half? As Dr. Phil says, a quarterback is only as good the one receiving his passes.

Without further ado, here's the talent...

Eli Manning Drafts fiancee, Abby McGrew - Brentwood, TN (Ole Miss)

First Impressions: Ole Miss, Typical Fake-blonde, Cleavage Enhancing Sunglasses are always a plus, Standard Issue Grove Sorority Girl?

Turns out, L.C. Abby is a material girl. She's in the fashion industry, and she lives near/with Eli in New Jersey. She went to High School at the uppity Tennessee, Football Factory, Brentwood Academy south of Nashville, but she seems to prefers Steve Madden to John Madden (huh?). A common disinterest for sports must have brought these two together. But is she more than just arm candy?

Peyton Manning drafts wife, Ashley Manning - Memphis, TN (UVA)

First Impressions: Girl Next Door, Bring home to Momma, Smart, Wholesome

There has to be something wrong with this girl. From this article, you'd think she was mother Teresa, Erin Brockovich and Jessica Biel all rolled into one. This quote was particularly impressive:

"The way I really help Peyton is that I don't demand a lot of his time," she says. "He's willing to give it, but I'm not the type of person that is nagging on him. I think that helps him. He's able to do what he needs to do and I'm very independent. I do a lot of my own things."

That's some big talk, but can she back it up?

Draft Analysis:

I gotta go with Peyton's choice, Ashley.
She's what I like to call an All-purpose wife. On paper, she's a can't miss prospect. She makes all the throws, plus she's been able to avoid the off-the-field issues that have plagued so many other big time wives. Not to mention that she's from my neck of the woods. M-Town. Memphis, Tennessee.

Eli's pick, Abby has all the physical tools, however she's unproven in the spotlight. If she can keep her head on straight during her rookie season and improve her technique, she has the potential to become a stable contributor for years to come. Case in point: McGrew has plenty of upside, but on the surface, she appears to be somewhat of a project pick.

experience trumps youth once again

Wednesday, June 27

Bama Fan of the Week

Does This Mean She ain't Pure?

Oh she's pure alright. Sheeeit yeah. Pure as the driven snow Crimson...Pure as The Bear...Pure as Conecuh Ridge Alabama Style Whiskey.

Brady of Springville and Carson of Athens are The Bama Fan of the Week. That's right..."Fan" singular. Because when you get married at Bryant Denny Stadium, two Tiders become one.

Don't be confused. They didn't have their reception at the home field of the Tide! That would be silly. They had the ceremony there.

This storybook couple met at Alabama Band-camp. Carson (the girl) played the mellophone (marching french-horn, of course), while Brady (the guy) played the tuba. So, what better place to get hitched than the newly expanded, upper deck luxury boxes of Bryant Denny called "The Zone." (Sounds a lot cooler than First Baptist Church, right?)

After saying their wedding vows, the couple left The Zone for about five minutes (obviously consumating in the mens room). No one was sure what would happen next.

They returned as Alabama's fight song played. The guests grabbed shakers and formed two rows for them to walk through.

Wow. Sounds like they rivaled the Federline wedding in the class department. Even so, it sucks for you. This was the first and last wedding in "The Zone." Mal Moore had to fire the event staff to pay Saban. Yeah, you might be cryin' now, but it'll all be worth it when The Tide wins that 13th Nashnal Champyunship.

I can't put my finger on it, but her dad looks drunk

Source: Decatur Daily

Tuesday, June 26

Sign of the Apocalypse

First Known Photograph of a Smiling Orgeron in the Wild

After satisfying the 400 women of the Ole Miss Ladies Forum, The Bayou Brasky is seen here going out for a smoke. The poor photographer paid dearly for the above image.


Monday, June 25

On Notice Returns!

You're On Notice...

Phil Steele's Face - Auburn fans everywhere would love nothing more than to Dirty Sanchez his smug little, handicapper face...or do they? Auburn people seam to thrive on doubt and underdogged status. By the way, I didn't know the recently drafted, Ben Grubbs was that good? Auburn drops from #2 in his preseason 2006 rankings to #41 in 2007. Shnikies! Supposedly, Steele is the most accurate in the business, so maybe the Tigers shouldn't kill the messenger, eh? Phil did pick Arkansas to be a Top 15 team last season, and that made me LOL at his goofy ass! Seriously. Then, the Hawgs went on to a 10 win season. Who's LOLing now? Phil Steele. That's who.

Al F'n Gore - Because of Gore and his global warming, I can't water my lawn. Al, we're all real thankful for the internets, but if you haven't heard, Central Alabama (read: The Ham) is under the ownership of a STAGE THREE DROUGHT. We are getting less water than any other State. Even fake states like Rhode Island. My phallic cactus is even drying up. Not Cool. Supposedly, I can "hand water" (whatever the f that means) two days a week. Those days are determined by my address - 616 - which is then divided by Pi - 3.14 - and multiplied by the square footage of my lawn - Unknown. I say screw that. I irrigate whenever I damn well please. They can arrest me, but I'm taking the Three Flags over Bessemer Waterpark down with me. Why do they get special treatment, eh? WTF? So, Gore. Let's quit this whiney b**ch routine about how you didn't win the presidency but at least you make hip movies that Leo and Sharon Stone gobble up. Quit that s**t, and let's figure out how to make it rain! Pacman, what?

Sabanism - Is Saban a good College Football coach? Yeah, sure. Is he The Alpha and the Omega? Not so much. But here are a few more things that Saban is: Over-hyped, over-paid, over-inflated in the Ego Department. Damn, maybe Saban and The University are perfect for each other. They both came off of losing seasons last year, and they both think they are God's gift to The State of Alabama.

Gordon Gee - He's Vanderbilt's nerd-ass president. He was also the was the most vocal voice shooting down a playoff system at the recent SEC Meetings in Destin. I always realized that money was the reason for the BCS Season, but I still never understood why the schools didn't want a small playoff. The Green would still be there....In fact I don't see any reason to think the money generated wouldn't dwarf the profit of the current system. Hmmm...Why would Florida want a playoff and Vanderbilt wouldn't?? Interesting... I'm thinking Gordy, who gets a fat BCS check from the SEC offices every year is a little worried that his massive bow-tie fund might just dry up in a playoff scenario. Yes, there would be more money in a playoff, but would the Gridiron welfare system remain intact for the have nots? Florida is on board with a playoff cause the Gators know they can pay their own way (win and you're in). Vanderbilt's is just a stow-away on the BCS gravy train.

Academic Integrity - The NCAA can hum on deez. Academic standards are for the Ivy League. The college presidents can't have their cake and eat it too. The more money you make, and the bigger the stadiums become, why make it harder and harder for athletes to qualify for college?
First there was a 2.5 GPA required in 12 core courses. This year it's up to 14 core courses and next year, 16 core courses are required! What, are the universities trying to keep all their knowledge a secret? Newflash: The High Schools are not improving in an exponential fashion like the requirements their state universities have to sign a scholarship. Why punish the football player? Do you really think he's taking up somebody else's spot? Maybe if that's the problem we should stop giving so many scholarships to gosh darn foreigners (Tennis, Basketball, etc.) and start educating our own. Crazy I know!

Mobile, Alabama - The Beel is the new hotbed of football talent and controversy. Basically, It's the new Memphis. Playas be ballin' out of control and fools be fixin' grades. By the way, where is all this talent coming from, and why is it all funneling to Red Stick? Sidenote: It seems that Hoover (read: Rush Propst) is getting jealous of the attention and serving up a little scandal of its own.

LOL Cats - Damn who-so-ever came up this bulls**t. Damn you! (No link for you. I will not propagate such atrocities. You can find them on your own time.)

Dave, Dave, and Dave - This is some preemptive hate as I look forward to the football season. Typical Southern good ole boy thinking here. Hey, you're incompetent, you're all named 'Dave' (hayseed much?) and the young college football audience cringes at your every word, but you played a little ball and you've been working for us for a long time. We might as well keep you on indefinitely. Oh yeah, plus you're married to my sister.

Dave Rowe: The cornerstone of the oft imitated, never duplicated "Dave Trifecta"

Separated at Birth?

Blake Mitchell Edition

Mitchell has been in the blog news a good bit lately, and after seeing his mugshot from last season's bar fight, I knew I'd seen his likeness somewhere before. Hmmm, Yes.

Meesa thinks we have a match...

It's Jarring

Friday, June 22

Rock Out With My Cock Out

Blake Mitchell Just Wants To Dance

Spurrier's leading man really likes the sauce. Apparently, he also likes the river dance. What s**t-faced, starting, SEC Quarterback doesn't? Blake Mitchell is seen below getting his swerve on at a recent wedding.

Not only is he set to be "The Man" when it comes to Spurrier's Cock-n'-Fire offense, but from the below photographic evidence, he also appears to be "That Guy." Yeah, Klick-Klack...

Spurrier says antiperspirant is gay

It's not his fault - Blake was entrapped in a "Ring of Dance"

Blake's working it so hard, the girl on the right appears to be removing her undergarments

I'm 95% sure this was the song playing during these pictures - Happy Weekend

Link: The Rant

Wednesday, June 20

DeepSouthSports Inspires...

Stafford's Kegmaster Tee Shirts

Dammit. Why didn't I think of this? (who wears their hat backwards these days anyway?) Maybe I need to follow the lead of every other blogger out there and start my own tee shirt shop.

I have to give the folks at SportsCrack credit. It's a sharp looking shirt. They make a quality product... blah, blah, blah. If only they could feature the shot of Stafford spooning his backup, and slide me 15% for my trouble. Seems fair to me.

Viva La Bromance!

The Source Post

Hat Tip: Mojo

Who Says the Mississippi School System Sucks?

A stereotypical looking (future offensive lineman) Mississippi State fan at the College World Series. No wonder Mississippi can't get any damn high school talent qualified. Hey kid, Jerrell Powe called...He said "You're an effing embarrassment."

The saddest thing is that no other State fans (read: his parents) had the good sense to slap that sign out of his chubby little arms.

HT: Deadspin

Editors Note: Not that I'm above reproach when it comes to spelling errors, but this is a bit ridiculous...and humorous.

Tuesday, June 19

Bama Fan of the Week

It's Wedding Season

For those of you that don't know me, I'm about to drop some truth on yo ass...

I'll be walking the plank late in July. Yes, I know. I know. Your daughters will just have to find someone else to love. It is time. I've found me a good woman, and she's stuck around even when she found out I was a -cough- blogger (oh, the shame). So I did the unthinkable! I put a ring on her finger.

Having said that, I can only hope that my wedding and/or marriage can rise above the lofty bar set by the below Alabama Fan. Yes, this fine specimen and his totally non-douche son share with us the tale of dad's storybook wedding and subsequent, never-saw-it-coming divorce. (Actually, the BFOTW's son just stands there, on camera with his crimson colored glasses, positively not looking like a douche bag)

Hat Tip: Jeffery at USC

Be sure to shoot me an email if you come across an amazing Bama Specimen. Never forget...You too can bring joy to dozens.

Chadd Scott Tees Off on The Tide

I'll Say This About Chadd... He's Thorough

I just recently received an email alerting me to this post. It may be a little bit old (I'm not sure), but it seems to be more and more relevant every day.

If you don't know, Chadd Scott is the producer of ESPN's Colin Cowherd radio show, but Colin's not the only one with some strong opinions. No Sir. Scott did not leave any rounds in the clip with this take.

Chadd on Saban and Alabama Fans in general:

He is a liar and a coward and a quitter and maybe by being all of those things, that will put him in good standing with Alabama fans because I lived in Alabama for 10 years and I've never met a bigger group of narrow-minded, ignorant, boastful, obnoxious jerks in my life.

I'm painting with a broad brush here and I have every intention to. I've met dozens of Bama fans and alumni and the honest, decent, moral, trustworthy ones I could probably count on one hand.

Ask yourself this, after all his vehement public denials, how did Alabama Athletic Director Mal Moore and the Tide cronies know Satan could still be lured to the Capstone?

They knew because it takes one to know one. It takes a liar to know when another liar is lying and from the generally low level of dignity that Alabama fans have, they must have been able to see in Satan one of their own. A guy who'd turn his back on people he'd made a commitment to, a guy whose word meant nothing....

...This, however, I'm not wrong on: Nick Saban is a liar. Nick Saban is a coward. Nick Saban is a quitter. Nick Saban is all of those things and he couldn't be rewarded with a more likeminded group of fans than the one he's about to inherit in Tuscaloosa.

Check here to Join The Auburn Chapter of The Chadd Scott Fan Club.

Wow. And you can't really say he's an ignant, ESPN homer. The guy lived in Alabama the Beautiful for 10 years (matching my tenure). He must be a genius.

Again, Chadd Doesn't Like UAT

Hat Tip: Burt

State Fans Don't Care About Ole Miss...Nope

MSU's Abbreviated Stay In Omaha Yields Some Ole Miss Hate!

The Bulldogs repped the SEC in an outstanding fashion this year at Omaha. Two and out. Even thought they didn't have much good baseball to talk about (seeing that they got swept out of Nebraska), they did manage to bring up Ole Miss a few...dozen times. They even made a cute little sign.

These State fans remind me of the guy who's so over his ex that he can't stop talking about her.

This clip begs the question: What fanbase is most obsessed with their rival?

Friday, June 15

Alabama Contractually Obligated to Provide Virgins

Tuscaloosa Forced to Outsource

The University is already in hot water with Nick Saban over their recently agreed upon contractual obligations. Especially when it comes to following through on one item in The Coach's extensive list of demands.

No, it doesn't involve the 25 hours of flight time on The University's private jet, or Saban's unwillingness to support local, university endorsed charities. Not even the wording that Saban uses to avoid dealing with the media is causing this much of a stir. This is a matter about which all parties involved would prefer to remain discrete.

More specifically, it involves Saban's demand for "10 pure-hearted virgins" that attend to his every need, and fan him constantly with "Raffia Palm branches" from 6am to 9pm, Monday though Saturday while he is going about the business of the program.

The Administration's shortcomings in this matter certainly cannot be attributed to a lack of effort or applicants. The Internship office has been taking all comers: Interviewing Students, Alumni, Booster's daughters and even members of the Tuscaloosa community at large. Day and night. Anything to assuage the wrath of Saban.

Unfortunately, like America's desolate manufacturing sector, The Virgin is a rare breed at The Capstone. Much of the labor will need to be outsourced to Bama fans at neighboring colleges and universities with less formidable tradition. Recruiters are setting up shop at schools such as Samford in Birmingham and Mississippi College in Jackson.

After months of silence, Alabama president, Robert E. Witt made this statement:

"Sadly, with the popularity of the Greek system, underage drinking,, abuse of prescription meds and well...Cocaine, virgins in this town don't really stand a chance. Our tradition here at The University has never really been called into question, at least... until Coach Saban's unorthodox, albeit wonderful contract brought a few new issues to the forefront.

Even so, we are all working around the clock to meet any and all demands that come down from The Football Office. We will do whatever it takes to reestablish The University at its rightful place of respect in the College Football Universe.

Why? You know any virgins?"

Saban is Angry

Editor's Note: Alana Collete Connell has "No Comment" on this developing story.

Links & Coverage:

Thursday, June 14

BradyFan's Finest Work To Date

Mexico Redux

The youtube legend, BradyFan83 is back and better than ever. He obviously took my advice and decided to update/improve his Original Vick Music Video. Behold...

"Then I threw him a bone, yeah...I under-threw him a bone..."

Wednesday, June 13

True Beauty or Fark of the Century?

Either way, reader Matt struck 24 karat gold with the above photo. I really want to believe that this is the genuine article. Tebow, keepin' it real...real denim. Too bad Tim couldn't pull off something like this!

Against my best hopes and dreams, I'm gonna have to go with "Fark of the Century."

Update: Major Credit to Ty Shock for the above, confirmed fark-job. We Salute You...Master of the Photoshop.

This Just In...

Arkansas Fans be Crazy as Hell

You know what's crazier than an Arkansas fan? A Hog fan that lives in Alabama.

Roger Wooley of Tafford, Alabama wants your money. He wants your money to support his Razorback Fan Poll. What does Ole Rog offer in return? The Truth! The Damn Truth! The truth about what the state of Arkansas thinks about it's head honcho, Coach Houston Nutt...

We have contracted with an established, respected professional (wow - all three?) polling firm in Arkansas, to take an opinion poll of Razorback fans. Primarily about the state of the football program, plus a couple other topics (fragment). There are 2 topics that we primarily would like to see researched:

(1) The assertion that only a small portion of fans, such as 5%, are dissatisfied with Coach Nutt.

(2) The assertion that a "small, vocal, organized minority" is behind all the discontent; and that this minority is concentrated in NWA.

These questions will be answered both by the poll results, and hopefully by the number & geographic distribution of those who contribute to the fund raising (sold!).

We are shooting for 150 fans in each of the 4 Congressional districts. This will avoid skewing the data by a heavy concentration of responses from places like Little Rock or Springdale (commie bastards!).

Genius, Roger!

See, Roger and his constituency are concerned...concerned that the public opinion of Nutt may be "different" than what the vocal minority of "Houston-Haters" would have you believe. Gasp!

Here's a few examples of this groundbreaking poll questions, just to wet your appetite (and open your pocketbook):

Qualifier:Are you an employee of the University of Arkansas? If no, proceed.

1. How often do you watch, listen to, or attend Razorback Football games?

a. Every possible occasion b.Occasionally c.Rarely.

2. What is your primary source of Razorback football information?

a. TV c.newspaper d.internet e. family and friends f.all

3. What is your secondary source of information?

4. How many people do you speak with about Razorback sports on a regular basis?

5. When speaking before a group in Texas earlier this year, Frank Broyles said that the Arkansas football team has the potential to be the 7th best football program in the SEC. Do you agree with that statement, or do you think the program can do better?

a. agree b. the program can do better

Don't sit on the sidelines and let misinformation about Arkansas Football go unpunished. You too can support this important effort to bring some truthiness to The Natural State!

Just send your paychecks to:

Roger Wooley
345 Doe Trail
Trafford, AL 35172

Seriously. Roger doesn't trust free, online polling, and stamp prices just went up again, asshole. Oh yeah, don't worry. He'll give any excess funds to Charity*.

Hilariously unrelated, crazed Hawg fan

Hat Tip: Bob/River
Roger's Site:
More Info: TheHogBlogger

* Charity is employed by Wesley's Boobie Trap in Dora, Alabama

Pour One Out

A Salute to the Godfather of Edu-tainment

In all seriousness, Don Herbert was a super-stud from the old school (1918-2007).

Circa 1986, after I vacated Mr. Rodger's Neighborhood, (and my parents got cable) I grew to love a little science show called Mr. Wizard on Nickelodeon. Herbert managed to take that developing ball of mush between so many young ears, and he focused, educated and entertained it for 30 minutes a day. He showed us the science in every day life, and he managed to make it cool. That, my friends, is a pretty nice legacy.

If you want to know what's missing from the lives of America's youth today, I'll tell you. It's Mr Wizard. And America is a worse place for it.

Thanks, Don


Mr. Wizard Passes at 89
Mourning Mr. Wizard
Mr. Wizard - Show Intro

Tuesday, June 12

Kelli Loves Brodie!

Everyone's Favorite Tackling Dummy is Off The Market

The Croyle kids will certainly have some bangin', 80's hair

That's right, former Alabama 5-star quarterback recruit Brodie Croyle is now engaged to a Miss Junior-High Mississippi Something or Other, Kelli Shultz. Even though Kelli was in high school when Brodie left Alabama in 2005, they seem to be a perfect match... Kelli's talent is Ballet, while Brodie talent is playing football like a Ballerina. Cute.

Word is, it was a beautiful engagement out in the pasture at his father's Big Oak Ranch, that is, until Brodie tore his meniscus while attempting to get down on one knee.

Brodie is currently rehabbing the knee in Birmingham, while Kelli is looking forward to Brodie finally living up the to his infamous hype during the upcoming 2008 wedding season.

"It's gonna be Brodie's breakout year...I can feel it"
Good luck with all that, Kelli. Despite his injury, the prospective groom has a positive outlook, and has his mind set on the couples honeymoon in Cancun.
"I'm just thrilled to finally be 'getting horizontal' with someone other than Stanley McClover, if you know what I mean."
Careful, Kelli. Don't get too rough!

HT: RollBamaRoll - Link

This Is Not A Fark

Basketball is just so FABULOUS!!!

Is it possible that Cory Brewer (eyeliner?) looks like even more of a Streisand than Joakim Noah?...Naw, but it's close. When I first gazed upon this photo, I could have sworn it was a promo for a homo-erotic, Tron musical.

I was wrong. It's for EA Sports.

Horford and Noah show EA how they "box out"

HT: Deadspin
Link: Gainsville Sun

Monday, June 11

Alabama Senate

You better back the F up before you get smacked the F up!

Dems be talkin' S**t. Republicans be regulatin'.


A Day in the Life of The Four Million Dollar Man

Lifted from Loser With Socks

I usually don't post email forwards, but this was breathtaking.

laser eyes are handy on the golf course too

Subject: Fwd: Nick Saban’s Day

90 days and counting


4:00 AM - Wake up.

4:01 AM - Fire secretary for mispelling ‘ITINERARY.’ Get security to go to her house, step in her garden, wake her ass up, get her to fix them breakfast. …. Then fire her.

4:02 AM - Watch the movie ‘Gladiator’ in 16X fast forward.

4:20 AM - Think about how much of a p***y Maximus is and how I could dominate his ass.

4:21 AM - Call Major. Tell him if he isn’t at my house in 5 minutes I will hire Chris Simms to do his f***ing job.

4:25 AM - Tell Major who he is recruiting today. Send him on the road with a cooler and a case of Red Bull. Tell him not to come back until he has a commitment. From a 5-star.

4:26 AM - Call Kevin Steele. Ask him where the f*** are my 5-star D-line commits? Call him names. Hang up.

4:27 AM - Power nap.

4:28 AM - 3-mile jog.

4:29 AM - Play game of NCAA 07. Beat LSU 63-0.

With Valdosta State.

5:00 AM - Think about how even EA sports makes Les Miles looks like a walking bobblehead doll.

5:01 AM - Call Mal. Ask him where the f*** is my bagel.

5:02 AM - Get bagel from Mal. Complain that it isn’t toasted enough. Slam door.

5:03 AM - Toast bagel with laser eyes, then eat it.

5:05 AM - Do whatever the hell I want for two-and-a-half hours.

7:36 AM - Wake up the daughter, tell her how much I love her, fix her breakfast, ask her how her school is going, pat her on the head, buy her a pony, kiss her on the forehead, telepathically threaten her boyfriend, and give her a ride to school.

7:39 AM: Wake up the wife.

7:39 - 10:39 AM - None of your f***ing business.

10:40 AM - Take 15-minute hot shower.

10:45 AM - Head to office.

10:50 AM - Prank-call Don Shula. Tell him that Nick Saban is looking to hire a new secretary and that if he ’s interested to email his resume to Do not disguise voice.

11:00 AM - Go to Mobile. Recruit my ass off.

11:50 AM - Go to Daphne. Recruit my ass off.

12:25 PM - Go to Louisiana. Take huge sh*t…

...inside the LSU Football Complex. Use the bathroom in Miles’ office. Do not close door.
Read the rest of it at Loser With Socks

At Alabama, It's No Shirt, No Shoes...No Football

Oh Yeah, And You Can't Be Drunk Either

Times are a changing in T-town, and some die-hard Tiders are sure to be upset about it. According to the Piedmont Gazette, university officials have put out a laundry list of new rules that cover everything from drinking to to jerseys. Oh, and here's a change that at least one Bama fan, Alana Collete Connell, is sure to be familiar with. The Breathalyzer:

"According to University officials, State Troopers will be stationed at random gate entrances and if they, or the gate workers, suspect you of drinking, you will be asked to take a breathalyzer test. If you blow more than a 0.08%, you will be asked to leave the stadium"

Yikes! No more Bama Bombs, eh? What the hell? Is Saban trying to whip the Crimson Tide fans into shape as well? Eddie Kines, an Alabama fan in favor of the new rules chimes in:

"I remember when Coach Bryant was here; our fans didn't act this way. We came to the games, sure, we might drink one or two cold ones before hand, but we didn't get drunk, and we certainly didn't cause problems in the stadium. We just liked to come in, watch some good football and contribute to the atmosphere. That is Alabama football.

Our football team played with class and our fans cheered with class. Once he left, it was like he took our class with him - we stopped acting like champions, and I think that has hurt the football team, too."

I'm sensing a "Classy" theme to Eddie's ramblings. What is he trying to say about the proletariat? Surely this new dress-code will not stand... Some articles of clothing that will no longer be allowed into the stadium:

• Tank tops or shirts with the sleeves cut out

• Halter tops and cut-off t-shirts

• Cut-off blue jean shorts

• Jerseys worn into the stadium must be Nike

• Attire with vulgarity or obscene photographs

• Shoes must be worn at all times

A fanbase like the Tiders that is historically, largely drunk and sleeveless is sure to be up in arms about these new rulings. Sometimes, you gotta kick back and let the guns breathe, right? I hate to say this, but these rules are sure to have a noticeable effect on attendance figures and charitable donations. More to come on this developing story...

Greetings, From Tuscaloosa - Photocredit: maryatuab

Link: Piedmont Gazette

Friday, June 8

Sarah Jessica Parker Wilson Eats Some Landry's

YouTube All-Star

What happens when you let a sub 4.4, 210 pound safety run full speed at your quarterback? Take it away, Laron...

"Welcome to the SEC, Mr. Parker Wilson"

Biloxi Billfish Classic 2007

College Football and Fishing...Like Jack and Coke

Southern universities are well represented at the 11th Annual Mississippi Gulf Coast Billfish Classic going on now in Biloxi. It looks like one hell of a good time. No word yet on whether Alabama's National Champion Bass Fishing Team has chartered a boat in an effort to conquer salt water...

Unfortunately, this boat was disqualified for urinating on the opposing boats

This boat plans to catch the fish that the other teams throw back

You are not allowed on this boat unless you were sporting some Vineyard Vines, asshole - Seriously, word on the street is this boat is co-owned by Emeril Lagasse - His wife is a Rebel

Photo Credit: WPMan1

Bama Fan of the Week

Why Would My State Possibly Have a Bad Reputation?

"Hey, I'm a huge fatass, and you've got an unfortunate let's paint ourselves white with a big script "A" on our chest, dye our hair red and embarrass ourselves, not to mention our state, infront of 90,000 at The Swamp! Yes, That sounds nice."

I wonder if they painted each other...

Hey, at least tons-of-fun saves some face with his Transitions lenses

Strangely, nobody's within three rows of Bama's Biggest Fan (BBF)

Bama Fans May Forget, But They Never Forgive

If you think this video is far fetched, you'd be sorely mistaken.

I walked in my former roommates bedroom on the day Franchione left and found a similar scene involving a once prized, Franchione Bobblehead. However, Russ preferred his foot to black powder...

Thursday, June 7


Folks, you might have noticed a few changes to the sidebar. Yes, DSS has just recently added a few new sponsors. Please support the sites that make my off-the-wall attempts at humor and journalism possible.

BetUS (according to my friends behind TheGeekSheetSports) is the best, most reputable gaming site on the net. Make sure to check out their Sportsbook.

Also, for all your hard to get College tickets and Pro tickets, don't forget about the fine folks at They even have concert tickets.

If you, or someone you know would like to look into some sweet DeepSouthSponsorship action, shoot me an email to erik -at- (or just click the email link on the sidebar)

Mark Richt Is Totally Awesome!

With Jay Holgate

Surfing through some SEC Football material, I came happened upon a cute little article from a newspaper in Forsyth County, Georgia. While I'm not sure if the author, Jay Holgate, is married, his potential-wife might need to be a little worried. Because his true love is Coach Richt.

This PSA for Mark Richt should be in the personals section or headlining an commercial...

"The brilliance of Mark Richt is he is constantly working to do better. When he makes a mistake, he admits it, and tries to resolve it so it won't happen in the future. This understanding of leadership is what seperates Mark Richt from the rest of the pack. Coach Richt is constantly analyzing his own performance and trying to do better. These are traits of a strong leader and a winner.

Good People Make Better Team Players--Richt takes his great players and turns them into good people by having them do community service. He builds player character by encouraging responsible behavior. Coach Richt works very hard to explain to players the consequences of risky behavior. Richt knows good people make better team players.

The SEC is fortunate to have Mark Richt. He is a good person, a likeable leader and he is a winner on the football field."

Geez, I feel dirty just reading that. Buy/Sell: Jay has a shrine to Mark Richt in his closet...

"When Coach and I met at that press conference, I think we really connected....right Mark?! Oh, Did you know that Mark reads his players informative bed times stories about the dangers of drugs and talking to strangers! He's such a Saint. We're just perfect for each other...Um ...he's a perfect coach."

You know, maybe this is all completely normal.

Maybe I am just overreacting...I know that Richt really is good guy, and I should be glad that this alleged pervert is obsessing over a grown man and not some little boys on the internet.

Maybe Jay and I just got off on the wrong foot when I first realized the website he writes for is

WTF? Maybe I'm crazy...but that creeped me out just a bit. I don't know.

But I do know there is a town in Georgia called "Cumming," and I'm fine with that. What I'm not fine with is naming your home town newspaper's website "" Oh, that's witty! I'm surprised it doesn't get blocked by NetNanny. What the hell were they thinking?

I mean, if I'm a wealthy business man starting a newspaper in my small town of "Douchebag," I sidestep that landmine and name my website something else. Anything else.

Jay Holgate and

What a team.


Cumminghome (Safe for Work)
The Full Article

Update: We've received some knowledge from Mr. Holgate himself! Jay is strangely not a Bulldog at all; He's a Cock. He is married, and to a Bulldog. (cue the "house divided" license plate - cute). He is not actually employed by the fine folks at CummingHome, but his article was just syndicated by the burgeoning porno purveyors. He writes for Thanks for the update, Jay.